Rosie - posted on 08/24/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )




so yesterday i watched a video by a well known speaker in the gay community. of course i can't find the video or remember his name, lol, but he claims that there's no such thing as bisexuality. you are really gay or lesbian and just can't fully let yourself go there yet, for whatever reason, be is society, or internal fears. do you agree with him? or is he full of shit?

i obviously think he's full of shit. and it irritates me that this man is so respected in the gay community. as long as i have been having sexual feelings i have lusted over women. i love looking at women, i have to have woman on woman porn to get off when i'm watching porn. yet, i enjoy men very much so as well. i love looking at men, i love being touched by men, and i love the security i feel when with a man. i've never been with a woman (except for my bestie like when i was 12 or something, but i don't really count that cause that's not how our relationship is now. there's no sexual feelings it was just experiementing maybe?). all i know is that if i had the opportunity to be with a woman i would. why does everybody think they have to be an expert on this shit, and not really listen to what people say or feel?


Jenni - posted on 08/25/2011




I believe social stigma is what curves a lot of people who are bisexual towards opposite gender relationships. It's ingrained in us... to want to procreate, to picture our wedding with the opposite sex, to be accepted by society...

So when we fall somewhere in the middle these are the factors that tend to push us in the direction of an opposite sex relationship.

Sure we may have meaningless sexual encounters, flings, short-term relationships with the same sex... but ultimately we want what society wants for us. IFwe have choice to avoid all that red tape... we will.

I am bisexual... right smack dab in the middle. I am equally attracted to males and females both emotionally and physically. Perhaps, even more physically attracted to females.

When I first started noticing others in an 'attraction' way back in grade school. Around grade 3 or so. I didn't distinguish between the two genders. They were both equally appealing to me.

But society curbed me towards the opposite sex. It wasn't until I was 14 that I openly admitted to myself that I had attraction to both genders. So I experimented. I can honestly say... I would gain just as much emotionally from a female-female relationship but opportunity (sure there were lots of females willing to 'experiment' but not so much date, another red tape) channeled me towards opposite sex relationships.

So I believe, duh... of course there's such a thing as bisexuality. But it's social stigma, opportunity and procreation that tends to override our choices for the optimal partner.

My choice is more one of practically, than that of the heart.

Admitting your bisexuality is also tough and something I tend to avoid. I feel like I'm being looked at like a sexual devient. Bisexuality tends to be associated with sexual relations rather than emotional relations. Men's eyes light up when you say it... as if to say "Threesome! Score!" Not usually, the reaction I'm looking for. :/ So I rarely admit to it in RL.

I had one female friend who suggested dating. I was definitely intrigued until I discovered the only reason she wanted to was to parade our relationship around like a trophy for her belt. Another factor that detered me from same sex relationships. That our relationship would be a celebrity coupling. Especially in the small town I was raised in... Exploited to gawkers. Men making ignorant comments for us to kiss. I'm not a showman.

Another, my best friend since I was 12, admitted that she had always been in love with me when we were 19. But I wasn't attracted to her. Sure she was very pretty.. but I always say her as a friend and not in that light... she was like a sister to me. I felt horrible telling her I didn't feel the same way. It really damaged our relationship. She felt rejected, she thought that I thought she was ugly and she already suffered from low self-esteem. I felt like a jerk.

My family is accepting. My mom is very liberal. My brother and sister are also bisexual. My brother has had a few long term relationships with men and women as well. My sister lives in TO and is an avid supporter of the Gay Pride Parade.

How can this man speak about something he has no personal experience with? plain ignorance.

Mrs. - posted on 08/25/2011




A brand new study done on bisexual men that supports the belief that bi people actually exist.

Breaking news as well...that shiny orb in the night sky might well be what people call "the moon"....those people who really love "the sun" still say they don't believe it though.

Jenny - posted on 08/25/2011




Well then, we are all in agreement. Women are sexy and that guy is an idiot.

Mrs. - posted on 08/25/2011




May I just say, I agree that I found the reaction of straight men towards my bisexuality really defeating too. I was like they were so proud they bagged someone who might have a threesome with them.

The thing is, I remember one time, with one of my first long time bfs in college, we did have a foursome - two guys, two girls. Now, my ex-bf was well aware I was bi and the girl was as well. There was no problem when it came to him having sex with her or me being with her. However, when I, naturally, started having sex with the other guy while my ex was doing the same with the other girl....the shit hit the fan. You see, he was ALL for it when it was thought the sex with the girl was for we were just there and doing it for his amusement (which was not the case), but when I naturally moved to the male...well, that was not for him, in his eyes.

It wasn't until my fiance and I hooked up that I finally felt the most relaxed and content sexually because he too falls somewhere closer to the middle of the Kinsey scale (although I'd say he's less bi than me, but certainly not straight). Finally, someone got me. Finally, I had the best of both worlds.

So, if bi-sexuality doesn't exist, there are a lot of people having sex with each other who must being doing it in forest where trees fall, but you can't hear them.

Mrs. - posted on 08/24/2011




Here's Dan Savage's thoughts on it:

Personally, I identify myself as bi and on the Kinsey scale I'd probably be pretty smack in the middle of the spectrum. Sex with women is all fine with me, but relationships...couldn't be interested in the least.

I think sexuality is very individual and fluid in different times in many people's lives. I, too, have been hurt at times by people in the gay community devaluing my own sexual orientation and putting it on par with say, a unicorn or a sparkly vampire, when I feel I am more like the majority of the world than much of the "totally" gay or straight population.

When my brother came out, at a young age, my mother got him this book called Am I Blue? . It told a story about a young, questioning main character who wakes up and all the people in the world who are gay suddenly turn blue (they might have to change the right's colour from red in the states if that actually happened!). Now, I love what the author did, when the main character wakes up and sees everyone, they are all various shades of blue. Very few people are not blue at all or like a blueberry, most are just light shades. Personally, I think, this is an excellent way to think about it. Everyone is just a different shade of blue and as a "bi" really are in the majority.

Now Dan Savage makes good points about how people like me (and maybe you), happily settle into "straight" relationship later in life and can, if they want, leave the LGBT community behind. I sometimes feel a bit guilty about that. In my youth, I was way more involved, now not so much. That's why, I try to do the Pride Run every year now. I think it is important to be out in the gay community so that we are visible and more people in that community see that, indeed, we do exist and we are happy, adjusted unicorns ;). It is just hard because you often get treated as an interloper, someone who is just a vacationing gay. I think this is why so many bi folks just fuck it and forget it with the LGBT crowd, they don't want to feel unwelcome and not accepted.

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[deleted account]

They way i see it.If it was as cut&dry as that, it would be then.Its not so i believe it is a thing and many people are bisexual.Its a bit silly to be looking down on those bisexual when being gay is not a thing many accept.So a gay man to be looking down and judging bisexual people is so wrong.Silly to be honest.

Kayleigh - posted on 08/26/2011




As everyone else has said, hes full of shit.
I grew up in a VERY liberal house (my mother claims she is a "rational anarchist") and she her self is nearly lesbian.. she has several relationships with women, even when I was growing up and she was married to my "Father" (who was 1 of 2 exceptions to her lesbianism, the other was her bestfriend Damon) and my "father" is transgendered and in the process of becoming a woman so as you can imagine, bisexuality and alternate lifestyles were encouraged when we were growing up. I'd say I'm right in the middle. I always pictured my self marrying a man and having children, but i would be just as happy with a woman, maybe even more so in some ways... I've had more relationships with women than I have with men... almost twice as many actually, and many of them were very fulfilling (some of them were absolute hell on the other hand, lol)
Currently I am married to a Man (dispite his obviously feminine traits) and we have a baby girl, but if things ended between us for what ever reason I can tell you that I would be looking for a relationship with another woman. I have thought about this as you can tell. lol.
Women tend to be much easier to talk to, easier to communicate your needs and desires, and it helps to have someone around that REALLY knows how your anatomy works ;) lol.
Honestly, I think the female form is FAR more attractive than the male form. So curvy, soft and comfy ^_^

Caitlin - posted on 08/26/2011




The guy is full of crap. I'm bi, had a relationship with a girl and the BIGGEST crush on one of my friends in high school. I kind of always pictured myself as being alone the rest of my life, because I didn't see myself holding on a long term relationship with either sex, until I met and fell in love with my husband. These things happen. He happens to be thrilled that there is a chance that one day when we head out to the swingers club that there could be some play happening with another woman (though I know no other guy would be involved unless the only toerh contact was girl girl, because he REALLY doens't like the idea of sharing (meh).

I don't usually go around telling people I am Bi, it's just the way I am. I used to be more open about it, but I either got the "OMG threesome" look int he guys eyes or the "just doubling your options eh? smart.." And I hated those reactions. There are also the guys that always wanted you to make out with another chick at the bar so they could get off on it. I'm not porn, download someone elses private life (not saying I never ended up drifting into the dark corner with anyone, but usually I was smashed.. oh those were the days..)

So now i'm just Bi, with 2 kids and one on the way, haven't had any action with a female since the last time we went swinging over 3 years ago (and that was REALLY soft core..) I still will always be Bi..

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/26/2011




Tara, I am confused "I will eventually get around to playing with a woman, or more having her play with me" I distinctly remember you talking about how you had a threesome with your husband involving another women?!?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/26/2011




I think this guy is full of shit also. I know a lot of gay people that don't believe in bisexuallity. That is fine. There are a lot of people that don't believe people are really gay. Who fucking cares either way. No one is going to tell me how I should or shouldn't feel about someone strictly because they have a dick or pussy. Fuck 'em.

Sara - posted on 08/25/2011




I think he's full of shit. There's just just black and white, there are many levels in between. I think very few people are 100% hetero or homosexual. Alfred Kinsey did a a lot of research on this topic, and his conclusion was that there's a spectrum and people fall along it somewhere, rarely totally at one end or the other.

Stifler's - posted on 08/25/2011




I don't admit that I am attracted to women in real life either. Only to my husband because he's my best friend.

Tara - posted on 08/25/2011




I agree Dyan,
I consider myself bi-curious. Cause I am curious about being with a woman. I love to look at women, I also love to look at men. I have been kissed by women and it turned me on to no end, but so does being kissed by a man.
I will eventually get around to playing with a woman, or more having her play with me, lol but I'm confident that afterwards I will still enjoy a stiff cock so I'm not too worried that I might be a lesbian, I'm 37, have 6 kids all conceived the old fashioned way and I'm happy in my sexual relationship. I just like the idea of a woman playing with me and me playing with her. That's pretty much it.
Bi curious, bi sexual doesn't make me a lesbian.

Stifler's - posted on 08/25/2011




I thought I was weird for preferring lesbian porn when I'm not a lesbian. I can appreciate women and have kissed them and done other stuff but I have never had a romantic relationship with one. I like the kind of porn where the chicks look like they are actually enjoying each other and not faking it with fake tans and big nails and ahh ahh oh baby yehh stuff. I wouldn't label myself bisexual but then that might be classified as being in denial considering my above statements. I agree why does there need to be an expert on this kind of thing, it's fascinating but what a waste of time telling people that something they feel doesn't exist.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/24/2011




Yeah, spectrum. I would fall in the mid hetero end. I don't think I would have a relationship with another woman, but if I was single I would consider a fling. Definitely there are women I find attractive. But moreso men and my relationships have all been with men. And now that I'm with my husband there won't be anyone else.

Sometimes it's nice to be female. We seem more open to acknowledge this stuff than the menfolk. I imagine there are more bicurious and bisexual dudes out there than will actually admit it. Probably that is a good part of the problem.

Johnny - posted on 08/24/2011




Research into human sexuality has repeatedly demonstrated that, like most primates, we fall on a bell curve, just like JuLeah stated.

I really like men. I can only think of a few times in life where I have been sexually attracted to a woman. But it has happened. I would not label myself bisexual. I'm just not into women enough to consider it my sexuality. However, I tried out being with a couple women out of curiosity, and while it definitely was just not as good for ME as being with a man, I enjoyed it somewhat. It was nice, but you really need to be able to say more than just that!

I suppose it was possible that if I was not with my husband, I could have met a woman who I would have fallen in love with. But given that 19 times out of 20, my attractions are to men, that seems rather unlikely. So I tend to think I fall farther to the heterosexual end of the curve.

I find that people who are fearful about being honest around sex are the ones who come out with pronouncements of this kind. I have a close friend, we met in kindergarten when we had our first kiss, who came out of the closet in high school. Needless to say, 20 years ago, he was subjected to a great deal of bullying. Being very effeminate, it started even before he came out. He was always very insistent that he was all gay, all man, all the time. That there was no such thing as bisexuality. He freaked at me when I told him I found some women attractive and called me just a fag hag. Turns out, years later, he admits that he is attracted to some women, and it scared him. Being gay had become everything he was as a young man, it was his whole identity. Any attraction to women threatened that. So he reacted in fear. Regardless of where you are in that continuum, not being comfortable with it will just lead to that kind of thing.

JuLeah - posted on 08/24/2011




His ideas were accepted for a long time, but less so now. We have Bi on the poster and everything now :)

I kind of think, and here's the thing ... all anyone can offer is "I kind of think" .... most of us are Bi

Think Bell Curve

Majority falls right in the middle .... I know very few queers who have really, trully, honestly never ever never thought about, had dreams about, considered the idea of, or maybe even dated the other gender ... likewise, I know very few straight (and I mean maybe 1) who has really trully never ever never thought about, had a dream, considered, or maybe even dated someone of the same gender ..... and like the bell curve, many of us are so far at one end or the other, that it really is not much of a choice to be who we are .... but, right in the middle are you Bi's and yes, many of us identified as bi as we got used to, came to accept the reality of where we were on the curve, but that doesn't make you less who you are ... so, no, he's not full of shit, but confussed, and speaking his truth as if it were everyones truth ... if he were to realize how much hurt he is creating, I bet he'd change his tune

Jenny - posted on 08/24/2011




He's full of shit. I'm attracted to men and women equally, it just depends on the individual. I dated a man and a woman at the same time and am still with the man to this day. If I was single in the future I would absolutely be with women again.

The guy is talking out of his ass.

[deleted account]

Full of shit. I love looking at other women, I prefer girl on girl porn as you do, and I also enjoy my husband very much.
There is that and also my 9 year old son came to me one day and asked me "what does it mean when a person has a crush on boys and girls?" So I explained it to him as gently as I could with out freaking him out, when i was done I asked why he wanted to know and he said becase he does. Hes 9 years old... didnt know there was a word for it, didnt know what it meant but he knows the feelings he has.

I understand people experimenting and having fun and Im all for it as long as it isnt hurting anybody. But in my opinion for anyone to say that there is no such thing as bisexuality is in part ignorance and not fully understanding it to begin with.

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