Are dating websites for the desparate or are they the norm?

Kristi - posted on 04/04/2013 ( 19 moms have responded )

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In about 2 weeks, I will be officially separated from my second husband for 2 years, even though he left the marriage long before that.

I never, in a million years, thought I'd ever want a male companion again. I'm still not 100% sure I do now, but I think I'd like to check things out.

The thing is. we live in a small, isolated community full of mostly two parent families, all of whom have a lot of money. So there isn't much of a "peer" group for me and of the people, male and female for just friends, I have met, I can't run with...I'm barefoot and they are wearing $300 Nike iD's. They are mostly very nice but their activities far supersede what I can afford to do so it turns out we don't have much in common.

That's where the dating websites come in. I see the ads for eHarmony and Match.com constantly! Do "you" believe the hype or are these sites just stomping grounds for losers and pervs? Would any of you ever join one? Have or do any of you belong to one? I mean, I don't have a great resume to put up there anyways as a 41 year and 11 month old, single mother who is twice divorced and is a dog/house sitter with a lovely muffin top....last time I checked, the only people happy to see someone with my kinda baggage were the airlines. ; )

So, I need your brutally honest opinions and advice, please and thank you!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/04/2013

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Well, I think dating sites have come a LOOOOOONNNG way, and have known people to find great companionship through those site. I would have an open mind and an open heart going into it. You never know, you may find the love of your life...or some real idiots. It in my opinion would be worth the try, especially considering what you have explained about your current community. Good luck! Take the leap!

Alahnna - posted on 04/16/2013

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I met my boyfriend on a dating site. We've been together 6 years now. If you are considering this route, just be careful. Do not give out too much personal information online, make sure to meet in a public place when you do decide to meet and tell people where you will be, even give all the info you know about him. Be prepared to meet a bunch of losers on there or people that aren't for you before you find a good one. Personally, I would also meet in person fairly quickly after chatting, to see if the connection is there in person as well and also because it is so easy for someone to sit behind a computer screen, put a different picture up and lie.

That being said, online dating was great for me. I was a single mom of 2 small children, so no want to go out to the bars and the grocery store wasn't exactly reeling them in. I was able to chat with my honey after the kids were in bed and then we were able to set up a meeting that was convenient for me as well and him. I definitly recommend online dating, just proceed with caution

Mary - posted on 04/10/2013

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Kristi, I met my husband through Match.com in 2006. I had a great experience with it, overall. Before I met him, I chatted with a few guys, and dated two of them. Both of them were pretty decent guys, and I've stayed friends with one of them. My husband and I have actually gone out for drinks and dinner with him and his (new) wife; he met her through match as well.

I honestly didn't encounter any perverts or complete assholes - although I'm sure they are out there! Basically, you put up your profile and a few (flattering) pictures. You message back and forth a while. I tended to just wait until the guy asked if I wanted to talk on the phone, and gave me his number to call. When I met him, it was always at a public place I was familiar with, and someone always knew when and where I was meeting him.

I really had a lot of fun with it, and met some interesting people. At the time, I was 36 and in the process of divorcing (in my state, divorce takes a year+ to finalize). I know a lot of people who have used these dating websites; tbh, I think they are pretty much the norm these days for singles of varying ages. I don't know anyone who had a truly bad experience with them.

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2013

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I met my husband online. Back then, it was actually not the norm (we met 11 years ago). Nowadays, I'd say it is totally normal.

Even if you don't end up meeting someone to be with long term, it can be a good place to meet some interesting friends and companions. You deserve to have a life. Are they a breeding ground for pervs, etc? Yes, I'm sure they are there - I met a couple of guys in my travels who were just a little creepy. But if you take all the safety precautions, you will be fine.

But also look into other local singles groups. I was a member of one of those for a while, and it would involve BBQs in parks, bushwalks, bike rides and the like. A great way to meet new people.

Just go into it looking to find friendships, and if something happens to develop, then great, but if not, you will have some new friends. If people know you aren't necessarily looking for something serious, they are less likely to be concerned about the baggage. That will come if something does develop.

Amy - posted on 04/06/2013

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LOL Krisit I wonder the same thing you do. I filed for divorce in December and although I still have a ways before the divorce if finalized I find myself wondering if I want to date again and if I decide to how I would meet people. I work at a kids clothing store so it's not like there's a lot of single dads in their shopping. When my divorce in finalized and I am ready to begin rebuilding my life I will probably try a site. Right now I know I don't want a serious relationship but it would be nice to be able to go out to dinner every once in awhile. I also know a couple of people who have met and married, and I have another friend on one right now and she has some pretty funny stories to share :)

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Kristi - posted on 04/30/2013

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FINAL UPDATE--

Well, it's a good thing I did not have any expectations because I didn't even get, "It was nice to meet you but I don't think things would work out," or "It's not you" or even an, "It IS you...," just nothing! Oh well, no worries!

I'm back to dreaming about Shemar Moore and Jason Statham! yummy!

Kristi - posted on 04/22/2013

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UPDATE:

1 of 2--Gone...We had one phone call that went well but was short. Everything else was texting and "oddly" enough if I didn't agree with something right away, ie: going to his house for a first meeting! then he wouldn't respond and I just figured that was that. Then, the next day, I'd get a cheerful little text and same thing. So I sent him an email and laid it out flat. Option A-Talk to me Option B-Don't.....(not quite that flat, you gals know I've never been held to so few words in all my life! hahaha) It's been 4 days, I'm going with B!

2 of 2--Up in the Air...Went to lunch at Hard Rock Café and walked around Pike's Place Market today for a whopping 2 hours. Does anyone watch Big Bang Theory? Repeat after me...Penny and Leonard, only I'm not as pretty as Penny and he's not as nerdy as Leonard. Otherwise, I like sports, beer, burgers, sarcasm, and I'm not Microsoft material nor am I tidy. He's already done everything he wanted to at Microsoft and decided to go back to school (again), to do something more meaningful, he's into all the SciFi stuff, very nice, car is pristine, smells new even, my car looks like homeless PEOPLE live in it.

I'm pretty sure I talked waaaay too much because I was in the presence of a living, breathing, adult who was talking back and I got over excited! I also bought a T-shirt for Grace that says ~~~STUPID KILLS~~~ (underneath that it says...) {just not often enough}. But, I think I really stepped in it when I said, "Oh no...I'm the boy!"

I wasn't implying he was the girl per se. I ordered a cheeseburger, extra cheese, medium rare with a regular pepsi and fries, no salt. He ordered some weird ass salad and DIET soda. As I said, I dominated the conversation, not entirely my fault, he kept turning back around and I can't help that I have a "sorted" past so I have to edit my answers for content and need to know; that takes time and finesse. ; ) Then I acted just like a dude and didn't even offer to share my fries until it looked liked I was done and he asked if I was going to finish or could he have a couple. That's when I said it.

I'd put my face in my hands and was shaking it no. I'm not sure how he took it and I have apparently blocked what was said next because shortly thereafter he was in the restroom and I was talking to the waitress about how awesome her service was. SMH, LOL

Since I have no idea what protocol is, I shot him a quick email tonight pretending it was a conversation between his friend and my sister and what we would have told them. Hopefully he'll appreciate it! There's no chemistry there for me anyways but I had fun and it would be nice to have a friend to do stuff with.

Oh, I think I might have mentioned I'm bipolar, too! I'm so great at pillow talk! B D Maybe I should put my profile back up with that headliner:
42 y/o Dude'ish, bipolar, sarcastic woman, likes sports, is untidy and talks too much! LMAO!!

edited-missed a word

Ty - posted on 04/21/2013

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I think it works for some people, but I think you have to be careful too. Good luck.

t

Alisha - posted on 04/20/2013

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Wow! I met my soon to be husband on Christiandatingforfree.com I'm not going to lie, I was terrified to go online and I didn't expect much. I did meet a few creepy guys, one wanted to meet after 3 days of talking and he was very desperate, so avoid those and never tell where you live! It can easily happen! I'm not saying it's foul proof but Idk... I can't imagine my life without Ryan in it and he's not creepy or a perv or any of those things! So there are def normal people online.

Kristi - posted on 04/19/2013

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Well...official update:

I chatted with 2 "Matches." Both nice guys. I don't think either are my soul mate but no biggie. If I decide to go on a date and we have fun, it's all good. If we don't, no skin off my teeth.

I did shut my account down a few days ago because I just didn't like "fishing." It also shows how many people viewed your profile and when I see 126 viewed and NOBODY left a message or a wink, it's kind of discouraging.

So, that's where I am!!

G was good with it. She's been reading my chats so far and is now having fun teasing me about having 2 boyfriends. She is well aware that I am hardly a friend with a boy! Lol

There is talk of lunch at Pike's Place Market. I'll keep you posted. Thanks ya all!!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/19/2013

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Oh, Kristi!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!

LOL...

Ok, that was my sarcastic answer. Lady, you have a level head, so I know you'll be safe online, but please make sure that you cover all of your bases!

Good luck (is G ok with this)!

Keep us posted

Alahnna - posted on 04/16/2013

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I met my boyfriend on a dating site. We've been together 6 years now. If you are considering this route, just be careful. Do not give out too much personal information online, make sure to meet in a public place when you do decide to meet and tell people where you will be, even give all the info you know about him. Be prepared to meet a bunch of losers on there or people that aren't for you before you find a good one. Personally, I would also meet in person fairly quickly after chatting, to see if the connection is there in person as well and also because it is so easy for someone to sit behind a computer screen, put a different picture up and lie.

That being said, online dating was great for me. I was a single mom of 2 small children, so no want to go out to the bars and the grocery store wasn't exactly reeling them in. I was able to chat with my honey after the kids were in bed and then we were able to set up a meeting that was convenient for me as well and him. I definitly recommend online dating, just proceed with caution

Kristi - posted on 04/11/2013

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Mary--

That is so cool! Congrats!

Me--

I do have a daughter who will be 14 in September. I know exactly where you are coming from about trusting someone new. As I said above, I NEVER imagined wanting anything to do with a guy again. It's been 2 years now and in the last month or so I've finally started to come out of my shell. I'm finding/remembering that I once was and am again an individual. I'm not looking for Mr. Right at this point, but I would like someone to hang out with.

Incidentally, gals, I did put a profile up on Match. Unfortunately I don't have the $35/mo it costs to get to talk to people. But, they still send you "Daily Matches" and there seem to be some pretty good guys on there. There was one guy that sounded right up my alley but nothing I can do without joining. : ( Oh well, it's a start!

I do want to thank you all soooo much for being so kind and supportive. I was really embarrassed to ask about this but you all made me feel great about it! Thank you!

Me - posted on 04/11/2013

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Living in a small town does limit your options/choices.
you don't mention (Kristi) whether or not you have kids from either marriage. If you do, there's always some extra "protection" for that factor.
I'm facing divorce for the 2nd time & I looked into eharmony once. But i've had my heart destroyed, so thinking of trusting another man (current hubby is #2) just seems impossible.

I think there's creeps out there regardless if your online or in person.....go with your gut

Kristi - posted on 04/07/2013

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Thank you so, so much you guys! I feel a lot better or at least a lot less freaky for considering to join an online site! ; )

I've never heard of a legitimate singles club before, Jodi. I will definitely check into that, they sound like fun!

Ok then, I'm going to look into them. smh!

Dove - posted on 04/04/2013

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I know several people who have met their SO online. As for ME... I am happily single with no intentions of ever changing that status and 'I' wouldn't look for someone online. I have enough trust issues with the people I meet face to face.... lol

Firebird - posted on 04/04/2013

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I actually know some people who met through dating websites, that are now happily married. I don't think they're just for desperate people. In a town like the one I live in, options are limited, sometimes you have to outsource. lol It's a small place where most people know everything about everyone else already, there's not a lot to do here except go to the bar. Not everyone wants to meet that special someone right after some drunk's puked on them. lol I haven't tried a dating site, can't see myself ever doing so, but that just might be because for the last... well, almost 4 years that I've been single, I have been quite happy with it.

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