Children shouldn't be having children.

Dominique - posted on 07/02/2010 ( 62 moms have responded )

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What is up with this saying? I was 18 when I got pregnant with my daughter and had her 1 month after my 19 birthday and I support and take care of her with the help of my bf. I have a wonderful support system. So honestly why does everyone stereotype younger moms? It's a select few who can't take care of their own child, why criticize every teen mom? I have a 15 year old step sister who has a daughter and she's doing it by herself. Not all teen moms are bad moms.

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Jackie - posted on 07/02/2010

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Something my dad once told me when I was 15 that didn't make sense to me then but I inderstand now it..

"When you're young, you're NOT wise enough to realize that you don't know shit. When you're older, you ARE wise enough to realize that you don't know shit."

Sharon - posted on 07/02/2010

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15 is to young to have a baby.

Where the fuck were her "parents"?? There is no way a 15 yr old is "doing it herself". Daycare? a JOB?? Hell here in the states you can't even get a job until you're 16. Who pays for diapers? What happened to her education? If she gets an education, who watches the baby?

its not a "select few" who can't take care of their kids, its the majority of teen moms who fuck it off, depend on state & federal aid.

What happened to enjoying your youth? Fuck! She can't even drink, never mind getting into dance clubs or R rated movies!

I would NOT support my kids "fully" if they had babies as young teens. They are smarter than that. Condoms and BC and NEVER leave this control in the hands of your partner. Because I know, from reading this forum, that the "partner" in control of BC is usually a lying conniving asshole/bitch.

IF I believed what I read on young mums/teen mum forums then BC has a 95% fail rate. LMFAO. Bullshit.

I'm not saying teen mums are bad mums but I'm fucking tired of carrying their wastrel asses on welfare.

Jodi - posted on 07/02/2010

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No-one is saying they are bad mums. They are saying they are too young to be having kids, that's different. 15??? And you think that is ok? I am not judging her as a mother, I am just saying that having children at that age isn't right. I totally understand that shit happens, but to say that it is acceptable and ok for young women to become mothers at that age is just wrong.

Why do teen mums take it so personally? I think that is also a relevant question. Ideally, children should not be having children. And if you are under 18, you are a child.

Jodi - posted on 07/02/2010

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Ok, here is a post I put somewhere else a week or two ago:

"Just a quick run down for the record:
79% of all teen pregnancies are unplanned
80% of all teen mothers do not finish high school.
Generally, teenage pregnancies result in lower birth weight babies (which impacts on the health of the child).
80% of teenage unwed mothers end up on welfare.
Children of teenage mothers are statistically more likely to do poorly at school, and have children as teenagers themselves (and so continue the welfare cycle).

Now, these are only generalisations, but they are the reason so many people have difficulty accepting that teenagers are properly equipped to have children. There are some pretty startling statistics out there, and while those who had babies in their teens that are participating in this discussion are not necessarily one of those statistics, you were the smart ones and the lucky ones. But I don't think it should be in anyway glamourised or promoted that it is ok for teens to have babies, because the sad fact is, it is the children who suffer when it doesn't work out."

LOOK at those statistics. 80% END UP ON WELFARE. 80% DO NOT FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. And even worse...11% OF ALL PREGNANCIES ARE TEENS.

This has nothing to do with teenager mothers being bad parents and everything to with wanting to stop the problem, and therefore the stop the cycle.

I will NEVER agree that teenage pregnancy is a positive thing, and will always take a stand that children SHOULD not have children.

Mary - posted on 07/02/2010

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As an L&D nurse, I have to ask....

You claim that your 15 y/o step-sister is doing this "on her own". Did you mean to imply that she was employed in a full-time job that gave her benefits that covered the cost of her prenatal care and delivery? Did she pay the out-of-pocket costs that her insurance didn't cover? And is she currently employed in a job that provides health insurance for her AND her child? Unless the answer to all of these is an unqualified 'yes', than she most certainly is NOT doing this "on her own". She may be the primary care-giver, but without even a high school diploma, she'd be hard pressed to find a job that covered all basic expenses for both herself and her child.

I suppose that IS within the realm of possibility, but my experience in OB leaves me doubting this is the case. Chances are, her pregnancy was either covered under her parent's policy, or her bills were covered by medical assistance.

I'm not of the mindset to assume all teen moms are "bad"...but as a fully mature adult, we may have differing definitions of what "doing it by herself" truly is.

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Nicole - posted on 07/04/2010

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oh how i would love to be a fly on somebodys wall if there not that stupid daughter ever came home up the duff at a early age and so apparantly woman shouldnt be having babies young AND we are stupid bahahahahahhaha

Charlie - posted on 07/04/2010

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between 15 and 18 is a huge difference in brain development and maturity , 18 is legally an adult , 15 isnt even legally allowed to have sex yet in my country , 15 IS a child .

Can teens be good mums ? sure , of course they can but the odds are stacked against them , unfortunately the teen mums i know in real life are exactly the stereotype that is perpetuated , its sad but its their reality and reality for their children is that grandma is doing ALL of the parenting while they are getting pissed on benefits meant for their babies , the statistics are all very real in my town the minority of teen mums who stepped up , made something of themselves , took responsibility for their children are unfortunately the minority , i wish i could say the opposite were true but for my town it isnt .

Those examples are of teen mothers , most had their kids at 16 , i consider an 18 adult so its a non issue really .

ME - posted on 07/04/2010

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I've seen many young Mom's (18 and younger) do a good job. I've seen some do a heroic job! So, while I would NEVER lump all young mom's into the same group, I've seen far more of them fail miserably, resent their baby, neglect their baby, and wind up in serious trouble. It's just NOT the ideal time to have a baby, and the younger one is, the harder it becomes. I worked with a 13 year old girl who was pregnant with her second baby. She had a very low IQ, no job prospects, and no family support. It was a nightmare...I know MANY stories just like hers...Children having children is often very sad, for the Mom and for the Child...

Jess - posted on 07/04/2010

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I believe there are just as many good teen mothers as their are good older mothers. There will always be a few bad apples in the bag ! Personally I know being a 15 year old mother isn't something that I want for my daughter. I would do everything in my power to help support her if that situation were to arise, but I will do everything in my power to teach her better choices.

While its great to hear that a teen mother is finishing school and has access to child care to do this, babies need to be at home with their mums, playing in the park and snuggling in bed on cold winter morning, not being packed up with school books and hauled across the high school oval !

[deleted account]

At 15 Any child boy or girl, everything is still all about them. They don't have the reasoning that you get as you get older.

Am i saying young mums don't change? Hell no i know alot of young mums who change for their kids and are doing a fabulous job.

"Almost every mother thats over the age of 28 thinks that just because we are young that we shouldn't have children."

I believe this is the reason you are getting a bad response from the other mothers on here. Its YOUR additude. Because NONE fo them said anything about young mums not having children they have all just said that its not ideal.

I mean really come on as long as you are happy with the decisions you have made then what does it matter what other people think?

I'm a Young mum and have never come across this. Actually i am 23 and due with my 3rd child in 1 week. And i still tend to agree with majority of the mothers you are disagreeing with. I honestly don't think you will realise everything you have given up for your child until you are older. Not that any of it is bad to have given up but you really have the additude i am talking about of "i'm right and you can't or aren't going to tell me".

Jodi - posted on 07/03/2010

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No-one is "looking down" on anyone. There is a difference between "looking down" on teen mums and not agreeing with teenagers becoming mothers. My belief that children SHOULDN'T be having children does not mean I look down on them, or in any way think they are all bad mothers. That's the point I think you are failing to see.



"Almost every mother thats over the age of 28 thinks that just because we are young that we shouldn't have children."



And of course, that's not a stereotype.....



And to be honest, if you all quit bitching about it, it wouldn't be such a big friggin' deal. You know what? You will still be judged when you are 30 or 40. It will be a different thing, but you will still be stereotyped somehow. Stop giving a fuck, and it will stop being a problem for you!!!

Sarah - posted on 07/03/2010

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In all honesty, SOME Mothers will look down on other Mothers for LOADS of reasons! If you're a young Mum (like I said, I was only 21 with my eldest) then just be safe in the knowledge that YOU know you're doing right by your kids. It doesn't matter what other people think!!

Is 15 the "perfect" age to have kids? Hell no! So long as the kid is happy, healthy, and well looked after though, it's no-one else's business!

Dominique - posted on 07/03/2010

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No it isn't right but if all the people would quit looking down on us because we are so called children then we wouldn't be having this discussion. It isn't entirely different at all. Almost every mother thats over the age of 28 thinks that just because we are young that we shouldn't have children.

Jodi - posted on 07/03/2010

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Aliska, there is a BIG difference between the Australian government providing a rebate for up to 6 IVF cycles to the 45 year old woman (@ around $3000 per cycle, total $18,000) and asking the Australian government to pay a teenage mother what amounts to around $577 a week in Australia for 5 years until the child is at school (around $150,000), and then subsidising that family for the rest of their lives because of the probability that the mother doesn't have the education to get a job above minimum wage......



And for about the 10th time in the last few days NO-ONE IS SAYING TEEN MUMS ARE BAD MUMS. That is an entirely different things to saying they just shouldn't be having children at that young age for so many reasons. So shit happens, but that doesn't make it right.

Sharon - posted on 07/03/2010

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ROTFL! @teen moms versus older IVF moms....

The main reason most people don't debate older moms getting IVF is because IT DOESN"T IMPACT THEIR LIVES. That family is paying 10's of THOUSANDS to have a baby - they can AFFORD a baby. Their decision to wait until their 40s or 50s or 60s! affects only them.

Aliska - posted on 07/03/2010

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I get sick of teen mums being stereotyped 'bad' mums and I wasn't one. There are plenty of bad parents of all ages and plenty of parents of all ages living off welfare.

It seems that one of the main arguments about teen mums is that they are 'wasting' our taxpayer dollars by living off welfare. The current affairs shows on TV in Australia run this story at least a couple of times a year telling us how these irresponsible girls are 'wasting' our money. What bugs me is that we never get the story about the irresponsible 40 something women who ignored their biological clocks all through their 20s and 30s and are now 'wasting' taxpayer dollars having IVF and other fertility treatments on Medicare in a last ditched attempt to have a baby.

Why is the 15 year old girl irresponsible and the 45 year old woman not?

[deleted account]

Carol, Don't get me wrong i love being a "young" mum. And even with the whole Questioning myself i know that the adventures i miss out on because i have my children i will just have different ones with them :) ( well thats the way i look at it)
Also even though it was only 4 years ago i look back and wonder how i did it as i know that in those 4 short years i have matured and grown an amazing amount of patience.
At 15 i just don't see how some one could be mature enough for the patience especially with a baby. And the whole additude of "i know best". I know at 15 i was a right little b***h with that very additude and with a baby it isn't good to have.

Johnny - posted on 07/02/2010

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It's funny that you say that Shannen. I waited until I was 31 to have my first child. I am very happy that I waited, for exactly the reasons that you list in your post. Obviously whenever we have our children, we love them very much and take care of them to the very best of our abilities, but sometimes there are things we miss out on in life. Even now, at my advanced age (gqtms) sometimes there are things I end up missing out on because I have a child. Since I've already had so many adventures, it's easier to swallow, but I think it might bother me more if I'd had less time to myself.

So I think that sometimes when older people say that "kids shouldn't be having kids", it isn't so much a judgment on their abilities as a parent. But more a commentary on their view that those young parents might be missing out on quite a bit of stuff that non parents do in their early 20's.

It doesn't necessarily mean that it is true. One of my good friends from high school got married and started her family at 19. She's still happily married, loves being a mom to her 4 kids, and honestly would not have changed a thing. If she hadn't done what she did, she still was not the party, traveling, university attending type. She probably would have just worked at an office and watched tv alot. Her life is right for her.

To the OP, you really need to take other people's comments in this area with a grain of salt. And unless you are feeling like you missed out on stuff, or that you aren't really doing a good job as a parent, then there is no reason to pay them any mind.

Irritation at other people's judgments often comes from a guilty conscience.

[deleted account]

What age is to young?

I was 19 when i fell pregnant by choice. 20 when i had her. I was working and my husband and i were engaged and had our own home. Rented, but none the less it was our own space.

My daughters cousins mum was 16 when she had him i personally think it was to young but thats only because i know her.

If my daughter, when she is 15, were to come home pregnant we would have some very serious conversations about what to do. I would be really disapointed but i would support her.

Looking back at my age when i had my daughter ( only 4 yrs ago) i'm honestly not sure if i would choose the same path. My husband and i can't afford to buy a house and struggle with money all the time.

I probably would have gone to University and started some sort of career and saved for a house so that when we chose to have our kids we would have been a bit more stable. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

But now we have 2 children and 1 on the way and it was just a matter of changing our goals and aspirations. They are still the same but have to be put on the back burner for a little while.

I guess what i am trying to say is at 15 yes i think it is to young, i was 19 and in hindsight i think that was to young. I have 2 beautiful children and an excellent husband. But we have missed out on so much due to our decision to have our children young.

[deleted account]

Working in the insurance industry, I'll just toss in there that while the teen mother may be covered for her maternity costs under her parents' plan, the newborn invariably is not and in my own experience with enrollments, they end up on medicaid. So those expenses are footed by me.

And I'm getting very tired of the bleat "not all teen moms are bad". Maybe not, but the majority are not doing what they should. That's life.

Sharon - posted on 07/02/2010

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I went shopping at the dollar store 2 days ago. I made a crack about getting old. The guy broke down crying - "I'm old and I'm only 19. I just had my first kid."

HOLY FUCK. I took a deep breath and "enjoy them while you can because pretty soon they'll be 19 and thinking they know it all just like you did. And stop trusting someone else to take care of the birthcontrol." He nodded. I would have hugged him - before the lecture if I thought I could do it and not call attention to him. I feel bad for him.

He had things planned. Things he wanted to do.

Then I went back to job and reamed our two loss prevention guys - big muscly guys - to many girls, not enough time, kind of guys to keep rubbers on, even when they're jacking off to keep some skank from playing the baby card on them.

I'd already given most of the girls "GET YOUR ASS back in college."

Between myself and two other older moms there we've managed to badger 3 of the "kids" into more schooling. One is moving to phoenix to attend the culinary school. The other two re enrolled in community college.

I'm so proud of them. One mom came in to thank us for nagging him. He talked to her about it. And between all of us and seeing just how far a minimum wage paycheck goes, he is going back to college.

This kids are having FUN. I hear about their parties all the time, lol. They call in sick after some of the major parties. Why? Because they can afford to. They don't have kids to support. The one teen mom we have .. is a train wreck. TWICE I've heard her call in to say she "forgot" she had to work. And several times she's called in sick because her kid was sick, but i know from the other kids that she was at a party.

She's nice, she's really nice. And she loves her kid. Her boyfriend likes her kid. She brags about what a great mom she is, but then I hear her telling people stupid shit about how no one is going to tell her what to do and if her mom says she won't watch the baby, she'll just tell her she has to work and her mom will take the baby - no questions asked.

She's not the best example of a teen mom I've seen and she's not the worst. She's trying really hard to get ahead in work, trying really hard to be a mom, and trying really hard to be young. Her BF doesn't totally understands kids but he told me both his sisters have kids, 14 & 17.

Lyndsay - posted on 07/02/2010

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I was a teen mom. I don't take any offense whatsoever to people who say children shouldn't have children, because I completely agree. I think it has to do more with maturity level than the actual age, within reason. I think an 18 year old may be mature enough to properly raise a child... but a 15 year old? She's still a kid.

[deleted account]

I have no issues with adults over the age of 18 choosing to have children - but I do think people should consider the consequences it will have on their lives before making the decision, children are not easy and do limit your life. Also I commend all teen mums who get pregnant by accident and choose to raise the child rather than using abortion as birth control because they are facing up to the consequences of their actions.

15 is a different matter I do not automatically think a she will be a bad mum because she is 15 but children deserve to have a childhood they do not need to be trying to raise a child. They are missing out on so much and the responsible ones often regret not being able to be young and the irreisponsible ones are young and leave their children with others to go party and get drunk etc.

I would never judge a mum or dad who are doing the best they can for thier kids just because they are young, I would have had children at 22 (I got married at 21) but due to fertility issues it took 3 yrs to get pg.

Sarah - posted on 07/02/2010

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My kids smiles make my day every day too......but they would have done that if I'd waited a few years too!!

Plus, I was saying that to try and show that if at 21 I felt I may have missed out.....imagine how much stuff a 15 yr old will have missed out on.

Dominique - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't think I've missed out on anything either having my daughter at 19. She gives me something to look forward to every morning when i wake up. Her smile just makes my day. I just don't feel that every teen mom should be criticized about being young and being a mom. In all honesty get to know a person, don't judge others by past performances.

Sara - posted on 07/02/2010

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I think people have different ideas about what makes a mother good, and that's not judgemental, that's just life.

[deleted account]

I had my oldest at 19 and to be honest ive enjoyed life a hell of a lot more since i had my kids than i ever did before. Life isnt over just because you have a baby. And lets remember it isnt only teenagers that have unplanned pregnancies its just that when your 33 for example people dont look down their nose at you and tell you you've ruined your life. Maybe if everyone stopped being so judgemental and a bit more understanding, wait for someone to make a mess of it before you name them a bad parent because the majority of young mothers i know are good mothers. Ive been a mother for nearly twelve years and i havent missed out on anything i wanted to do, no one except my husband and i have had to pay for my kids either. Life hasnt been hard its been a wonderful.

Rosie - posted on 07/02/2010

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i was 21 as well when i had my eldest. i worked fulltime, i payed for his daycare, i did an awesome job. however, i feel now looking back at 32, i missed out on a lot, AND i needed help from the state for their medical expenses, and still do. so basically, for ME i feel like things are going to be like this at least until my kids are all in school, and then i can think about going back for myself (not sure i want to, i want to wait until they are done). i've had to put school on hold, i've had to miss out on a honeymoon with my husband because i already had a kid, i wonder what it's like to have time with my husband without a child there. i now realize that doing whatever i wanted whenever i wanted was pretty darn awesome.

but like sarah stated, i don't regret having my son, i just wish i would've waited longer, and even waited till i was married (since his bio-dad left while i was pregnant, and hasn't looked back since).

like others have said, it's not just a select few who ruin it for the rest of us. 80% is a huge number. i got the looks, and the comments when i was younger, and it pissed me off. when people do that shit, i wish they would judge people based on their merit, but i get the whole sentiment that children shouldn't be having children. it's a lot harder than it should be, and you miss out on alot of your life!

Dominique - posted on 07/02/2010

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Your absolutely right my idea of doing it alone is different what i should have wrote instead of that is her daughter is now one ( shes 16 now) shes supporting her daughter with help from her church and some help from her parents but i meant that she is taking her responsibility and taking care of her daughter, she doesnt just pawn her daughter off on people in order to go out and party.
I'm 19 and in the 8 months that i have been a mom i have only once left my daughter over night with my mom, and it wasn't to go party or anything like that it was to have a girl night with my friend.

Lindsay - posted on 07/02/2010

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I think Cathy said it perfectly...."One of my friends had a baby at 15. She's now 30 so do the math. Does she regret having her daughter? NO. Was and is she a good mother? YES. Does she regret her lost childhood? YES. Would she be upset if her 15 year old daughter came home pregnant? YES. She doesn't want to see her daughter miss out on her childhood."

I am in a similar situation...I was pregnant with my first at 18 and my second (and last) at 20. While I don't for a second regret having my children, and consider myself a good mother to them, I would hope that they will wait until after they've finished college before one of them comes to me to tell me they are pregnant/impregnated someone. I want them to have the crazy college experience that I didn't get.

It can be easy to get caught up and defensive in these types of debates because being young, you and I may feel like we are great parents providing a good life to our kids. But if we step back and ask ourself what we want for our own children, I highly doubt a teen pregnancy would be on anyone's list.

Joanna - posted on 07/02/2010

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I haven't read through all the comments. I was in the hospital for 7 hours last night and couldn't eat, so I'm bout ready to run to Denny's for a grand slam and my stomach is telling me to hurry, lol.



But to me, the "children having children" phrase is more about if you are a child, you should BE a child, enjoy your childhood while it lasts, because it's short. It's what, a quarter of your life or less? So why burden yourself with the responsibility that comes with a child? To be a good parent you need to devote yourself to your child, it's not about you anymore, and at the age of 14, 15, 16, etc... well, that age is a "me-age." And there's nothing wrong with that. Have fun in your "me-age"! It's tough to get a "me-5-minutes-alone" with a kid! lol.

Sarah - posted on 07/02/2010

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I was 21 when I had my eldest and I thought I was too young really!!
When I saw and still see some of my friends forging great careers for themselves, going out whenever they please, travelling around the world etc. I feel like I have missed out on a part of life.

Not to say that I regret having my kids, I don't. I still wish I had waited though.

I can't imagine what it would have been like if I'd gotten pregnant at 15! I would have missed out on SO much more! That's a HUGE part of life missed out on. Jeez, I didn't even really know who I WAS at 15!!

I'm not saying that *some* younger Mum's can't be good Mum's, but IMO it is by FAR not the ideal age to have a baby! You have so much growing up to do still at 15.

Rachelle - posted on 07/02/2010

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Of course there are good teen moms but majority just are not ready.That doesnt make them bad moms but they are not prepared. There are single moms at all ages but what are the statistics that teen moms have a father for their baby in the picture. NOT ALL, but MANY, do not have even the option to at least try to give their baby a family life. There is NO way MOST,teens can financially support a baby by themselves. The maturity and patience has not been built by such young ages. Many teen have dreams of college and at least finishing high school and in MOST, NOT ALL, cases, this is thrown out the window,especially college. 19 is a little different then 15. You can be the most loving mom in the world but as great as that sounds, it takes a whole lot more to raise a child then love.

Jackie - posted on 07/02/2010

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When you're 15 you cannot possibly understand what it's really going to be like to be sole provider for another human being. Hell, most 15 yo can't even keep their room clean much less an entire household.

Again, it happens and not everybody is menace to society BUT it's just not wise to have children when you're considered a child yourself for sooo many reasons

~Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't give a crap how old anyone is when they have kid. The only thing that bugs me is when anyone that lives with / relies on their own parents while raising their kids says " I'm doing this all by myself"

No, you're really not.

When people that make this claim become honest and start saying, " I wouldn't be able to take care of my child if it weren't for my parents letting me live with them, paying the bills, buying our food and babysitting"...... well, maybe then I'll start to believe that having a baby @ 15 is "ok"
(not.)

Jodi - posted on 07/02/2010

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*head -> brick wall -> repeat*



It's not about YOU. It's about the other 80% of teenagers out there who can't do what you are doing!!!! THEY are why there is a stereotype. And your step-sister is one of them because she is NOT doing it on her own. I think (as has been said) your definition of "doing it on her own" is very different to mine. And my definition isn't funded by my taxes.



Edited to add: or funded by parents, family or anyone other than the mother and father......

Dominique - posted on 07/02/2010

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So then what age is it appropriate? Honestly theres not anything set in stone that says you have to be this age to be an appropriate mother for a child. There is no difference between me and my own mother. We both have love for our children, we both support our children and we both do everything in our power to give our children everything they need. My daughter has a roof over her head food on the table and diapers on her butt, and way more clothes then she needs. Her dad is still in the picture (still my boyfriend) and supports all three of us 100%. If a 15 year old thinks that she can go out and have sex then she should be handed her consequences and she and the father needs to deal with them. Why is it so wrong for 18 on up to have kids? I can vote, I have a job, I'm legal, and i no longer need my mom or dad's approval on anything I do. So quite honestly I don't think that it was a mistake or even wrong for anyone 18 and over to do as they wish.

Jackie - posted on 07/02/2010

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I think maybe you're taking everybody responses to heart. I was not referring to you or anybody else in particular. I was speaking in general. And YES it is commendable to take care of your responsibilities. It's very easy to make mistakes but it's HARD AS HELL to own up to them and do the right thing. It's easy to be selfish and it's EASY to NOT do right.

Riana - posted on 07/02/2010

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Commendable is when a child draws a nice picture or does well in a test. Living up to lives challenges is not commendable its admirable.

It's great that you have only every done the right thing but for normal people like me it's not your mistakes that define you it's how you deal with them.

Sara - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't think anybody is trying to trash teen moms, we're just sharing our views as to why people say "Children shouldn't be having children". Though I do agree in general with your point, Riana.

Riana - posted on 07/02/2010

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The fact also remains that EVERY mother deserves respect for the love and effort they put into their childrens lives, even more so when the odds are against them and they are trying to do their best.

And if we are trying to prevent teen pregnancies it starts in our own houses with our own daughters (and not by supervising our teen daughters 24 hours a day, but by teaching our toddlers from from day 1 to make responsible decisions for themselves)

What positive difference does it make to anyones lives to criticise the young moms that are doing their best, living up to the challenge and going against the statistics?

Jackie - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't think that it's up for debate that mother's struggle whether they're 13 or 33. It's a fact of life.

My thing is... a MAJORITY of young people that have children are just not mature enough to make wise enough decisions to take care of themselves, much less another life. Don't get me wrong, there are exeptions but those are few and far between. Otherwise they wouldn't have ended up pregnant in the first place. CASE AND POINT!

Why would any very young person want to put their lives on a complete hold so that they could care for another. And BOYS... most times, they don't take having children seriously so 8x out of ten.... they're not even in the picture.

There are never ending reason that you should not have kids as a teen. But that isn't saying that there are some that just shouldn't have kids EVER!

If you end up pregnant as a teen and you do everything you can to do the right thing, it's commendable but it doesn't make it acceptable.

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Statistically speaking, the 30 year old is more likely to remain employed and vote.

Why people feel the need to disregard the facts about teen pregnancy by saying "Well, I know a lot of (fill in age group) who are not mature, etc." The facts remain that the vast majority of teen mothers are doomed to no education and poverty.

Sara - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't think all teen moms are bad moms by any means, but the fact remains that without an education and family support, many will have major problems taking care of their child. Plus, you haven't lived your life. Everyone goes through the phase where they want to hang out with friends, they want to party, they want to go out. A lot of moms I know who had children young go out and do all these things and dump their kids off with their parents or someone else. The point is, I don't believe when you're young, you're ready to have children, because you haven't allowed yourself to be a care-free young adult yet. I think that makes you a better parent in the long run, having lived your life. What life lessons can you pass on to your own child when you had them at 15 besides "Don't make the same mistakes I did", which they are statisically and tragically almost doomed to repeat?

Riana - posted on 07/02/2010

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Interestingly I know alot of 30 year olds who are unable to hold a full-time job, who can vote but probably shouldn't, who can get married but will end up divorced...

I not for teen pregnancies but there are worse mistakes to make.

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Wth all due respect Dominique, perhaps if your stepsister had more supervision, she wouldn't be a mother right now.

Riana - posted on 07/02/2010

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Dominique, here I have to side with Jodi, statistically there are a lot of teen moms that are not up to it so it is not a select few who gives young moms a bad name. But that is why I feel so strongly that the ones, like you, who do deserve our support.

[deleted account]

Can a 15 year old get a full-time job? Can a 15 year old vote in the next election? Can a 15 year old get married in most US States (without parental permission - that's important)?

The answer is no which means, yes she is too young to have children. That her body was able to be impregnated is not the same thing. Sure, she may be a great mother but she's not doing it by herself. She can't get full time work at 15 so therefore someone else is doing something for her, whether it's financial support or daycare - that's someone else.

Now if you notice, I haven't said a thing about you or your stepsister's morals or character- just that yes, it's too young to have kids. There is a difference. Learn it.

Riana - posted on 07/02/2010

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Obviously, it's not a debate it's a fact that teen pregnancies are not ideal but I do believe that teen mothers deserve as much respect as all of the rest of us.

I'm just trying to give an objective view that there are privledges to having children when you are younger and there are disadvantages to having children when you are older.

I'm not saying lets get all girls pregnant as soon as possible BUT I still respect the ones who have fallen pregnant and who live up to that responsibility.

And I'm also trying to say that there are worse mistakes to make that having a child - like not having one.

Dominique - posted on 07/02/2010

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Not at all taking it personally, its totally everyone's opinion. I just feel its the select few who give us young moms a bad name. Honestly my mom just had her last baby july 4th 2008 which would make my youngest brother 2 years old on sunday. He's a Uncle already to my 8 month old daughter. I've been there through everything with him. Through the birth and up tell now. I say he is my first born child that i didn't have to birth (lol). My mom works as a semi driver so shes gone from 5am till 4pm, and every since he was born I've been the one to take care of him. I honestly helped me prepare for my daughter. I think if a "child" does end up pregnant they can do it as long as they have a good support system. There are teens that shouldn't have had a baby but there are alot of us who are just as good parents as the 25-35 year old moms. (By the way my mom is 41 and a grandma and mother to 4).

Jodi - posted on 07/02/2010

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And, I will say again, no-one said ALL teen mothers are bad mothers. But they shouldn't be having babies.

Would you want YOUR daughter to have a baby at that age? Or would you, as a parent, prefer she finish school and wait a little longer. I am not asking whether you would support her if shit happened (because I think most parents would provide some level of emotional support), but is it what you would WANT for her?

Riana - posted on 07/02/2010

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It is debateable both ways. Just for background I was 21 when my first child was born. Being a "young" mom is challenging beyond imagination, so I’m not either for or against anyone here.

Yet what I find interesting is how much the "older" moms also struggle. Everyone seems to think it is ideal to have kids in your 30's but I’ve found that most people are by then very settled in their ways and very settled in their relationships. They are also mid-way through a career (or as likely a divorce) and the changes that having baby around brings with it can really turn their lives up side down.

When speaking for myself, having had my children fairly early in life has made me an easy going mom. Our kids have just fit into our lives naturally; our first house had a baby room! We did not need to turn our house (or our lives) upside down for them. Financially it’s been challenging at times but I would not have it any other way. I love enjoying my children, I’m going to love enjoying my grand children and – god willing – I’m also going to love enjoying my great grand children! There is a soft spot in my heart when I take my children to visit MY grandparents, I love them dearly and being able to share my children with them is a privilege in my life that I do not take for granted. Same goes for my parents and parents in-law, I love them being able to play a real role in my children’s lives.

What amuses me most is everyone who “…are going to have children when they are ready” and before they know it they are 40… 50… 60… and still not “ready”. And by the time they realise that they are never going to be “ready” it’s too late! Kids don’t need a perfect environment, sometimes it is the imperfections that help shape their characters.

Ever heard the quote “War and babies, there is never a good time for any of them”? Your age does not determine the type of mom you’ll be, your love and devotion does…

PS - Jodi I know alot of people much older than 18 who are still childern ;-)

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