Are you a Ride or Die woman??

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 06/02/2011 ( 60 moms have responded )

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Would you stay with your Man no matter What he did??
What would be your breaking point, what are the NO NO’s that would make you leave and STAY AWAY

This woman on Dr. Phil stayed with her ex-husband after knowing he cheated on her 10+times, she said she would only leave him if he ever abused their son
Other then that she will always be with him.
She doesn’t like that he cheats but said she accepts that he does...she just takes it

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tara - posted on 06/03/2011

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Mel said
"My husband are kind of in a wierd relationship ...he knows I wouldn't be here if I didn't have kids with him, but we still do everything like we're together when around the kids, except maybe no "I love yous" no on my part anyway, or affection. But if there were more issues then JUST these few that I have, like important things then Id definately leave "

JUST those issues huh?
Saying that you wouldn't be with him if you didn't have kids with him is a BIG issue.
Also not saying I love you to him constitutes emotional abuse after time. It's the withholding of love that concerns me.
If you withhold your love for him and only show it when the kids are around, then why are you staying with him?
Not sure I totally understand.

[deleted account]

I love my husband and have a solid stable marriage. Together for 18 years (married 12 though).

Substance abuse-I couldn't walk away from him. I need to help him get the help he needs to overcome the abuse. Remind him that he has a wife and child worth fighting for. REPEATED substance abuse over and over and over? Well, then yes there is a breaking point.

Cheating- I know couples who have overcome cheating and my marriage IS worth saving if we go through the proper channels. REPEATED cheating? No....again, there comes to a breaking point.

Major criminal activity? Just simply depends. Situational. I am not going to just give up on my husband and marriage without an attempt to make a change.

Now if there was any issue of child abuse-I'm gone! An dI have ALWAYS believed that a woman should never ever be dependent and reliant upon a man. Have your own bank account, own source of income, and emergency stashes of cash to go.

Stifler's - posted on 06/15/2011

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It would be over if he was cheating or hitting me or being abusive to the kids or withholding money from me for rent or groceries. Why people put up with scum bags I'll never know.

Johnny - posted on 06/09/2011

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What would make me leave?

Being lied to & deceived or being subjected to violence/emotional abuse.

At one time, my husband had a serious anger problem. His parents were very much like that, extremely hot tempered. He pushed me once, regretted it deeply, took himself to a counselor and entered an anger management group. So these rules are not absolutes for me, but pretty close. My husband's complete willingness and desire to improve and change lead me to stay. He now has his issues under control and I no longer have any concerns in this area. For me, staying and working through it with him was totally worth it. But of course, he was also willing to change, so that helps.

JuLeah - posted on 06/04/2011

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Many many wives/husbands look the other way with cheating. They simply don't care as they are not that invested in the relationship, or they think that little of themselves, or they are cheating themselves and won't admit it .... many reasons and we all have our line.

60 Comments

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Yalana - posted on 07/10/2011

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Ride...definitely. My ex-husband abused me and my children verbally, physically and emotionally. No man, husband or not, is worth my life or my kids' lives. And my boyfriend knows this and respects it!

Emma - my ex withheld money for groceries for the kids, medical care, freedom, and so much other stuff that I just had enough for my kids' sake. The only thing I withheld? sex. He started forcing himself on me and got me pregnant with our third son. I love him dearly, as he is my little Peanut (my smallest baby at 8lbs. 7oz), but my sons' father has no respect for me nor did he have any for my wishes to wait a couple of years after having our second son six months before. He was "giving" me permission to go to a friend's house for a Pampered Chef party and felt that I "owed" him some gratitude for letting me out. Yeah, right...he now owes my boys back child support!!!!!

Stifler's - posted on 06/23/2011

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I agree Laura, but there's a difference between serial cheating and lying about it and one time and owning up to it.

Merry - posted on 06/23/2011

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I'm pretty sure there's good men and women who have cheated once and never again. What if they were too drunk to think straight? There's always variables to consider.......maybe the couple hasn't had sex for two years due to the wifes medical condition and one day he just couldn't control himself and cheated, felt awful, apologized, etc. Not saying I'd stay personally, but it would depend. I'd never say absolutely no way because I'd have to know the situation and how he acts afterwords.

Laura - posted on 06/22/2011

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If I found out that my husband cheated on me or was abusing our child or anything of that nature I would leave him there would be no question about it. No matter what reason or excuse he had I would never ever go back, I know I am worth more than that and I deserve more. Any women that would stay with a man after she found out he cheated or abused there child is stupid for staying. If your husband or boyfriend only cheated on you and you wanna stay with him and workl it out because you think he will change..well he wont and as the old saying goes once a cheater always a cheater...if he did it once he will do it again...and if you take him back your pretty much giving him permission to walk all over you and cheat again..I would die for my husband but if he cheated on me it would be over,

Elizabeth - posted on 06/21/2011

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i say that i only have 2 rules dont cheat on me and never hit me out of anger (we like to wrestle and somethings there is a reflex) The hiting thing i am never going to move on but the cheating thing would be harder cause i do really love the man i am with but i would not stay with him if he kept doing it. Not with what is out there now adays

[deleted account]

What I wonder about sometimes is how some women will stay through abuse (of any variety) but only really leave when the man cheats. I try to understand how that is so much worse than being treated like dirt or being slapped around.

Marie - posted on 06/14/2011

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its a difficult decision as you would lose a lot if you left and you would be compromising yourself if you stayed. Im in a situation right now where i've kicked my husband out because i found out about a crush he had at work and he was looking at dating sites. now he says he never intended to follow through on anything, he just wanted someone to talk to, but i kicked him out anyway. BUT, now its difficult to make ends meet, people ask about how 'we' are doing all the time, the kids miss their dad, and even though we have reconciled to a point, my standards of what i think was acceptable behaviour from my husband was compromised. Should my standards come before my kid's wanting their dad? or other family waiting for me to ask him to move back in? or so it makes juggling the kids/school/work/bills easier? its a hard one.

Dodie - posted on 06/14/2011

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Well Holly, I think you are right about the councelling. There are obviously issues from her past that are still skewing her views on Marriage & Family. Also, she is enabling him to keep her in those bonds, & in his teaching their son that women as a whole are not worthy of love & respect.
As to her having no choice: There are always choices in this life. It's not that they are not there or not available, either. It's that a person CHOOSES not to take the alternative routes out there, especially women.
We women have been taught throughout the centuries that we have no power & were not meant to have any. To that end, men, having all the social power up until the last several decades, have used every option opened to them to beat this into our brains--Newspaper, radio, TV, &, yes, even, I am ashamed to say, the Medical Profession! Since, traditionally, women were the caregivers to their children, & were looked down on if they went to work & left their children with a caregiver, women also passed that feeling of helplessness down to their sons & daughters. For example, sometimes when my Father got drunk, which wasn't often, he would beat one or more of us children. My mother would stand behind him & wring her hands but do or say nothing! My sisters & brothers blamed my Father, as he was the "doer" & she was merely "the woman" & couldn't possible be expected to interfere! Now, here's the quirk in all of this: Her Mother, my Grandmother, would throw my Grandfather out the front door for all to see when, a few times a year, he would go with his brothers & get drunk & waste money! So, where did she learn submissiveness?
Just remember, Ladies: There are ALWAYS CHOICES! It is up to you to make the right one for youself, but, most especially for the protection, both physical & psychological, of your Children!
God Bless...Dodie/Nana

Hannah - posted on 06/14/2011

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Holly,
I watched the episode and one of the MAIN reasons for not leaving is that she came from a broken home, she said the the divorce of her parents scarred her and that she did not want to put her son through that same pain. She also said that she didnt feel like she was worth it to be treated better. So she obviously needs some councelling - I do hope she gets it because she is obviously a very bright women despite her behaviour. She just needs to know she is worth it! And you know dr phil! He asked her to think about what she is putting her son through with living with a cheating hushand/father and that if she doesnt leave and/or get councelling her son would learn to treat women the same way he is treating his mother. So his point basically was basically, not leaving for both reasons mentioned above was harming her son. But like I mentioned above, she didnt feel like she deserved any better :( Again I really say that she gets help. She deserves to be happy and so does her son!

Holly - posted on 06/13/2011

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What is her alternative? Leave him and be homeless with a child? Is she working? Is she a stay at home mom? Is the child special needs? Does the child go to school? Does she have family that can help?? Is this ten times in 50 years or two?

There are a lot more factors to whether I would leave/stay.. #1 would be is there proof or some "friend" trying to start crap... after that.. the above questions. I won't be homeless and leave him our home and he would NEVER leave unless I was 100% sure and it was a huge thing..

Amanda - posted on 06/13/2011

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yeah i saw that episode...big dr.phil fan i am...i wouldn't of stayed in fact if my husband was to cheat then yeah i would leave...any kind of emotional or physical abuse to me or my children would make me leave...if he was spending way to much time with buddies or working and not enough family time there would be a lot of arguing and then i wouldn't stay cause obivously he wouldn't want to be around..i think there should be a happy medium where he can work have time to hang out with the guys and have family time..in fact me and my husband both take turns having nights off...where one i night i can go do my thing and then next night he can do his thing...the NO NO's would definatly be abuse of any kind to me or my children and then he would never get near us again....if he was just a cheater i would leave but if he is a good dad then why keep him from his children right? everything between me and my husband are fine but i am not a ride or die kind of woman...

Dodie - posted on 06/10/2011

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I thought the reference to "Ride or Die" was a reference to bikers & their "women". (I hate that expression! To me, it sounds demeaning to a woman, & we are put down enough in our Western Society, thank you, very much! Whether it is obvious or not to the women who live in North America or not, it is so. We still make only 60 cents to a man's dollar when working. We still only make up about 15% of the management in any & all companies, unless we own it. Many of us will stay with a man who beats us, cheats on us, gambles our family home & the food from our table away, or snuffs it up his nose, or drinks it away! Why do we put up with this crap, you ask? Well, when you get the answer, let me know, would you, please? I have been on this earth for nearly 60 years, & haven't figured it out yet! I will tell you one thing, though: I would never let a man touch me in any way that I didn't want him to again! My first husband hit me on four occasions during our 11 year, two-girl-children marriage. He was a great Father while he stayed, but left when the Girls were 2 1/2 & 4 years old. I stayed a Single Mom for 6 years before I remarried & my Husband would never think to lay a hand on me in any way that I didn't allow it, never mind hit me! He raised my daughters like his own & is a Very Proud Husband, Father &, now, Grandfather to our 2 & 3 year old Granddaughter & Grandson!! So, yes, ladies, there are good men out there! You just have to find them in the right place, and I would like to say that that place is not a Bar, but, since I met both my husbands in one--first one I worked with him as a Bartender in an up-scale bar, & the second in a bar where I was tending to a girlfriend, trying to get her to go home!!
The trick is not to sleep with him right away. Wait at least a couple of months. It's difficult, I know. I understand that, believe me! However, if a guy sticks around for that long & is not "getting any", he is almost certainly a Good Man!!! If a man ever asks you why you won't sleep with him because, after all, you're not a virgin any more, so you have nothing to lose; tell him you have your Self-Respect in tact & are planning on keeping it that way!!
So, God travel with you when you are without a Companion! Listen & you will find a Good One!! Most likely one whose wife was stupid enough not to see what she had!!...
Dodie/Nana
PS. I do go on, don't I:) It's just that some things really get to me & this "Ride or Die" thing put the icing on the cake!!...chuckle!!

Kimberly - posted on 06/09/2011

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well my husband is still with me after i cheated on him for the first six months of our relationship. he understood i have i disease and we worked thru it. both of us have the same breaking point if we ever lied to one another. neither of us can handle being lied or decieved.

[deleted account]

I think their are different definitions for a "Ride or Die chick" the one that you will never leave your man no matter what he does. But the other definition is that you will never leave his side no matter what goes down. Example: you and your man are at a bar something happens all of a sudden a couple guys and ur man start to get into a full out fight a ride or die chick would jump right in there with her man with a gun/knife/ beer bottle. Or ur man is gonna hit a lick (rob a house) and u are right there by his side with an AK47. that to me is a ride or die chick. And that is definitely not what i am.

Dodie - posted on 06/07/2011

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Just one more little thing, for some of the ladies that replied to your email, & for you, that my Mum instilled in my Sisters & I, as well as my Brothers: NEVER SAY NEVER!! It has a way of coming back & biting you in the petudy!! I always said that I would never put up with an abusive husband! Man, was I ever wrong!! So, be careful, you Ladies out there! Don't judge other women unless you have gone through similar problems, & even then, you really don't know the whole story! So, I repeat: NEVER SAY NEVER!!!
God Bless...Dodie/Nana

Dodie - posted on 06/07/2011

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Dear Ebby: Never mind Dr. Phil. Apparently, you are having problems that you have not mentioned as yours, or a friend/family member does.
In answer to your question: Every woman, just like every snowflake, is different. There are way too many factors that go into the "why's" of what a woman will take before leaving her husband. My guidelines would be: If a man verbally browbeats/physically abuses his wife; if a man cheats on his wife more than once (for many that would be excusable as a "mistake". Although, now with so many venereal diseases that have no cure, AIDS being only one & not the worst of them, even once may be too many, especially if you value your & your children's lives!); if he gambles enough to endanger the security of his family, these are all reasons for a woman to dissolve the relationship/marriage, especially when children are involved. They are all incidents in which the marriage vows have been breached.
Having said all this, if a woman chooses to stay with her mate, DO NOT JUDGE HER!! There are many reasons she could have to stay, financial being one of the biggest reasons.
So, if you, or someone you are close to, is having marital difficulties, either leave, or find a Really Good Friend that you can share your problems with as merely a "venting partner". Just make sure that it won't go any further than the First Ear you/she whispers in!
God Bless...Dodie/Nana

[deleted account]

What's that saying?

Fool me once, shame on you......fool me twice, shame on me!

(hugs Jen) I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Teresa - posted on 06/06/2011

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I would not be disrespected in such a way as cheating and stay with my husband. One time? Maybe. Two times, no.

[deleted account]

PS I should add that I thought this discussion was going to be about the dangers of cycling - you know - ride and die?

[deleted account]

That was the last straw Dana. He was always very mean-spirited but I stupidly excused it as having a very abusive mother. But it became much worse after we married. NOthing i did was right. He never hit me but he would go out of his way to embarrass me in public and make me cry. I found out after I left him that he had been hitting my son and playing 'games' like waiting till my son was almost in the car, then pulling ahead a bit. He has a cruel streak a mile wide but the way you'd hear him tell it, he's the abuse victim. I started documenting everything in 2007 and I left September 19, 2009. Sometimes when I again stupidly miss him, I go through all my documentation and read what he would say or do. I listen to the few conversations that I secretly recorded.
Everyone kept asking why I didn't l leave. I was afraid to go more than I was afraid to stay. I thought my son was happy with him because my boy deliberately hid the abuse because he didn't want to see me cry anymore.

So thanks, I do feel very proud of myself for leaving. I would never take him back no matter how much he swears he'll change. I no longer respond to his emails or calls. I'm done.

(hugs to Dana)

Rosie - posted on 06/05/2011

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drugs, and abuse would make me leave. i could handle maybe one time cheating, just like one time drug use. anything after that, nope. if my husband ever hit me i'd be gone.

[deleted account]

Good for you, Jen! Out of curiosity, was the the first outburst/incident like that by him, or was that a patterned behaviour and you had just had enough.

P.S. Did I mention GOOD FOR YOU!

[deleted account]

I left my 2nd husband when he threatened to kill me for trying to protect the cats from his rage. They were startled by a cutting board slipping out of the cupboard and one ran across his foot, scartcing it. Not on purpose. It was bleeding and I cleaned it up. He was so angry and I was afraid of him so much. He said he was going to get the one that did it and break her neck. I told him I'd call the police. He said I'd be dead before I got to the phone. I took my purse and ran. I called my mother who had my son with her for an outing and told her not to bring him home but to meet me at her place. I never went back and I have not been alone with him since.

I would not tolerate infidelity and I would NEVER tolerate my son being abused.

or my animals.

Amie - posted on 06/03/2011

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No, I would not. I am a parent first and a partner second. If it is going to affect my children, I don't care who you are, you can fuck off outta our lives.



Our entire family is like this though. I did not see my grandfather from the time I was 5ish until the week before he passed. He was an alcoholic and would not stay sober, even around us kids. My mom told him he was no longer welcome in our home if he couldn't respect us enough to stay sober. My husband and I said the same thing to his parents but they, at least, stay sober around our kids. Do I like that their functioning alcoholics? Not particularly but so long as they stay within our guidelines when it comes to our kids, we are happy to have them be a part of their lives.



Abuse is a no go. I will not walk down that road to the point where I feel fear. He will be given one chance to pull his head out of his ass. He messes up again, we're gone. I will not allow that around my children. I would rather them see me raising them alone than with a douche who does not respect their mother. Children learn what they live - mine will not live in that kind of home.



I will not accept cheating, a one time thing or not. I expect the respect back that I give to my husband. If he can not be adult enough to talk to me about any problems that he (or we) has, if he can not reach out to me, then we do not have a relationship I want. It is that simple for me. It's also that simple for him. We are both this way. We expect a lot from each other but we both give it.



If he was a recreational drug abuser - his ass would be out the door. 1) For lying to me, 2) For even thinking it is ok to behave like a buffoon when he has children and a family, 3) For putting our children at risk of being put into foster care (thankfully CPS here generally gives the mom (or dad) a one time - leave him/her or we take the kids deal. This I know from an ex friend who did not leave her loser b/f and had her 3 kids taken) and lastly 4) For putting his life, others lives and his job on the line. To be very clear on this - I am talking hard drugs. Weed does not count as a hard drug. (and no, neither of us smoke it now even though we have in the past)

If it was a prescription addiction because he needed them (god willing that he never has an accident bad enough to need them for an extended period of time) I would be willing to help him through that. That is different, that is not something he consciously decided he needed to take/do.



If he ever dared to lay a hand on our children - depending on the situation - his stuff would be tossed out on the front lawn while I scream or the police would be hauling me away, another assault charge on my record. (I will state here, the reason for the previous assault charge also stems from me protecting my children. It still amazes me that people don't take me at my word but they learn.) It really depends on how much I snap and snap I would. I am not a nice person, at all, when someone (by someone I mean adult and it has to be something deplorable - none of the, omg they scolded my child. pfftt) messes with my children.



My husband and I have a relationship that works because we agree on the things that matter deeply to us. We've talked about it. We've laid it all out there. We know where we stand. We are one and the same, yet different.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/03/2011

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I think if my husband shoved me or did some sort of hard drug I would die from the shock of it so I wouldn't have to leave him.

Ez - posted on 06/03/2011

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No worries DMak lol.



I understand what you're saying... that once it gets to a physical attack, the woman has likely been beaten down emotionally and lost a lot of her coping skills. But I would be unlikely to stick around for sustained emotional abuse either. It's just not in me to put up with that anymore. Don't get me wrong, I have been in that situation in the past. But now that I have a child, a child who will not belong to any future partners, I have set my standards WAY higher. Like I said, I realise my situation is different because I am no longer with my child's father. I can't say how I would feel talking about the father of my child. But for me, in my circumstances as a single mother, there is a very low tolerance for bullshit. So yes, if a man pushed me or threw something at me, I would be gone. No question. I owe it to my daughter to demand better than that.



And in answer to your second question, if I had proof it was a one-off, I would probably give him one more chance. But after that, hell yeah I would leave. I am no angel. I've been around drugs in my early 20s. But as a parent (especially a single parent) I will not tolerate that in a relationship.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/03/2011

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No......... I would not take it. I put up with enough as it is, my parents think I am insane. But I have my limits and I deal with it in my own way. So what I don't care about, would bother someone else (unorganized house for instance) and then I get to a point when I say Enough and it gets fixed. We work on it and if we didn't, I'd be gone.

[deleted account]

Not to pick your post apart, Erin (because I do love you!) but this is a debate, right?!!

"If a partner physically abused me, in any way, one time, I would be gone. That is an absolute deal-breaker. Totally black and white.... no variables there"

What constitutes abuse, for you? If he shoved you and you fell down, would you leave? Abuse often starts out very innocently, and may only be verbal until he's attacked your self-esteem and subtly wore you down so that once the physical abuse happens, you're not the same strong independent women you used to be. If you talk to women who've been in abusive relationships, a lot of them will tell you the same thing. They'll tell you that before him there was NO WAY they'd stay etc etc.


I don't have much tolerance for substance abuse either. The only way I could consider sticking around is if it was prescription meds and the addiction came from genuine pain. Using recreational drugs, or abusing prescription drugs recreationally.... nope, gone"

So, if you found out that someone you loved did a line of cocaine at a party or dropped acid, smoked crack.....ONE TIME, and you'd leave? I just have a hard time believing that, but I suppose you know you best.

Ok, I'll shut up now.....for a while.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/03/2011

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Yeah, when I talk about substance abuse I mean a guy who doesn't give a shit that he's abusing. My dad would never even admit to having an alcohol problem, so you can't really work with that. And most people I know who are substance abusers fall into this category. Sort of different from a blatant drug addict. They can hide in the social bit of it and that makes me uncomfortable.

ME - posted on 06/03/2011

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I am NOT a ride or die woman...My husband asks me crazy scenarios all the time, and my answer to most of them is "NO!...I would not stick around if you did _______" (fill in the blank)...It's not that I expect perfection, I'm just not willing to be a fool for anyone...

Mel - posted on 06/03/2011

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alot of you say you could forgive cheaing once, depending, I dont think I could even do that. Id never trust again. my boyfriend before I got together with my husband, the guy I left my husband , for 7 months back in 2006, cheated and although yes I was just a child myself then I still feel the same now and would react the same I was beyond hurt, I already was the kind of person to be jealous of exes of anyone he'd done things with in the past even though it had no importance at all, so after this I was constantly checking his pone, msgs, msn history , emails, you name it and what I found wasnt good and the mistrust ended this relationship, I had his initials still tattooed on me until 2 months ago when I got them covered over, but yeah I definately think for me chetaing even once, I could never go back from it, ever

Ez - posted on 06/03/2011

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If a partner physically abused me, in any way, one time, I would be gone. That is an absolute deal-breaker. Totally black and white.... no variables there.

With cheating there is more wriggle room. If it's a one-off, depending on the circumstances, I may be willing to work it out. Habitually cheating? Forget it.

I don't have much tolerance for substance abuse either. The only way I could consider sticking around is if it was prescription meds and the addiction came from genuine pain. Using recreational drugs, or abusing prescription drugs recreationally.... nope, gone.

Now my perspective will likely be different because I am not with my child's father. Obviously if there is a decade of genuinely good memories you are going to be more inclined to tolerate certain things. But seriously, the shit some women put up with astounds me.

[deleted account]

Ok, fair enough. I agree with Sharon too. I've just had conversations with women before who have this holier-than-thou attitude making certain statements telling me they KNOW they'd leave because.....blah, blah, blah. You just never know and I think a lot of women would be surprised by their reactions.

Carry on...

[deleted account]

Dana, I don't think any of us know what we'd really do in most situations. You are right about that. Personally, my answer (though it reflected what Sharon said) is what I THINK I'd do or HOPE I'd do. I will admit that.

[deleted account]

Heather, I'm really surprised that you said you'd leave your partner if they developed an addiction or abused certain substances?

Really? It's just that easy?

I think it's interesting how people say that they'd leave if they were abused, or cheated on or whatever. I don't think anyone can say for certainty. There are too many variables. Each situation is unique, especially with abuse. It creeps up on you, and before you know it, it's too late and you're swimming in it.

I think some people are far too confident in their responses.

I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

Dana - posted on 06/02/2011

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I'm exactly with Sharon C-F on this one. It's much easier to say that than type everything out again. ;)

[deleted account]

I pretty much agree with Sharon. In most situations (criminal activity, drugs, cheating) give him a chance to change. If he refuses to make an effort or falls back into the bad habits...bye. If he abuses me or the kids...bye. But I just can't fathom that ever happening. I'm very confident in our relationship. =)

Amber - posted on 06/02/2011

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I definitely would not stay with him no matter what he did.
I had an abusive alcoholic for a father, and I'm SO glad that my mother left him. I could never be with a man who treated me, or my children, poorly. I also couldn't be with a man who engaged in a risky lifestyle (drugs, breaking the law, cheating, fighting...etc).

As I've told Chad, I love him, but I love me more.

Mel - posted on 06/02/2011

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no, I wouldn't. I may be married, but definately there would be situations I wouldnt stick around. If he cheated, although he never would, hurt my kids etc. My husband are kind of in a wierd relationship ...he knows I wouldn't be here if I didn't have kids with him, but we still do everything like we're together when around the kids, except maybe no "I love yous" no on my part anyway, or affection. But if there were more issues then JUST these few that I have, like important things then Id definately leave

Xandria - posted on 06/02/2011

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I love my husband but I was in a bad relationship before I met him and I honestly don't think I could take stick around if I were really unahappy. I have a daughter and I don't think I would want her to see me so miserable and staying in a situation just because. If she were married and were unhappy I would tell her to get out as fast as her legs could carry her. I have always made it clear to my husband before we got married what I thought of as disrespect and that if he wanted to cheat he could leave at any given time. Hitting me or my child would be grounds for me to kick his behind and then leave. Spending irresponsibly. Drug abuse. Acting as if he didn't have a wife and child (hanging out all the time, never coming home, not spending family time). All grounds for me to leave. We basically have the agreement that his family is a privileged if he didn't want us he could just leave. Amazing he is the most wonderful, loving, respectful man I have ever met.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/02/2011

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For me deal breakers would be:
If he left me.
Child abuse.
Vehicular man slaughter and killed my kid(s) Talks on his cell phone a lot.
I could live with most everything else as long as it wasn't a habit.

[deleted account]

Hmm. . . i'd like to say im my mans ride or die chick. . . however. . . if he was the reason we never had any money (i.e. gambling problems and such) then i would leave, if he cheated on me im very certain i would leave, if he abused my child in anyway he would be dead. If drank in the sense that he could never function then i would leave, if he did drugs like coke, heroin etc, i would leave, If he robbed a bank and went to jail no i would not leave....

Merry - posted on 06/02/2011

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I'd separate if he
Cheated, seriously broke the law, abused drugs or alcohol, or abused me or the kids.
But I don't think I'd divorce him. I'd leave and he would have to get professional help and get his life back on track. Then rebuild my trust and prove he is different and then I'd return to him and he would have to continue in treatment for whatever issue it was.
I'm not going to divorce him over even the extreme choices unless he refused to apologize and seek to change.
But he says if I cheated on him he would leave.
Good thing I'm not going to cheat :)
I'll admit I'm hopelessly dependent on matt. We started dating when I was 16 months after my mom died and my dad got engaged again with a weird lady. Matt and I have been through so much and he rebuilt me essentially when my dad was abusing me, and matt sort of shaped me into the strong confident powerful woman I am now, I owe alot to him and I have NO idea what I'd be like without him. I think it's a big risk how dependent I am on him, but I'm confident in his loyalty to me.
But it would take a LOT to make me give up on him.

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