am i wrong..just a discussion...

Tah - posted on 08/13/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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so i had a little pregnancy scare...didnt put my nuvaring in when i was supposed to, had an oops....feeling sick...blah blah...and my husband wanted me to be pregnant..he's walking around talking about Channon Elizabeth Dula and blah blah blah....(yes he has this baby that doesnt even exist named) i was not as thrilled.....i work, i just received the acceptance packet from the University that i wanted, i am applying to the LPN-BSN program(crossing my fingers they have a spot for me the next term) since i have most of the classes, i just need the nursing classes and a couple others which i picked up for fall....i have 3 children, we dont even know if he will be stationed here after he leaves the ship next year so we cant even buy a house right now...and i just dont want to have another baby right now...he does..when he is gone its just me and the ration of children to adult is not in my favor, i just dont feel like i have to rush, i feel like we can wait 2 years. Am i being selfish? btw..negative...and yes i was relieved...

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Jane - posted on 08/15/2010

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Do I think you're selfish? No. Do I think that people should set expectations on family building before they get married? Yes. It's apparent to me that you guys are not on the same page with regards to kids. Did you talk about this stuff before you decided to marry?

Stifler's - posted on 08/15/2010

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No... if you don't want another baby don't have one. It has to be a decision you both agree on or you will be stressed and resentful.

Tara - posted on 08/15/2010

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I would agree with the other ladies, hold off until you are both ready, who knows perhaps you will change your mind only to find out he has changed his and you are both on opposite sides of the fence again. But I wouldn't do anything drastic either way until you stand on middle ground.
:)tara

ME - posted on 08/15/2010

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I know how this goes...it can be stressful...My husband and I are having a similar problem...He wants to get "snipped", and I MIGHT want another baby...we are compromising by waiting 5 years...find some middle ground...Good luck!

Tah - posted on 08/14/2010

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he's on it until at least 2011, so next year he will give his wish list and we will see where else he will be stationed..he is a great dad and husband but it is a huge responsibiity..

Rosie - posted on 08/14/2010

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i think it's smart to hold off right now. kids are obviously a huge responsibility, and if he is going to be on a ship for god knows how long, single motherdom is not what i wish on anyone if they can wait a little longer and have their hubby help.

Sharon - posted on 08/14/2010

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LOL Tah - I have issues with people understanding that I don't want more kids - right now. LOL possibly ever. Like you - we have goals and things going on that having another baby would interrupt.

so I feel your pain!

Tah - posted on 08/14/2010

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having kids with him doesnt get on my nerves, having another child right now is just not a good choice for us at this time.i know i am blessed to have a wonderful husband..check my post on moms with wonderful husbands..doesnt mean i have to have another baby right now...i have goals and we have them together also, if we want to reach them a baby can wait a couple more years...and yes he knows i want to wait..

Barbara - posted on 08/14/2010

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It's great that he loves having kids with you. Do you think he knows how much it gets on your nerves?

Lyndsay - posted on 08/14/2010

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Not selfish. Similar situation here, except I've only got one child. My hubby wants another one, I DO NOT. Not at all. There is not even one tiny little percentage of me that wants another baby, every time my period comes late I freak out. I'm in my last year of college, I've recently started a new job, and I have enough trouble spending good, quality time with the child I do have. I come from a family of four children, so my son has cousins to play with. One of them even lives in the apartment right across the hall... 3 steps from our door. No reason at all for me to have another.

Tah - posted on 08/14/2010

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@Jen..my first 2 arent his biologically..now..he loves them without reservation, he wants to adopt but their fathers are in there lives very much, see and talk to them often, stay the summer with them etc, so thats not gonna happen, i think because rylan will be 4 he thinks its a good time because all my children have a 5 year age difference, well that wasnt planned, when i am in school, i cut my hours at work, or just work 16 hours to replace the income, things get expensive, for example
truck note-437(will be paid off end of the year)
karate-250
boxing-100
food-250
dance-58....etc
daycare-412
now im blessed that the military picks up my tab for school, but kids cost and i just want to be closer to my goals before i have another, my goals just happen to come with a pay raise....i am the one that handles the bills and put the credit back on track, I think he just sees the machine working but doesn't know what goes into making it run because he is always at work on the ship, so all he knows is that hey, dinner is done, the kids are alive, the lights are on, i can use my cell..and i can use this much outta this account for leisure....thats all he knows, i might sit down with a calculator and give him a little dose of reality..lol

*Lisa* - posted on 08/14/2010

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Hehe this scenario is usually reversed isn't it? Husband FREAKING out coz of wife's preggas scare?? haha Love it! No you aren't being selfish at all. Very reasonable.

Shelley - posted on 08/14/2010

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No not selfish all
Though i think your very blessed to have a husband that is clearly very excited about having babies. I think that my husband went into shock for a few weeks with each of ours.

C. - posted on 08/13/2010

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No, I don't think so. You have a lot on your plate right now and I can fully understand not wanting a baby right at this point.

Laura - posted on 08/13/2010

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Absolutely not being selfish. You're being realistic and pratical. You are the one that has to deal with the bulk of the child rearing even more than most moms so you have to know what your limits are. I think all moms have to do that wether it's how many children or how much their children are involved in activities. That's another thing that has to be considered in how many children, they get more expensive the older they get. Four may be managable now but they get older and grow out of everything so fast and eat more and have friends over that eat more and they are constantly coming and going. Yikes! I think it's very important for someone in the family to be realistic and pratical and know their limits and the limits of the family.

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