bullies..yes again...

Tah - posted on 03/29/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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in the news there was a young lady 16, who committed suicide due to extensive bullying. some of the it occurring in front of teachers who did little to nothing. One incident in the library the same day she committed suicide. Again witnessed by staff..not reported. They are now charging at least 6 students with crimes that range from assault to statutory rape. and my fave..assult with a deadly weapon..I mean my gads, what is going on. They are now, after so many children have committed suicide over this, starting laws about bullying that i think are overdue. They are also looking into policies that require staff to notify police of bullying that may result in criminal acts or charges.

I for one think it is long overdue. These children are horrible, I would never have thought to say and do the things that these children do to each other, and then they never have to accept any responsibility when these childrens lives are ended and families devastated. What are your views?

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Bullying is terrible.



From a teacher's point of view...



If you step in and punish the bullies, that sometimes makes the situation worse for the victim. The bullying gets worse. Yes, if a teacher witnesses bullying, they have an obligation to do something. But you must walk a fine line so that they bully doesn't retaliate in a worse way on the victim.



When I was a teacher, a group of girls would gang up on another girl during PE. We made sure the bullies received an appropriate punishment and then moved the victim to a different PE class so that future problems could be avoided.



I prefer to focus on the victim. Help them learn how to handle these situations. And maybe even encourage a compassionate student to befriend the victim. There are great kids out there that are willing to do that with a little nudge in the right direction. The teasing may not stop, but at least the victim has a support system.

Tah - posted on 03/30/2010

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i understand that being a teacher is hard, but i think when you see someone being bullied you should step in, or at the least report it or make note of it or something..she was harrassed in school numerous times in front of staff who did nothing and did not report anything until AFTER she KILLED HERSELF..I mean what, how does that help.."o yeah, it must have been because they all ganged up with her in the library today, I saw that"...i mean she was walking home and they threw a can of red bull at her, come on, you ever been hit with a full can of anything pitched at you full speed...This all started because she had dated the high school football star when she got her)immigrated from Ireland) so here she is, far from home, thinking she has a guy that likes her, the girls that like him are pissed and jealous, prob a couple of ex-girlfriends in there, and when they break up, he's right in it because, i mean he's too cool to not be right....she feels like she can't talk to anyone because she sees teachers and staff watching and doing the minimum about it...i mean children are going through enough..add bullying..when you are 15(she was 15 not 16) you think it will never end and it will never be over and anywhere is better than here...it just makes me sad for her and her parents...

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Emma - posted on 05/01/2010

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Sorry this wont be popular but i was bullied in till i broke the the biggest girl in the groups nose no one ever bothered me again.
For me that's the only thing that worked, as it only escalated after, parents, the school and cops where involved.
I honesty wish i had done it 3 years sooner if only i had known that's all it would take.
A the really funny bit was it was an accident one of the other girls pushed me i tripped over a bag and head butted the other girl in the face...
Strangely even now friends of mine will bring it up on FB you know the do you remember when type of stuff and every one in my year remembers as it was the day those girls stopped bullying anyone.
Sometimes turning the tables is the only thing that works.

Emma - posted on 05/01/2010

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Sorry this wont be popular but i was bullied in till i broke the the biggest girl in the groups nose no one ever bothered me again.
For me that's the only thing that worked, as it only escalated after, parents, the school and cops where involved.
I honesty wish i had done it 3 years sooner if only i had known that's all it would take.
A the really funny bit was it was an accident one of the other girls pushed me i tripped over a bag and head butted the other girl in the face...
Strangely even now friends of mine will bring it up on FB you know the do you remember when type of stuff and every one in my year remembers as it was the day those girls stopped bullying anyone.
Sometimes turning the tables is the only thing that works.

Lea - posted on 03/31/2010

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I think that in general teachers are overwhelmed. I've seen that there is a huge difference between schools as to what is tolerated. At the (affluent) school I interned at, two boys posturing and staring each other down was grounds for detention. At other (poor) schools I taught at, bullying, fighting, running amok causing disturbances, the principal didn't want to be bothered and there WAS NO DETENTION because half the kids in the school would have been in it every week. I think that if teachers are overwhelmed, a lot of kids are just forced to have to learn to defend themselves. Those that can't, and take it all in end up like this. Its a sad situation. I know that a lot of schools have a no bullying policy, and if your child is being bullied, be proactive. A friend of mine had a kid permanently removed from her child's class because he was bullying her and calling her "lesbian" and they decided it was sexual harassment.

Tah - posted on 03/30/2010

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if something had been reported then thats were the communication could have been stronger when the principal or the counselor heard from the 2nd or 3rd teacher, maybe some flags could have been raised, i dont suggest you rush in, hug her and stroke her hair while yelling "bad bad teenagers"....but they know that as authority figures you have to step in..how bold are they that they do it in front of these teachers, they must not fear any reprecussions because none were given. They saw the teachers not helping and said, hey. thats what up. i can do this whenever ans wherever i want, i dont envy teacher, i appreciate and i admire what they do, but we trust our children with them daily. Sometimes parents know something is wrong and cant get them to open up because to have mom at the school, we you just put a bullseye on them thats bigger, (not saying i woudln't go)..sometimes these kids try to stay where adults are while in school to have someone to intervene and they turned their heads to it...I just talked to my neighbor because her son was apparently in a fight and didn't even tell her, she knocked on my door because her son and my son are friends, i had my son tell her what he told me, when she asked why he didn't tell her, he said "i didn't want you to worry"...So sometimes they think they are protecting us, i ask my children at least once a week if anybody is bothering them or they need to talk about anything concerning school, letting them i care and that it only worries me if they keep it, if they let me know we can fix it and those kids can kick rocks..

Sharon - posted on 03/30/2010

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I wish there were a cut & dried answer for this.

Do children need to be enlightened to never make a cruel comment/taunt? What about the things that slip out by accident? Small kids are brutally honest. "that is an ugly dress." Other kids will join in because their taste isn't the same as the "victim". It starts out relatively innocent. (I'm thinking of an incident where my daughter took a dislike to a paisley(sp?) dress another girl had on. The other girl appeared to shrug it off, but it potentially was incredibly hurtful.

I did talk to my daughter about a better way to say things so that she could express her feelings/opinions without putting someone down.

Its quite another to single someone out and badger them, badger them, badger them, harrass them, torture and torment them to the point where they feel out of control of their mini environment.

Like Sara said, teachers stepping in.... can make it worse. Its a very delicate balancing act... how much to let go before you intervene.

But the case you're talking about there was a defined nucleus of kids who were doing the tormenting and I think they should have been split up and sent to various other schools and I don't give a whack damn how long their bus rides would have been.

I guarantee the lone person to stay at the same school as the victim would NOT have the guts to continue their little vendetta.

On the other hand... why didn't anyone know she felt THIS desperate? Its horribly sad. Ignored by her school. Ignored by her parents. So locked up inside herself not even her friends knew?

Although... I had a friend in highschool whose parents mocked and belittled her.... they made her feel so worthless. They had a nice house, nice cars, but she was fat. Cute and sweet but fat. She got knocked up looking for someone who would love her. Her parents forced her to give up her rights to her baby to the father who promptly married someone else. I read a letter from him once.. he needed someone who could be a mother to the baby... nasty.

Her parents moved the family to another state (mine) and she was a wreck ( I seemed to attract damaged people... so weird) after listening to her sad depressing music for a month I called her parents and told them she was on the verge of suicide, that she had threatened to kill herself. They called me a liar, then said it was my fault.

Two weeks later she tried to commit suicide. They still said it was my fault.

Bullies need to be stopped. How I'm not sure. I think the people who witness this need to be talking to one another. But they aren't. Why aren't these teachers communicating? Were the bullies related to one of the teachers? Why wasn't this addressed? So many questions and so few answers. Unfortunately most of these questions will be answered by liars trying to protect their jobs.

LaCi - posted on 03/30/2010

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I can't imagine a school where something as severe as this wouldn't be dealt with. it is absolutely their responsibility to maintain a safe environment for children and teens. Threats, violence, and harassment would not have been tolerated at my high school. Of course there is always going to be teasing, but for a teacher to witness harassment and do absolutely nothing about it is absolutely ridiculous.

However, I'm not so interested in laws regarding bullying. If there is any sort of physical violence it needs to be dealt with and there is already a law in place. Harassment is already against the law, stalking is already against the law, there were plenty of laws in place that should have been taken advantage of in this case. harassment, threatening, stalking, statutory rape, so on.

On another note, I'm also not a fan of laws against *cyber bullying*. I think it goes too far. If one is directly verbally harassing another person- then that should be harassment. If someone makes negative comments about another person just in general, that is voicing an opinion. People are going to talk shit about you, regardless of who you are, someone will be there to talk shit. It shouldn't be criminal to do so.

Maybe another thing that the school should do is mandate teens to talk with counselors, that way they are aware of who they can turn to when they have a problem. I'm not saying force all teens to see a counselor on a regular basis, but force them to see the counselor at least one time so they will be informed that counseling is private and safe and that they can always come in if they have any sort of problem. In most colleges here its mandated that when you enter you take an intro college course, which I hated and thought was unnecessary. The course deals with social pressures, how to get the help you need- both with your schooling and with personal problems, etc. Maybe something like that should be mandated in high school, maybe even middle school. It would actually make more sense there than in college.

Esther - posted on 03/30/2010

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I think it's a horrible problem and I think the bullies should be dealt with very harshly, but I personally think there should be consequences for their parents too. If I ever got a call from my son's school saying he was bullying someone, I would be LIVID. I do think it is a tricky problem to deal with for both parents and teachers and I think it is very important to work with the victim on ways to increase their self esteem and work on body language and such in addition to punishing the bullies.

Lisamarie - posted on 03/30/2010

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I agree with what Sara said, although I will say, bullies are bullies, they don't need a specific victim, they may single people out but if that victim is moved away bullies are quite capable at seeking someone else out.

I was bullied from a young age, nothing too serious, thankfully, but I did have about 10 girls waiting outside the shop for me one time ready to give me a good beating (I have no idea why they bullied me) the shopkeeper phoned my step dad to pick me up that time so I waited in the shop for him to arrive, they were still shouting abuse as my stepdad took me home.

My mum spoke to my head teacher when I moved to the upper school because a lot of the girls were in the same classes, they didn't really do much except talk to the two main bullies and then I was known as a grass/snitch. Luckily as the years went by most of the girls matured and left me alone, although, having the biggest boobs in our year was always going to catch the guys attention and make the girls jealous and me open to quite a few "slag" comments (although I never lost my virginity or did anything sexual until I met my now hubby)

After a while our school had "peer mentors" which weere students you could talk to about any problems, the idea that we would open up more with our fellow students. I don't think a single person actually made a visit to these mentor rooms and the project was canned after two weeks.

I think teachers are at a loss of what to do with bullying because at the end of the day, they can only do so much, it is the parents responsibility but most bullies' parents don't give a damn, hence why their children are bullies in the first place. That's my opinion, anyways.

Amie - posted on 03/29/2010

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Good for them! My kids school has strict policies on bullying. They have classes that the entire school attends on bullying. It has serious consequences.

There was a boy (9 or 10 at the time, can't remember) who was expelled from school last year for bullying. As a minor he is entitled to his education and his parents have to make sure he gets it BUT the school doesn't have to keep a problem child. I don't know where he is now but I am glad he's gone. Hopefully getting the help he needs, lord knows the school tried but they can only do so much. After awhile they need to think of the others as well and what is more important. Helping one bully change his ways and get help, or the multitude of others (teachers included, the boy had physically attacked at least one) who were being affected by his poor attitude.

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