Baby namesakes

Sal - posted on 11/14/2011 ( 45 moms have responded )

1,816

16

34

What do you think about naming babies after a dead loved one???
I saw a facebook post this morning about the very happy event of a new baby in a family who lost (and i mean lost he dived off a boat on family fishing trip the has never been recovered) a very loved son and brother in the last 18 months, his sister gave birth today and named him after her brother...... I am not passing judgement on this family but I always feel for the baby who is going to grow up in the eternal shadow of someone they will never meet or could ever liveup to..... What do others think of this situation

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

As a few people already mentioned, it is quite the norm in the Jewish faith to name someone after the deceased. Every single person on my side of the family, siblings, cousins, everyone can identify who they were named after. With my son, we most certainly carried on the tradition by giving him 2 middle names to honor both sides of his family. I honestly don't understand why some of you are creeped out by honoring the deceased in a new baby's name. Does it really bring back such sad memories? I'm not trying to pick a fight either-just would love to understand the rationale behind the creep factor. Whether it was an expected or unexpected death, honoring the memory of the deceased is so special.

[deleted account]

My husband has a cousin that was murdered 15 years ago. They are very close. We almost named both daughters after her, but he changed his mind at the last minute both times. I was okay with honoring her in such a way. But he said he didn't want to see her every time he looked at his child. So in a way, I can see your point, Sal. But we changed what to name our child for my husband's sake. Not the sake of the child. I don't think anyone would put unrealistic expectations on our girl because she shared a name with a loved one.

Aniesha - posted on 11/15/2011

361

15

35

My son is named after my partner's younger brother who was killed 5 years ago while trying to save a friend. I always tell my son he's named after a hero. To be honest, I never see it as he has to live up to his Uncle's reputation or anything, I'm bursting with pride over my son just for being himself, and I know all of the family loves him for him, we just thought it was a nice way to carry on his Uncle's legacy, and keep a small part of him alive:)

Sal - posted on 11/14/2011

1,816

16

34

That's kind of how I feel a beloved grandparent but a tragic lose like this type of story is so hard for the child to grow with the shadow of the perfect son brother grandchild always over their head

45 Comments

View replies by

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/20/2011

6,435

12

72

I believe it depends on the situation and the reasoning behind naming your baby after a relative deceased or not. I named my baby after my great aunt because she was due on what would've been my great aunt's 107th birthday. I liked the name as well, but my baby was sneaky and she came nearly 2 weeks early. Her middle name is after my mama (maternal grandma) Kathleen. Which is also my mom's older sister's name. My older daughter and I share a middle name since she's my first born. Their names just flow together.

We seem to do that a lot in my family because I have a cousin who did that with her daughter and her mother did that with her. My papa had a brother who was named after their father and his name is the reverse (Lewis William and William Lewis) And my papa's sister named her son after their dad as well. My dad is also a junior and I could just annoy the hell out of you all and go on!

Now my husband has said that when/if we have a boy he wants to name the baby after his dad's father who died right before he was born. So I guess we're just carrying on tradition.

Corinne - posted on 11/20/2011

1,288

14

121

Naming a child after a loved one wouldn't bother me so much, but in the circumstances described? I don't know. My little girls middle name is shared with two of her aunts and my son's middle name is shared with his step granddad (now estranged and hubby is regretting it). My father (asshat) bought a dog and named it after his dad who'd just died, that one smarts esp. when he says it's as stubborn as his old man :(

Sharlene - posted on 11/18/2011

3,896

241

825

That was my husband's and his ex- wife's choice to carry the name on , for me itchy , if it was a grand -parent or aunty or uncle or someone relative close to me

Sal - posted on 11/18/2011

1,816

16

34

That was kind of the situation in the op I was thinking it has only been a bit over. Year they are still grieve so much

[deleted account]

Thank you Laurelai. I actually can understand your reasoning with the first names and a young, sibling, unexpected death. Thanks for the clarification.

Merry - posted on 11/18/2011

9,274

169

263

Sharon, I only get a bit of 'creep' when it's a tragic young recent death. Like especially a sibling dying and a new baby taking the same name.
Or a really tragic death of a kid or teen and then a new baby soon after takes the same name.
It seems like replacement.
Now a middle name of a great grandparent or something, I think is wonderful! Great way to remember your ancestors.
It's really only the young recent unexpected deaths that bug me if it's a first name too.

Sharlene - posted on 11/18/2011

3,896

241

825

My husband from his first marriage had 4 kids but the 3rd child died at birth his name was ADEN, So when they had the last child they called him DANE, same letters but different names. cheers

Elfrieda - posted on 11/17/2011

2,620

0

462

And people probably won't think of the dead person (poor cousin Bill) when they say the baby's name. Maybe for the first few months, but after a while the name "Bill" is going to mean "that cute little kid pulling on my pantleg".



My cousin died in a car accident when she was 18. When her sister gave birth to a girl a year later, she gave her dead sister's middle names to her daughter as middle names with the first name of "Faith". I thought it was very fitting, very healing for everyone. The new life brought some joy back into the family, but they didn't forget their loss, the memory of her aunt was right there in the new baby's name.

[deleted account]

I have no problem with what parents call there children.Esp if its a name of a dead family member i see it as an honour and its carrying on the name not the persons personality so there should be no living up to the person whom is not around anymore.Its to honour ones name through a new life.Its plain and simple.

Charlie - posted on 11/16/2011

11,203

111

409

I think its a beautiful thing to do, I don't know anyone who does it with replacement in mind.

Our oldest son has his grandfathers name as his middle name, we neither expect anything more of him or think any differently of his individuality.

He was an amazing man, its an honor to have his namesake but at the same time it has no bearing on Coopers expectations.

He was named before my father died, My father was under heavy chemo and was so touched by having his first grandson have his namesake. It was something that brightened his world in a very dark time and the least I could do to show how much he meant to me.

My son loves his name and loved his grandfather over all it is something that is special for everyone.

[deleted account]

Exactly right, Laurelai -- it seemed unfair to give one son the honorary name and the others a different name. So we have three sons with the same middle name.

Merry - posted on 11/16/2011

9,274

169

263

We have gone back and forth about this. My mom died when I was 15 and I really wanted to name a daughter after her. But her name was Sara Joan and I'm so very much against common names and so I've decided I don't want to name a daughter Sara or Joan. I know I could do a middle name but I want more then one girl so it seems unfair that one daughter gets her grandmas name and the others don't...so idk. Right now we aren't considering either name to use. But I don't think it's wrong to do so, just that it can complicate things I guess.
I'm assuming that's why Rebecca gave all 4 kids a name to honor her mom, cuz otherwise it could be very unfair.

We chose Eric Ryan for its meanings and how it looks and sounds and we liked it. IMO that's good enough reason to choose a name.
We chose Fierna Juliet because we liked threat it looked sounded and the meanings and I think that's good too :)

Now if we have a second son he will be Brendan Paul and Paul is my father in laws name. In his family the first grandson always gets his paternal grandpas first name as his middle name. But my husband is the first second born son for generations so we decided to do our second son with grandmas name as his middle.
I think it's cool.

All the other names we have picked have no family backgrounds. We like them. And that's enough :)

[deleted account]

Jody: None of my children could ever replace my mother. No one could ever replace my mother. I don't think anyone I know who gave a baby a name as a tribute did it with the goal or intention of replacing the deceased, because anyone who has suffered a profound loss knows that you can't replace a person.

Erin - posted on 11/16/2011

222

20

23

My family doesn't use family names as first names, but as middle names. My older sister is Erika Jaye (my mothers middle name) I am Erin Marie (my grandmothers middle name) and my little sis is Emily Jane (other grandmothers first name). I decided to continue the "tradition". I have 2 sons and therefore they will have their fathers last name for life. Daniel Jay got his middle name from my mother (I know its weird to give him a namesake from a woman but that is why we dropped the 'e') who passed away in 2008. Steven Robert got his middle name from both his Great grandfather (MIL's father) and his uncle. If we have a 3rd their middle name will come from someone on my dad's side of the family.
I feel that their names have a little meaning and I feel that it's also a way of keeping part of that family member with you.

JODY - posted on 11/16/2011

1

4

0

i would never name my child after a loved ones death cause you cant replace the one that died and thats what im thinking that people are doing

Sylvia - posted on 11/16/2011

1,315

8

34

Naming babies after dead relatives is a long-standing tradition among Ashkenazi Jews; in fact, it's considered unlucky to give a baby the same name as a living family member. Having grown up in that tradition, I certainly don't see a problem.

My DD's middle name originally belonged to my late MIL. Her Hebrew name originally belonged to my late grandmother. My younger brother was named after our grandfather, who died when I was two; my younger cousin is named after his older brother who died as an infant (that is, he doesn't have the *same* name, he has a name that starts with the same letter and was named "in memory of ..."). Some friends of mine named their second son after an uncle who died suddenly shortly before the baby was born. If I took a poll of my friends I suspect I'd find that at least 75% are named after or have named a child after a deceased relative.

Honestly, I don't see the issue here. This new baby will grow up hearing stories about how wonderful his uncle was and what an honour it is to be named for him. It's sad that he won't ever know his uncle, but as that isn't possible, it's lovely that he'll have that connection and a name he can be proud of.

So that's what I think :)

Melissa - posted on 11/16/2011

157

12

15

My son would have been my father's first grandchild, but my father's passed away from cancer 2 months before my son was born. Before my dad passed, he asked me if I would give "HOANG" (my last name) to my son as his middle name since there aren't any boys in the family to carry our name. So, my son's middle name was a wish granted for my father and in a way named after him. I don't see anything wrong with naming a baby after a loved one, if anything it's flattering and assures they're never forgotten. The only thing I would feel 'weird' about is when people have a pet that dies, purchase an identical one, and name it the same exact thing. To me that is a little creepy.

Janice - posted on 11/15/2011

1,890

18

63

In my family(mother's side) it is tradition for a child's middle name to be after the deceased. My mother's family is Jewish and I have read this is a common Jewish practice. My Bubbie (grandmother) passed away very suddenly and I knew that if I had a daughter her middle name would be Merna. When choosing her first name I only considered names that went well with Merna. I hope that she has some of my Bubbie's wonderful traits but I dont expect it from her and since she is only 2 we dont discuss it. I believe doing so is a way to honor deceased family member in which you cared for greatly.



My aunt died in January and I found out i was expecting - not planned at all- and due on her birthday. I was close with my aunt and my sons middle name will honor her although wont be exact. I wouldn't have it any other way- just ask my hubby ;)

Lacye - posted on 11/15/2011

2,011

31

164

Sal, that second story reminded me of my husband's brother. My hubby's father was dying from lung cancer when I was pregnant. When we were at the hospital one time during a visit, his brother cornered us in the family waiting room and informed me that I had to name my child after his dad. I looked at him and told him if I was having a boy, I was planning to. But at that time, we knew I was having a girl so he can just shut his mouth and mind his own business. Yeah, I wasn't a happy preggo. LOL I loved my husband's dad, he was a great guy, but I don't think my daughter would have made a very good Jack. LOL

Sal - posted on 11/15/2011

1,816

16

34

Not in the case I mentiOned but I have heard a parent say I named him after his grandfather, because I wanted him to be a gentle man like he was And I can't believe he is acting with so little respect for me....he yelled (with not 1 gentlemanly trait) I'm me not my Fu kin dead grandfather he was a gentleman because he was born in 1900

And my hubbies grandmother died just before my daughter was born his mum was adamant we should name her after the nan, and I was like the lady who said. Didn't want to think the frail old lady when I looked and my precious baby, I never knew this beautiful lady as anything but a sick frail dying lady. We had names chosen from the time I fell preg and her dying didn't change that for us

Jennifer - posted on 11/15/2011

714

1

28

One of my daughters is named after my husband's brother who die at 16 from cancer, and our youngest is named after his mother who was murdered when he was very little. Neither of us think about it much anymore, but both the girls love their 'special' names. It gives them a connection to family members they did not get to meet, but who were very loved by their daddy(I never got to meet them either).

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2011

15,141

154

604

That's what I meant, I wouldn't want to look at my kid and think of a dead relative who died a tragic death or whose body has never been recovered.

[deleted account]

My mother died of ovarian cancer when I was 33 weeks pregnant with my first set of twins. Both boys were given the middle name "Dawson" in her honor since it was her maiden name. When the second set of twins were born, my son was also given the middle name Dawson and my daughter was given the middle name "Diane", which was my mother's name. I think the names are a lasting honor and tribute to my mother, who was taken far too soon and whom my children will never have the honor and privilege of meeting. I can't think of a better reason to give a child a certain name than to honor another person. A name should have meaning.

I have a friend whose brother, Michael, died of stomach cancer at 29. Her daughter was born a few months later and she name her Michaela. Again, I think it was a beautiful tribute to her brother and will give that child a lasting connection to him.

Shae - posted on 11/15/2011

41

12

0

My daughter is named Elizabeth Julie, Elizabeth is a family name on both sides, and Julie was my Aunt who didn't survive past 5 months. I was hoping that 1) the name would help my grandparents deal with the loss of their daughter (48 years later and they still hadn't) 2) My Aunt would look out for her. I know it probably seems silly, but it's always a hope. My sister daughter's middle name is Elizabeth, for my grandmother (No, my daughter is NOT named for my grandmother, her father chose the name with no knowledge of my grandmother's middle name), and her son's middle name is Daniel, from my mother's brother, who died recently and was a loving (if deeply troubled) Uncle of 10+ nieces and nephews.

Becky - posted on 11/15/2011

232

23

9

When I found out I was pregnant this time around, names were already chosen. In my family, and the mans, it has always been seen an an honor to be named after someone special.
Our names were Cecilia Grace - in honor of 2 great women, My grandmother, who passed away 10 years ago next April, and his Grandmother who is alive and well. These women had so much impact and influence on our life's that they helped to shape the people we have become, and we are better for having known them.

For a boy, Lawrence William. Again, Lawrence would be after both our Grandfathers - both WWII veteran's who did everything they could to always put their families first. William would be after his father - a man truly devoted to his children.
I think it's the highest honor you can give someone - naming your child after that person. Not only that, but an honor and a reminder to the child of where they come from. I think naming my child after a strong, loving, family oriented woman is a gift! (we found out we are having a girl).

My middle name is after my Mothers real mom who died when she was younger. I've heard stories of her my whole life and I feel honored that was given her name. Not only that, it helps to remember her though the generations. ANd as my mom always believed, her mom has always been there for me, watching out for me and helping my guardian angel keep me safe though all the stupid things I've done! lol!

Lady Heather - posted on 11/15/2011

2,448

17

91

I think it's wonderful. I wouldn't care if I was named after my mum's dead sibling or something. I personally don't do it with first names, but both my kids' middle names are named after deceased grandparents. We actually had a different middle name for the newest little one, but my husband's grandmother passed in May so we changed it to her name.

Becky - posted on 11/15/2011

2,892

44

93

All of my boys have at least one family name in their names, but not as their first names. My oldest is named after his great-grandfather on dh's side. Our second is named after both his paternal grandfather and my grandfather - whose 100th birthday was just 3 days before he was born. (I was really hoping he would've been born on my G-pa's 100th bday, but being born on Labor Day was pretty cool too. ;)) This one will have my Dad's name as a middle name.
I don't see any problem with naming a child after a family member who has passed. My dad's cousin died shortly before Zach was born and we considered giving Zach his name as one of his middle names. (All the boys have 2 middle names.)

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2011

2,559

3

366

My oldest daugther is named after two very beloved great grandmothers whom died a few months before her birth. No one in the family expects her to live up to her grandparents legacys as she is a different person who just happens to share a name. I personally think its wonderful when a person names a child after a person who has touched their lives (but I am bais as all three of my children are named after important people in my life).

Lacye - posted on 11/15/2011

2,011

31

164

LOL I know right! I did the same thing with my first child. Her name is Lily Grace but if she had been a boy it would have been Lucas Jack. :D



ETA: My dad is called Benny so I was thinking about calling the baby Ben for short. LOL

[deleted account]

OK, Lacye.... now you have to have b/g twins and call them Benny and Bayleigh. lol j/k, but it was the first thing that popped into my head when I read your post. ;)

Lacye - posted on 11/15/2011

2,011

31

164

I didn't name my first child after anybody. I didn't want to start that fight. However, with my second child, I will name him or her after a family member. If it is a boy, he will be Benson Jack (Benson after my father, Jack after hubby's father who is dead). If I have a girl, her name will be Bayleigh Diane (Bailey is my mother's maiden name and Diane is my mother's aunt that passed away last year). I won't call the child Diane or Jack. They will go by their first name.

Chelsey - posted on 11/15/2011

188

0

26

I'm not really fond of naming children after people or carrying on family names. My husbands whole family basically has the middle name Martin after his grampa. My youngest daughter was accidently named after two of her great grammas. My gramma's middle name was Lillian and my husbands gramma's middle name was Elizabeth. We named our daughter Lily Elizabeth and found out after she was born and was named that our grandparents had those names lol. I'm pregnant and due in February and just found out last week that the middle name we've picked was my great grampa's first name. Funny how that worked out haha.



I figure if people want to use family names that's their choice. As long as it's not forced (as in people being upset if you don't use one). However I really really hate when everyone in the family has the same first name...gets awfully confusing when talking to one of the families around here. They are all named Scott and one goes by Scott, one by Scotty and the other little Scott.

Katherine - posted on 11/15/2011

65,420

232

5195

My daughter is named after her 2 great grandmothers. I love the tribute and I see it as such. Live up to what expectation? My parents and my ex's parents were ecstatic when they found out. I think it's an awesome accolade.

Sharlene - posted on 11/15/2011

3,896

241

825

I think naming a baby is quiet beauiful especially if that family member was closest to you .They usually say carry
the name on.

Hope - posted on 11/14/2011

255

17

13

I don't think I could do that, maybe as a middle name to honour the person but I couldn't do it as the first name.

Stifler's - posted on 11/14/2011

15,141

154

604

I didn't name my kids after anyone. Logan's middle name is Damian just like all the men in the family before them who have their father's name as their middle name. I'm not sure I'd call my kid after a tragically deceased family member, but a dead old person who lived a full life sure.

Jeannette - posted on 11/14/2011

911

3

78

I gave my son my FIL's middle name because it sounds good with his first name. We almost named him after both of our fathers, but I thought Michael Dalton wasn't the fit I was looking for. Besides everyone (in our family) loves the name he has and think it fits him so much better. My middle daughter has my sister's middle name, again, because the names sound good together nd I love to call her by her middle name. :).

[deleted account]

What do I think? ♥ That is what I think.

Of course, my girls are named after four family members. Granted, only ONE was dead before they were born and only one more has died since, but... they are named after people that were/are very important to my ex and I. Dead or not... I don't really see the difference. I don't have a problem w/ naming your children after people you love/loved.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms