a mystery man bought my daughter a cell phone. who is he?

Dee Dee - posted on 01/30/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )

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almost 6 month ago, someone,V, text my daughter,D, that he was buying her a new cell phone with new phone number. she is 18 but she still ask us the permission. we were surprised but we don't see any harm. V is nice, helpful and good roll model for her. then, they talk frequetly on the phone , video chat.. etc. my husband and I get concerned. she offers to let him talk to us on the phone when he calls, it never happened. they are getting closer and passing my comfort zone. so, I send him a e-mail. V denys knowing her and never bought the phone. It freaks me out. V is nothing like what D decribed. D is selfcenter and uncaring. V and I have 14 private corespondence try to figure out who is the mystery man, "P" pretending to be V. 4 hours later, D called me and crying. she said P called her that P=V will not be D's friends any more , because my e-mails interigated him. that's why V= P deny knowing D. how did P know the content of V and my private cepespondence? I ask V. V told me not to e-mail him any more. who is P? how do I find out without upset D? D told me to bud out and wish V never exist. D seems to be calm, do her study and work on her new job. shall we just move on ? will D in danger from P, if we move on without knowing who P is? D insist P is V, because they spend winter break together. of course, V denys that. P is still paying D's cell phone with his credit card. cell phone company will not give us P's credit card number to find out who he is, without court order. D is 18. I can't tell D to stop talking to P=V, but it bug me to hear more about V=P. i will really freak me out if they will spend spring break together like they planned. who (the hell) is the mysteryman?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/30/2013

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Get rid of the phone, and change e mails, passwords, home telephone number etc. Report this to the police, and let them trace it. Your daughter was not the brightest bulb in the room to accept a cell phone from someone she doesn't know. Contact had to have started somehow. Most likely there is more to the story than you know. Plus, your post was really confusing with all the p's v's and d's

[deleted account]

V & P are obviously the same person. If you want to, you can go along with your daughter when she is spending time with V/P to find out for sure that V & P are indeed the same person, but I think it is pretty obvious that they are and V is lying to you about not knowing your daughter.

You could give the phone to the police, but really this mystery person has done nothing illegal, so unless you live in a very small town where the police have extra time on their hands, they are not going to help you until he tries something illegal.

Tell your daughter that it is a good thing this person no longer wants to be her friend because he was obviously lying and acting very shady. Also, never accept a phone or any other gifts from people you don't know.

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Dee Dee - posted on 02/02/2013

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Hi Jenn
I saw you rated my no money comment encouraging. I appreciate that u read my posts and try to help me. this whole experience humbles me. Go against my anxiety and pride, you are right. my therapist advice me to move on like V never deny he ever know D. they are what they are. I made a point about accoutable. she cried and complied. He told me to leave him alone. their reaction is not as smooth as what I expected. it is what it is. the only thing I have left, is that we love D. we want her to do well and find love in her life. I think it works better that she calmly make her choice. I think it goes with P too. It doesn't make easy for me, but I am learning. it is more important to support what she wants to do, not to tell her what to do. it is her life after all.
last night, she study until midnight. she got dizzy. this morning, she is moving to a new apt to help us run the business. I have fibromyalgia. it is harder for me to help her move. it is easier for me to give her money or cook her some comfort food. as you know, P took care the money department. there is no point for me to compete with him. I offer to cook her favorate egg sausage burritos. I also offer to help her to move all the stuff in her kitchen at my slower paste. She calmly said she wants 6 eggs burritos and she want move her kitchen stuff herself...... I am ok with it. I am in peace. I told her I love her. we talks to each other. she is ok. I am ok.
she is getting a expensive upscale new frig. she said she haven't decide what she wants yet. As usual , I think P's petty cash pays for it. the tune she use. it is part of her budget. like my best girl friends said. it will drive her up to the bunkers too. it is what it is. my bunkers is getting flatter as time goes by. I treat it just like her scholarship and pell grants. it is gift from God. I am not saint. I still hope oneday, D & P will forth coming with us. we can talk and plan on things like family and friends. For now, M and I handle it the way it is. so, we can love and support D the way we wanted.
M & a friend help D move today. she is ok.

Tracey - posted on 02/02/2013

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I think your plan sounds like a good option. Ask her to meet P. Ask her to meet V. Ask V to meet him. Maybe have your daughter invite P to dinner, and you go ahead and invite V yourself without telling her and maybe you can figure it out. I would tell her "We want to meet the guy who has been so kind to you and to us. He's obviously very important to you. And "parent" means "protector" so it's only reasonable for us to meet him in person."

Dee Dee - posted on 02/01/2013

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Hi Little miss
sorry, it takes me so long to reply ur post. I also change my web name here to my e-mail name "dee dee".
Last night, I went thru a chain of emotions. 1st, the self pity about our lack of funding for PI. then, what cause the need that D need a sugar daddy beside us. I read you guys post again and again. my higher power slowly kick in.
I trust my daughter, she did not lie, P=V. D always has the healing power about people's emotional pain. His loneliness gets her. I have a feeling they knew each other on internet way before convention. all the gifts she won from the internet might all came from P. my husband, M, enjoy the frebies. so do I , to a limit. yesterday, M ask D to buy a small tool from Lowes to fix the apt for our business. D claim Lowes gave her for free due to machine failure. M brags about it. M jokes about that he is going to give her a shopping list and get more frrebies. I laughed for a while. then, my mother instinct kick in. she paid for it with P's money. P is still around. I am getting sick of P's money. it is time to remove P's money out of our life.
I am proud of our lifelyhood to live under our budget. M has issues with boundary. I think it maybe a men issue. They like to do what in their mind without checking further for consequence. They may mean well but the result may not be expected.
If P knew the pain he put me thru, he probably very confused. How could his petty cash for D would cause me such grief? the reason is; we love D, we can't trust a phentom /mysteryman, even he acts like a gardian angel for now. How would we know he would not become a abuser before long? man are alway nice at beginning. Some men do not understand the word of "mental abuse". Friendship is built on mutual respect, partenership and open communication. I think P may have a couple of them missing. It is a danger sign for me.
I ask M to take on one more teaching class to pay off D's over budget. In return, we will ask D to give us a target time to open communication between P and us. we don't expect to know him enough to work out world peace, but at least we can tell who he is. if not, we will cease all money connection with P until she graduate.
they can talk on the basic cell phone we bought for her. they can be friends on level, mutual ground. She can easily detach and move on without too much axiety, if things go wrong. My girl friends told me many times that P seems to corner D with money and passion. somehow I just didn't see it. Fame and fortune is like alcohol, toxic. It is time to wake up and level the ground. thanks for the help, my friends.

Dee Dee - posted on 01/31/2013

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two words: no money

do u know anyone would do it for bonus?
we do very well under our budget. PI is way outside our boundary.
I can't wait for D to graduate. after she gets bachlor degree, she can take care of herself and marry whoever she wants. If she wants me around , her husband doesn't. I can walk around it. :-(

Dee Dee - posted on 01/31/2013

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Hi Kristi
all your answer went thru my mind 1 thousand times. that's why I e-mailed him to clear the air. He doesn't want to. D told me he is very busy man. I guess he has no time. the support system here is really helping me clear my head and lower my anxiety.
anyway, I am no longer feel safe for D to go out with P. I don't care who he is. as long as he doesn't kidnap or physically hurting D. we are ok. P is still paying the phone/car...etc. I don't know why he does it. I wish he will visit us and be our family friend but he doesn't want to. as far as we can tell, P=V. I made an effort to write to V and encourage V to open to us and be part of family. He doesn't want to. funny thing is.... if V is truely not P. V probally scared of me stalking him. the ball is in his court now. I will not e-mail him any more. he wants to talk to me. he can e-mails/call me. I am taking care of my family and move on. I have a feeling I may never know whoever P is. I am preparing myself for it.
D is doing very well. she came home yesterday. Her college class need us to be her experiment. then we went for dinner. food is so great. D paid for it. I have a feeling the money came from P, or not.
about sugar daddy. it sure sound like it. except they don't have physical relationship. they are in different states. they are never truly alone together.
sorry P, from now on, I will discourage any activity D want to do with you. I am encourage all the boys in college will ask her out. those boys I can see and talk to. I am always " live and let live " type of person. happiness is journey not destination. come and visit us. we can be friends. you want to act like Phantom. I can't see you, either.
I have a fear tho. P is puting in so much passion and money into her. D may have twisted expectation about life and money. she may never have a normal and practical life with another man. that would ruin her life. That's why I insist to show her accountbility. I could be wrong, could I?
thanks for helping me.

Kristi - posted on 01/31/2013

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OMG--I am so confused!

From what I could gather this guy is much older than your daughter. One minute he knows her and the next minute he doesn't know her? What kind of conventions is she going to? If I understand correctly, this man and your daughter are taking trips together. If that is true, why can't he come to wherever you live (which I could not ascertain) and meet you? When you say your husband acts out, what does that mean? If this guy plans on taking care of your daughter until she is 90, does that mean he plans on marrying her or is he her sugar daddy?

Technically, the answers to all these questions and your concerns are irrelevent because your daughter is 18 and can legally do whatever she wants. Blah, my head is spinning.

Dee Dee - posted on 01/30/2013

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dear Kelly
You thought the same way as D. V= P met D 18 month ago at one of the convention. she didn't know V back then. D told us that V will give her a kiss in public in one of the convention shows. She was shocked. so did we. next day, V gave her a kiss in the show in public. D was all time excited. I checked everything I could on line. V is very noble man. maybe a little nerdy but harmless. he also bought her lunch and dinner. she had fabulous time at convention that summer. when D get home , D was playing his CD for month, and V high. finally, college started. she worked very hard and forget all about V. then, V and another boy,S, she met at convention, had crush on her , talked and texted D a few times. nothing big. S asked D to marry him 6 many times. no one get marry that fast, especially D was only 17. I handled that one ok.
D is not glamous. D is shy but attractive. I think all the men were atracted to D because the kiss from V. we are middle class family. D is on scholarship for tuition and books. she never went to anyplace that big like convention and get that kind of attention from guys. She was doing well and handled well. I thought it was a good experience for her. S follow/chase her around a couple conventions, ( she went with college group.) and moved on. we never heard from him again. my thought is. If P is not V, then S will be the next good possibility. How did S get the content of e-mails?
so true, that P didn't do anything wrong. P is very sweet, funny,and supportive. they acts like 2 pea in the same pod. P wants to be D's 2nd Dad in exchage for the phone. I don't really know what that means. D is a little cautious because the age difference, but P really act appropiately like a roll model and protector for D. For a while , I feel she is safer with V than boys in college. P was so lonely, he may unconciously move toward romantic conversation. they talks frequent. the casual conversation, D occationally told me. P was going for saint award, but P= V will deny knowing D to protect her. Last few month, when we went out, D keeep saying that she will take care P when he is 90. I was alerted. I am D's mom. I don't know if D could take care of me when I turn 90. She will have her hunsband and kids by that time. I am happy that she can hold her own. My husband and I survive by our own. she also picture how P help her take care her kids. I know P is nice guy all that. I don't know if D's huband would like another handsome man , not related to D to take care their kids.
when D told us that V=P invited D to TX convention, I thought it was a good idea. they havn't seen each other for 18 montn in person. all these interrnet chats could be very misleading. The result was unbeliveable. V=P put in large sum of money for food and lodging. P was as humble as usual. D was acting like a brat to keep distance. D drove home from TX and drove to CA convention with coleege group. P flew there to be with D. they had fabulous time as usual. they plan another trip together for spring break. D was so happy but irresposible about her budget. She acts like money is nothing. college sent het a check $1000. It was there for 2 weeks. car paymeny is dued for 2 weeks. She refuse to show us the buget as we agreed. we sat her down and try to talk to her. she got up and try to drive back to her apartment. I did something I don't like to do but I have to. at least I thought I have to. I kept her new car. she can only drive my old card if she miss her new car payment. she acted out and her college friend picked her up. I have to show her accountbility. my husband acts out shortly after D acts out. He thought we are losing our daughter. I know I have to do this or I will lose her in the long run. OMG, you don't know how scared and powerless I felt when I question her budgets. I just have to trust my higher power to get me thru this. after D left, I sent the same e-mail to V, my husband and D about what happen that day. then, V quickly replied that he doesn't know D. D made the story up.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/30/2013

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This whole thing is seriously fishy. I would not pursue further contact, and complete sever all ties to this person. He is up to no good. Period.

Dee Dee - posted on 01/30/2013

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dear tracy
I have similar thought as yours. I ask him to visit us in New Mexico. He live in TX, travel all around. he said he doesn't know when he can come to NM. D picked up the phone at wal-mart. P sent to D.

Tracey - posted on 01/30/2013

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Send one more email to P/V demanding a face to face meeting with answers to all questions you have about him and threaten to get a restraining order if he refuses. Then confiscate the phone so he can't call D any more. If he gives her a new phone you know he is local enough to meet her and therefore you. If he has nothing to hide he should understand a parent's concern for their daughter.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/30/2013

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Give the phone to the cops so they can track it. Don't just throw it out.

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