Addicted to Pregnancy

Ann - posted on 07/17/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Ok so I have a friend who has 6 children aged 10 and under. Her youngest is just 1 year old and she has gotten pregnant again. Her hubby didnt want the last 3 children and she has deliberately gotten pregnant again. She was actually leaving him because he didnt want anymore. For the last 3 pregnancies I had to constantly put up with her ringing me and whinging about the pregnancies and with the last pregnancy she was ringing me about 3 to 5 times a day. I ended up being her birthing partner. As soon as the pregnancy is over and the babies hit about 8 months, she craves to have another child and cannot focus her love on the baby she has. I have figured out she is addicted to the attention she receives when pregnant/or with young baby.

Now I am not against large families (I have 4 children myself) but you have to be realistic. They are in financial debt and have had to remortgage the house, 3 of her kids have autism, her marriage has been on the rocks, her hubby keeps racking up credit bills, she doesnt drive and the drs told her not to have anymore children for her health and she is 41.

I told her that I could not support this pregnancy and I didnt want to know about it. I have tried to be blunt with her but she lives in her own fantasy world where she tells people on FB a bunch of lies about her hubby wanting the babies. And now she is calling me a bad friend. I told her Im not a bad friend just a friend who has had to tolerate a lot and now I just cannot put myself through that stress again. She is bagging her inlaws because they are not supporting her but she just doesnt understand the impact it has on everyone else. Would like some feedback.

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Jodi - posted on 07/17/2011

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It certainly sounds like she IS doing it for attention.

It is possible she has a very real disorder. This just rang bells with me that it *could* be a form of Munchausens.....pregnancy is one of the illnesses feigned. Obviously, not knowing the woman, I can't say, but just thought I'd throw it out there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_...

Here is an interesting article on some other causes of pregnancy addiction:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32360929

Jodi - posted on 07/17/2011

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Well, there's not much can be done now, but I'd be advising her husband not to bitch about it that she keeps getting pregnant if he's not prepared to go and get snipped. Honestly, what she is doing is beyond selfish to both her husband AND all the other children, and also, by the sounds of it, her friends!

I am not sure there is much you can do, because obviously she doesn't see a problem. Personally, I believe she needs counselling. Obviously this is ruining their lives. But unless SHE can agree there is a problem, then I just can't see anything changing. Has the husband ever tried to take her to couples counselling over it?

Rachel - posted on 07/21/2011

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They both have a problem and in the end the ones who pay for their selfishness are all of those children who have parents who dont really care about them. Try to help her and those kids if you can. I dont know if I would be able to be her friend because i had known someone like that and I could no longer be with her. She has 4 children by 4 different men and I just couldnt deal with her always wanting to be pregnant and have another child. The guy doesnt get out free because he could have used protection or just said no. If their marriage is going so wrong then they need to just be done with it. Good luck with your friend and I hope that baby is healthy

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Bonnie - posted on 07/21/2011

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I think if he knows what she is like and doesn't want anymore kids (3 times now), he should just refuse to have sex with her, but he seems like the typical guy who can never get enough and is blind sided by the moment.

Vicki - posted on 07/20/2011

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"She defidently sounds like she has an addiction to being pregnant. Him on the other hand is a complete idiot. If he truelly doesn't want anymore then either he needs to get his nuts cut or keep it in his pants."

This. ^^ He is just as much to blame.

Constance - posted on 07/20/2011

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Emma I agree with you. Addiction comes in so many forms. Most people hear addicted and automatically think drugs. She probally does get a high from getting pregnant. That is more than likely the reason she continues to get pregnant. She does need counseling.

Stifler's - posted on 07/20/2011

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That's what I meant by my comment, maybe she doesn't even think about having extra children to look after just focuses on how awesome pregnancy is and then when she has this other kid being pregnant AGAIN makes her feel better.

Constance - posted on 07/20/2011

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She defidently sounds like she has an addiction to being pregnant. Him on the other hand is a complete idiot. If he truelly doesn't want anymore then either he needs to get his nuts cut or keep it in his pants.

As for her saying you are a bad friend for not being supportive. Everybody has their breaking point. You have made a stand not to be there this time and that is fine. I would be concerned for the children though. If you have been friends for years but never been in her home then they may be hiding a terriable secret.

I have np pity for him or her but the childen I am worried about.

Jodi - posted on 07/20/2011

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" she still knew he didnt want the last 3 children and plays on his laziness to get pregnant. The only time they had sex was around her cycle and she would tell him it was safe. "

Sorry, he's as stupid as she is.....seriously, after the first time he didn't figure it out????

This just sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.......As long as the kids are looked after and are not suffering or being abused, and they are happy to ignore the realities, there really isn't much you can do except to make it very clear how you feel about the issue.

Ann - posted on 07/20/2011

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She misleads him when her period is due and makes up excuse after excuse not to use contraception. Yes it is also his fault by not having a vasectomy but she still knew he didnt want the last 3 children and plays on his laziness to get pregnant. The only time they had sex was around her cycle and she would tell him it was safe.

I loved being pregnant and the attention I got too but the whole point of being pregnant is the outcome of having a child to raise. She just doesnt see beyond the point of the attention she gets while being pregnant and then having a wee baby. Then bitches and moans when it is so hard having no help. I have no help whatsoever, but it was my choice to have my children. I just get on with it. If you cant cope with the ones you got dont have anymore. Parents need to think long term not in the here and now of oh the baby is so little and cute.

Vicki - posted on 07/20/2011

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I loved being pregnant, but understand it results in a baby at the end and a child to raise! That's why we only have one now and will have two max.

It sounds like she has some problems but I kinda object to the language of 'her hubby didn't want to and she has deliberately gotten pregnant again.' If he didn't want to why did he consent to have sex with her? Did she lie to him about contraception? Even if she did, he should understand that it's not foolproof and if he REALLY didn't want any more kids he should go and get snipped.

It takes two to tango and I can't stand the misogyny that crops up in these kind of discussions.

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I agree with Emma i guess on some little level i can relate i absolutely loved being pregnant and we have been trying ever since i got my period back. I loved everything about it!

Stifler's - posted on 07/20/2011

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I liked feeling the baby kick I supposed the "how long have you got to go" etc. did get old after a while.

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Why doesn't he get a vasectomy? It's not like she can stop him. Or does she threaten him with divorce if he does it?

Honestly, I'm surprised they have the time and inclination for sex at all, considering all their problems.

He must be an enabler on some level.

Mrs. - posted on 07/19/2011

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See I just liked the not having my period. I could totally go without the "attention" and random people come up to talk to me wether I'm pregnant or not (not because I'm sooo pretty or something, I think it has to do with being a weirdo magnet...always have been). I never really liked being noticed for being giant and having had sex at some point with someone who has viable sperm.

Stifler's - posted on 07/19/2011

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I can understand liking being pregnant. I really can. I missed being pregnant when I had my first and was pregnant again within 6 months. I felt happy when I was pregnant, like there was something to look forward to and I didn't get my period and everyone paid attention to me and talked to me even if they didn't know me. I'm not going to go as far as having that many kids though. I agree with the people saying it could be some disorder.

Mrs. - posted on 07/19/2011

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Damn, here I am agonizing over trying for another (my second) or having a hysterectomy because my endometriosis is back and painful.

I guess the internet can always make you feel a lot more qualified to have two children than many folks you hear about.

Teresa - posted on 07/19/2011

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There was a gal like that in our town. She ended up with 8 kids, 3 different men. Many of them were very close together. She gets tons of child support now. Man oh man what a mess.

Ann - posted on 07/19/2011

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Yes it does hurt to do it as we have been friends for so long but I just couldnt support her again. And she is literally at the drs at least once a week, sometimes up to 2 or 3 times with herself or one of the children. Munchausen is something that had crossed my mind and even Munchausen by proxy because of the fact that she takes her kids to the dr for every little thing. It has taken me a long time to except that something is not quite right in her head and I have done all I can to help her.

The fact that we have been friends for almost 8 years and I have never been in her house should have alerted me to it. And I was praying that she would go through menopause early when she was having problems with her periods. But no such luck. Its the poor kids I feel sorry for. Especially when she worships one of her kids calling him her favourite and then calls another one of her kids dumbass as a nickname and says she just cant stand him! Then she turned around and said to me you have your favourite dont you? To which I replied No I love all 4 of my children equally. There may be days when I may not like one of my children, or I might get along better with one, or I might spoil the youngest but I dont love any child more than the other. And I just couldnt believe she would say that!

But then when I had a girl for my third child, she really wanted another girl (because of all the attention I was getting) and she got pregnant and found out she was having a boy and then spent the whole pregnancy bitching about the fact she was having a boy!

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Wow that is crazy and incredibly selfish. I love big families but only if you can do it in the right way (i.e. be able to afford it!) You did a good thing by being blunt and not being an enabler. If more of her friends starting being like that and the family ( which seems like they are) then maybe slowly she will get the picture if not then there isnt much you can do. You separated yourself from the problem which i kno mustve been really had since that is your friend and you have a bond with the family but that was the right thing. If she doesnt change then just pray the menopause will come early so that she will be forced to stop. Im angry at her husband cuz he couldve done something about it way earlier.

Ann - posted on 07/17/2011

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unfortunately he lives in his own fantasy world. Im pretty sure he would have left her but for the sake she threatens to take him for every penny in child support. And yes she uses the excuse everytime she gets pregnant that he could have gotten the snip.

They have apparently been to counselling before but he never stuck to it. To make things worse she has been on antidepressants since the birth of her third child and they recently wanted to up the dose but didnt dare because she would become too zombified.

I even said to her how can you think of having another baby when you cant even cope with the children you have. They are living in a 3 bedroom house, with 3 of the boys all in one room, one girl has the other room and they sleep with the 2 youngest in their bedroom!

She whinges on FB to everyone how done by she is by her family and all her FB friends not knowing the situation all say what a good mother she is and that her family are being mean cause there is nothing wrong with a large family.

It makes me so mad because now she is using FB as a means to get all the attention she wants and unfortunately I cant say anything. My hubby tells me to ignore it but it can be hard.

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