can i get done by the law if i stop my chld seeing his dad even though its been court ordered?

Harley - posted on 11/12/2012 ( 21 moms have responded )

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i have a 5 year old son. ive recently been taken to court because i dont want him seeing his dad. his dad got fortnightly weekend contact, i dont want the dad having my son next weekend. (its his weekend) can i get done by court for cancelling? the father is going nuts, saying hel be outside the school to pick him up, ive told the father my son wont be in school. which he wont. my son wants to go to a birthday party on friday and i dont want his father getting in the way of his fun.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Harley,



Just a couple things:



If you go against court ordered visitation, you are in contempt, you will be either fined, or jailed, or both. You say you "don't care" if you go to prison if it's in defense of "YOUR" son, and that your ex will "never" get custody of "your" son...but here's the rub, my naive little dear...Guess who gets custody of THEIR son when you are jailed? You got it, his father does.



A birthday party is NOT an emergency. It's NOT a valid reason to withhold a scheduled and court ordered visitation. But, hey, like the rest have said, go for it! Maybe you can take it to Judge Judy or one of those televised shows so that we ALL can have a good laugh at your presumption that the kid is entirely YOURs and no one else has any rights at all. Because, honey, you're sorely mistaken.



If the kid sees his cousin daily, then missing one party won't kill either of them. But, I guess it may kill you mentally, because you're not in any position to win this argument, and you don't want to accept that.



If you remove the child from school (or plain don't send him that day), your ex can have you cited for that. Not only will you have violated the custody agreement, but you're also holding the child so that the custodial parent cannot access him. Yes, you're the custodial parent during the times that he is NOT scheduled to visit his dad, but his dad is the custodial parent when he's supposed to have the kid. You'd not react favorably to the same plan if it were reversed, I can almost guarantee by the way that you think you're entitled to do anything you want with the child, regardless of court orders.



I get it. You carried the kid for 9 months, so you think that automatically gives you the exclusive rights to him, but here's the deal. HE'S A HUMAN BEING, NOT A PET OR A TOY. He has a father that has court ordered visitation, and you think you're going to pull off a stunt like you're planning...good luck with that.



So, hey, continue to be selfish, and self centered. Continue to think that you've got all the rights to this child, and that no one else should have any say. Then, after you're brutally introduced to the way the REAL world operates, maybe you'll stop acting like a spoiled child yourself, and allow your son to develop the relationship that HE HAS A RIGHT TO!



And I agree with Jodi...I'll bet that you more than happily accept the court ordered support. You just don't think the rules apply both ways. I'm sorry that your son will have to grow up in that environment. Maybe his dad should petition for full custody

Becky - posted on 11/14/2012

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He is your son's father. I'm sorry, but unless he is unfit or abusive, he is no less important to your son than you are and he and your son have every right to have a strong positive relationship. You have no right to get in the way of that. Bottom line, this is the father's weekend and if he does not want to change it, that is his right. A court is not likely to force him to change it for a birthday party and he would have the legal right to show up with the police and take him. That would be very traumatic for your son, do you really want to put him through that? He will have other chances to go to his cousin's birthday parties and other chances to visit with his cousin. If he has to miss the birthday party, you and his cousin's mother can plan something special for them to do instead. I am sure that in the long run, he would be far less damaged by missing one birthday party than by a lengthy, bitter court battle between you and his father.

I think it might help to talk to someone or take a seminar on how to make co-parenting work.

Dove - posted on 11/13/2012

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He's not just your son. Fine, go to jail.... guess who will get custody of 'your' son then...??? HIS FATHER!!!!



Enjoy spending the rest of your life fighting with this man. 'Your' son will end up the only loser in that battle.

[deleted account]

my son goes to school with his cousin and are very close. the father wants him on his weekend the time that is ordered for which is father to pick him up friday when school finishes and to drop off on sunday. the father wont give any time up. he always says my son spends little time with him and his brother so he wont give anytime up at all. dont see why the father can call the shots, im the main carer, i should be the one in charge not the court, not the father not anyone but me!! i might just take him to court and try to change the arrangements, i dont like my son going to his fathers. do yo think i have a chance if i take him to court?

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Boy do I feel sorry for your child. You picked this man to be his father, now you must live with your choice. Something tells me that if this man said, "screw you, he ain't mine" etc, you'd be all over him. Your child does spend very little time with his father.



I myself have a son with a father who is elsewhere but I made the decision to love my son more than I hated his father which meant making difficult decisions. However now that he is 16, I'm glad I did. His father remarried and she and her family have taken my son in just as if he was their own. They never ever treated him like the 'step'son but as full member of the family. Just a few days ago his stepgrandparents replaced his broken xbox. He's gone on trips around the country. He loves it.



I've always said you can't have too many people who love you.



What you are teaching your child unfortunately, is that you hate the man you chose to get pregnant with more than you love him.



Yes it is that simple

Mary - posted on 11/13/2012

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Harley, the father is right. he doesn't spend all that much time with him. Believe it or not, your son is lucky to have a father that feels that way. Perhaps if you weren't such a difficult, controlling and unreasonable person, the father might have been more willing to compromise with you for this occasion. You've given every indication that you go out of your way to make it difficult for him to be with his son. A mother who truly cared about the happiness and well-being of her child would not behave in this fashion.



To answer your question - NO. Based on what you've said, I don't think you do (or should) have a snowball's chance in hell if you were foolish enough to take him to court..

21 Comments

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Shell - posted on 11/16/2012

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And you really should be grateful that the Dad is there for his son instead of hateful.

Shell - posted on 11/16/2012

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Wow. There is so much information broadcast about dead beat dads. Now here we have a Father who WANTS to be involved with his child and the Mom wants "CONTROL".



Very similar in that my Husband and I want more time with our son, but bio mom wants to be in CONTROL.



I'm wondering if this dead beat dad thing is more of a figment of controlling mothers imaginations.



Let the child see HIS FATHER. The limited amount of time they get together at this point is NOT NEARLY as much as the child DESERVES!!! One day the children will grow up and will understand that their own mothers kept them from spending with their Fathers. Those children will resent that fact.



Stop torturing your son and his Father. Sounds to me like they both deserve better treatment from you. You should be grateful Dad is in his life. Not hateful. Shame on u.

Dove - posted on 11/15/2012

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I didn't say this earlier, but I hope she does get the police involved. They'll take one look at the custody/visitation order and she'll lose instantly.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Oh, and Harley...these ladies aren't just blowing smoke up your ass.



Your little rant of "i dont care if i have to go to prison for MY SON!! over my dead body would the father get custody. you all obviously dont know what your on about. hes MY SON i can do what i like. hes going to his cousins party. i will get the police involved to stop the dad getting MY SON!! "

indicates that you really don't understand the whole legal system here. Like I said, he's not YOUR son, solely. He is a product of TWO people, and ONE doesn't get to be automatically in charge.



The more you rant like that, the less likely a judge would be to allow you to retain full physical custody. More likely that you'd be granted the weekends.

Jodi - posted on 11/14/2012

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Wow....

I'll put money on it she quite happily collects the child support.



I agree with everything these ladies have said.

Dove - posted on 11/13/2012

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Now that I've actually read your latest response.... go ahead and take it to court. Spend the money on a lawyer to get laughed out of the courtroom. Maybe your ex will get smart and take you for full custody, so that he can lord it over you that this is HIS son too.

Harley - posted on 11/13/2012

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my son goes to school with his cousin and are very close. the father wants him on his weekend the time that is ordered for which is father to pick him up friday when school finishes and to drop off on sunday. the father wont give any time up. he always says my son spends little time with him and his brother so he wont give anytime up at all. dont see why the father can call the shots, im the main carer, i should be the one in charge not the court, not the father not anyone but me!! i might just take him to court and try to change the arrangements, i dont like my son going to his fathers. do yo think i have a chance if i take him to court?

[deleted account]

Harley, if YOU go to prison, you won't be with your son, your son's father would definitely get him then. You can't "go to prison for your son" it doesn't work--you go to prison, you loose your son. Period, end of story. Just because he is your son does not mean you can do whatever you want. What on earth would give you that idea?? How would your son benefit more from spending two hours with you at a party and having you completely out of his life for two years while you serve your time? If you really want what is best for him, you know he will benefit more by spending the two hours with his dad, and having you in his life for the next two years.



The courts / police are not going to help you stop the dad from getting custody of his son unless you can prove beyond a doubt that contact with him puts the boy in physical and immediate danger. Yes, he is your son, but he is also his father's son, and you both have equal rights to him in the eyes of the law.



I will agree that he should have stuck with the first agreement, it was wrong to back out, but YOU should have gotten the agreement in writing. It is your responsibility to document any agreed upon alterations to the court order, if you don't do that, you have no recourse if he chooses to back out. In fact, without that written agreement, if he were really vindictive, he could make a verbal agreement to swap weekends, then file a contempt charge when you don't show up for your scheduled visitation. He would win by saying you didn't show up because you would not be able to prove you had agreed to swap.



Why is this party so important? Maybe we are missing something here. Does this cousin live far away, is this his only opportunity to see him?

As a last ditch effort, you could try to get dad to let you pick him up, take him to the party, then bring him back to dad's afterwards. Offer a time to make up for the missed hours. I don't know, but I'd hate to see you cut out of your kid's life during his most formative years just so you could take him to a birthday party.

Harley - posted on 11/13/2012

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i dont care if i have to go to prison for MY SON!! over my dead body would the father get custody. you all obviously dont know what your on about. hes MY SON i can do what i like. hes going to his cousins party. i will get the police involved to stop the dad getting MY SON!! he should of stuck to the first agreement end of.

Dove - posted on 11/13/2012

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If you withhold visitation you could end up losing custody and doing jail time. Your son missing a birthday party sucks, but is it worth losing your son and going to jail over?

[deleted account]

The contempt of court charge could land you in jail for 30 to 90 days, more in some states (on top of a fine). Most likely, they will just fine you, the fines vary by state and can be anywhere from several hundred to a few thousand dollars.



Even if you are up for a fine and jail time, still a bad idea. Like Michelle said, he could show up with police and force you to hand the child over. How would that look to your son and other guests? It would destroy the birthday child's day. Furthermore, it will reflect poorly on you in court for the rest of your life--and if your child is young, you will probably end up in family court again at some point.



If I were you, I would let him skip the party and learn from your mistake: If you need to swap weekends in the future, get the agreement in writing. How old is your son? Why is this party so important? You could set up a play date for your son and some of his friends the next weekend--I don't think the missing cake is going to be that big a deal to the kid.

Mary - posted on 11/13/2012

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It seems obvious that you don't like your child's father. That's fine, but it's not a good enough or legitimate reason for you son to be denied access to his dad. I'm sorry, but a family party is not a sufficient reason for a child to miss out on his weekend with his father, and the fact that you would take your kid out of school just to avoid the father being able to pick him up is simply ludicrous. You are just being petty and childish, and your behavior is simply inexcusable.



The father is 100% right in this situation, and he would be absolutely justified in pursuing action against you. Quite honestly, if this is reflective of how you are with him all the time, you're actually building the case for him should he ever chose to pursue full custody.

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2012

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It is your ex's schedules weekend and if you did not get it in writing that you were switching weekends then you have no proof that he agreed to the swap in the first place. A birthday party is not a good enough reason to withhold the child from his father. If his father decides to he can show up at your door with a police officer and they will make you hand over your son. If you keep the child out of school so that his dad cannot get him it will reflect poorly on you as a parent and I judge will not look highly on it. You are basically taking a big risk if you do what you are saying and yes if you get the wrong judge you could go to jail.

Harley - posted on 11/12/2012

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ive asked him to swap which he did agree to but his other son is ill so he had to cancel and now wants his weekend back. his father wouldnt take him to the party he doesnt get along with my family. the father kees reapeting himself 'im getting him from school its court ordered, its important that he spends time with his father and brothers' i dont care though!!! im not taking my son to school to avoid his father picking him up. ive text the father saying all this and hes telling me im sick for it! i want my son to go to this party. i dont think its fair that he agreed for him to go to the party and now changed his mind. not my fault his baby is ill. he should stick to what he said in the first place and taken the alternative weekend. dont want my son missing out on a party. if the dad did take me to court for this do you think it is likey i coud go to prison for it?

[deleted account]

I don't know what "done by court" or "done by the law" means, but I can maybe explain the consequences.



In most states, if the father has court ordered visitation and you do not allow your son to visit during the specified, court ordered times, you can be charged with contempt of court. Which could just result in a fine, or you could face loss of custody and jail time. It's a gamble. Plus it will stay on your record forever, so if dad ever took you to court, it would be used against you.



That said, you do have options if the party is that important to your son.

ONE, you could have dad take the son to the party in your place.

TWO, you could swap weekends--ask dad if he would let you keep your son that weekend in exchange for letting him go to dads two weekends in a row.

THREE, you could ask dad if you could drop your son off after the party.

FOUR, you could speak to your mediator or have your lawyer speak to a judge on your behalf to force dad to swap weekends, though it might be difficult to get that for a birthday party, usually it is done for major vacations, medical issues, funerals, etc.. That works differently in different states too, you may not have enough time, and you will have to pay fees for the mediation / lawyer, which would be a couple hundred dollars minimum.

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