bad baby

[deleted account] ( 60 moms have responded )

"She's so bad. If I'd had her first, I wouldn't have had more children." This came out of the mouth of another mother I was talking to while waiting in line at the store in reference to her six month old. It was said in a joking manner in response to someone commenting on how pretty the baby was. I've been turning it over in my head for two days now. What do you think about this?

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Lady Heather - posted on 09/25/2011

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I think if we're allowed to brag about our "good" babies, surely we can joke about the "bad" ones. My mum fully admits my brother is the last one because he was umm...difficult. He knows it and he's not offended. He thinks it's kind of funny.

This seems to be taken overly seriously to me. I hear people say crap like that all the time. And I always joke that because our first kid was so good we're doomed to have a sleepless and cranky one this time. The only thing that's weird is her actual wording because most parents don't call their babies bad. A euphemism would definitely be more the norm.

Christina - posted on 09/25/2011

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I know what she means. By "bad" I'm sure she means colicky and a bad sleeper. If you've ever had a baby with colic (my second one had it) you would feel her pain. It's extremely difficult. When I had babies, people would always ask me "Is she a good baby?", so I suppose if there are good babies, there have to be "bad" babies too. I don't think she meant any harm. Let's face it - some babies are easy, but some aren't!! I'm sure she loves her anyway!

Starfish - posted on 09/29/2011

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Just sounds like the same sort of offhanded comments I make all the time. Some people just have a somewhat different sense of humour.

And honestly, now that I'm thinking of it, I don't find anything wrong with her being serious. Not all babies are good babies. Some kids make you want to tear your hair out and make you question why you ever had kids in the first place. And let's face it, sometimes our kids are people that if we hadn't birthed them, we probably wouldn't have chosen to live with them for 18+ years.

It doesn't mean you hate your baby, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent. There's such a shame in being a mother that isn't a baby-worshipper sometimes, and I don't think there should be.

JL - posted on 09/26/2011

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Perhaps she is not a wordsmith or her vocabulary is not as extensive as others. I think it is rather ridiculous that this comment is offending people so easily and being used as a reason to judge this woman as a mother. We moms already put enough pressure and judgement on ourselves. We already make it difficult for ourselves to feel comfortable with occasionally complaining and verbally releasing our stresses out and admitting we're not perfect and that sometimes our kids drive us insane.

Turning around and chastising this woman for her use of words is redonkulous. I call my son my wild child all the time. I call him my crazy little dude and I have also called him my little monster. He wears me down daily. I have mentally thought and said aloud more than once if he had been my first I don't know if I would have had another child because I don't know if I would have had the energy. Do my comments about his wild nature and attitude mean I don't love him, want him or think something horrific about him. No it's my way of dealing with how mentally and physically tired I get trying to keep up with him. I mean calling her baby bad in a joking matter is on such a small scale of importance in comparison to the children out there that are in homes where they are actually punished horribly by parents for being...."bad" "spirited" "wild" and so on. Those are the parents we should be focusing on and questioning not this woman.

Moms need to support moms not spend time analyzing every single word of complaint that comes out of our mouths.

[deleted account]

Ya know, *I* was that parent that would call my infant a "bad baby" because I simply didn;t know any better! All I knew was that my friends who had babies the exact same age were "good babies". They nursed like pros. They slept peacefully for a few hours at a time. They were generally happy babies. They didn't mind vibrating bouncy seats and toys. My son was the exact oppopiste. We struggled immensly at breastfeeding, which lead to post-natal depression. He was very colicky and hated to be put down. Shrieked bloody murder if we did. Sleep was almost non-existent for those first few months unless it was ON us. I didn't bond or have this overjoyous feel of motherhood. So in hindsight, when I refered to my son as the "bad baby" it was a gross error in word choice because I witnessed the opposite in other babies of the same age. I also did not cope with motherhood well. To be honest, it took me years to realize that my son was not a bad baby at all-just challenging. But this is truly one of the many reasons why my son is an only child. I didn't know how to deal with him as a baby. I have no regrets at all, but I do know it's so quick to judge another with flippant comments. I am sure I said on more than one occassion "He's a bad baby". But not one person ever tried to correct me!

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/29/2011

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To be honest I say that about my 6 month old sometimes. She's been colicky since birth, she doesn't sleep through the night, she cries some times for no reason, she won't take a dummy. The list goes on. But I love her.



I was so spoiled by my older daughter though! She slept through the night at 4 months old, she never needed as much attention as this one (not that I didn't pay attention to her) Abby was also better on long car trips and held her bottle sooner.



Personally I think the first child tricks you into having more after you have that one because they just sleep like they should and don't do yoga when you try to change their diapers.



My DH wants 2 more and he keeps telling me the last pregnancy will be twins! I want to beat him some days!



Edit: I read Sharon's post from 2 days ago to my DH and my 6 month old started wimpering until I told her it wasn't me saying it!

Bridgette - posted on 09/29/2011

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I agree with most people, it was an offhand comment that, while taken out of context might make be cringe, sounds like it was more of a joke. Babies can be difficult, a handful, etc but none of them at that age know how to be bad.

[deleted account]

Lol Elfrieda, I always say something like 'yeah, we won't exchange her any time soon'. I have no idea why.

Elfrieda - posted on 09/29/2011

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@Katie

I feel weird when people say my son is so cute, too. I mean, what do you say to that? I've tried lots of replies, and haven't found any that I really like.



"thank you" feels strange, because it's not like they complimented you on your shoes



"I know" feels kind of smug (but it's my automatic reaction, because he IS very cute, even when he's being bratty)



"he takes after his dad" is kind of funny, but can be taken as low self-esteem on my part, or smugness about my handsome hubby



Now that I'm more used to it, I just say "Thanks" and change the subject. Or I say (when they compliment his eyelashes) "Why do boys get such long lashes? They're wasted on them!" and then the person laughs.

Katie - posted on 09/28/2011

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possibly she is just an awkward person....I say weird stupid things all the time when strangers tell me that my kids are cute. I am a little socially challenged. Maybe she is a genuinely bad person, maybe she is crazy sleep deprived and in need of help...But my guess would be that she just made a joke that wasn't funny. I have said stuff like that and then for says after beaten myself up for having looked so dumb in front of a stranger.



just want to add that I don't think a baby can be bad and I love my kids to the moon and back, just so no one decides that I am a bad mom lol

Sal - posted on 09/28/2011

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i know just how the mum felt!!!!! i probally wouldn't of said bad though maybe difficult,

[deleted account]

My daughter had to be carried 24/7 until she was over six months of age, had a period of about 4-5 months (til 8 months old) were she only slept 50 minutes at a time and then had to be rocked for an hour - all through the night. I used to do that, then go to work delivering post on a bike, then come home and strap her into a baby carrier to walk her through her nap. And housework. And cooking. By six months she weight over 10kg and I have a bad back. My response when someone said 'Oh what a lovely baby'? Probably an empty stare or a meaningless 'yeah well... sure.'. It's all very well understanding that your baby is simply very sensitive and head-strong and that these are all good qualities, but to get through all of this physically and still put some energy aside so you can be all chirpy when someone talks to you about your baby is something entirely different. It's bad enough already that plenty of people will think that surely you are doing something wrong for your baby to be so much more difficult than other babies, but to be labelled a bad mom? For people to feel bad for your baby (can't remember who said that) when you are literally killing yourself giving her everything she needs? Honestly, that's a bit rich.

[deleted account]

The only reason I went back for the 3rd as soon as I did was because my second child was awesome. He was sleeping through early and feeding like a chamo he was so relaxed and easy going but my 3rd he is very clingy and needs constant attention which gets on my nerves I may have described him as bad at times when he was younger but it was never in a malice way.

Becky - posted on 09/27/2011

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No kidding, Elizabeth. I'm 5 months pregnant with my 3rd, with a 2 and a 3 year old. And all 3 are boys! I question my sanity in having a third on an almost daily basis! lol

Elizabeth - posted on 09/27/2011

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I think the mother is probably just tired and stressed out, and it was a poor choice of words. At some point down the road she will probably regret having said it, and would hopefully never say something like that in front of a child old enough to understand. But I'm pretty sure that every mother has been tired and frustrated enough to think or say something regarding their baby/toddler's unpleasant behaviour! I would never ever wish that I didn't have my children, but I have had moments where I questioned my sanity when I decided to have more.... lol

April - posted on 09/27/2011

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Laura made a good point about liking more descriptive words. Bad and good are just not enough to describe something as complex as a baby!

Sherri - posted on 09/27/2011

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Oh boy people must really question me as a parent. I used to tell people when the were little and terrors that I was sticking them on the front lawn with a for sale sign on them that would read will pay to take away. LOL. Obviously everyone knew I wasn't serious. Hmmmm never thought someone would ever take my words seriously.

Elfrieda - posted on 09/27/2011

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A question that I appreciated more than "Is he a good baby?" when my son was putting me through hell in those first months, was "How is the baby treating you?"



Because I wasn't going to say, "He's a bad baby", it just felt wrong, but he certainly wasn't a good one! But with the second question, it was less directly about the baby and more a question about how I'm coping as a new mom, and so on. I found it much easier to express how hard it was when I didn't have to label my son as "bad" in order to do it.



Now I always ask new moms, "How's the baby treating you?" and most of them are like, "Oh, he's perfect, he sleeps through the night and nurses like a champ! I just wish he was awake more so I could play with him, he sleeps all the time" and then of course I have to punch her in the face.

Becky - posted on 09/26/2011

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I'd probably have responded with something like, "Yeah, there are days I wonder how much I can get for mine on E-Bay!" With a 2 year old and a 3 year old, those days seem quite frequent lately! Of course I don`t mean it and I love my children to death. But there are days that are so frustrating that you just have to blow off a little steam, even if it is to a complete stranger. I don`t think I probably would`ve taken it as anything more than that.

That said, I`m very cautious about what I say about my children, especially in front of them. Yes, I do threaten to sell them on E-bay (not directly to them) and I do say they're driving me crazy, that I have no idea what has possessed them - like today when my 3 year old emptied a quarter of a ketchup bottle on to the floor and then proceeded to go to the fridge and run the water all over the floor!!! But I am very careful not to use words like bad, bratty, stupid etc. about them.

[deleted account]

Laura, that's why I posted. :) I've never thought of a baby as bad so it caught me off guard to hear it and why I thought about it so much. I wanted to get perspective from other moms in different situations. It's not coming from judgment on the mom. I can understand being overwhelmed and frustrated. I felt bad for the baby, though. Yeah, it's probably just a poor choice of words.

Anna - posted on 09/26/2011

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It sounds like this woman was having a hard time and needed to vent a little bit (very little). I don't think a perfect mother would say this, but we all know a perfect mother does not exist. Seems a really small offense but it's hard to know without hearing the tone.

[deleted account]

i would have to be there to know exactly how i feel. it could be a bad choice of words, or maybe her baby is very needy and she is having trouble coping, or she could even have ppd and really be having a rough go of it.

Merry - posted on 09/26/2011

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I've said Fierna was 'awful' 'horrible' 'ridiculously hard'
Idk if I've said bad, but then again I like more descriptive words.
I thought that as long as a baby was held, fed, changed, and warm they would be happy. Well Fierna shrieked and screamed and yelled and cried even when I was doing everything in my power to make her happy.
Yes I got asked, is she a good baby? And yes I usually answered NO! With a laugh I'd elaborate she's very difficult.
She gave me severe ppd, and at some points I thought I seriously never wanted another baby. I day dreamed about asking god for an exchange baby or a refund or something.
Maybe she had ppd.
Yes babies can be 'bad' if bad is the opposite of good!
Fierna was the opposite of good, so I guess that means bad right?
Yeah it sounds cold, but it's hard when everyone asks those questions or even when you can tell they're assuming the baby is easy you just want them all to know how HARD you work on this child, and how hard it was to get through some of the tough days.
Fierna is nit bad, but she acted bad when she was hurting from reflux.
Now I'd say she's challenging, demanding, impatient, loud, feisty, spirited.
She was alot harder to bond with then Eric and yet I feel that through it all I've bonded tighter with her.
Don't judge the lady, it could have been me. And I hope you don't think I'm a bad mom, so odds are this lady was just like me.
Although by 6 months most babies are in a better stage then in the first few months. But maybe her baby screams all day from teething and wants to crawl but can't and gets mad and wants to be carried everywhere since she can't crawl, and isn't sleeping good because teething and crawling, and who knows!

Medic - posted on 09/26/2011

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I am sure you are way over thinking it. I have a 5 year old boy and 20 month old girl and when people tell me "Oh he/she/they are so cute/adorable/good" My text book response is usually "he/she/they only look cute, they are putting on a show for the general public, they save everything for home." and laugh it off. Most people laugh too because come on....how many kids are as good at home as they act in public. I will also be the first to admit and I have said it had I had my daughter first she would have been an only child. But thank god I had my son first, the running joke when I was pregnant was that since my son was a breeze she was going to be satan.....and while I realize they are both very good kids compared to most I still reserve the right to call them monsters. (which usually entices growling noises from the pair of them.)

Tasha - posted on 09/26/2011

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At six months, a baby cant be bad, they are just being a baby, they have no concept of consequences. Maybe just a poor choice of words, i have also had people comment on how cute my son is, usually i just say thank you, but sometimes i also say something like, yeah, but you should see him when hes throwin a fit, not so cute! Saying you wouldnt have had more if youd had her first, kinda mean, but we dont know how she meant it.

Sarah - posted on 09/26/2011

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Maybe she was trying to jokingly imply that looks can be deceiving.
People have said to me before "Oh you're little girls look like pretty angels" and I've said things like "That's just their disguise.....they're pure evil!"

Denikka - posted on 09/26/2011

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It wasn't so much the wording that got to me, although I don't like babies being referred to as *bad*.
But why oh why would you respond by saying your baby is *bad* when someone compliments her appearance??
That's what got me.
I can understand having a *problem/high maintenance/whatever you want to call it* child. I can understand the possibility of someone calling their child *bad*.
For example:
Stranger: Oh wow, your baby is so quiet! She must be such a good baby :)
Mom: Actually. . .she's usually a bit of a nightmare.
OR Mom: She's almost never this good.
ETC.

But something like
Stranger: Oh! What a cute baby!
Mom: she's such a bad baby

Just doesn't make much sense as a response to me. That's like asking if someone wants ice cream and them replying *airplanes*

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/26/2011

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Babies are difficult. She probably also said after her first was born (if she had natural labor and delivery) If I knew how bad labor was, I never would have gotten pregnant, and I am never gonna have more.



When we are in the moment of particularly bad times with our kids, sometimes we say things we don't really mean.

[deleted account]

Actually, what I laugh about is that I osten call my son "brat-boy", but this is really a reference to me. Growing up, my parents ALWAYS called my "brat-girl" and when I got my first car in 1992, I purchased a vanity license plate form the lovely state of NJ what says "SC BRAT". Well, I still have this license plate on my vehicle, almost 20 years later. It's mine-and I won't give it up. So while my parents still call me "brat-girl", my son has emerged into "brat-boy". For us, it's a term of endearment, as twisted as it sounds. But it is! It has actually nothing to do with his challenging baby status at all.

Sherri - posted on 09/26/2011

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I said this about my middle son constantly. He came out satan and is why there is such a gap between my second and third. He might have been the worst infant I have ever seen. He only slept 1hr at a time till he was 6mo's old. I almost lost my sitter at 4mo's because all he did was cry and scream if he was not held 24/7.



So I have said exactly almost word for word what this woman has said. I agree some babies are really really bad babies.



Oh and I have said it in front of him. He knows straight out he was my most difficult baby, toddler etc. They laugh about it now. It is just is what it is and makes for great stories now that he is 13.

Brittany - posted on 09/26/2011

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I am guilty of saying that phrase. I have not ever said it in front of my children. I do not want them to get some idea that I think they are bad. My children are not angels but, they are far from being bad.

As a Mom I can understand where she is coming from. I am sure she was just kidding about it all.

Carolee - posted on 09/26/2011

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If she just said it, then turned and walked away, she probably hasn't given it a second thought. I'm just wondering why you are/did? We all have our odd ways of wording things. Maybe what she said wasn't "PC", but it sounds like she wasn't obviously regretting having the child to the point where she was going to abandon or abuse him. She was having a bad day and used wording that you wouldn't have. And I think Donna is right... she probably thought you would understand what she meant (and not take her literally) because you were obviously another mother or caretaker for a child.

Jenni - posted on 09/26/2011

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Yup, I was definitely in the same boat as Donna and Sharon, with my son.

I think a lot of it though just came down to all the unrealistic expectations I had of babies as a new mom. It wasn't until I started talking to other moms about their experiences with their children that I realize; eh, my son is just a *normal* baby.

Some babies are incredibly easy! Some you have to overcome more challenges with! So many different personalities and some of which tend to clash with our own.

One mom may find a very attached baby to be 'clingy' and that is a *problem* for her. She enjoys more independence.
Another mom might find that to be a positive quality and enjoys being very attached with baby.

[deleted account]

Sara, she probably thought that, of all people, a fellow mother would understand.

Hell, I've said that if I'd had my second one first there probably wouldn't be any others. He was so hard to deal with compared to the first and he totally blew my confidence as a mother. I ended up the same way as Sharon... PND after several months of beating myself up and feeling stupid by not knowing what to do. I didn't enjoy much about his baby stage for probably the first 5 months.

Tara - posted on 09/26/2011

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When I was out with my newborns people would always ask "Is she a good baby?" which I always thought was kind of funny cause all babies are the good kind. So one day when someone said "Oh she's so cute, is she a good baby?" I replied with "NOT at all. She is one of those bad babies." just to see what the reaction would be. (I'm kind of weird that way.) her reply "No babies are bad babies" So I said "I know that, but you're the one who asked if she was a good baby or not."
I don't think this mom actually meant she was a baby baby. I think it was said tongue in cheek. And really I wouldn't have thought twice about the comment at all. Cause we all know there are no bad babies, just difficult to settle, light sleepers, gassy, fussy, restless, fearful etc. etc.
I always wonder what people expect you to say when they ask "Is she a good baby?"

Jenni - posted on 09/26/2011

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Umm personally, I would never think of a baby (or child for that matter) as being 'bad'. I may think of them as being 'challenging'.



My son was/is definitely a challenging baby and child. Ehh, but I don't think he's bad. That sort of implies he's like a badseed or that it's his fault he's that way and really it comes down to my own perception of him. I don't know. It just sounds wrong. Challenging means we can overcome any difficulties but it just may require more work. Nothing 'bad' about that.



And it's all the mother's perception of it. Maybe in this case (for argument's sake) she's struggling with a difficult sleeper, or a very attached baby, or a colicky baby. But none of these things are the baby's fault. It's not as though a 6 month old can engage in bad behaviour.



And in order to deem a baby as 'bad' or even 'challenging' you have to compare them to other babies/children. I can say my son was a much more challenging baby than my daughter but when you get into comparisons you're setting yourself up for resentment towards the child. Nothing good comes from comparing children. Although, I think we can all be guilty of this at times.



Anyways, babies can not be bad. I'd like to think it was just a poor choice of wording on her part.



I also don't like to focus on the negatives of a child/baby. It's highly subjective and my own (or her) personal opinion.



One parent might see a high energy child as a negative, where another parent may not.



I think a better way to phrase it *if* you are going to focus on it would be "*I* definitely find her very challenging" to be PC about it.

[deleted account]

I'm sure she was joking and that she was having a difficult time. The baby very well could be a handful. I don't know. And the weird thing is, she turned to ME, the other mom holding a baby and said it. Not the cashier that said how pretty she was. I wasn't quite sure how to reply. I probably am overthinking it. And in a few seconds encounter, how is it possible to get to the heart of the problem and offer advice (not that I have any, I'm far from a parenting expert)? Her transaction was done at that point and she walked out with her family.

Jodi - posted on 09/26/2011

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I think I CAN understand what this mother may have meant, although she probably used the wrong terminology. I am a person who doesn't refer to my children as *bad* or *naughty*. I prefer to focus on the behaviour not the person. BUT, some people see the person and behaviour as the same thing, and will use the word to describe the person when they really MEAN to reference the behaviour.

Anyway, to make a long story short, it was a bit of an ongoing joke amongst my family when Jayden was a baby that it was just as well he was a *good* one, because otherwise I'd never go back for seconds (he was a baby who slept through the night, barely blinked at teething, never really got into things the way most toddlers do, and so on).

So on that basis, I'd say it was probably a tongue-in-cheek remark about a baby that seems to be unsettled, etc. It was probably someone she knew and she really didn't mean anything bad by it.

[deleted account]

I think this comment is being way over-analysed. When I read it the first thought that came to mind was "she must be a handful!" because to me I heard a woman who probably doesn't possess a uni level vocabulary or a thesaurus handy to choose the appropriate word for her dilemma. Since it is common for people to use "good baby" when asking about how the child behaves, why wouldn't it be just as common for a mother to answer "she's so bad" in describing a difficult baby?



Also, because it was said in a joking manner, she could have been trying to make light of her struggle with a difficult baby. How many times has one of us, or someone we know, said to a friend, "Oh, I'll just kill you if...." Do we mean it? Of course not, or at least I hope not. We've simply made a statement in a joking manner to show our frustration. Sure we should say "I will be so angry if you smoke that cigarette whilst wearing my favourite jumper!" but where's the levity in that?

[deleted account]

I have been thinking about this some more and I have come to conclusion that it was just a flippant remark that came out when she was talking with someone. We all use different terminology to describe our kids, some are offensive to us and some are not. Although I have never referred to my babies as bad, I may have used a word or phrase that has upset someone who heard me. I guess it's another case of "everyone's different".

Carolee - posted on 09/26/2011

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As I read this, I am listening to my daughter throw a huge tantrum (she's 1) because I won't let her play with cords or get into the trash. Some kids are just "diva-ish", and each parent has different words to describe it. I call my daughter a "diva", others call it "bad", and others might call it "brat from the underworld". I don't know, and I don't care. This lady is obviously struggling, so instead of being aghast at her word choice, why not ask what issues she's going through and offering advice?

[deleted account]

"Shes gone big"I reply"Yep big&bold.Most say aren't they all.Some would look as if you told them to F off lol.
Again i mean this in a harmless sense, bold to me is shes up to everything and into everything.very mischievous.
I wouldn't have it another other way but its nice to express it once in a while to other mommys in hopes that my daughter isn't the only one who drives me up the wall and around the twist.lol.

[deleted account]

I feel like that with my second daughter.I would say it joking but not in front of my kids.Its harmless, i love my children at the end of the day(when there alseep)lol..only messing.Its harmless.Even if i had of had my second first, i would of went again either way.They drive you crazy but you would go insane without them to be honest. ♥

Stifler's - posted on 09/26/2011

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Weird. Sometimes I feel like "WHY DID I HAVE KIDS!" but I can't say that I didn't want them or I don't love them to bits.

[deleted account]

People say thoughtless things all the time about their children/to their children.



I was taking a business course once, and during the break a classmate was yelling at her kids on the phone. When she hung up, she said, "I hate my kids." We were all shocked. I ignored her, but I guess someone felt a response was necessary, so they asked, "Why did you have them then?" And the answer was, "That's the thing. I never wanted kids."



I still remember this, though it happened over 10 years ago.

[deleted account]

Emma - I take it you're joking?!!

I often complained about my kids when they were little and cried a lot, now I complain about them fighting a lot or whatever, and I might have been capable of using language that shocked people.

I think it all depends on the tone of voice.

Has anybody read the book "We need to talk about Kevin" - OMG it's very confronting. All about a boy who is a nightmare from birth and his terrible relationship with his mother. Defintely not a good idea to read it if you worry about your parenting!

Sarah - posted on 09/26/2011

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I t sounds to me like she was just joking.
It wouldn't have phased me in the slightest, I joke about my kids all the time, anyone with any sense can tell that I don't actually mean it and that I love them really.

I've called my kids bad.........it's just another word for naughty.

Ez - posted on 09/25/2011

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I often hear people refer to their babies as good or bad, or ask someone 'oh is s/he a good baby?'. I don't lose sleep over it, but it does strike me as odd. When I talk to new mothers (which happens a lot with my job) I am always careful to use words like 'easy', 'mellow', 'difficult', 'intense' or 'restless'. Not only does it remove the label, but it actually makes for a better conversation.

But yeah, I'm sure this woman just meant that her baby was a handful, not that she was inherently bad.

Stifler's - posted on 09/25/2011

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She probably means bad as in hard to deal with. Sometimes I wonder why I went back for more after Logan. Renae is so much easier than he was. Sometimes we think he may be the spawn of the devil.

Kate CP - posted on 09/25/2011

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How can a baby be bad? My 8 month old tries my patience because he's 8 months old and gets into everything but I know he's not BAD. He's a BABY! He just doesn't know any better!

I guess I don't get it. :/

Sara - posted on 09/25/2011

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Honestly, she may have been joking, but there are some really challenging babies out there. Sometimes a baby can have such a difficult disposition that it may make you rethink if you want more kids or not. I think there's nothing wrong with what she said, she probably meant it on some level. I don't think she meant "bad" as in intentionally bad (a 6 month old can't do that!), but she may have just meant that the child is challenging.



My first DD was and is a very difficult child, but I love her with my whole heart and her behavior doesn't diminish that. I refer to her as "spirited", which is a euphemism for "hard as hell to deal with sometimes". I think that can be even more difficult to deal with if you've had a first child who was relatively easy and then you get a difficult child.

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If I heard that I would either think the lady hates kids (which most likely wouldn't be the case if she already had other kids) or she is really, really suffering/sleep deprived. Maybe she was crying out for help/support.

Minnie - posted on 09/25/2011

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I just can't even relate to people who see their children like that. I think it's a Freudian slip.



My first child is a very intense, sensitive personality. She was a challenge as an infant. Still is extremely challenging. But she is not bad and I would NEVER joke about her being bad. I gave someone a piece of my mind when he slyly asked her if she 'was a bad girl' once.



I HAVE had a baby with colic. Who woke and wanted to nurse every thirty minutes. Who vomited lakes of milk everywhere several times a day. Who cried and cried and cried. Never called her 'bad' though.

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