Breastfeeding an adopted toddler

Becky - posted on 02/09/2011 ( 143 moms have responded )

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http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/blog/2011...
This was on Kellymom's facebook page today, about a woman who induced lactation and breastfed her adopted child, who she adopted at 20 months of age. The comments are fairly split between thinking it's beautiful and she did a wonderful thing, and thinking it was all about her and something she shouldn't have forced on the child.
It's pretty long, so I'm not going to post the article.

What do you think about this? Would you try to lactate if you were adopting? Even if it were a toddler? Did she go too far?

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Merry - posted on 02/18/2011

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I think it's hard to imagine breastfeeding a two year old until you have been there personally. It's even harder to imagine starting breastfeeding at 20 months when you have never adopted a baby at that age.

I'm assuming that all the women who are against this scenario did not breastfeed their child(ren) up to or beyond two years.
Because I'd think anyone who has breastfed their two year old would be thoroughly in approval of this woman and her story.

When Eric was one year old I thought it was absolutely weird to breastfeed a two year old. But here I am, planning his second birthday party and still breastfeeding him around 6 times a day!

You really can't judge when you haven't been there, even close. Like I said, one year ago I was so weirder out at the thought, but now it's so completely normal and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

I wonder how many moms who are opposed to this story have breastfed their child past two years?
Or have adopted a toddler?

Sharon - posted on 02/09/2011

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I'm not sure. I think it would depend on the culture the toddler came from, their breastfeeding history, and what their experience was with breastfeeding to that point.

My goal would be to do everything good and familiar for that child to bring a good & tight bond.

ALTHOUGH since I didn't have much luck breastfeeding my own bio kids - I'm thinking that is beyond my capabilities. But I might try regardless if breastfeeding was a recent thing for them, if it was positive and they seemed comfortable with it.

[deleted account]

Jessica...here is something to ponder. My cousin was adopted 28 years ago when she was eleven days old. She was allergic to formula...it could have killed her. My aunt, her adopted mother, didn't have the time, resources, or information to induce lactation. She couldn't very well let her infant starve. So...my cousin was wet nursed by members of the LLL. They also donated tons and tons of milk for her. I mean, my aunt would load her car with ice chests of milk every other day.

Now obviously in the case of my cousin it was a life or death decision. This article wasn't life or death...but it was about quality of life for the child. Attachment disorder is serious business.

Becky - posted on 02/10/2011

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What she was doing was filling in the gaps of the attachment/bonding experiences this baby had missed. Breastfeeding is, for many babies, the first close, nurturing contact they have in the outside world. Your baby is born, they place him or her on your chest, you coo over him and count his toes, and then you feed him. So she was essentially taking him back to those earliest experiences that he'd missed and starting over, to fill in the gaps. It is attachment therapy practice. I highly doubt she has done any psychological damage to the child and I would suspect the opposite.

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Madeleine - posted on 05/11/2013

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When I adopted my daughter Evelyne, I was still breastfeeding my older daughter that was just a few months older. It only made sense to breastfeed Evelyne as well. It created a beautiful bond between us and I truly never regretted it. It was a special time we shared together as mother and daughter! I would encourage it to anyone who can, though I do not necessarily believe it is essential or is "better" for the relationship.

Ramona - posted on 03/28/2011

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I would definitely try! That is SO BEAUTIFUL!! What an awesome thing to do. I don't know what people mean when they say mothers are "nursing for themselves." Yes, because I just LOVE when my nipples are sore and hooking myself up to a machine. LOVE IT. WHAT THE F***???? It is enjoyable at times, but it is definitely 100% for my baby and she will wean when SHE wants to!

Merry - posted on 03/01/2011

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Yeah, they are called 'milk teeth' for a reason! Many mammals are born with teeth, so it's not uncommon for mammals to breastfeed their babies with teeth. In fact, one of the signs of readiness to wean is when the milk teeth start to fall out! Yes, biologically speaking we are meant to breastfeed our babies until around the time their 'milk teeth' fall out. :)

Tara - posted on 03/01/2011

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As for breastfeeding a baby with teeth, they can only really bite you with their top teeth while nursing, otherwise they will end up biting their own bottom lip as their tongue is stretched under your nipple so they can use it to push your nipple against the roof of their mouth, your nipple is actually right at the back of their mouth. So if they bite down hard while nursing it will hurt them!
If they are biting otherwise, they are not latched and usually are just playing around if they're younger or they are saying they're all done for now, or this one is empty etc.
I nursed all my older 5 kids until 2.5 years. Riley is 15 months and has about 10 teeth, the only time he bites is when he is falling asleep and the nip slips out of his mouth, he'll try to use his teeth, upper and lower to grab on... that hurts like hell!!!
just thought i would add my bit about nips and nipples.

Ramona - posted on 03/01/2011

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There just seems to be something "icky" about this!

I saw the program you are talking about a while back, and it really stuck with me. On one hand, it seems gross. But on the other hand,I can completely understand where the mother is coming from...

Not only the nutritional value... she percieves the child to be slightly malnorished, so wants to help her immune system etc... but its mainly about her bonding with the child.

It is not a choice I could see myself making,but I can somewhat understand it. Im breastfeeding, and a bit of an advocate, as I believe that cows milk is for cows, mummy milk is for humans...but I dont judge people who bottle feed, not at all!

Freedom of choice, I say.

Some women just cant breastfeed due to pain, premature birth, childhood abuse resulting in issues in that area and so many other reasons. I might be an advocate for breastfeeding, but I am also an advocate in minding my own business, (LOL!)

And anyway, it worked for her and the child, so I guess the real lesson here is, do what feels true, and right for yourself and your child, and to hell with what anyone else thinks!!!

Tine - posted on 03/01/2011

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Just want to answer Kayleigh's comment about not understanding how you breastfeed a baby with teeth ... my daughter produced her first teeth at 5 months, so that sure was not my cue to wean her..! They cover thier teeth with their lips, and they just know how to feed without biting you... it just works! My 2 and a quarter year old daughter is still feeding :-)

Jennifer - posted on 02/28/2011

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whoa.

1. you've honestly heard of someone starving their child so that nursing was the only option? thats not normal behavior...thats psychotic and abusive...psychotic and abusive behavior happens independently of breastfeeding all the time. its not the breastfeeding thats the problem in that equation.

2. "...shut the hell up and let a mother do what she wants to in regards to feeding her child" um, the same statement could be turned around and applied to the OP. no one should assume they know what is best for someone elses family but human milk is undeniably what human children are supposed to consume.

3. she wasn't knocking formula feeding mothers. she didn't say that all moms should breastfeed and if they don't they should feel guilty. she said she wished more moms were willing to put in the extra effort that establishing a good nursing relationship requires.

p.s. "titty nazi" is extremely offensive.

Sharon - posted on 02/27/2011

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Tine - our sanity is worth it.

Yes you can FORCE a child to feed. By with holding other foods and starving them. I have no idea if this woman did this but its what the titty nazis tell mothers to do.

I wish all the self righteous, super sanctimonious breast feeding boobie addicts would just shut the hell up and let a mother do what she wants to do in regards to feeding her child.

I don't understand the need for boobie addicts to continuously knock formula feeding mothers.

Tine - posted on 02/27/2011

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Good on her!
I really don't understand how this is open to criticism at all. She clearly wanted to give her adopted child the best start to both her physical and emotional life (in terms of bonding with her new mum), and if she's prepared to go to the considerable effort of inducing lactation, then good on her. The objection that she is 'forcing' this on the child is ridiculous; anyone who has breastfed a baby and / or toddler knows you can't force them to feed!

I wish more biological mnothers were prepared to go to the extra effort required to put the very very best possible into their kids.
If kids aren't worth it, then what is?

Merry - posted on 02/19/2011

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I would love to have foster babies one day, my mom worked with a private agency and we had newborns alot.
If I were to do this I have seriously considered breastfeeding the foster babies. And then encouraging the adoptive mothers to breastfeed as well.
I know many moms who have induced lactation for adoptive infants and I think that it should be more common.
I don't see it as having anything to do with biological children. I see it as breasts make milk, and no other milk can be better for any baby then real human milk on tap :)
I'm sure this sounds weird to some, but I think that foster babies deserve natural milk too and I'd have no issues breastfeeding any baby who was in my care.

Sarah - posted on 02/18/2011

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yeah i agree with laura! I'm not there yet, my daughters only 10 months but i never thought i'd breast feed past 6 months, and here i am and will be for a while :)
lol and like kaleigh, i was NEVER going to breastfeed a baby with teeth! But my daughter has all 8 front teeth and yep sometimes it hurts like hell but i'm still going :)
I agree with kaleigh there, if it was me adopting the 20 month old i might not induce my milk, but if it came by itself i would def breast feed, and if the child needed it for any reason at all i would induce it. Its hard to say since i've ever been there.
Either way, i think this lady did a really amazing thing for her baby :)

[deleted account]

I don't 'think' I would do it (then again, you never know), but I definitely don't think it is WRONG to do. It sounds like it was a very good thing for her to do in this situation and I support that completely.

Of course, you all know I'm still nursing my son who will be 3 in a little over a month. ;)

[deleted account]

Interesting point Laura I wonder if that in itself has an affect, I wasn't able to breastfeed past 6 weeks...with this baby I plan to breastfeed for at least the full year (though I don't quite understand how you breastfeed a child who has teeth) who knows maybe I will try to breastfeed longer if possible, I do know that our family and friends and randoms will think that's quite strange it just isn't usually done here. I do know a select few who are breastfeeding their toddlers but it really is uncommon here.

As for adopting I have not but I do plan to foster one day and I do know in that situation I won't be breastfeeding any infants or toddlers that aren't biologically mine. I just personally would not be comfortable doing that. Now on the flipside if I did adopt an infant and suddenly started lactating I would take that as a sign (I'm very spiritual) and would of course at least try to breastfeed. I believe everything happens for a reason and God forbid if I was unable to produce milk for this baby I still wouldn't induce lactation. Maybe I'm weird.

Sarah - posted on 02/18/2011

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@Sherri, what are these 'million other ways' to bond with a child you don't know? I imagine it would be extremely difficult for a 20 month old baby to come into a home full of strangers and feel comfortable. The first 2 years are the 'bonding years' and seeing as this woman has missed nearly all of it, i think she is doing an excellent job of making her son happy and relaxed in his home as quickly as possible. It obviously isn't stressing him out to be breast fed so why are you concerned about the weaning process? its no different to any other breast fed 20 month old, he's just started a little late... so what?

@Kaleigh, yep that was me :) and i'm glad we're all good now! Sorry for the confusion, its hard in internet debates judge the tone of peoples writing, but i'm glad we've sorted it :) yeah i definitely understand your point and even though i disagree, it was a good point and is making a great debate :D lol

[deleted account]

Thanks and sorry to both Sara(h)s lol I'm thoroughly confused as well whoopsies. Anyway whichever one I thought was being rude thank you for clearing up what you meant and taking another look to understand what I had meant. We're all good hun :) well both of you actually as I'm not sure which one was which lol my bad ladies. Anyway I understand and respect your opinion(s) as well and thank you for hearing me out and understanding me even if we have a different view on this specific situation. We just have a different way of looking at things and thats cool nothing wrong with getting a different (in my case statistic and reasearched based) perspective. Can never have too much information or points of view on a subject, makes for better conversation :)

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2011

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as far as i am aware, you do learn some things about the child you will be adopting. after all, the goal is to find children permanent homes so they wouldn't want to throw a child who may have emotional issues to a couple that isn't prepared to handle them.

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2011

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How did she know he had such an attachment disorder? She started the process before she even got him.

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2011

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yes Sara, i completely agree! it worked, and thats what matters. he may, or may not remember it ...but the only stories i've heard of people who remember being nursed in their toddler/preschool years don't recall the actual act of nursing, instead they remember the feeling of security and pure happiness while being nursed. if the earliest memory this child has is of his mother nursing him, he is extremely lucky in my opinion considering what he went through.

[deleted account]

But the fact is...this toddler wouldn't have anything to do with mom. Barely slept. Was just generally emotionally unhealthy. Her method WORKED. The kid learned to trust mom. Could another method have been used? Perhaps. But this one worked...which is a miracle when you consider how emotionally damaged the kid had been previously. And chances are, he won't remember the initiation of breastfeeding and will likely be weaned before he remembers it....so what harm is it doing?

*Not that remembering being breastfed is harmful, just throwing that last statement out for arguments sake.*

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2011

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There are many logical reasons! If she didn't have a logical reason she wouldn't have done it LOL! As Emma said, for her its the bonding thing, if that makes it easier for him to come into a strange house then thats wonderful :)
Aside from that, there ARE OF COURSE benefits! There are benefits of breast milk at ANY AGE!
Obviously it was natural to her or she wouldn't have done it! Sooo you can't argue its not natural because it is extremely natural, at least to this woman anyway :)
And you are forgetting he is not 2, he is only 20 months, there is a big emotional difference between 20 months and 2.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2011

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When they say ween at a minimum of 2, they are saying breast feed for a minimum of 2 years.. So if she starts at 20 months, and breastfeeds for 2 years, he still won't even be 4. The recommendation is because 2 years of breast feeding is long enough to get the right nutrients :) Less than 2 years, is inadequate according to todays standards of international health. I don't know what age they say to stop because it's 'weird' or psychologically damaging, i would assume maybe age 4 or 5?
I just don't see any problem with breastfeeding a 20 month old :/ it makes no sense at all to me. It's so natural and beautiful, and so beneficial that no matter how good they can make formula, its never going to match up to breast milk!

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2011

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Well that would certainly explain a lot :) hahaha good one Sara! :D

[deleted account]

I think I *might* have pinpointed the confusion. I'm SARA Hopkins...no "H" after Sara. Are my posts being confused with SARAH Colborne?

[deleted account]

Kaleigh, I'm confused...I was rude? And if you understood my post why did you write a mega-paragraph, addressed to me, explaining the immune systems of everyone you know?

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2011

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I'd be thinking of both nutritional and nurturing benefits!
Recommended MINIMUM weaning age is 2 years, which does not mean after that age they won't benefit from it, of course they will!
If a child had never had breast milk then they would never have received the mothers antibodies or necessary immune boosting nutrients. It would most certainly be beneficial to a child of any age..
Like i said, i was breast fed til i was 3 and half. I have never been sick a day in my life, which i am only assuming is because of the breast milk. It;s certainly not genetic, both my parents always seem to catch whats going around.

Stifler's - posted on 02/17/2011

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It wasn't the nutritional benefits she was after it was the emotional benefits to a child that has been through trauma and has attachment/bonding issues.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2011

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I'll try and keep this short :)

Who are you referring too that said bf is gross? i can't find that one anywhere :/

Hey Kaleigh :) I am so sorry if i offended you, i didn't mean to at all! I honestly didn't! I've re-read my post and i can see how some of it would come across bitchy so i do apologize for that.. But it's not what i meant :)

I thought you were saying that breast feeding IS weird and is only for biological reasons etc. I didn't understand that you were saying 'in my opinion...' and 'i think that...' of course you are entitled to your own opinions and i fully respect that, and from reading your later posts i can see why you think what you do..

I definitely DO NOTTTT think you are unintelligent, uneducated, stupid or anything like that!

The only thing i think is wrong with your post is that it contradicts the statistics and also the natural and cultural history of breastfeeding. Which is why i don't agree with what you say, but that's your opinion and i never meant to insult your intelligence with my arguments. :)



@The general conversation

I don't see the point in arguing the proven benefits of breast feeding.. 2 years is the international, recommended minimum weaning age, so whats wrong with this woman starting at 20 months? Would it be wrong if it was her own child and for some reason she couldn't start breast feeding til then? Or had to stop when the baby was little and picked it up again?

I'm assuming since this baby was adopted, he wasn't breastfed at all by his bio mother?

This woman is just trying to do the best she can for her child, that's a great thing! If he didn't want to or didn't like it its not like she would force him. As well as the nutritional benefits, the nurturing side of it would probably make an easier transition for the child coming into a strange home :)

[deleted account]

That was the life and death situation no I got that Sara I also agree in severe cases like that its completely neccessary. The part of your post that came across as rude is the one that I quoted above I wasn't talking about the earlier post where you explained about your cousin. Please read what I said before you think I've misunderstood you.

[deleted account]

Kaleigh, I think you misunderstood the problem with my cousin. The formula could have literally killed her...not just led to a weaker immune system. She has a kidney disorder and severe allergy to anything dairy. Back in those days specialty formula wasn't available.

[deleted account]

Oh I know what post now, I agree the wording was off and too general. I think she meant it seems unnatural to her kinda like what I was saying but I think she was focussed on the non-biological mother breastfeeding and the kiddos age. I don't think she was talking about breastfeeding itself. Hope I'm not wrong 'cause then I'm an ass lol. Sometimes its hard when the vibe of someone's post seems hostile or confrontational I mean I felt the same way about Sara's post but I hope I was wrong and just took it the wrong way which happens a lot when comments are in print, sometimes tone is expressed in a post that when they wrote it they didn't mean it to have and then its left to interpretation of the reader. I think I tend to come off as condescending when I don't mean to be sometimes thats why I try to add smily faces and whatnot but then that gets perceived as being sarcastic, let me just put it this way I've had to apologise a lot more for not expressing myself the way I intended and making vague generalizations accidentally (which of course are bound to offend someone) and I've yet to have to apologise for being outright or deliberately rude. It happens hun try not to let it upset you.

Stifler's - posted on 02/17/2011

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It was the vibe of her whole post. 'I think it's sick... don't judge me for being judgmental I don't care what you say it's my opinion'. What is sick about it exactly?

[deleted account]

Who said "breastfeeding is disgusting" ? I thought I saw all the comments but I must have missed one. I agree that you should state why you have a certain opinion but its a tall order to demand that everyone have absolute evidence as to why they feel a certain way I mean sometimes we feel for or against something just based on a feeling its not always black and white. I think breastfeeding in and of itself is beautiful but I don't think someone else feeling it is gross (still don't know which post that was from) is reason to break out offensive language hun. Maybe time to take a break Emma? I'll take one with you :)

Stifler's - posted on 02/17/2011

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Her comment was the one that was ignorant and rude sorry. We've established that this woman breastfead him to combat an attachment disorder, so how the fuck is it gross and disgusting? She didn't just do it for her own sick pleasure. This is a debating community, not somewhere to come and say dumb shit like "I think breastfeeding is disgusting" with no back up evidence for your opinion.

[deleted account]

@Sara I do agree that breastfeeding within the first I believe it is six weeks (forgive me if I'm off by a week or so) is crucial immune system wise I was told the colostrum before your actual milk comes in is full of immunity stuff and whatnot and that's why they recommend breastfeeding right away in the hospitals also the skin to skin contact has been proven to do wonders for babies for a bunch of reasons and they've seen it drasticallly improve the health of a sick or premie newborn. I'm not arguing the health benefits of breastfeeding, I beastfed my son and plan to with my daughter as well hun ;). but as for the effects on the immune system of breastfeeding long term I personally don't see that it plays a huge role. Genetics have to do with the natural immune system more than breastfeeding does. Personal example: My friend bottle fed her daughter right off the hop I breastfed for 6 weeks and had to stop for health reasons, her daughter has yet to get seriously sick and my son developed asthma, was born with a urinary tract infection, gets every strand of flu each year etc. My mom exclusively breastfed me for a full year and I have a horrible immune system, my cousin who is two years older than me was bottlefed immediately and he's never been sick, yes you heard me right at 24 years old he's never had to take so much as a tylenol. Now don't mistake me for saying formula is better I don't believe that at all what I'm saying is just that when it comes to the immune system breastfeeding doesn't seem to have as big of an impact on it as some people think. I do have friends who breastfed longer than a year and again no big difference other than they have more separation anxiety than the rest of the kiddos I know but that can also be attributed to their age (most kids go through a bout of separation anxiety around that age). I understand that statistics may speak louder than personal observations I'm just explaining why I have that particular view (far be it from me to argue with the numbers!). Btw I should have mentioned in the last post I'm in Ontario Canada and the medical information I've received has been through our family doctor, my son's 2 pediactricians, my 3 public health nurses, two parenting classes, two pregnancy/ baby's first year books, parenting pamphlets and magazines and a cultural dietician, my bad I should have been clearer where my information was coming from (rookie debating mistake lol).

@Emma yes hun I did read the original post and all the comments, still doesn't make me an expert but I'm not just blindly posting without even reading whats already been said.

@Laura keeping in mind that my son's daycare is a small one so not a very wide margin of kids to look at but I do know certain kids that are there who are still being breastfed (saw it with my own two eyes), one who was weaned about a year ago, and a couple who were weaned within the first year and one that was exclusively formula fed from birth and you can not tell the difference between the kids in any way. Developementally the one kid still being breastfed is behind the most, everyone else is about averaging out and I'm not sure which kiddo is doing the best in that way but I think it might be the one girl and I know she was weaned just before her first birthday. As for immune system my son is the one whos taken the most time off sick, the other kiddo that takes the second most time off was weaned just after the first birthday and I don't know about the other ones. As for independance Aiden has the easiest time coming and going and the other kiddo that is still being breastfed has the hardest time being separated from mom, the toddler thats been on bottle since day one has the second hardest time theres always a fit when mom tries to drop him off the rest seem to do fine like Aiden. All I'm saying is it really doesn't make enough of a difference that you could tell the difference between a breastfed kid and a formula fed kid when it comes to a daycare setting with all the littles mixed in together. Maybe a doctor could tell the difference but keep in mind they have the information right there on their chart, just looking at the kid alone no they cant tell and I've seen that myself everytime a doctor asks if Aiden was breastfed and is surprised when I say yes because he does get sick often. His immune system issues and disorders have been attributed to genetics and I have yet to have a doctor or specialist say it had anything to do with him not being breastfed long enough trust me I've asked.

@Becky yes I understand why a blanket statement like that would rub you the wrong way, biology does not trump the bond between a child and their adoptive parent in anyway. Your parents are who raised you thats just the truth of it. What bugs me is when adoptive parents take it to the extreme, there is something very special about being an adoptive parent and that role should be embraced not forced to be something its not I don't see why some people put so much emphasis in the other direction and I do think its detrimental to the emotional health of the child when they do that. I get why my opinion may sound strange (re: the comment on how is cows milk more natural than human milk) it's just my personal opinion and I'd just be more comfortable feeding someone elses biological child formula as opposed to my breast milk. I might have a different view if I was already breastfeeding a biological child of mine I think my opinion might have more to do with her inducing laction thats the part that seems unnatural to me.

@Laura you do have a valid point with your last comment but for me personally I'd rather pump and bottle feed in that situation with an older child if I was solely acting on the health benefits of breastmilk, if the baby was a newborn then yes feeding from breast is important for the developement of their mouth (which translates later into speech) and I might consider it for those benefits but at 20months it still seems late in the game and unnatural IMO.

@Sara "To say breastfeeding is 'weird' and 'you can't tell the difference between breast and bottle kids' and 'breastfeeding is a biological thing' is, yeah ignorant. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and i respect that, but arguing doesn't help me understand your opinion.

oh i don't mean to offend you either :) "
Not sure if you are meaning for this to come across as sarcastic or hostile but I'm sorry but you did come across to me as kind of rude with this comment and I am mildly offended that you would call me ignorant in this way.
First off there is no need to attack my personal view of it being weird or breastfeeding being a biological thing and I'm not ignorant for feeling this way nor am I attacking anyone for feeling the opposite. As for my comment about not being able to tell a breastfed baby from a bottle fed one that is not ignorant either, I've had my personal experience and observations that have led me to this opinion just because yours differs does not make me ignorant. No I'm not using statistics or studies but that doesn't mean I'm just yapping for the sake of hearing my own voice, I've explained what led me to that conclusion and I don't think I deserve to be called ignorant for that. What I had said was that I'm ignorant with regard to the beliefs on wet nursing in the same way that I am ignorant of the mating habits of african ants, I'm learning that it is a common practice with some cultures and in certain places but as I have not seen this practice with my own eyes I have not researched it and until recently I didn't even know that anyone practiced it seems strange to me. So in this context I said ignorant to mean knowing little about in that way the term is not derrogatory or offensive its just a term to describe my lack of concrete knowledge on the subject. The way you used the term as a blanket statement for my opinion on everything being discussed not just the cultural practice of breastfeeding non-biological children implies that you think I and my opinions are uneducated and stupid, I assure you I as a person am neither. I hope that you did not mean it this way and that I'm mistaken in feeling slighted. If this was your intention though then I do feel you owe me an apology.

I'm not arguing, that implies that I would be trying to change everyone else opinions and I'm not I'm simply stating my view on the topic and explaining why all in the hope to add to the conversation I'm sorry if you took what I was saying as an argument I assure you I didn't mean it as such. If you ladies are taking my posts as an argument as opposed to another side of a debate I'm sorry and I will respectfully refrain from discussing my opinion on this subject, I'm not here to argue I'm here to discuss whatever topic at hand and in the process maybe learn something new or shed light on a different perspective. If my personal view on the subject is unwelcome and you all feel my opinion is not contributing to the discussion I will of course stay out of this thread. I was being quite genuine when I said I don't want to offend anyone.

Jennifer - posted on 02/17/2011

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so learning how to be close, and emotionally connected to a caregiver isn't a justifiable reason?

Merry - posted on 02/17/2011

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Best baby food
1 breastfeeding
2 fed mothers milk by other methods
3 fed human milk
4 artificial milk

It doesn't specify between breastfed from bio mom, or another woman. But it's pretty clear that best method of feeding is via breast. So if the breast can't be the bio moms, I'd think the next best thing would be another womans breasts.

Becky - posted on 02/17/2011

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No, of course the child will never become your biological child, but it rubs me the wrong way when someone differentiates between an adopted child and "your" child, which Jessica's wording of her post did.
I guess I don't see breastfeeding as only for your biological child either. Sure, the milk from a child's biological mother might be the optimum for that child, as it's tailored to that child's growth and needs. But if that is not available or not sufficient, any human milk is still far better for that child than milk from another animal. Human milk is made for human babies. Cows milk is made for baby cows. Humans have a difficult time digesting cows milk, and many cannot do it. I fail to understand how someone could think it is less natural to give ones child their own human milk than it is to give them the milk of another species!

Merry - posted on 02/17/2011

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Kaleigh, it's the world health organization that says two years minimum. It's not local, or even one country, or continent! It's the whole world is recommended to breastfeed a minimum of two years.
America is the only country I'm aware of who goes against the wold recommendation and says one year is the minimum.
But the American academy of family physicians clearly states that 'a child weaned before the age of two is at increased risk of illness' so, the aap might say one year is enough, but the aafp says one year is still falling short of giving your child a healthy start.

As for the daycare kids, odds are most kids who are breastfed a natural duration, 2.5-7 years, are not even in daycare!
And most likely you never know which kid breastfed til they were 5 unless you asked the mom. And even then many moms will lie so not to be judged.
I know one mom who breastfed her kids each between 4.5-6 years and she lives near me and her kids are wonderful and quite normal.
Also, a random person might not see the difference in breastfed children or formula fed ones, but a dr can most likely tell from someones health records wether or not they were breastfed.

Brandi - posted on 02/17/2011

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Wow, Emma, I think EVERYONE here deserves to be heard. I think that was rude... sorry.

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Of course an adopted child is your child, when i read the link it touched my heart how she spoke about her son and how she picked up on everything her son did.She observed him for pros and cons and if she saw her son wasnt going to take to the milk, you could automatically feel by reading it she was okay with that.She wanted to do something wonderful and natural for her son and it just so happened to have worked out wonderfully in her favour but it will benefit the child more and i believe it eased the young child in to her family.It was his comfort the bottle and milk.Its just beautiful and it touched my heart.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2011

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THIS WOMAN IS A LEGEND :D good on her for going so far to do the best she can for HER child!

@Kaleigh, you cannot argue with the benefits of breast feeding! Sure, to look at a toddler you generally can't tell if they are breast or bottle fed, but get to know them and as a rule, their immune system will be nowhere near the standards of breast fed babies! (just google it!)

In australia they definitely say 2 years is the recommended minimum weaning age, and sure they are also on solids and cows milk, but a breast feed twice a day does wonders for their immune system and general wellbeing! I was breast fed til i was 3 and a half! Yeah i think thats a bit much, but i don't remember it and i have never had more than a cold in my life.. i never catch whats going around and i think thats because of the breast milk.

Breastfeeding is not a biological thing at all! I agree with what laura said! And way back in the day, and still in other cultures, whole tribes of women breast feed the babies! That's how its done! Its not gross, its life! Wet nurses are still used today, not necessarily for life and death situations.. Also breast milk banks are being introduced here, starting with milk for the premmi babies and then other women who are willing to pay for it..

I also have a friend who will happily feed her baby a bottle of her sisters breast milk! It isn't weird, or wrong, or gross, its natural!

Me personally, i would definitely try and breastfeed an adopted child, and i would breastfeed for family if i needed too.. i love it! And we should be commending this woman for doing the best she can for HER BABY! He's only 20 months thats definitely not too old!

To say breastfeeding is 'weird' and 'you can't tell the difference between breast and bottle kids' and 'breastfeeding is a biological thing' is, yeah ignorant. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and i respect that, but arguing doesn't help me understand your opinion.



oh i don't mean to offend you either :)

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@ Emma if only the experts were allowed to comment on this group it would be very quiet in here. There's nothing wrong with stating your opinion on a topic and thats part of debating, expressing your specific point of view, you don't have to be an expert on something to have an opinion on it.

@Laura "So if scientifically inducing lactation is so wrong, is inducing labor wrong?
What about artificial insemination?
Egg donors?
Kidney transplants?
Blood transfusions?
C sections?
All these are unnatural."
IM very personal O yes I do disagree with these things I don't judge others who do agree with them but me personally I would not be doing any of these unless it was life and death. As sara said there are life and death situations where a child needs breastmilk to survive and if this had been one of them I think a lot less people would be opposed. It's not life and death though so no I still don't agree with it.

"2 years is the MiNIMUM weaning age, so she still had four months of which that boy *should* have been breastfed." It must be different where you are because here the age they suggest weaning is one year old, Most doctors here suggest introducing cows milk and other dairy sources at 9months and having them completely weaned by a year old. They also suggest solid food at 6 months old so by a year old you typically would have your child on real food and drinking milk from a cup by or shortly after their first birthday. Like I said though it may be different where you are.

"And the longer a child breastfeeds, the healthier he is, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially." I have to disagree with that point hun you honestly can not tell the difference between a child who has been breastfed longer than another in a daycare except (and this is only speculation from what I've seen personally) that a child who has been breastfed longer tends to have more separation anxiety from mom and tend to take longer to develop their independance. Please don't take that as a blanket statement I'm just speculating on what I've seen in my son's daycare. No matter what though by the time they get to actual school there really is not way to tell.

"Sure it's weird to start at 20 months, but wrong? It's like saying since a kid hasn't been eating whole grains since toddlerhood that it's too late to introduce them to whole grains at age of 4 or something." I do believe bread is a different situation that breast milk and that the issue isn't so much of the milk its the act of breast feeding a toddler. I mean a sandwich is a sandwich whenever you introduce it you eat it the same way, I wouldn't care if she gave him homo milk or two percent because both are drank from a glass, breastfeeding the toddler is the weird part.

@Becky you are right but biologically no that is not your child and I'm sorry but all the love in the world can not change that fact, nor can breastfeeding said child. Breastfeeding to me is a biological thing not just a nurturing thing, though I will admit I'm very ignorant of the whole wet nurse type of thing. I just recently started to hear about it and the idea still seems very strange to me so I am somewhat biased due to my lack of knowledge and familiararity on the subject.

Hope I didn't offend any of you ladies :) good night all!

Sal - posted on 02/16/2011

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i stand with my opinion that it isn't for me,i did find it odd and couldn;t imagine myself doing it but as long as she had the baby's best interest at heart not a problem, not like she was doing it with my boobs, but having said that laura just because you can do something doesn''t mean you should, there are lots of things that are possible but not right, ( i have seen some horrid plastic boobs that are testament to that) women giving birth to 8 babies, 70 yr old considering ivf, a 19 yr old marrying a 90 all can be done but should they...

Merry - posted on 02/16/2011

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And if it is so wrong to induce lactation then it wouldn't be so easy and simple to do it!
No drugs, no surgeries, just stimulate the nipples and the milk will come!
It's quite amazing, but it seems to indicate that women are supposed to be able to breastfeed babies that aren't their own blood.
Women are nurturers, and breastfeeding is the utmost of nurturing.

Merry - posted on 02/16/2011

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So if scientifically inducing lactation is so wrong, is inducing labor wrong?
What about artificial insemination?
Egg donors?
Kidney transplants?
Blood transfusions?
C sections?
All these are unnatural.
2 years is the MiNIMUM weaning age, so she still had four months of which that boy *should* have been breastfed.
And the longer a child breastfeeds, the healthier he is, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially.
Sure it's weird to start at 20 months, but wrong? It's like saying since a kid hasn't been eating whole grains since toddlerhood that it's too late to introduce them to whole grains at age of 4 or something.
A good thing is a good thing no matter how late in the game you get on board.

Stifler's - posted on 02/16/2011

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This board isn't about stating your uneducated opinion. It's a debating board.

Jessica - posted on 02/16/2011

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Definately, I think she went too far. I think you should breastfeed your children and only your children. Your body is made that way, to produce milk for your baby when you give birth to it. Not someone else's, specially not when you have to induce it. I dont think what she did was beautiful or wonderful, I think its sick. Specially seeing as the child was almost 2 already! Both of my kids were on bottles because I couldnt breastfeed unfortunately, but they were off their bottles by 14 months at the LATEST. This is just my opinion, I'm sure there will be some of you that will thnk what I said is rude or horrible, and quite frankly, I don't care. This is what this board is about, I stated my opinion, and that is that I think this woman is a strange for doing something like this and you don't hae to like it, but don't point fingers or call me names because of it.

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I got to read the link..wow no i have no problem.The story is beautiful and the mother seems to of had her sons best interests at heart.That is all that matters.

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