Berating your children for competitive sports.

Lesa - posted on 02/28/2011 ( 29 moms have responded )

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My sister's children are in hockey and had a game and won 5-3. We were at a birthday party after the game. She was not happy with her children and proceeded to yell at her son in front of everyone, that he played horribly and that he did not do his job, which was to protect the goalie. I was so angry that she would yell at him about a hockey game that they won in front of everyone. My parents defended her saying that it is hockey and the kids won't play their best if they aren't yelled at. Am I missing something??? Is this normal behaviour for adult to yell at ten year old kids for hockey? They WON the game!! What more did she want from them?? Do you think it is ok to berate your child for something so small as minor league hockey? Do you think competitive sports are that important to get so worked up over?

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Desiree - posted on 02/28/2011

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Absolutely not and if you really need to do that do in private. As adults we don't like it when people shout at us in public never mind private. Berating you kids in public breaks down their confidence, that is incredibly bad manners and really disgusting behaviour especially from someone who is supposed to love and protect you.

Kerri - posted on 02/28/2011

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I was a soccer team manager for my youngest for the last 3 seasons. We had some uber competitive parents, to the point that they would criticize other players, and make comments about who was better and who had the "right" to be at All Star competitions. It got so bad my daughter gave up playing keeper over other parent comments.
The best solution we came up with was ring pops, you know the ones that look like rings or binkies. Any parent heard bad mouthing players, even if it was their own kids, was immediately "plugged" with a sucker. At the end of the game the girls would check to see how many times we had to plug their parents. It was the best non confrontational/funny way we found to get the problem under control, to the point that during really stressful match ups the coaches would grab them before the games started to keep themselves in check too.

Berating a child does not teach a child anything but that they are not good enough in the parents eyes.

[deleted account]

No way would i treat my children in that manner..mom needs some good advice and help.I would have no problem if it were my sister stepping in to make her see her actions are not acceptable.I would never sit back and allow that to happen.How parents raise there kids is up to them but bullying them and treating them nasty in front of others is a big no.I will stand up for the child, especially a family member.Shame on the mom.Were is that hockey stick? lol..no i would just talk to the mom if i were in your situation.

[deleted account]

That's ridiculous! The only time I've ever yelled at one of the girls for/during a soccer game was to quit doing cartwheels on the field..... ;)

If I knew they weren't playing their best and didn't have a known excuse (like being extra tired or something) I would want to find out WHY they weren't trying, but not by yelling at them or berating them. That's just wrong. It's a GAME people!!

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[deleted account]

While I am all for competative sports No I would not be yelling at any of my kids that they played horribly especially if they won. If they lost I would tell them how they messed up and encourage them to do better later. In my opinion competative sports no matter what age is good for the kids' self esteem and it builds character.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 06/30/2011

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No its not okay and I feel bad for the children who have parents like this :-(

Charlie - posted on 06/30/2011

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In Australia Parents can be fined and banned for life from games if they behave like this.

Julie - posted on 06/30/2011

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My daughter is super competitive. She gets that from her daddy. Usually, I'm the one trying to calm her down if her soccer team played poorly. She's on a rec team and one season she'll have an awesome team and the next she'll have a bad one, then I'm secretly glad when the coach's kid didn't make it to the game. I know.....it's only 6 year-old soccer, but she really gets bent out of shape when they lose. Last fall the only game they lost was on her birthday and honestly, she was partially to blame. They weren't supposed to play, it was a make-up game because theirs had been rained out and she was upset about having to play on her birthday. Any other day, she would've been kickin butt and takin names. Long story short, we did talk to her about playing poorly on purpose, but we'd never yell at her, especially in front of anyone over a soccer game.

Danielle - posted on 03/01/2011

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My only rules are do your best and once you start you don't get to quit till the season is over. To me the rest isn't important. Who cares if they win or not? If they went out and had fun then they accomplished what they are out there for. It builds character and that's all I want. My husband on the other hand was your run of the mill famous football star in highschool and at one time he expected our son to be just like him. If not kept in check he CAN be one of those parents and OMG it pisses me off. His father was that way with him when he was a child and we butted heads for a while about it.

Jenn - posted on 02/28/2011

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I can't imagine ever yelling at my child for something like that - that's crazy! Sports should be fun. Sure there can be a competitive side to it - but when the parents start getting involved like that it's time to take a step back - or step away from the arena!

Stifler's - posted on 02/28/2011

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parents that constantly yell at their children about not playing hard enough and fight with the referee about shit are just stupid. they're embarrassing their child and themselves unnecessarily. team sports are about team work and sportsmanship. it's only a game people.

Sharon - posted on 02/28/2011

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OH HELL NO. That is NOT for the parent to do. Its generally not even for the coach to do.

I DO talk to my kids about focusing and giving the game their all. If they slack off, goof off, or have a bad attitude, we talk about it. But I wouldn't yell at my kid about it. If this is a constant thing for them, we'll talk about getting out of the game when the season is over. They have commitments to their team mates they can't just walk out on and in the mean time, they need to play with all their heart.

Johnny - posted on 02/28/2011

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What? Shannen, are you trying to tell me that it wasn't your superior parenting skills that lead to your daughter walking at 8 months? Well, strip my gears and call me shiftless!

Becky - posted on 02/28/2011

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Exactly, Heather! I haven't looked it up, but I'd bet less than 5% of kids in jr. leagues ever make it to the professional leagues or Olympics or whatever. Maybe a higher percentage get scholarships to play in college, but even then, it ends for most of them after that. So unless they are very, very good, and are driven on their own, all the pressure is going to do is make them hate it and not want to play anymore. What a shame!

[deleted account]

I had a friend who son is 2 and a bit and has only just started walking properly after his 2nd birthday. He is delayed though, not a big issue he is getting there now that he has been assessed.
My daughter was a freak and was fully walking at 8 months and my son walked at 10. My last boy is already cruising the furniture at 8 months and i wish he would slow down and keep crawling for a while because it's no fun chasing 3 kids. I also don't throw things at my kids to make them walk. ;p

Rosie - posted on 02/28/2011

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no it's not alright, ever, no matter how old the kid is. competative sports are important if they can get you a scholarship into college i suppose, but in the real scheme of things you can get one for academics as well....

i will never understand that attitude. have you guys seen videos of parents attacking little kids on other teams and stuff? it's fucking nuts!! i just don't get it!

[deleted account]

My kids did take their first steps at 10.5 and 9 months, but I didn't walk til 18 months. Both ends of the spectrum are FINE. :)

Johnny - posted on 02/28/2011

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What? You hadn't heard about the 'first to walk' race? A mom asked me once if I was going to have my daughter assessed for delays when she wasn't walking at 13 months, lol. Apparently her 5 kids were all walking by 10 months and I didn't know how to parent properly so as to "encourage" her to start walking. My hubby figured that if the kids tried to crawl she'd just throw something at them so they started walking just to get away from her.

Lady Heather - posted on 02/28/2011

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Oh man, the art classes are intense now too? I guess I never went to one with parental involvement.

I suppose one shouldn't be surprised. I remember going to a drop-in play group for toddlers. My daughter was 17 months old at the time and not walking (still not at 20 months). These two mums next to me were watching her scoot for a while and then one says to the other loudly "I really can't figure out why they say the average kid walks at one year old. EVERY baby I know walks before then, most by 10 months. Mine both walked by 9 months." THANKS. If freaking walking is a competition then I guess anything can be.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/28/2011

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This is such bullshit! Mind you, I was only in field hockey for one year, and danced ballet for the majority of my youth and teenage years, but there is no reason to make your kid feel like shit when they are on a team. You can talk with them and say things like "good game, do you feel that you did your best" or "hey you played well, but I noticed you weren't protecting the goalie as much" even that I think is too harsh. let the coach say what improvements need to be made to the team. I hate soccer moms like this (using the general term...for parents that are nuts over sports on the side lines). If they are going to say anything at all, it should be in private. Ass munches.

Johnny - posted on 02/28/2011

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Well, I removed my 2 year old from an art class last fall because of the parental intensity issue. She's in dance classes, karate, swimming, and soccer, but so far all the parents seem to show up to those ones to play with their kids and be amused by how cute it is to watch a 2 year old breaking boards. Everyone just has a good laugh and no one takes those seriously. The art class was super intense. I felt stressed out by the pressure, I couldn't imagine how the kids felt. It wasn't the teacher, she's really laid back, but the class was full of super-Tiger mothers. If they weren't berating their kids to concentrate, they were discussing piano lessons amongst themselves. This was a class for 18 months to 3 year olds.

Lady Heather - posted on 02/28/2011

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I kind of think this shit happens in all activities though. We did a variety of things when I was a kid. The dancing mums were AWFUL. Some of the piano mums enforced hours of practice a day in kids who hadn't yet hit double digits. Soccer parents...well. I think about the only place I didn't see kids get yelled at by their parents was my art class.

Johnny - posted on 02/28/2011

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My co-worker coaches a hockey team of 5 year olds. The league he coaches for just had to finally remove a kid from the team because despite repeated requests, his mother was still berating him from the bleachers, swearing when any of the kids made mistakes, and even yelling at other kids for not passing her kid the puck. So now her poor kid is stuck with his nasty mom and isn't getting to play. My co-worker feels terrible for the kid, but it was ruining the fun for the entire team. He's a tough coach, but I over hear him on the phone all the time reminding other parents that its just a game!

Lady Heather - posted on 02/28/2011

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It's a really great thing to do if you want them to think little of themselves and quit the sport. Competitive sports are not important at all - at least the score shouldn't be. I looooove hockey. LOVE. But if my Canucks don't win it isn't the end of the world and those guys are getting paid for it. As far as kids are concerned, in this day and age I should think we should just be glad that our kids are fit enough to get out there and skate around. The activity, the teamwork and the fun are important. Skilled play is a bonus. How many of these kids make it to the NHL anyways?

[deleted account]

I think to each their own. HOWEVER, in my home that is NOT allowed for any reason. She is lucky she was where she was because I have no problem telling parents they need to take it somewhere private or leave because it is uncalled for in public. If you don't want someone to do it to you then by god don't do it to other people and that includes kids!

April - posted on 02/28/2011

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my husband is a goalie. I hope he doesn't ever treat our son like that. Someone needs to tell these parents to back off of their child!

Katherine - posted on 02/28/2011

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I think our society is just waaaaaaaaaaay too into competition over sports.

It's really getting ridiculous! These poor kids are going to be all effed up and over achievers because the parent are expecting too much.

Lesa - posted on 02/28/2011

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If they make mistakes, the parents are yelling and swearing at them from the bleachers and when confronted they yell at me and say it is all part of the game. My children are still too young for competitive sports but my husband I discussed this at length and feel that they should learn about how to play and to play for enjoyment first and foremost. I am pretty positive that my nephew was not enjoying his mother yelling at him in front of his whole family. I was embarassed for him.

Becky - posted on 02/28/2011

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I am really, really hoping that my sons do not want to play hockey, because hockey parents are horrible! Way too competitive, IMO. Whatever sport my children choose to participate in, it will be for exercise and for fun. I want them to learn teamwork and good sportsmanship and to be active. I don't care if they're the best. I don't care if they make it to the NHL or NBA or whatever. I'm realistic enough to realize that with our genes (neither dh nor I are athletic at all!), the chances of that are probably less than 1%! I will certainly encourage them to do their best, but I think these parents who yell at their children, berate them, yell at or beat up coaches for not putting their kids in enough, etc, are going waaaaaay too far.

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