Being Disappointed

Abby - posted on 08/20/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm watching Oprah Winfrey and she was talking to Josh about his Intervention experience. He was on the show "Intervention" for his weight and food addiction. He was 446 pounds when his family intervened. He lost 256lbs while in rehab. He said that he was eating to hide the fact that he is a gay man. His family is a Christian family and he had known since he was 7 years old that he was gay. He said that he was so scared to tell his family. His mother didn't react well when he told her, she told his father and his father called him on thanksgiving and said "I still love you" but he said that he heard such a disappointment in his voice that it was heart breaking. Oprah then said she can't imagine how hard it would be to know that your very own parents are disappointed in you, just for being who you are.

Are you who you are meant to be? Do you hide things so that your parents aren't disappointed in you? Do you hide things so that your children aren't disappointed in you? Do you think your children would hide anything from you in fear of disappointing you?

I always found when my parents would say "I'm not mad at you, just disappointed" it hurt more than when they were mad at me. I never want my daughter to feel as though she will disappoint me, especially over something that makes her who she is. I would be disappointed in myself as a mother if I ever found out that my preconcieved notions made my child hide who she really is.

What do you think?

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Are you who you are meant to be?

Not quite and it does has to do with my parents not accepting who I am/what I want as I was growing up. My issues are mostly self-esteem and nothing like an addiction but still. I can understand where Josh is coming from.

Do you hide things so that your parents aren't disappointed in you?
Always have, always will.

Do you hide things so that your children aren't disappointed in you?
It depends. I am usually quite honest about it and try to teach them that even if something doesn't work out quite the way you planned or you make a mistake, it doesn't lessen your value as a person. I still struggle with that myself so it's a big challenge to teach but it's also motivating.

Do you think your children would hide anything from you in fear of disappointing you?
well shawn is a little young to tell if he would or not but usually he just goes "oops" and shows me what happened. i don't sense a any fear or anxiety.

I agree with you Abby, I would be devastated to think that my children feel like they cannot be themselves around me and feel they have to hide who they are. I know the feeling and it's horrible. So far, I think I am doing fairly well, I am just a little anxious when i look to the teenage years coming up...

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/20/2010

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I was lucky to have parents that are open to many different things…
I Married a man who is Korean (they love him like a son, and he calls my mother, mom..) I know they didn’t expect it and were surprised, but they were happy for me.

So I am who I am, and they are fine with it.
I also let my son know that he can be who he wants to be, and even now at 7 I try not to yell (when he has done something) and let him tell his pat of how he feels about things, so im sure there are things he would feel more comfortable telling his dad, then me because of being both male, but over all I don’t think he will hide things in fear of me being disappointed because I rarely candy coat things for him, im pretty straight up with my son, but I do say age appropriate words so that he will understand what im saying, if you start lines of communication early then they will carry over when they are older.
When you have a parent that keeps you in the dark about stuff such as sex, relationships, drugs..ect or they feel uncomfortable in talking about it, or if they do talk about it, its there way or the highway…then huge problems can arise…

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