boys will be boys?

Isobel - posted on 04/09/2011 ( 30 moms have responded )

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ok...I have a question, if your kid has an "anger management problem" should they be "allowed" to stay and play in the school yard after school?

I know a kid who was punched in the privates about a month ago, and then more recently the same kid charged him and pushed him so hard he left the ground and landed on his back. When his sister came to stick up for her brother this same child kicked her in HER privates and then when she didn't drop like a stone (I guess he hadn't figured out that trick was just for boys) he pulled the buns out of her hair.

I understand that this kid has a right to go to school, and that he's supervised during recess (though that doesn't seem to stop him or protect the other children from getting hurt, just gets him sent to the office)...but should he be ALLOWED to hang out after school when there is no school supervision?

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Isobel - posted on 04/09/2011

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and actually I feel bad for his mom...I think it's easier being the parent of the kid that is hurt than the kid who is doing the hurting. There just comes a time when you've got to stick up for the kid that's getting hurt.

JuLeah - posted on 04/09/2011

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It takes a village. Where is the village? This young man is, today, beating up kids on the playground. In ten years he will be ???
So what, as a community, has been done? Sending him away from the playground is not the answer. Why is no parent there supervising? Where are his folks? If the adults have noticed a problem then they have no excuse for not taking action. People ask, "Where do all the driminals come from? What is happening to kids these days?"
People watch the news and sigh thinking there is nothing they can do. Someone will watch this young man on the news one day and think that same thought.

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Elfrieda - posted on 04/10/2011

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Is there an older, bigger kid that your children can look to as a protector? A neighbour, or a cousin?

Not that I condone kids fighting, but just thinking back to my own childhood, I occasionally lurked around the younger kids when I suspected that my little cousin might have some trouble with the other kids. And it was always a relief to see someone I KNEW was an ally when I there was conflict.

Now, I never got into a fight. All it took was some kids standing together and saying "Get out of here. You hurt so-and-so and we don't want to play with you."

I think it's terrible that some people don't want kids on the schoolyard after hours. How can children play if they're constantly supervised?

April - posted on 04/10/2011

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this doesn't seem like normal behavior for a child. such behavior makes me think of a child with oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder. this boy needs help ASAP. he needs to see a counselor and steps need to be taken to prevent his behavior from escalating. If he does have ODD or conduct disorder, he could develop the more serious antisocial personality disorder or become a sociopath.

Of course he shouldn't be allowed to hang out after school when there isn't supervision.

Jenn - posted on 04/10/2011

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It sounds to me like a conference with the principal and parents of the bully is in order. The child is still on school grounds, even if it is after hours, and the school is still somewhat liable, I'm sure. Best thing to do is to bring up the issue with the principal and proceed from there.

Bonnie - posted on 04/10/2011

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No he shouldn't be on school property without supervision when he is acting like that. The problem is, when it isn't school hours, the school is not responsible. Plus, kids with or without parents often go play on the playground not during school hours so it is kind of difficult to keep track. I am hoping the parents know what their child is like. If they do, they shouldn't be allowing him to be out without supervision IMO.

Dana - posted on 04/10/2011

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Our schools are the same way, no kids on the playground after school hours. Although we have several parks for kids to play at with full playgrounds and we live in a small town.

Sarah - posted on 04/09/2011

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I guess if the school playground is open for whoever wants it after school, then it's down to whoever is supervising that child to be responsible for their actions.
I would probably mention it to the school though.

On a side note about school playgrounds, over here (in my town at least) school playgrounds are literally just a large concrete area! Some schools have some grass areas.
When I was at school, there wasn't even any play equipment, just the odd hopscotch painted on the concrete! My daughters school has on bit of equipment, but it's not like slides and swings or anything. No-one would want to take their kids there on the weekend! lol

Lacye - posted on 04/09/2011

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LOL Laura we have a bunch of parks that I usually take my daughter to. She isn't in school yet but she gets to go to the park at the lake and play there and then there's a park around the corner from where we live.

JuLeah, the boy was there with a babysitter. I would rather have the kid sent away than have one of the other kids seriously hurt by this child.

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After school hours and once the kids have been sent home it is up to the parents to supervise their own children. I have seen plenty of kids of all ages "hanging out" at the school after hours. The usually "walk home" and come back.

Personally I don't think that they should allow the child in school at all if he is hurting others. He should be suspended or expelled if the parents refuse to get him help.
IMO

Johnny - posted on 04/09/2011

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Same here Laura. My daughter isn't in school yet and she loves nothing more than to try to handle the school playground with the big kids. Most of the neighborhood kids, no matter what age, can be found there on nice days.

Isobel - posted on 04/09/2011

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wow! I can't imagine not being able to play at the school playground after hours or on weekends. We go all the time, we even have softball in the school yard for a league not sanctioned by the school in their yard.

It's customary when the weather is nice for the kids to hang out after school for half an hour to an hour...we are often the last to leave if there's nothing important to do.

Johnny - posted on 04/09/2011

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All of the school playgrounds where I live are open for any child to use at any time before dusk. It sounds like in this case the responsibility lies with the mother and the babysitter not to introduce him into the after school playground setting. Of course it's no fun for him, but it does not sound like other kids are safe in his presence. They shouldn't be the ones to leave the playground.

Carolyn - posted on 04/09/2011

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Some of our schools playgrounds were available for use by the community as "parks" if there werent any in the neighborhood.



There were always those "doorways" in the chainlink fencing so anyone could use the property in off hours.



If i were the parents of the children who got hurt, I would be calling the police, at the very least, the boy would have the shit scared out him and a lesson well learned, I bet his parents would then have no choice but to address the problem as well.



My husband had to go to court as a child because some kids were throwing rocks at him and a friend on his way home from school, his aim was better than theirs and he pegged one on the eyebrow and split it open when he threw one back in defense.



He had to go to anger management in 6th grade,

Stifler's - posted on 04/09/2011

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No one was meant to go on school property outside school hours (unless waiting for their parents after school obviously) when I was in primary school.

Lacye - posted on 04/09/2011

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Laura, the schools in the U.S. don't let kids play on the playground after school hours. Or at least the ones around my area don't due to if something happened on school property the school is liable for a lawsuit.

I am surprised that this boy hasn't been suspended or expelled for his actions. What he is doing is way beyond the "boys will be boys" thing. He's a bully. Plain and simple.

Mrs. - posted on 04/09/2011

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Whelp, if a kid gets one of his balls damaged on school property...I know they can sure sue that school. So, I'd say you bring it up with the school, since it is their property. Tell them to address it.



The fact is, if this happened outside of school property and an attack which led to permanent damage of private parts - the law would be called in. Just saying.

Isobel - posted on 04/09/2011

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grade 2...and his baby sitter was there but all she could do was try to get him to say sorry before she took him home.

Jenni - posted on 04/09/2011

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I know what you mean Laura. But if she is aware of how violent he is towards other children she should be there to supervise him. She should care about the other children and their families he's hurting. How old is he?

Kate CP - posted on 04/09/2011

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How do kids get like that? I mean...how does a child get to the point that they act out THAT violently? Jeebus.

Jodi - posted on 04/09/2011

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But Kati, this isn't during school hours. How can a school apply its anti-bulling policy if it is outside school hours? I don't think that is their responsibility. I don't think that this kid should be allowed at the school after hours, but I am not sure how the school can control this without saying NO children may use the school playground outside school hours.

LaCi - posted on 04/09/2011

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I think it's fairly normal that kids are going to have scuffles. I think what your describing sounds like an ongoing problem, not normal "boys will be boys" (or kids will be kids, in my opinions) stuff.

Jenni - posted on 04/09/2011

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No. He shouldn't be allowed. Would I be assuming too much by saying his parents are highly unavailable, ineffectual, or indifferent?

The only thing parents can do is keep voicing their concerns to the school. Whether it occurs during school hours or after school. Maybe if the school receives enough complaints about him they will take more serious action.



Kicking other children in the privates could cause serious irreparable harm.

Rosie - posted on 04/09/2011

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um, no. he's proven to be a bully. every school around here has strict bullying policies and will get suspended if stuff like that is documented. it's high time this kid is kicked from school.

Stifler's - posted on 04/09/2011

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NO. He shouldn't be in school either if he's constantly hurting other students.

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