8 Moms You’ll Meet Online

Charlie - posted on 11/07/2010 ( 75 moms have responded )

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As addicting as message boards can be, it doesn’t take too many hours spent hanging around on them to realize that sometimes, it can all be just a little like…well, high school. And just like in high school, we all play our parts. But we’re not talking jocks and prom queens here. In the mommy world, things can get a little fiercer. Read on for the 8 mom-types we all secretly (or maybe not so secretly) can’t stand…and find out if you’re a little guilty of committing the same offenses.



1. The TMI Mama

Sometimes a TMI post can be perfectly fine. Actually, sometimes it can be hilarious. (Hey, who doesn’t love a little blatant honesty to remind us that we’re all in the same boat?) But then there are those other times…when divulging a little too much about your bodily functions, or the shape of your husband’s penis, can lead your fellow posters to cringe a little (or a lot) behind their computer screens. And while that invisible TMI line is easy to cross sometimes, the TMI Mama crosses it a little too frequently.







2. The Sanctimonious Mama

Nobody likes self-righteous people -- in life or online. On the message boards, this mom comes in many forms. Maybe she’s on her soapbox about how bad TV is for baby, leading you to feel super-guilty about that half-hour of Sesame Street you stuck LO in front of so you could get a load of laundry done. Or maybe she's butting into your post on diaper rash to share that her baby doesn’t get diaper rash because she uses cloth, not plastic, and maybe if you did too, you wouldn’t have this problem. Sound familiar? So what if she means well -- there’s something about the Sanctimonious Mama you can’t quite put your finger on…but you just can’t stand.



3. The Woe-Is-Me Mama

Ah, yes. The chronic venter. Every board’s got one…or two, or three. You can spot her by her high post count, novel-length threads, and detailed vents about the latest fight with her DH (that turned out to be no big deal) or her list of gripes about her MIL (who sounds way better than your MIL, for the record). And while, yes, everyone needs a good vent session every now and again (and almost every MIL deserves to be complained about), the Woe-is-Me Mama is known near and far not only for the frequency of her vents but also for her tendency to lay it on pretty damn thick. She’s like the online equivalent of the girl crying in the bathroom after homeroom about the B+ she just got on her term paper.



4. The Board-Nazi Mama

There are those who have been on a board for ages and establish themselves as an "unofficial authority." And then there are those who seem to live or die by the boards -- to the point where you may start to wonder where their baby is and whether or not it’s being tended to. If you’re a newbie to the boards, watch out -- she’ll be the first to tell you that your question’s been asked a thousand times before or that you should really take yourself to another board, where people have the time to answer all your annoying queries. Yeah, she can be a bit of a bully, but sadly, she’s been around these parts for so long it seems no one bothers to overthrow her.



5. The “Perfect” Mama

Here’s a little message we’d like to send directly to the “perfect” mama: We know your game. We know you post questions like “Is your LO crawling yet?” just so you can brag about how your kid’s been at it for weeks already. You were also the one who somehow stayed MIRACULOUSLY two pounds behind your recommended weight gain during pregnancy, and then posted threads sheepishly asking how much everyone else had gained. And guess what? It’s not cool. Nobody liked it in high school, and nobody likes it now.



6. The Popular “Snarky” Mama

Oh, the snarky mama…you’re either with her or against her. And no matter what board you’re on, there’s always at least one -- with a massive following. She gets away with murder, saying pretty much anything she wants -- PC or not -- without anyone flaming her. Why does she get away with it? Well, because she’s kind of hilarious. And cool. And you secretly want to be her. She’s got Chelsea Handler’s humor mixed in with Regina George’s staying power. And that’s a pretty magical combo.



7. The Debbie Downer Mama

Newsflash, Debbie: We know there are horrible things going on in the world. We know that in countries across the globe, babies and children are dying every day. And it breaks our heart too. But here’s the thing: Terrifying links about kids being murdered, abused, lost, or suffering from horrific diseases are NOT what we signed on to a parenting board to read about on the daily. We definitely think it’s important to stay updated on what’s going on in the world, but we’re on this board to talk about how cute our LO was today and ask everyone what teething tricks they swear by. Stop being such a killjoy.



8. The Attention-Whore Mama

Okay, so we’re all guilty of a little AW-ing now and then. We all pimp out our siggy with adorable pics of our kids and dote on them when we can. But that’s not the kind of AW-ing we’re talking about. The real AW is the one who likes to harp on the latest board dramas way after they’ve died down -- just to keep being heard. She may proclaim, “I think it’s time to stop talking about [blank]” -- but don’t be fooled. She’ll soon start a new thread to speak to the masses about what so-and-so may have said yesterday (you know, that thing that everyone else has long forgotten about). Truth is, the AW will always find a few minions to help feed the fire -- but the rest of us? We’ll just read her post title, roll our eyes, and keep scrolling.



All right, mamas: We know this is just the tip of the iceberg -- who did we miss and which one are you LOL.





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Edited : I thought this was amusing i thought of quiet a few people and even MYSELF when reading it !

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kate CP - posted on 11/07/2010

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They forgot the BIG one: The Troll-Mama. She starts threads she knows are going to cause trouble and then vanishes.

Minnie - posted on 11/08/2010

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I don't know anything about the software needed for forums because I'm computer illiterate, but I really wish that they used a different one. One that didn't have so many glitches, and definitely one that uses smileys.

I want smileys.

Jenn - posted on 11/08/2010

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I think I'm a #1. That was even my FB status one day: "Jennifer Morris has a tendency to over share on Facebook, and in real life. At least I'm consistent." Personally, I wish more people would be that way though, then we would all know that we're not crazy or weird for some of the things we do but don't talk about. If we talked about them, they would be less taboo and we could all learn something instead of feeling shame for no reason.

Isobel - posted on 11/08/2010

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It should be noted that Sharon is not the only number 6...Krista E gives her a run for her money;P.

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[deleted account]

LMFAO! Leah, I think the only reason it was pointed out was because of the irony of your comment. I can definitely see how it was annoying though. ;)



Unfortunately, grammar and spelling errors are a huge pet peeve of mine and I've been known to correct people. I'm just waiting for the day when someone picks my post apart.

Leah - posted on 11/13/2010

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I just thought of another one
"Spell Check Mama". She constantly is correcting grammer and spelling w/o actually answering or commenting on any threads. Just offers her insight using Websters Dictionary to sound smarter than everyone else. Oooooo.....

Leah - posted on 11/12/2010

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No ladies it was someone I havn't seen around in a while lol. You're all good!

Ava - posted on 11/10/2010

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I really don't fit any of these. Albeit I do throw in snide comments when someone thinks they're the greatest thing on earth while misspelling all but three of the words in their novel post, but I'm just kind of a 'background helper'. I throw in my two cents where I see fit and keep out of almost everything else. Lol.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/09/2010

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Krista...truth be told...definately Sharon for #6!!!! No doubt...and I like your "earth momma"

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/09/2010

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I am definately #6 without the fanbase...no one ever seems to like what I have to say,,...but it doesn't stop me...and oh man how many times I have been called snarky! LOL....

Heres one....what about the moms that use all caps or text style talk? Can't even read those posts...maybe call them techno talk moms? I don't know...

[deleted account]

This thread makes so much more sense now I can see the posts from 2 days ago. I wondered why Emma was asking about unschooling, I was missing all the posts before Emma's question...bloody glitches!

Leah - posted on 11/08/2010

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btw, 'The Board Nazi", not my favorite person. A couple day's after joining, I posted a thread and one person in particular said "omg, another thread about (blank)!'. Seriously, wtf? Who cares if its a repeat subject? Don't want to answer it, don't answer it. Ok theres my vent. Continue.

[deleted account]

Hmmm... I can be a bit of all of them depending on my mood that day... Mostly my #6 is kept just in my head though. If you ladies could hear what I'm thinking and how snarky it is compared to what I'm writing I'm sure you would all be shocked! lol...

::insight into my head:: reads post title: "M i a bd mom?" thinks in head: "Yes, yes you are. Next!" hee hee hee... It gets worse too :P

Leah - posted on 11/08/2010

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@Dana ;), as soon as I read #6 you came to mind and I don't know why! As for me, I think I can come across as a #3, just b/c of the number of times I post comments, but its only b/c I'm at work 8 hours a day and have nothing else to do! So yes, if I post a comment on every single thread, you now know why! What do other people think I am?

Stifler's - posted on 11/08/2010

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I don't like the I Make Things Up Mumma. I know a few who just make stuff up as they go along about what their kid does and doesn't do.

[deleted account]

What about the "it's all about me/bad listener mama"? These ones don't listen to anybody else because they are so busy telling you ALL the details of their child(ren). As soon as you open you mouth they look bored. They can be fun at first because their stories can be entertaining, but eventually you get sick of the one-sided conversations. There are a lot of these women where I live! Do you guys find that?

[deleted account]

I would think I stick to 1 and/or 5 but everyone has their moments.

Are they ever going to fix alerts? I got my funny button to work once and thats it.

Minnie - posted on 11/08/2010

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I want shrugging smileys, smack-the-forehead 'doh!' smileys, rolling-eyes smileys, etc.

Having signature options would be nice too.

Jodi - posted on 11/08/2010

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AND we aren't getting notifications or alerts, so I have no clue...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Isobel - posted on 11/08/2010

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Krista, I didn't even see your post before I said that...and I totally wanna be you ;P

Jodi - posted on 11/08/2010

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Grrr, I hate that these buttons aren't working - Lisa, I was trying to mark your post as funny :)

Krista - posted on 11/08/2010

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Yeah, I might have had you in mind just a wee bit when I wrote that. Mind you, I was thinking more of some of the Earth Mamas who are way more extreme than you, and who don't have your sense of humour about it.

Minnie - posted on 11/08/2010

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Earth Mama, guilty, here. LOL- Krista.



As I type I am eating my quinoa and tofu :P. But I don't allow my kids to eat it, because they are 100% exclusively breastfed, at least until 6 years old.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/08/2010

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@Tah
That’s what im talking about…some women are very different in real life, and get Balls behind the computer screen…

Sometimes I shake my head and think…if you were face to face with that person…would you really just say all that you did….

Prob not!!

Tah - posted on 11/08/2010

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i might have been number 1 in some of these threads...i mean not the talking about husband's slong or anything kind of way...but...a time or 2 ..yes....thing is i never really share anything with anybody, so this is kinda my therapy..and sometimes i'm on the couch when i log on so i even get to stretch out while you guys shrink me...

Tah - posted on 11/08/2010

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@Ebony..a punk..i think thats the same everywhere really...if you can't say it to me, don't get computer courage, or phone courage..or any of the other courage that you don't have in real life...

[deleted account]

I've got some #3 in me for sure and I think at one point or another I've been (or thought I was) a little bit of all of them. Sharon's definitely #6 and I absolutely adore that about her! Don't we all? I mean, the girl can tell you to fuck off and yet you can't....stop....reading....when.....she......posts......lol

[deleted account]

As for me maybe I'm a little of no.2 not sure about the rest. I'm always open to a little of your interpretations so what do you guys think?

ME - posted on 11/08/2010

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On line...I have my days when I'm all of these (maybe not 7)...in real life, I'm more of an Earth-Momma...Mayah loves Quinoa ;-)

Jocelyn - posted on 11/08/2010

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Oh OH! I know who number 6 is!!!
We really do all love Sharon :P
I don't think I really fit any of those...I'll have to think up a category just for me lol
But for now I'll just join Carol in the deodorant- wearing-enviro-nut section.

[deleted account]

What's wrong with quinoa? LMFAO!

I'll leave it up to you guys to tell me which one(s) I am....

Have fun!

Becky - posted on 11/07/2010

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I can be number 1 sometimes, and lately I feel like I've been 3 - not here maybe, but on my birth boards. I don't like me when I'm #3.
That list was funny! I've definitely come across all of them!

Johnny - posted on 11/07/2010

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I am # 2 when it comes to the cloth diaper issue. I'm a zealot. I don't want to be a sanctimommy, I'm aiming for enviro-nut. I do wear deodorant though. And I don't have any quinoa in my pantry.

Jennifer - posted on 11/07/2010

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in real life, i'm definitely number 1 but what is considered TMI, depends on the listener i think. in my head, i'm sanctimomma but i try to keep it in check online, and in real life (except around my husband because he humors me hahah). mostly, i'm earth momma (with a bit of metal). i don't see earth momma as being annoying though, as long as she wears deodorant :P

perfect momma makes my skin crawl.

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