Anyone battling with a 17 old daughter wanting to take mom to court to change custodian parent to live with manipulative sex addict dad?

A South African Mom - posted on 01/21/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My heart is broken. I am a mess, no amount of trying to convince our 17 teen year old daughter to leave our very fair access rights as decided by the high court at divorce and wants to take me to court. I am the primary caregiver. I am not a drug addict, or alcoholic, i dont leave them unattended to go party either. That time is reserved for when they are not in my care.

I am against her living with him as he is not capable :
of being a full time parent

When in his care
Neglect-forgetting our children at friends and not collecting them as promised ( had to fetch the one after midnight, she was in tears...said she feels so sad that her dad just forgot about her.) :( :(
Emotional manipulation and parental alienation
He moved and for 2 months I had no address as to where the children were staying. My sms's and emails asking him for his new address were not replied to.
He told our eldest daughter that he wanted to commit suicide.
He also on another occasion forgot to collect our eldest daughter from her boyfriends house.
He has allowed her to drink alcohol
He has allowed her, knowingly so, against my wishes to have a facial piercing.
Allowing her to sleep over at her boyfriend, his mother is apparently a drug user
At court I brought up the fact that his domestic worker is actually his girlfriend whom he calls the domestic worker and that where is his respect for the woman? He was very angry with me for bringing this fact up. He went to collect a change of custody application for our daughter to complete. In the interim she had changed her mind, which he was not aware of, he gave her the form and she said she never took it, he then threw the application at her and told her sign it.
Overindulging her with material goods
He has made all of us wait 3 hours over the due time to collect them, is NEVER on time to collect or drop the children off
I allow him access whenever the children request it from me, he never asks me, everything goes via our eldest daughter. I have allowed this extra access to keep the peace with my children.
Hygiene-I purchased her first deodorant which as a young developing girl required, she told him and he told her she has no need for it?
I assisted her with a school project which took about 3 hours to complete she took the project to her father. He then started the same project with her and took that one too school
Allowing her to go to bed too late on a sunday where she has fallen asleep at school at her desk, I did discuss this with him and his answer was, dont tell me how to run my home.
Hygiene-I purchased her first deodorant which as a young developing girl required, she told him and he told her she has no need for it?
Went out with girlfriend returned home and they were both drunk, they then left again, the children were left alone in the house at midnight. Eldest told me she feels her parent should be at home with her at that time of the night.
The children have told me that they have aggressive fights. Lots of swearing and foul language which scares them to the point they run to their room to get away from it.
The girlfriend is left to babysit our youngest daughter.
She has told me the following: (if you clean this house I will see that your dad takes us to the movies) or orders her to go to the shop with her, but that she has to remove her shoes as she, the girlfriend, did not have shoes with her?
She invades her bathroom space and enters when she is attending to her hygienic needs
The girls personal items are used by the girlfriend ie. Razors, toiletries
During the marriage he wads visiting prostitutes (i have bank statements, notes written in his own writing and even spoke to the one prostitute. One day he was showing the girls naked pics on his laptop, till I noticed and told him its unacceptable, not knowing he was a sex/love addict.
Our family pet dog died...he refused to bury it...the dog was thrown in a drum and left to rot, while the children had to see our pet decompose.
He attempted to hit my son with his fist as dish was not washed properly
Called me names in company and private
Degraded my intelligence in company and private
Why on EARTH did i allow this man any access????? To be fair to my children. I know what its like being child of divorce having no father to see daily except telephone calls. :( :(

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 01/21/2013

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She's 17 and almost an adult. To be honest, here in Australia, the court wouldn't even hear the case, it would be totally her choice. She can do what she wants in less than a year anyway. A 17 year old also has the right, here, to leave home and live wherever they like without interference from the law.

I am sorry you are having to go through this, and sorry that it is obviously distressing you, but she is old enough to make her own choices now, about many things.

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