Children with multiple fathers vs. sexually promicuous woman

Lana - posted on 07/13/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Why is it that a woman who has 3 children with 3 fathers is WORSE than a woman who as slept with 30+ men(sexually promicuous)?

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Kimberly - posted on 03/02/2014

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A very reasonable post Chet. Are you available? Ok just joking.about you being available.

I've not been with thirty men, not even a dozen, but six. Numbers 1, 2, and 6 are the fathers of my children. Boyfriend has been with four gals. My daughters are still with their first Knights.

Seriously, not all single moms intend to be such. And yes it is our fault,generally. Looking back i think it can reasonably be argued that I got the first two boys in trouble.

I can't speak for all single moms, but once you're pregnant the choices are these, have a kid, adopt out, abortion. I chose the first.

The fathers of my first two were and are good guys, who provide adequate child support and emotional support to our daughters. And the gals that they took as wives after attending college have been and are very understanding and supportive also. I and my daughters are just darn lucky. I think part of that is that I have not bled them with excessive child support, which was my daddy's point to me early on.

Not going to BS you, we were just teens having fun and no I don't recommend teen parenting and for that reason I put my daughers on the implant birth control plan when they started high school and like the majority of teens they both became sexually active. Something like 90% of the population are not virgins when you turn 20.

You are most correct about time being a problem. The three guys between father 2 and 3 were short involvements by a very lonely person.Single moms need love too. My 12 year old son's father and I were together for two years before we chose to have a one more for the road. . He is also good to my daughters and supportive of their relationship with their bio fathers.

When BF and i started dating, he had lots of anger issues with the mother of his son. A lot of it had to do with her using the child as a weapon and financially ravaging him. I told him, "you cant love me and hate her at the same time, Buddy. Pick which you want to do most and go at it, but if hate is more important to you, I'm not around for that. Send her the check and we can make due with the rest and my earnings and thre adequate child support my daughters receive . Be a good father with what time is allotted to us with him. Never never say an ill word about his mother, he'll figure it out on his own" When his son was 14 he chose to live with us and he is a good big brother to our son. Though we could, BF have not uttered a harsh work about his mother in well over a decade.

You are absolutely correct about blinded families being challenging. Is this the most optimal situation. Of course not, but we've been able to give stability to them.

PS: You sound like a good guy too!

Chet - posted on 03/01/2014

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People see it as worse because children are involved. If you're promiscuous that's just you. However, if you have three children with three different fathers that looks like you keep making the same mistakes over and over again, and people assume that your kids are suffering because of those mistakes.

The assumption is that kids benefit from a stable, cohesive family situation and if dads are coming and going like that people imagine that the kids don't have a lot a stability or cohesion in their lives.

Also, people don't understand how single moms have time make babies with new dads. If you have multiple children with multiple men you are clearly finding time to get out there and meet men when lots of moms (some single, some married) can't find time to take a bath and shave their legs. Married couple who are so busy and exhausted from raising kids that they aren't having sex can't help but wonder how you can be a good parent and also have time to produce three kids with three dads.

Kimberly - posted on 02/28/2014

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Guilty as charged here..

First two occurred when I was 16 and 19 when i was having fun with teenage
boyfriends. OOPSE. Both fathers and their wives are involved in the girls lives. They are now 17 and nearly 20.

Third is a (planned for) 12 year old son and with a boyfriend we live with along with his 15 year old son by a prior relationship.

As for the reason people look strangely at the situation. i think it has to do with the fact that its kind of in your face when the kids all have different last names from that of the mother.. Having been with lots of guys is not so apparent. And some people like to feel superior to others.

[deleted account]

because it's visible to everyone. people like to judge others to make them feel better bout themselves

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/15/2013

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Society is going to judge mothers on whatever they can. As far as I am concerned, it is non of my business, but it can make it confusing for the children. If you are going to sleep around, use a fucking condom. If you are in a serious relationship...one after another, then it is time to look at the men you are choosing relationships with. This is of course, if the mother has issues with it herself. My concern has nothing to do with promiscuity, or multiple children from multiple partners. My concern only comes into play when the mom brings new men around the children regularly. It is not healthy for the kids.

Denikka - posted on 07/14/2013

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I think it's viewed as *worse* because it's proof of multiple partners with no protection (assumption that may or may not be correct, obviously protection isn't 100%).
It's also viewed as *baggage*. It can be a LOT harder for a woman who has children, even more so with multiples, to find a decent guy. It could be viewed as a run of bad choices, or she can be viewed as flakey in a relationship if she can't even keep a baby daddy around,

With a woman who sleeps around, you never really know exactly what is fact and what isn't. Even what she admits to, may or may not be true. There's no *proof*, it's really all speculation.

Not that I agree with the assumptions (that a woman with kids from multiple different guys is worse than a promiscuous woman), but it can be viewed as I mentioned above.

Firebird - posted on 07/13/2013

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She isn't. Not by my standards anyway. I've got a friend who has 4 kids with 4 different fathers and I've got more respect for her than I do for a woman I know who's kids have the same dad, but she's been sleeping around with loads of different men (and bringing them all around her kids) ever since she split from their dad.

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