Argh!

Corinne - posted on 12/04/2010 ( 41 moms have responded )

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I've posted this on SAHM's, but you guys are usually quicker to reply. :)
Trawling through the computer history last night, I came across a recently visited online dating site. Obviously shocked I tried to access it to find out what is going on but couldn't as it asked for my fellas fb login. When I tried to log myself in this morning, he hadn't logged out and I ended up on his profile. Stupid biatch that I am, I looked at this dating thing and now feel very, very sick. My husband has begun to set up a profile and is already receiving emails from slags looking for sex. As yet he hasn't replied or met up with anyone (as far as I can see), but the intention is there. I f you were me, what would you do?

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Sharon - posted on 12/04/2010

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Why not make your own account? Use the feminine version of his words for yourself and see what happens. let the replies roll in and then let your hubby find it.

OR use a fake profile to reply to his and see how far it gets.

OR do both. Save everything and use it against him divorce court.

I don't have the patience for either of those. I'd snatch his ass out of bed and scream for answers while slapping him in the face with the printed pages.

It really wouldn't matter, because after that he'd be on his way out the fucking door.

Jenny - posted on 12/04/2010

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I'd put the site up on the screen and non-chalantly bring him in the room. He'll know he's a dead duck as soon as he sees it.

Isobel - posted on 12/04/2010

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Better yet, confront him with no evidence...then if he lies...you know what his intentions really were.

[deleted account]

I hate the whole trick him business. What if it turns out to be innocent?
I would sure as hel confront him about it. I'd screen shot the whole thing every little thing you can find and then i'd shut it down just like Emma said.

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Shauna - posted on 12/06/2010

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Id create an account myself and use a fake pic and try to lure him in!!!! :) :) :) when you lure him in ... id say meet me at "your address" .... when he has "shocked face look" id say whats up now bitch .... and it would be a royal rumble from there

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Kill him. Okay not really. But the thought counts. But I would be highly peeved off. I would probably recommend confronting him about it and ask him what it's about. Try not to get angry (as difficult as it may be) but apparantly (what my man said anyway) is that men tend to lie more if they are being yelled at because they feel that they do not want to make you more angry (stupid I know lol). But just ask for the truth, try not to yell and find out what his motive for these actions are. Hope things work out for you.

Corinne - posted on 12/06/2010

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We'd already got kids so we got the castle to keep them occupied (honest!), we had karaoke too but Mike's aunt hogged it all night. :)

Stifler's - posted on 12/05/2010

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I was nearly 2 months too so I probably wouldn't have been allowed haha

Bonnie - posted on 12/05/2010

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I wish we had done some fun things at our wedding too! Although, just thinking of it, I was kind of sick at our wedding as I was 4 months pregnant, so no matter what we did, I don't think it would have been fun hahaha.

Corinne - posted on 12/05/2010

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Cheers ladies. Yes my profile pic is from our wedding, spent half the night on the bouncy castle and the other half filling my face at the candy buffet! :)

Bonnie - posted on 12/05/2010

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Glad everything turned out to be okay for you! You are one of the lucky ones!

Nikki - posted on 12/05/2010

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Glad you sorted it all out :) you must feel so relieved! Love your profile pic by the way, was that your wedding?

Corinne - posted on 12/05/2010

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Thanks guys. Turns out it was all innocent, he'd filled in a survey and when he clicked for the results he'd hit the wrong button and hey presto! slappers galore. He panicked and tried to get rid of it so I wouldn't stumble across it and get hurt, but I did and with it being kept quiet I obviously thought the worst. It's happened to me before so I knew it was possible for it to be a mistake, but I was upfront and showed him so he wouldn't be upset. We went on it and I showed him his 'profile' and all the messages he'd recieved, and I could tell from his reaction when he saw it that it was all crap. I went on from my profile and it did the same thing, pulled my profile pic and gave me random details, so I know it's all bull. Spent the rest of the night erasing all traces of it, and he sobbed his heart out cause he thought I was going to divorce him. Cannot tell you how relieved I am.
Thaks again for helping me keep my head together! :)

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2010

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Sorry but in my book that is considered cheating!! Yikes not sure what I would do but I would have to say that it would certainly mean our relationship was in dire straights!!

Dana - posted on 12/04/2010

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I would confront his dumb ass. No offense but, how stupid can that be?



I'm sorry you're dealing with such an awful thing too.

Amanda - posted on 12/04/2010

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You need to kick this one to the rocks! Send him packing sweetie! If he's going to be sneaky and act like a weasel than pack his shit while he's at work and leave it out front in the driveway or on the curb, and let him know that he's NOT welcome to come back into your house! :) Your way too good for that sweetie! Hang in there!

Kimberly - posted on 12/04/2010

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I'd set a trap. Set up your own fake profile and bait him. Ask him if he likes Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Tah - posted on 12/04/2010

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A married man has no reason to be on a dating website..point..blank..period..No excuse he would have would be good enough and no sprint in his legs would be fast enough. If you are creating a profile the intent is there. Cheating is not just sex. Even if he began to talk to these women online and developed a emotional internet relationship...too far...you definitely need to tell him what you found and tell him if he feels like he needs to start dating, he should have filed the papers first and maybe he needs to call Tyrone...but he can't use your phone...

[deleted account]

I would ask him about it first of all, before getting too worked up about it. Then, when his answer isn't want you want to hear and you think he's lying, kick his ass.

That's what I'd do. Nip it in the bud.

Isobel - posted on 12/04/2010

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it happened to me so all I got for you is trust your instincts. If you feel like you're about to vomit, I'm pretty sure you know in your heart what's going on. Did you suspect him of cheating before you found this site? Cause that makes a BIG difference.

I would call him on it, find out what's going on...if you want to save your marriage you should try to do it as soon as possible (in case he hasn't done anything yet)...if you want out, you should wait till you have proof.

sorry you're going through this.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/04/2010

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I am a very direct person..how bout ask? You will know immediately just from the reaction if it is a lie or not.

Corinne - posted on 12/04/2010

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Cheers guys.
I hear what you're saying Cathy S but I've been on it and he's set up a profile that's all bullshit, lies about age and where he's from etc. so it can't have just been pulled straight from fb. :(
I've just been back on it to see what he was doing while he was home earlier and he's moved the emails from this site into his trash file, as otherwise they'd been in front of me when I came on just now.
Too much sneaking going on for me. Gutted.

Katherine - posted on 12/04/2010

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I would absolutely confront him! What a thing to find. I agree, I would delete the account AFTER you confronted him. You have every right. Sorry that happened!

Doreen - posted on 12/04/2010

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That would piss me off big time, and I would confront him with a kick ass attitude, but then people always shine the light on those area's which I never would have considered. Why don't you send him an email asking him to on his profile for everyone to see something like "honey you forgot to log off, but why do you bother with slags - I think you should come to bed earlier tonight, I will stroke your ego"... something that puts you in control in a positive way. Confidence is the greatest thing. Hopefully the slags will butt out - and the other thing is a guy just deny things - that way you can don't have to prove yourself. Men expect us to explode and I know you want to - but stay cool. Every action has a re-action - determine what you want out of this and handle it so you can handle it and it doesn't blow up out of control. Bad for kids, they get insecure if you fight. Ps. dont say a thing - maybe the next day or the week after ask him to delete his profile or you going to set one up as well if he doesn't mind, or go on a date. Tell him you don't like where this is going and it makes you feel the same way he'd feel if you were chatting to other guys.... what is good for one is good for you both.

Bonnie - posted on 12/04/2010

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I would not delete the account so I have proof to show him, but I would delete the messages to not allow him the satisfaction, then I would confront him.

C. - posted on 12/04/2010

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Well I was almost in your shoes before.. Thankfully nothing ever happened.



Confront him about it. Ask him why he would do that to your family (b/c it DOESN'T just affect you!) and just talk to him. I've noticed that when I was calmer, I got more answers. When I started yelling and cursing, I got nothing. So, as hard as it may seem, stay calm or else it will all blow up on both of your faces. Good luck, sweetie!



Oh, and one time I even woke my husband up at 3am (he had to leave for work at 530am) to talk to him about it. I did not wait!



(And for me, everything turned out fine.. When hubby was deployed, he used to leave his computer logged in so his roommate could use it, and he ended up leaving his Skype logged in, too. One of the girls that they met up with to go eat (it was with a group of people both male and female, but she was there) would talk to his roommate on hubby's Skype and they kinda had a thing going between them. So what was said was between that dude and the girl. And I've also talked to the roommate about it and emailed the girl- I got the same story so close together, there was no way hubby could have contacted both to whip up a story- he doesn't even have that girls # b/c she's not in the Unit anymore.)



But anyway.. Don't wait, stay calm and good luck!

ME - posted on 12/04/2010

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I would confront him and ask for marital counseling if you want to save your relationship. I'm very sorry...That's just awful...

Mary - posted on 12/04/2010

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I'm very, very sorry this has happened to you.

I cannot advise you, since I do not know you or your situation. I would confront him, but I might not do it until AFTER I had consulted a lawyer.

Iris - posted on 12/04/2010

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I don't see going on a dating site on the internet any less of a cheating then going to a bar and get a phone number. It's just a question of time, when is the cheating going to start for real, I mean, he's checking possibilities. I'd say confront him and don't let him make any excuses.
For the rest, no one can tell you what to do. Each relationship is different.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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Yep, I'd confront him and I wouldn't put up with the first lot of lies he spewed. Honestly, I'd be seriously pissed, because there is absolutely NO excuse for him to have a current profile on a dating site.

Petra - posted on 12/04/2010

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Hit him with it ASAP - I would not be able to sit on something like this, and if he has slept with someone else already, you need to know. No sense in dragging it out and potentially exposing yourself to STDs.

My sympathies, girl. That would make me sick too.

Nikki - posted on 12/04/2010

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Corinne that's so awful, I am so sorry :( I would confront him if it were me, it's not something I could ignore. Sorry I am not much help, but I hope you are ok ♥

Charlie - posted on 12/04/2010

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I would be Major pissed off , He has no reason to be on that site but for the sole purpose of cheating , you have to confront him about this !

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