At what age do women turn invisible!

Louise - posted on 02/12/2011 ( 54 moms have responded )

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On the news today there was a study revealed that said woman turn invisible to society about the age of 50. This means they are not oggled by men or reacted to when walking down the street. They are not served in pubs unless they are the only one at the bar.



I can relate to this but I think I have turned invisible a decade early. If I go into a take-away to collect a meal I am served last over any man or young woman who comes in. I get looked passed when stood waiting to be served in a bar, or waiting for my daughters feet to be measured. My older kids and husband see me as a house keeper rather than a woman.



I never had this problem as a younger woman, I had no problem attracting the attention of a bar man!



Any body else feel like this?

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[deleted account]

I like what Amanda said, and I agree completely. We all choose how invisible we are and how people perceive us.

I am 30 with one child (6yrs) and I am not invisible. I carry myself confidently and I wear nice clothes, fix my hair, and finish with nice jewelry. I get respect dressed that way--do I get oogled? Yes, but that's as far as it goes beyond getting the quality of service I expect from whatever establishment I am in.

Now, I tend to get hit on A LOT when I am dressed slouchy in jeans and a tee with my hair pulled back and cheap earrings in. I think it is because it puts of an "easy" vibe. Girls without much self respect will let men do whatever they want to them--touch them, make rude comments, and if they are really low, sleep with them. At the same time, when I'm dressed sloppily, service quality goes down, unless I'm at a pizza joint where a 16 yr old boy is working the counter :P If I'm shopping, sales associates become less aware of me, concierges become snub nosed, and wait staffs become less interested.

Perhaps that is what is happening to you Kaleigh, maybe you are putting off a vibe of low self respect and that makes them think you will let them have a go at you. The challenge thing you mentioned with your cousin is a classic example, when the guy hit on you in front of him as a "challenge" he was basically expressing that he thought you would just go with the stronger dude, that you didn't make your own decisions. Try to dress yourself up--wear nice jeans and a blouse with pumps & jewelry and carry yourself like you are the queen of the world. People will look, but they won't touch.

Amanda - posted on 02/13/2011

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Woman become invisible the moment they pick. There is no set age, its when a woman decides she is not as important as someone else. Im 33 with 3 children I am not invisible, I refuse to be. My mother is 52, she still turns heads, she also refuses to be invisible.

Krista - posted on 02/12/2011

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Kaleigh, you probably have the same problem as my friend Jenn. She's just got this very sweet, friendly, approachable vibe, and she'll get all kinds of people hitting on her.

Tell you what, the next time someone approaches you, say to yourself VERY clearly in your head, "Fuck off, or I will rip out your throat with my bare hands." It'll give you a look of being pissed off with just a piquant little splash of crazy.

I'd also recommend taking up martial arts. It'll help you in case one of those assholes decides to take it too far, and it'll also help you give off that "don't fuck with me" vibe.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/22/2012

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*****Old thread, locking it. Feel free to start a new debate*****



~DM MoD Little Miss~

Tracy - posted on 11/20/2012

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I think there are a lot of factors besides age. First and foremost - do you ALLOW yourself to be invisible. I don't mean that the way it sounds. It's about personality. I am outgoing and boisterous and - despite being 33 years old, married for 11 years, a mother of two (including a teenager), and 100 pounds overweight - I am kind of hard to miss in public. Even if I was being treated as invisible, it's not in my nature to particularly take the time to notice. If I want or need something, I speak up without hesitation. However, my best friend is much better looking than I am, same age as me, married, three kids from 13 to 3 but I have noticed that she tends to blend in when out in public. If she needs something, she will stand at the shelf and try to figure things out before she'll ask an associate for help. She's very reserved in that way. I'm the loud mouth who turns around and hollers 30 feet away for someone's attention. Did they notice me until then or were they really just busy and wouldn't have noticed anyone? *shrug* who knows.



I think it's a complicated mixture of age, RACE, weight, marriage status, motherhood status, confidence, education level, etc... Some women are visible and desirable (more than just sexually) their whole lives while other women feel like they have never been seen. Some want to be seen while others want to hide. Another friend just said to me last night that in high school her G sized breasts made her invisible because she never had a face. She got reduction surgery and felt more visible.

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Julie - posted on 11/18/2012

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You are not alone in feeling this way. But I personally think women turn invisible when they chose to be. Society tells us this "statistic" so we think it must be true.

My mother is a 66 gray haired senior citizen and she STILL gets men trying to "date her" She says it's ridiculous, but I say, They are not dead yet!

Faye - posted on 11/16/2012

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I am turning 50 years old in December, I have a 11 year old son, I still have men turn their heads when I walk into a room. I am a college student as well. Yes turning 50 is a BIG DEAL to me, but I am also looking forward to it as well. Because it is a turning point of my life which I will engage with the best of my ability.

Jenn - posted on 02/14/2011

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Kaleigh - be sure to keep us posted on your findings - it'll be interesting to see the results. :)

Brandi - posted on 02/14/2011

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Don't worry, I feel invisible and I am 25 almost 26. I think it has to do with your personality. You can still be hot at 50, look at Demi Moore, that woman is a total babe.

Merry - posted on 02/14/2011

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Kaleigh, you have me interested! I'll be waiting to see what happens :)

[deleted account]

@ Kelly I gotta say I never thought about it that way, I am confident in myself but maybe my attempts to be unattractive to the psychos by dressing blandly is whats making their attention drawn to me... what an interesting point! Alright social experiment here we go for the next week I'll do the opposite I'll wear my nice clothes and do my hair and makeup up nice maybe even break out a pretty set of earrings and we will see if theres a difference. It's in my nature to avoid attracting attention but like you said "Try to dress yourself up--wear nice jeans and a blouse with pumps & jewelry and carry yourself like you are the queen of the world. People will look, but they won't touch." maybe attracting a certain type of attention on purpose will deter all the other attention. If there is a difference then I am going to have to bow down to a logic far greater than my own and you'll end up with a PM of a hundred thank you's, if I get mugged or attacked though then I'm going to have to send you a virtual smack in a message lol j/k but you get it. I'll keep you posted with what happens, I'm sorry to the OP but I don't think this is entirely off topic I mean the core subject is about all of us whatever age feeling repected and beautiful right? Thank you ladies for your support and ideas, you'll hear back from me next Monday :)

[deleted account]

@ Tara, no offense taken and yes if I dressed provocatively I would expect more attention but I don't. Jeans and a t-shirt with a pair of sneakers, hair in a ponytail glasses no makeup. That's my 'look' right there isn't that sad? I couldn't grub it down any further unless I quit showering. I do have tattoos but most of them aren't visible except the one behind my ear and the one on my wrist. I was always raised to dress modestly even when I do dress up so there isn't ever anything showing that ought not to be. My idea of dressing sexy is wearing my hair down, dresspants, and a fancy blouse with an undershirt underneath. I love to wear dresses but I don't usually, the ones that I do own don't go any shorter than just bellow my knees never above. It's messed but I can go out with my friend dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans while shes sporting a miniskirt and barely there tank top and I'm still the one dealing with unwanted advances and shes complaining that no one is giving her the time of day, shes very pretty too so i dont get it either.

@ Krista yes my aunt thinks the same thing something about having a sweet innocent vibe that of course psychos would love. I do give the 'fuck off vibe' when I notice someone looking at me but that doesnt seem to help. My hubby and I have been discussing it and once the new baby is born I will be taking some sort of martial arts class not sure what kind yet though.

@ Jennifer yes I've been told by friends that I come across as bitchy when I leave the house but they understand why, lol charlies angels kickin ass thats it isn't it. wish it would help but it doesnt seem to do much for me.

Anyway back to the OP I know plenty of older women who get noticed just fine and I know girls my age that never do, I think it has a lot to do with the person not much to do with age.

Monique - posted on 02/14/2011

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i think its because women start feeling invisible and not confident so sending off the vibes in public is just proving yourself right even more! i think its time to change! get a sexy outfit a new style you have never tried get your hair done put some pretty color on your nails!! your a mature women your smarter than these younger chicks embrace it!! theres a stuidy right now showing men 18 - 31 prefer women 10 to 20 years older then themselves because they feel younger women are immature and not experienced in the sack and have nothing interesting to have conversations about !! so dont feel invisible... get out there your missing out!

Jackie - posted on 02/14/2011

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Confidence looks good on everybody! If you have confidence, people see that and will be attracted to it.

Before I had Allison, shaving and waxing and pedi's and make-up and shoes and clothes were priority. If I feel good about myself, it shows. You walk with your head held high, you have good posture, and you are more apt to make eye contact (whick gives an approachable vibe).

Since Allison, my legs are prickly and I am in desperate NEED of a pedi so I don't feel that good about myself these days. Do I get approached or oogled? Hell No I don't.

I'm only 28. It may have a little to do with age but more with self esteem.

Angela - posted on 02/13/2011

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I dont know about that study,I think it has lots of flaws in it.
I mean I personally cant speak from experience,Im 25 years old and I still get looks and men hit on me,but I think it all has to with self-perception and confidence. You can still be 50 and be hot and not invisible. I mean whos gonna get more attention,the woman who walks in the room with her head held high and a great attitude or the woman with Her head held down doubting the way she looks?
I think as we get older some women get more picky and critical about their bodies and looks and that can project onto those around them and in turn they begin to think they are "invisible" but when in all reality its just their perception of themselves that makes them think there invisible.

[deleted account]

i think i know what it is i got hit on heaps when i was a size 6 maybe because they thought i would be easy (and maybe i was lol) but now that im a size 16 they think OMG a fat chick! eww we don't wanna do her stop talking to me and go away...but i dress a lot nicer now i must admit

[deleted account]

Not for me i don't think i don;t think im more closed off im the most confident ive been in years i just seemed to get brushed off a lot more than what i did

Jenn - posted on 02/13/2011

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Just a thought - do you wonder at all if the looks you get or don't get are more your own perception of things? Like, let's say you think you don't get noticed - is it perhaps your own insecurity and that you have become more closed off? Thereby not noticing when someone IS checking you out. Or the opposite - if you feel like you get a LOT of attention, is it that you are just noticing others around you more? I'd be willing to bet that's 99% of it.

Louise - posted on 02/13/2011

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Thanks ladies for all your thoughts. I think that it is mind over matter and from now on I am going to kick arse! Most people say to me I am invisible because I am to nice! Well bollocks to that if nice gets you ignored in queues and invisible to society bring on the bad girl!!!!!

[deleted account]

I've felt invisible since i had my son. Im 22 and I swear in the eyes of anyone I do not exist it's upsetting, in fact the only time in the past 15 months ive felt visible was when i was doing some lingerie modeling last night and I'm pretty sure that was because I was wearing lingerie

Iridescent - posted on 02/12/2011

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Good question! I was invisible until this past year or so. I'm 30. A lot of it has to do with my own attitude, how I carry myself, and how I expect to be treated. It doesn't seem like much, I'm sure, but how a person feels about themselves is picked up on some level by others. I have a lot of friends who are very bold and positive, in their 50's, 60's, shoot some are even older! And they are also the center of attention when we go out. It's so funny that the husbands are the ones typically served their items last in our group!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/12/2011

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Well i am certainly not 50, but I am heavy do to my last pregnancy...and believe me I am invisible. I am in the process of losing the weight now (16 lbs lost...still lots to go) but I am looking foward to getting looks like I did before I was preggo. It might be wrong, but I like the validation it gives me.

Sherri - posted on 02/12/2011

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Have to say certainly sexier and attract more attention at almost 40 then I did at 25-35 why? Because I was a mom wrapped up solely with 3 young children. I was lucky if I had time to shower or brush my teeth. Now I try to always dress nice, have my hair all nicely done and make up and back to wearing my heels all the time. I have more time to look good and feel good about myself. It definitely gets more looks and people stopping you to chat etc.

Charlie - posted on 02/12/2011

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My mum is over 50 , she looks in her thirties and has a body of a twenty year old she is confidant and strong and still turns heads , I think it is all in the attitude .

Lady Heather - posted on 02/12/2011

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Being pretty shy I don't think I ever really caught the attention of anyone. Maybe I just didn't notice. My mum still gets whistled at when guys are walking behind her. Then she turns around. "Oh, sorry ma'am." Haha. She has a really nice body, for anyone and not just for 53.

Jocelyn - posted on 02/12/2011

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I hope to hell I don't end up invisible when I'm older! There are PLENTY of gorgeous, sexy, older women out there! Just think of Helen Mirren at age 66, holy fuck, she can still turn heads! ^_^

Jenni - posted on 02/12/2011

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Sorry to the mods and OP for taking this way off topic... but it's awful Kaleigh has to put up with that crap.

Krista, you're so right. Both me and my sister have the kinda look that attracts crazies for some reason. :/ They always come up and talk to us and it can get rather creepy. I find carrying around a bitch look kinda deters unwanted attention. Especially when i'm out somewhere alone I envision myself to be a Charlie's Angel ready to kick ass!

[deleted account]

Most women turn invisible when they have kids. There is no certain age and I doubt most people realize it. However, the only way you become visible again is if you don't have your kids and you act like you aren't worried about other things than what you are currently doing at that time. IMO

Tara - posted on 02/12/2011

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@Kaleigh,
Sounds like you live in a place with no respect at all. And I don't mean to sound rude at all when I ask this, so please forgive me if I sound rude...do you dress very provocatively? I'm not saying that someone who is dressed that way should expect random people to touch her or grope her etc. but I would expect a perv would hit up on someone dressed that way over someone dressed more modestly.
Either way, I am now showing my age, alas when I was 30 I still got asked for ID. Guys who were 18 would hit on me thinking I was in my early 20's at the most.
But I was never treated disrespectfully, once a guy came and told me I had a great rack. I told him he had me mistaken for someone drunker than myself and that there was no way I would ever give someone like him the time of day.
As for the OP.
My mom is 60 she is one hot grandma. She still turns heads, but I think some of that has to do with her own level of self-confidence. Plus she has aged gracefully.

Bonnie - posted on 02/12/2011

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I think it depends on the woman. Some women by the time they turn 40 they feel invisible. Some when they turn 50, they feel as though the tables have turned and it's like a whole new life for them. They get more attention and advances and even by younger men.

Jenni - posted on 02/12/2011

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Kaleigh, yeah dude that is CREEPY. I'd be flipping out! I'd be the one with charges against me, for turning around and clocking the perve! I had a hard enough time when I was dancer going out in public and getting noticed by people from my work. They weren't rude or disrespectful just always coming up to me like they know me. I think for those 5 years I wore sunglasses and a baseball cap on every outing. So I kinda get where you're coming from. It makes you feel paranoid just walking through a grocery store.

[deleted account]

No I hear ya Jennifer and honestly if I had an answer as to why I would have had it fixed long ago. My mom sees it a lot at the grocery store, church, the bank etc and shes gone on the offensive for me and she thinks its because I'm "just so beautiful they can't help it" doubtful. When I'm out with my cousin/bodyguard he came up with his own conclusion. After some guy came up to me while I was in line at the grocery store he touched my back with his index finger like to carress it and I flipped out and turned around and my cousin popped him one I paid for my crap and we left no one called the police. As we were leaving he said the guy must have seen him and taken it as some stupid macho challenge thing. My aunt has gotten the same kind of crap all her life and even she is surprised when she witnesses someone pulling this crap with me she went so far as to smack some little sixteen year old upside his head for staring at my butt while I was pushing my son in the swing. She seems to think it's because I have a positive energy vibe or something but I don't know about that. The only reason no one touches me while I'm with my hubby is because he is constantly beside me with and arm around my waist I still get approached but never groped with him there, "bumped" into occasionally but he physically grabs them and tells them to watch where the fuck they are going. He gets a kick out of people checking me out or trying to hit on me (he laughs and tells them to F off for me) but he'll lop somebody's head off if they try to touch me. My most recent advance was some chick while I was chatting with my friend at timmy's came up to me grabbed me by my hips and kissed my neck I hit her myself and my friend flipped out on her for me as well. Any ideas of how to ward off this type of behaviour are welcome Jennifer but I gotta be honest I've been trying to get people to leave me a lone for a long time I can't seem to prevent it, just prevent it from happening again by the same person.

Krissy - posted on 02/12/2011

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yeah, I think it's more about looks. I've always been overweight (since about age 10) and have a rather funny shaped nose and frizzy hair.....

I never got noticed. Sad thing is, I went to the store with my mom once when I was 19... a guy tried to pick my mom up but ignored me....

Really???? what a kick in the gut!!! LOL!!!

Mrs. - posted on 02/12/2011

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My mother says round 50, although she looked like she was in her 30's in her 40's. I think pregnancy is a rehearsal for that time. I certainly felt like I had a sign on my neck that told men, WASTE OF TIME.

Jenni - posted on 02/12/2011

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I still can't wrap my head around it. I know all about sexual advances from both men and women because I worked as an adult entertainer for 5 years. I expected that sort of behaviour where I worked and had my ways of dealing with it... was obviously ok with it to a point (the hitting on not being groped) but outside the club even if I were dressed sexy I certainly didn't have people pushing up against me in lines or groping me or hell... even commenting. I had men talk to me when I was at the bank or somewhere similar but they certainly weren't being disprespectful. Maybe at bars but they're meat markets anyways.

Sorry I'm not trying to pick on you, i hope i'm not coming across that way. just trying to understand why you are being subjected to such disrespectful behaviour from people.

[deleted account]

Lol Laura don't feel bad I have a friend like that shes 22 and she looks twelve and she's got a toddler, she gets hit on and people are surprised when they find out her age. I've told her countless times she should go work for the police and bust all the pedophiles lol she gets offended by that though.

[deleted account]

As for the groping comment I have guys pinch my ass, slap my ass, press up against me when I'm waiting in line, pretend to bump into me, you know crap like that. It's horribly ignorant and believe me I don't 'allow' people to treat me this way I have no problem standing up for myself or pushing them back if they're too close to me, or telling ppl to mind their business if I catch them staring at me etc. I never get groped or commented on by the same guy twice thats for sure but seriously everytime I leave the house its the same deal different a-hole. It's not just men either there's chicks and I respect their right to be gay/lesbian w/e but I feel insulted when they make advances when I'm quite clearly straight. It isn't even a beauty thing Jennifer I dress in tshirts and jeans most of the time with my hair in a ponytail no makeup no fancy earrings you get the idea. It's just some people draw attention good and bad theres no filter and I just hate being one of those people and honeslty if there is a magical invisible age I can't wait to get there. For the persistant buggars I've charged people with harrassment, I've gotten restraining orders and yes that takes care of that idiot but next thing you know some other jackass is pulling the same thing. I know other girls of all kinds of ages who deal with the same crap and it's just really unfair and wrong. No one should be getting pushed aside or served last so some young scantly clad girl gets attention first and no woman should have to be constantly dealing with unwanted sexual advances or attention like that. To Jennifer and Jenn though don't worry I can kickass when I have to I just hate that I have to even at the park with my son or while on a date with my hubby. I spend a lot of time in my house as a result.

Merry - posted on 02/12/2011

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I still look underage, and I'm preggo with number two!
I'm 22, but I just got asked at the drs office where my parents were!
I have never been hit on by guys, but I've never been to a bar so maybe I just don't go in the areas where it would happen.
But yeah, everyone thinks I'm 16-17 years old so with a toddler and a big belly I think I'm probably not attracting much attention!

Jenni - posted on 02/12/2011

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@Kaleigh why are you allowing people to treat you that way? I don't get why this is happening to you. I know some absolutely gorgeous girls, I mean my cousin is in beauty pagents and models, and her sister as well and this sort of thing never happens to them. If it were a few isolated incidents I could understand, that happens to all of us. I mean if any guy says anything rude to me I tell him to F off or something to that effect. And if he were to grope me? I hope he gets a good feel in so it was worth it to him to loose a few teeth.

Jenni - posted on 02/12/2011

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Pfffft my mom is 51 and looks amazing! She dresses a wee bit too sexy though for me anyways. I actually get embarrassed by all the men oogling her when we're out in public.

Jodi - posted on 02/12/2011

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I'm going with you Louise. I'm 41 and I feel invisible half the time, even to my family......I think tomorrow I might wear a hula skirt and play some heavy metal, I might get noticed. I didn't feel like this 5 years ago even 3 years ago. It's a new thing. But then, I'm thinking it may be also just the place my mind is in at this moment..... perhaps I just need a night out with the girls and a day having a massage, pedicure, and facial or something :D

[deleted account]

I long for the day when I become invisible. I've had attention drawn to me since I was a baby it started when I was born patients and staff in the hospital came to my mom's room looking for the baby that mewed like a kitten. When we went to church strange people would take pictures of me and play with my hair and the ruffles of my dresses. We couldn't go anywhere without constantly being stopped by randoms. At school I was always centered out even when everyone else's hands were up and mine wasn't I was still always the first to be asked to contribute. I went through an ugly phase and then was picked on by bullies more than anyone else. Once I hit puberty I was constantly hounded by classmates, neighbourhood kids and even creepy adults about my appearance, how I looked so much older than I was etc. Once I hit highschool all hell broke loose and I was victem to constant advances from old men and the little boys I babysat and every dink inbetween that age range. It only got worse as I got older and I gotta say I've never been hit on as much as while I was pregnant with my son. It didn't get much better after he was born and even now (preggo with baby #2) I'm hit on, oogled, groped or harrassed whenever I leave the house. I barely leave my house. Having my hubby with me doesn't improve it which offends me greatly I mean come on I'm pregnant with my hubby and toddler are these people serious??? He thinks its flattering I view it as insulting. Anyway I'm turning 23 this year and when it comes to sexual energy being directed at me all I can think is come on 30, 40, 50, whatever age I have to be to get people to back off.

Jenn - posted on 02/12/2011

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Well, I'm only 34, so I haven't reached the age of invisibility yet. But, I don't know that I've even noticed this happening anywhere. Any store or restaurant or bar I've ever been in, serves whomever is next in line, not whomever is youngest or prettiest. And I think lots of older women still get ogled if they're hotties; I know Brian has and always has had, a thing for older ladies. ;)

Krista - posted on 02/12/2011

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Yeah, I don't think it's limited to age. I'm only 36, but I'm a mom, and I'm a "big girl". Invisible? Oh, you bet.

Fortunately, my husband still makes me feel like a hot young thing. :)

Nikki - posted on 02/12/2011

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I just found out about pregnant porn, now that's creepy! "mummy was a porn star while you were in my belly" just wrong.

Nikki - posted on 02/12/2011

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Well it's a bit different when your pregnant Emma, I think most men see that as a no go zone! lol

Stifler's - posted on 02/12/2011

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I don't want to be invisible!! HAHA I miss the days of guys hitting on me even if I was in a relationship!

Nikki - posted on 02/12/2011

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As soon as I became a mum I became invisible. But in saying that I think it was more my choice, I want to be invisible. Before I became pregnant I was very very confident, had a good figure and time to look after myself, I was happy to receive attention, I enjoyed it even.

Not any more, I no longer have the confidence I once had therefore I don't carry myself in the same way. I like to fit in with the crowd and not be noticed. I am more interested in being a mum than receiving attention because of my looks. I don't think it's always an age thing, I think confidence and personality have a lot to do with it.

My mum is 55, she is hot, has a great figure, nice boobs and good skin for her age, she still gets noticed.

Stifler's - posted on 02/12/2011

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Right now I'm 6 months pregnant and have a 1 year old. I'm invisible to men at age 22!!

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