Clover Couples-Healthy or Not?

Mrs. - posted on 02/25/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I've recently, privately, started calling two couples who are never without one another, "clover couples" or "four leaf couples".



I think we all know couples like this. They two couples do everything together, if they starting see each other around the same time, they get engaged around the same time, married the same time, try to have kids the same time...etc. They seem to be interlocked as far as functioning socially, sometimes work lives and even vacations.



I call them four leafers or clovers because if one of the leaves falls off - the value is no longer there...the whole damn thing falls apart. That could be more than one marriage ending, it could be one of the couples being infertile or just unable to do the same things with one another.



So, what do you think about these relationships, are they healthy or harmful? Are the couples able to be properly close to one another alone or are they unable to achieve that without the other couple there? Do you know couples like this who have ever made it work or fell apart because of it?

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Mother - posted on 02/26/2012

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I honestly don't know anyone like this. No offense intended if someone is a clover couple....but it just sounds ODD to me.



ETA: While I think I'd love a couple that we could hang out with and be ourselves with.....I wish we had that.



to have someone that was at the same stage and you never did anything apart.....that would annoy me.

Elfrieda - posted on 02/26/2012

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I don't think I know anyone quite like that. Maybe you would see me as part of a "clover couple". My friend and I got married one week apart, both had a child about 5 years later (she peed on the stick the day they came to see our 2-day-old son and bring us supper), and we do hang out as couples pretty much every other week.



I like it a lot. It's wonderful to have someone in the same stage of life as me, but we also have other friends. Our husbands get along well, but probably wouldn't be friends if they weren't constantly thrown together by us. :)



At the same time, it sometimes feels a bit "incestuous" or boring to always be with the same people. (that's always the clue to get to know someone different) So I see your point, especially if they are constantly together and aren't open to having other friends.

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Having 2 failed marriages under my belt, I'm so not ina position to judge anyone's relationship.

Deborah - posted on 02/25/2012

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On one hand I see the benefits of having a 'couple's partner', it kind of sounds like two dating couples in a way... I don't think it would necessarily determine the outcome of either relationship.



Personally, I wish my fiance and I could find another couple to hang out with -- it gets very hard to maintain friendships once the 'family' scene starts. If we could find a couple we both get along with, particularly one with children in the same age group, I think it would be quite a find.



I can see, however, how it could create tension or conflict within the individual relationships. I think rules should be set into place in order to prevent that.



So no, I don't think they are unhealthy or harmful, they just have to be managed the right way.

Stifler's - posted on 02/25/2012

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I think it's harmful. It creates competition and holds you back from being an individual. I have known two couples like this and one ended up breaking up and the girls secretly hated each other but would always dress the same, take photos the same, go out for couples dinners, it was sad. One of the chicks was my best friend and I'm so glad the other couple broke up. Although.. now this is weird. Ben and Stephen were best mates and now Ben is a paraplegic and Carols (Lani's nemesis) boyfriend and Stephen are best mates. But thankfully no couples dates and competition.

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