Can child free women and Mothers still be friends?

Sarah - posted on 09/19/2011 ( 25 moms have responded )

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http://thehappiestmom.com/?p=2713

So there was a debate on TV recently about whether child free women and Mothers can still be friends.......I also found the above article on the subject.

What do you think?

Have you lost any friends due to having kids?
Is it harder to find common ground with some friends after having kids when they don't have any?

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Charlie - posted on 09/19/2011

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Nope havent lost any friends because I have children , I dont find it is harder to find common ground and I still hang out with my childless friends daily, in fact I make NEW childless friends !

Im always seeing women complaining that their friends leave them and that they make no effort well I know having a kid makes it take a little longer to get ready but seriously what is it with some people ? All of a sudden we have kids and all of our friends have to visit us at all times , all of a sudden WE dont have to make an effort ?

I make time for my friends , they are important to me , they are the family I have chosen.

Here is the deal , if you dont want your friends to go running away and hiding in the closet for fear of ANOTHER shitty nappy explosion story than stop making their ears bleed with non stop kiddy talk !!!!!!!

Yeah I love my kids , they crack me up , I find them very interesting but shit not everyone needs a minute by minute run down of the days events , remember you are a grown adult who had other interests BEFORE kids , try and get some adult conversation happening it will save your sanity.

I make a point of not going on about my kids .

My friends are always asking how the boys are in fact my childless friends are a big part of their life too ( there is always someone here having a cup of tea) I feel they appreaciate that I can have a discussion with them that doesnt involve the lego in the toilet , that I can crack jokes and hold friendly banter.


( you in general) Rant over.

JL - posted on 09/19/2011

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I have friends without kids. I like having them in my life and they don't have a problem with me having kids. There is no issue. I think it's a good thing for me because I do get a little tired of every conversation being about children and motherhood. With my childless friends I can get a break from that and talk about my personal interests outside of my kids and my title of mom. It's just nice to be Joy sometimes!!

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ME - posted on 09/20/2011

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I have lost friends since having children :( It does seem to be harder to maintain a relationship with friends who don't have kids...they don't plan ahead, often call at the last minute, can't get a sitter, can't leave the kids and/or hubby...It was really hard for me with a couple of them. I lost my very best friend for exactly this reason...She said, I'd 'changed'...yeah, no shit!

[deleted account]

I have lost friends who didn't have children because they didn't understand my obligations.
I do still have a few friends that are childless and they are the best friends we are just at different times in our lives.
I do feel like i have to work harder on my friendships with the couples who don't have friends then i do with my friends with kids.

Sal - posted on 09/19/2011

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my very best friend is single with no kids and while it upsets her not to have a hubby and kids she is nothing but happy for me and is god mother to my son and aunt to all my children, another friend is still freinds with her best freind from high school and one has 3 kids and 1 has none because she is unable to have them and is exploring adoption, my old room mate from uni is the same she has 2 kids her best freind (and my dear freind) has no children and i gay with no desire to have any, so yes freinds are freinds are friends, but now that i am a mum i meet more mums, and being friends with my kids mums comes easily but a true freind is just that...
BUT having said that i do know it can cause stress and preesure freindship, i have lost a freind who wanted kids and her partner doens't she is miserable about it and it is hard for her to be around kids and families

Becky - posted on 09/19/2011

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The majority of my friends do have kids. Since I was a little older when I got married and started having kids, most of my friends already had kids or were starting families right around the same time. And the new friends I have made since have been through moms and tots groups and things like that, so of course, they have kids. The few friends I have without kids are still friends, but they are not as close anymore. I don't really think that's because I had kids though, more because they started attending another church (they were church friends) and we don't hang out in the same circles anymore. And one of them lives in Africa and one in California, so we stay in touch on facebook, but of course, don't see each other often!

[deleted account]

I haven't lost any friends since having my son. My two best friends (one has a daughter, the other has no children) have become aunts. If anything I've GAINED friends since becoming a mother, some of them are YOU PEOPLE lol

[deleted account]

I don't have any friends who don't have kids!! That being said, I can't stand being around moms all day who can ONLY talk about mommy stuff. There is a whole other world out there of stuff to talk about.

[deleted account]

mothers and child free women can get along but it is harder since eventually child free women can't understand why mothers want to go spend more time with their kids anymore than mothers can understand why childfree women continue to run around spending money like water and bitching about not having it.

Elfrieda - posted on 09/19/2011

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I do hate hearing non-stop kid stories. What's worse is when you get together with another mom and every word that comes out of your OWN mouth is just diaper stories and worries about ear infections and milestones. You just gotta look at each other and ask, "When did we get so BORING?" I guess that's the time to do something more exciting than having tea in the livingroom staring at the kids.

Stifler's - posted on 09/19/2011

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And I agree with Feen 100 % some people I know who have kids make me not want to be friends with them because all they talk about is how their kid is sick (every week) or whateverr and it makes my ears bleed and I HAVE kids.

Stifler's - posted on 09/19/2011

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I haven't lost any friends. What kind of friend doesn't like you anymore because you have kids? It's hard to go out on the weekend unless you can ditch the kids with grandma or your partner is home on the night you want to go out yes but I had friends with kids before I had any kids anyway and we're closer now I guess that I have kids too and my old friends with no kids aren't like women who hate kids or anything so my kids are welcome to come out for lunch when we catch up. I prefer childless friends sometimes because I feel like i am only friends with certain people in this town because we both have kids and nothing else to do but talk about housework and kids.

Jenny - posted on 09/19/2011

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I lost pretty much all of my friends once I had kids. Out of my six close friends only 3 of them came to visit me when I had my kids. I'm sorry but as a mother of 2 kids close in age I cannot keep up with my friends who usually go out after work or on the weekends. I don't really have anybody to baby sit my kids and its gotten to the point where I don't want anyone to baby sit anymore. I want to be the one knowing I took care of my kids.

I think that my non kids friends should make an effort as it would be a lot harder for me to drag me & my kids to hang out. And when they don't have kids it is hard, they don't understand what its like.

I think this will change with age though, as I did have my kids a little young, and my friends are still in the mid-twenties, some not yet married.

But I don't get it. I can't even catch up with the one friend of mine that does have kids! This used to be a car issue (for her) so I used to go over, but now this is not an issue and she still makes no effort to ask us to hang out.

Anyway, mostly I don't think about it, my life is busy enough not to warrant it too much thought.

[deleted account]

I've lost one friend since becoming a mum but I don't think the two are related, she has been very sporadic with contact with our whole circle of friends since she moved away (I think she expects us to go to her without her ever making the effort to come to us, even though she comes back to 'home' every few weeks).

Since being a mum I've made new friends both childless and. Mums, I think the key is to remember the world doesn't revolve around your kids and there is so much to talk about other than kids. Actually my best friend has become so since I had Ethan and she doesnt have any children yet.

Johnny - posted on 09/19/2011

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For the most part, no, it hasn't changed my friendships. I have pretty much equal amounts of friends with and without kids. Children arent' my only interest, so it is easy to find other things to talk about.

I did lose one friend though. Not right after having my daughter, but about a year or so ago. It was not really "personal". She has been struggling greatly with her life not having gone as she wished. She wanted marriage and kids. She's 42, single, occasionally dating 20-somethings, still partying and finding change hard to come by. She basically stopped talking to all her friends who were married or had kids. I'm still there for her when she's ready though, I'm not mad, just sad. Otherwise, I'm still friends with all the same people, plus some new people I've met through having my daughter.

Carolee - posted on 09/19/2011

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I've lost friends when I became a mom. I was the first one in our group to have a kid, an they didn't know how to handle it... honestly, it was because I stopped partying and they weren't nearly ready to stop, even for a night.



Now, my closest friend cannot have children. This doesn't have any type of negative impact on our relationship at all. She has accepted long ago that it was an impossibility for her. She loves being "Aunt Rae", though! And we love having her be "Aunt Rae"... the kids can't get enough of her!



Edited to correct spelling.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/19/2011

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My best friend doesn't have any kids. She's not sure if she ever will. She's finishing up a PhD right now and is enjoying her career. She loves my kid though. They get along great and we still have tons in common - all the crap that was there before I had a kid! I guess if your friends weren't great friends to begin with that's one thing, but a best friend isn't likely to just toodle off.

September - posted on 09/19/2011

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No and No. The friends I have are friends for life, some of which do not have children. My most best friend is not a mother and there are no issues there.

Tracey - posted on 09/19/2011

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NO problem, I like grown up time with people when I don't have to think about teletubbies.

[deleted account]

I have several childless friends. I don't see the issue.

The conversation is different, but I find it stimulating and interesting. It takes me away from "mommyhood" for a few hours.

Amanda - posted on 09/19/2011

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I don't see why you should loose friends just because you have kids. I have friends that had kids along time before I had mine, some who have had kids after and others that don't have kids. We are all still friends. I have also kept the friendships going even though I have moved overseas.

I think you get out of a friendship what you are prepared to put in, regardless wether there are kids involved or not.

Sarah - posted on 09/19/2011

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Of my 2 closest friends, one has kids and the other doesn't.

The one who doesn't is still a very close friend, we see each other regularly and my having kids hasn't affected our friendship in a negative way at all.

Some of my other friends I guess it has affected our friendship a little bit........but not majorly.

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