As Promised (not intended to be a debate)

Brittany - posted on 10/20/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I had posted a while ago about other ways to dispose of the deceased and what you all thought. I wrote a paper for my World Lit II class, a satire, on this topic.

PLEASE BE ADVISED!

Some may find my paper to be offensive. Please look up the definition of what a satire is. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Remains
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I ponder, what are we going to do with the one hundred fifty three thousand seven hundred and eighty one people who died today (U.S. Census Bureau) . The cemetery seems to be bursting with people who are dying to get in. The pollution these sleeping zombies have caused our beautiful mother nature is detrimental and will continue to be monstrous. Arsenic used to be the base for embalming fluid, which has been shown to contaminate our precious ground waters. Today, with our sophisticated technology, we use Formaldehyde. Basic Chemistry will tell a person that once the formaldehyde, CH2O, is used in the embalming process it is no longer formaldehyde. Using such dangerous chemicals does not only pose a risk to our home but, the workers who handle our dearly beloved. Once the body begins to break down the new toxin released from the human carcass destroys the natural microbes necessary to break down our bloated bodies. Natural disaster dead pose serious risks to those living in areas affected by major storms. Corpses of those disturbed by natural disasters can and will make a ghoulish appearance. For those who recently made the daunting journey to the after-life, could be carrying a nice surprise for the men and women in charge of returning them to their final resting place. The issue at hand is the overcrowding of our cemeteries, not the mourners, the risks the dead pose on health and the land, and what we can do to reuse, or get back at, our family.
In the current throw away society we live in thinking about proper disposal of the death is furthest from our minds. Many products we purchase are not designed to last longer then two years, we toss it and go buy a brand new one. The consequences this has on our one, and only, life sustaining planet is visible to us, all we have to do it look around. The average casket is made out of non-biodegradable, toxin dipped, rare wood, steel, copper and bronze(Stefanson). Letting go of the non-biodegradable nature of a fancy cardboard box, they are expensive and can prove to be a finical burden. Embalming fluid, the drug of choice, does not only put our water in harms way but, think about the creepy mortician or the seven foot tall undertaker, they have live families too. The combination of formaldehyde (a class 1 carcinogen), glutarablenhyde, phenol, methanol, antibiotics, dyes, preservatives, additives, disinfectants, and sanitation agents have proven to cause and increase chances for cancers in those who handle them. For those of us feeling in a particularly devilish or pyromaniac mood we feel lighting our family, friends and pets a blaze is environmentally friendly and perhaps a glimpse at what awaits their soul. The flaming hot truth of cremation is it releases about one thousand to seven thousand eight hundred pounds of Mercury into our dome of life (Stefanson). One cremation uses enough energy to drive four thousand eight hundred miles and a years worth of burning flesh will get us to the moon and back eighty three times (Stefanson). Seeing as how we should not bury or dead or light them on fire, while cackling like a witch, one answer to our overwhelming population is alkaline hydrolysis. We can refer to the scientists at Resomation LTD, a Scottish company testing this procedure. Alkaline Hydrolysis is similar to throwing the deceased into a human composting bin. The dearly departed are tossed into the bin with a water and potassium hydroxide mixture, set to three hundred and fifty six degrees and tossed around like a loose sack of potatoes in the back of a minivan(Gayer, Connolly, and Morgan). The leftover human soup is a brown and green mixture of amino acids, peptides, sugars and salts(Gayer, Connolly, and Morgan). This decadent delicacy can be used as a fertilizer or simply flushed into the sewage pipes (Gayer, Connolly, and Morgan). One might look at this as a final excrement one a loathed family member.
The months of June through November are particularly active months for natural disasters to ravage the world. Ironically this is also the time of the year those housed in the Earth decide it is time for a zombie revival. During nasty weather it is not uncommon for our soils to become soft and out pops grandma. During the unexpected visit from beyond the grave Granny could bring along some unwelcome friends with disease. Those friendly ghouls who pop in unexpected could be carrying HIV, and those who have died from Choler and Hemorrhagic Fever should be handled with the utmost care (West). Mandatory body donations could be ordered for those who die of serious illness. This would allow for cadaver use in the student field. Wall Street, not exactly the place to turn for salvaging your body and our home sweet home but, indeed there are such known as body brokers. These individuals may or may not work in New York but, they will butcher you and like it. These brokers take great pride in the works and the educational experiences that follow. Should you be interested in purchasing a body part for a social function, such as a Bachelor Party, you can visit Science Care, Anatomy Gift Registry and Bio-Gift Anatomical. This is the real way you give an arm and leg for education! If being hacked into little pieces and bid for online like a lock of Justin Bebier hair is not your idea of a good time then off to The Body Farm you go. Tennessee is a beautiful state, precious mountains, crisp air but, none of this will matter to your rotting case because, you will be on the sprawling campus of The University of Tennessee at Knoxville. They harbor one of the most fantastic Forensic Anthropology courses available in America. The Department houses over 600 willing participants, at several different level of decay, in several different environments. Truly an educational experience the whole family can enjoy. Roughly two years after you have been examined and placed in various locations for crime scene study, you are a bag of bones and donated to the William M. Bass Donation Collect (The University of Tennessee Knoxville). William M. Bass is the Professor you can thank and remember you will be helping some twenty something dirty rotten scoundrel learn and thing or two.
Some of the mentioned will not suit us all and perhaps we wish for all of our harvest-able remains to be put to good use. In this exuberant establishment the need for organs is as an all time high. Your left behinds are more then welcomed into the living bodies of those who need them. Your organs are not the only item up for bid. Blood, tissues and bones are extremely rare and in demand. We promise not to waste your precious body fluids. Should one be a fan and patron of the arts you might consider donating your skin to a cherished artist of your choice. He or she could use your epidermis as a canvas to create a unique, one of a kind masterpiece. Ever thought about going out with a bang, like a firework on the Fourth of July, well now is your chance. Crash test corpses and military dummies are always in demand. Blowing up a dead body is much cheaper on the economy and requires far less energy then what would be used to make a crash test dummy. Not to mention when you are sitting around the table, in your afterlife of course, how many people get the chance to say they were blown up by an F-22 Fighter Jet? I hear bragging rights! Since we are on the topic of not being wasteful what about that spare tire you had? The lean mean truth is the bar soap we use is made out of rendered cow fat, guess what we can do to that unsightly cellulite? Savon de .
People will never stop dying, or paying taxes and we are stuck with that bill until well, we die. This can be a vicious cycle. Instead of throwing yourself a fancy party you can not attend, doing drugs you can not enjoy and poisoning the youth through contaminated water make the “good” choice. Perhaps there is a hidden key in the human body that will replenish our natural resources faster, perhaps zombie pets will be the craze of the future, perhaps a cure for cancer will be found and perhaps one day we will have an elected official in Government with half the brain of a Democrat and half the brain of a Republican and we can get out of this mess we are in.


Tell me what you think :)

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Jennifer - posted on 10/20/2011

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I liked it, though the humor is not exactly my type! I have never understood the dead body 'worship' or why people are so concerned over a corpse, though. I plan to donate my organs, and don't really give a flip about the rest. I won't be there! My husband is instructed to take the cheapest way possible, and help as many living people as possible. Which is what I plan to do if he dies first!

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Sal - posted on 10/20/2011

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i want a natural burrial, with no chemicals....and to be burries somewhere natural, ( not a cemetry) i saw a coffin (for want of a better word) made from natural fibres (i think hemp) it was like a beatuiful quilt or sleeping bag, i would like that i think, i am for organ donation but i'd really like to get enough milage out of mine that it isn;t an option!!!

JL - posted on 10/20/2011

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I am all for organ donation. I'm not going to need my organs when I am gone so have at them!! I enjoyed the paper. Thanks for sharing!!

Stifler's - posted on 10/20/2011

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I've never even been to an open casket funeral I couldn't care less what happens to me when I die. I really have no idea why people are dead set against organ donation either.

Denikka - posted on 10/20/2011

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It's definitely well written and thought provoking.

I would love to donate my body to science..I just have something against being separated from my bits and pieces XP
It's not so much what I would look like after. I guess it's got more to do with my beliefs. I just don't want to risk being separated from pieces of my soul or something :P sounds kinda silly to say out loud, and there's more to it, but that's the gist I guess :P

Brittany - posted on 10/20/2011

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Denikka,

Thank you taking to read and respond to my paper. My husband said the same thing, that is it funny in a macabre sense.

I was trying to be as dry but, realistic and sic at the same time. Took me a couple of hours to put it all together.

Brittany - posted on 10/20/2011

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I just want my body to be used. If my organs can be used take em, I do not want to put in a box or burned, and I want my bones on display or sold as a skeleton model. I don't need any of it.

Many people are freaked out about organ donation, in most, cases because, they are worried what their body will look like at the service. You do not look any different and when the do harvest the organs the do a Y incision, take them, and close you up. Same an a autopsy. Your body does not look flatten or unnatural.

My husband knows not to embalm me. I told him when a Zombie invasion happens and he embalmed me I will come after him first and I promised to haunt him for the rest of his life, should I die before him.

Denikka - posted on 10/20/2011

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I. . .wow. I'm not sure what to say XD
That is hilarious in the most macabre sense. I love it XD

On a more serious note:
I've always had a problem with tradition methods of handling bodies after death. I still haven't reconciled what I want done with my own body though. Cremation always freaked me out, and the traditional burial methods just astounded me. I definitely don't want to end up in a metal box for all eternity.
When I was young, my solution was to head to the Amazon in my old age, start walking, die where I landed and end up as animal food. No artificial processing, just all natural.
At this point in my life, I don't know what I want done. I've thought about the body farm, that's viable for me. I dislike organ donation for myself, I'd kinda like to keep all my parts. I may change my mind as I get older though. I just know that there HAS to be a better way than what we're doing now.

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