At the play place...

Amy - posted on 09/27/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Went to the play area at the mall today, and sitting there feeling like I'm being judged. Then I started thinking about that. Was I feeling that way because I was being judged (I have a monkey girl and squealy boy), or is it paranoia. I have to admit I was doing a little judging myself. I.e. There were two children there who sounded like they were hacking up a lung. I think all the other mom's kept glancing at that mom. She didn't stay long. There was also the kid who was clearly 3-4 inches over the height limit and not too gentle. So maybe I felt that way because I was sitting there judging others. Now I'm curious how many of you feel you're being judged at public play areas, and how many of you judge others? Be honest!

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JuLeah - posted on 09/27/2011

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I think you nailed it. We judge others when we doubt ourselves. When we judge others we assume others are judging us. We feel judged in reaction to our judgment.



I have shared this before, but love the story. My friend Brenda wore a backbrace all through highschool. All the popular kids judged her harshly, with looks, and whispers behind her back ... she hated them. They were good looking and came from money, why were they so mean to her?



She went back for her 20th. Everyone she met up with was kind, fun, sweet. She finally asked why they had all been so mean in hs. They were shocked to hear that was her memory. It was a small town, so everyone knew everyone and most wanted to be her friend, but she was so shy. She hung her head, gave them dirty looks, and refused to talk to them. They all assumed she hated them, but didn't know why.



No one remembered that she had worn a backbrace

Krista - posted on 09/27/2011

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The only time I've judged parents at a play place is if their kid is endangering/hurting themselves or other children, and the parents are doing sweet-fuck-all about it.

Other than that? Nope. Couldn't care less.

Lady - posted on 09/27/2011

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I used to be very jugemental when I was a firt time mother. I'd look at other mothers and think _ I'll never do that with my children - Now that I've had 4 kids I'm not so jugemental as I do all the things I said I never would lol!!!

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Kellie - posted on 09/27/2011

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"And yes, sometimes I feel judged. I always make sure my kids look neat and are clean in public, because I tend to notice when other children are not. I KNOW it doesn't matter, but I notice it, and I worry that others will notice if my kids look grubby. Petty hang up, I know."

That right there is my point Sara. That is not you being judged, rather you judging yourself and then projecting that onto others. So while you are being judged, the judgment is coming from yourself and not from an outside source.

9 times out of 10 judgment is projection.

[deleted account]

Everyone judges. It's human nature. I'll admit that I do.

And yes, sometimes I feel judged. I always make sure my kids look neat and are clean in public, because I tend to notice when other children are not. I KNOW it doesn't matter, but I notice it, and I worry that others will notice if my kids look grubby. Petty hang up, I know.

And yesterday my 3 year old had a melt down in public. She's been having a major melt down about once a week since the baby has been born (otherwise, she's pretty good). I understand it. But it was embarrassing that it happened right after our music class in front of a bunch of parents I'd never met before. Yeah, I was probably judged.

Kellie - posted on 09/27/2011

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When we judge others, we are actually judging ourselves.



The next time you judge someone (for whatever reason), look to yourself and find what it is they are reflecting back to you. It's an interesting experiment and makes you more aware of yourself and others, and reduces your judgments.



However, having said that, I don't believe it applies 100% of the time. If you abuse your children i'll 100% judge you, and that is no reflection on me. Although thinking about it, I am pretty good at taking the action away from the person and judging the action rather than the person..



LOL Lisa, I let my daughter, about a month ago at 9 months old in one, she very happily played and explored (not caring where I was), and it wasn't until we were leaving I realised she was too young to be in there.



Maybe the parents honestly didn't realise their kids were too old? I didn't realise she was too young by their standards..

Krista - posted on 09/27/2011

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Jeez, the one mom on here who actually lives close to me, and she moves away.

/checks breath and armpits


Seriously, though, glad to hear that you're out of there -- you definitely didn't seem to like it. I'm guessing you'll love Halifax. I know I did. :)

[deleted account]

New Waterford, Friday we will be living in Glace bay, We will be in Halifax this time next year though.
I move like a gypsy...

[deleted account]

I find people in different areas judge differently. When I lived in Truro, I was judged harshly for my piercings/tatts hair and all that good stuff. People assumed I was a teenage single mom. I don't mean "thats what i got from a look" I heard people talking about me, saying i was a poor dear for getting knocked up so young. I'm a go nowhere loser living off the system, that's right...assume I'm on welfare. I even had an older women try to give me money to get something for my baby because apparently myself or her father can't do that for her.
Here, strangers actually treat me with respect. No idea why its different. Maybe they do assume those things still but don't show it as much.
I don't really judge others, if i do, i don't realize it.

Minnie - posted on 09/27/2011

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Everyone judges.

But anyways, my biggest pet peeve about those mall play areas are the children who are too big. There's a GIANT sign for people to read before they enter. So now my tots are getting knocked over because you (not you ladies) can't or won't read or control your ten year old who thinks he's a four year old.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/27/2011

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I am sure I am judged. My kids are pretty good, but there is always those that look at you sideways. Quite frankly, I don't really give a flying fuck what others think. I used to when my kid would throw a bloody fit (rare and few between) out of embarrassment. But I am confident in my parenting skills, so I just don't feel that way any more.

Stifler's - posted on 09/27/2011

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Oh yeh, if he was being bullied by another kid and their parents weren't doing anything I'd judge them. Harshly.

Stifler's - posted on 09/27/2011

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I'm too busy trying to stop Logan from eating someone else's food or getting stuck in the tunnel to notice anyone else's parenting.

Amy - posted on 09/27/2011

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@ Gillian - I have 3 now. I think I was most judgmental before I had children!

Lady Heather - posted on 09/27/2011

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Yeah, I had my kid at the children's museum down the road one time and there was this kid there who was a holy terror. He was running around like a maniac screaming and knocking over the other kids and generally making the whole experience miserable for everyone. There's mum sitting there with a coffee and a magazine on the side. Every once in a while she'd look up and say quietly "Ashton! Ashton! Slow down!" and of course Ashton would just keep doing what he was doing and she would go back to her magazine. It was pathetic and I totally judged that. You know you're a sad excuse for a parent when the museum attendant has to step in and do your job for you.

So like Krista I judge the parents of jerks who don't put a stop to the jerkiness. I would be horrified if that was my kid and he'd be out of there in two seconds.

Jenni - posted on 09/27/2011

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Everyone judges to an extent. It's human nature.



I'm sure we do it as mothers to feel more confident in our own parenting choices. I think it can stem from insecurities and assure us of our own parenting capabilities. But yes, we all do it to an extent.



Obviously, there are some parents who are extremely judgmental but we all fall somewhere on the spectrum.



I think it is especially apparent in new mothers who are even more insecure in their capabilities.



But I'm sure we all compare ourselves to other mothers and thus make judgments to assure ourselves that we are on the 'right track' in parenting.



It's easier to look at another parent and think "I would never do that or allow that!" then it is to understand *why* she/he chooses a different parenting path than ourselves.

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