Am I wrong for forbidding my husband to give Ex Girlfriend's Daughter Money??

Sophia - posted on 07/16/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My husband's ex girlfriend's daughter is 18 years old. I have never met her. She continuously calls/texts my husband asking for money. My husband was in her life for about three years so I don't know how deep of a connection that they have. My husband already pays child support as well as parental support for his Mum so I feel like we have a lot of money going out every month. In the past I supported him maintaining a relationship with her but I feel like asking for money is just way out of line. Am I being selfish?

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2013

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I agree that the constant asking of money is not ok. It's great if they have a relationship still and maybe here and there she needs a little cash and your husband gives it to her. Explain to your husband that she is an adult and needs to at least make an attempt at paying her own way by getting a job and if she still needs some help then you will compromise in giving her a hand financially from time to time. As Jodi stated " forbidding" someone from doing something won't get you very far, but compromising and being understanding of the other persons feelings will get way better results in having your partner respect your wishes. Your hubby is probably a pretty good guy for him to still have a relationship with his ex girlfriends daughter and a lot of the time a seperation of the adults causes a seperation from the child too which is tough for kids. Does this girl have a father of her own involved in her life? If not then its probably even tougher on her that your husband is gone and I'd keep that in mind even if it might cause a hint of jealousy for you

Jackie - posted on 09/06/2014

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No, one: she is now 18 and needs to learn to support herself or she will always have a hand out to someone, two: she can ask her mom for money or her biological dad.

Pam - posted on 03/25/2014

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Yes you are wrong to FORBID. If you FORBID you are setting both of you up for a lot more issues (as in he will capitulate and resent you and it will blow up somewhere else or he will dig in his heels and send $ to her either with or without your knowledge)
Alternative, Sit down with him and do a savings and spending plan for all of your needs and wants. If neither of you are really good at cash flow and savings, sign yourselves up for a class (make a reservation at your favorite restaurant too and call it a date night.) Some adult ed centers and extension programs have them. Sometimes cities run them as part of their housing assistance programs. etc. That way the focus is on the "date" and not on the money-tension. Truth is people view money in different ways. Some value it as security; some for how they can help others etc.
Also have a barbecue or dinner party or other social gathering with a number of people and invite the girl.

Jodi - posted on 07/17/2013

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It depends what phase of life his daughter is in. Is she in college, university, looking for work? What is she wanting the money for? I am on your side about the money - if she is not in school. If she is just wanting money to fund a particular lifestyle, then I understand the concern.

Jodi - posted on 07/17/2013

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You're wrong for "forbidding" your husband from doing anything. Expressing disapproval, wanting to have a discussion, yes, that's fair enough. But I think when you start having to use the term "forbid" when directed at your partner in life is starting to show cracks in your communication that aren't healthy.

Is there any way you can sit down with your husband and discuss this? If you don't know the deep connection (your words) then maybe this is not something the two of you have discussed.

Having said that, however, I am not sure why his ex needs support for herself.....her daughter is 18, mum can get a damn job.

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Sophia - posted on 07/19/2013

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She needs it for college supplies. She has a whole support system though and she could have gotten a summer job. The main reason I am annoyed is because of her sense of entitlement and that she is his ex girlfriend'schild. When I was a teenager I got a job to pay for the extra things that I wanted.

Sophia - posted on 07/17/2013

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Thank you for the feedback. I will take a step back and figure out how I can improve my communication. I still do believe that he should not be giving her money, but I encourage them spending time together.

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