Co-ed Sleepover Parties?

[deleted account] ( 15 moms have responded )

I'm on lunch break, so I need to type fast!

My 7th graders were just telling me all about this past weekend's sleepover party at a friend's house. A co-ed sleepover party! A few of the girls said there were about a dozen girls and 5 boys. Some kids crashed outside on the deck, some slept on the living room couches, and supposedly, some boy/girl couples snuck off to the kid's bedroom! I asked where the parents were and the girls said they were in their bedroom and came out every few hours to check on them! 7th grade in America is 12-13 years old! What the hell is going on besides poor parenting? According to my female students, some of the boys usually have a curfew of around midnight, but they have been to a lot of co-ed sleepovers.

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Charlie - posted on 05/17/2010

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I had boys sleep over at my house up until i was 17 , we would watch movies , eat a lot of junk , have a laugh there was never anything going on , we all slept in the lounge on mattresses and the boys would crash on the couches or mum would drive them home at midnight or whenever we would go to sleep but it was never a problem if their parents would say it was ok to stay , and guess what not one of us had a baby in our teens , in fact i am the youngest at the ripe old age of 24 when i fell pregnant .

Its only irresponsible if you have raised irresponsible children , my parents never had a reason not to trust us and we ( me , my sister and my friends ) never did anything to prove that we were untrustworthy , you should know your kids and their friends well enough by then to make a clear assessment of whether they are capable of having Platonic relationships with guys , you should have good enough lines of communication that your child will talk to you when it does come time that they are having feelings for someone , i would go surfing everyday with all my guy friends for hours on end , without any adult supervision , i could have been having sex then too but i wasnt , we were surfing , if your kids are going to have sex they will find a way , i mean seriously i know of kids who were having sex at school !

Krista - posted on 05/18/2010

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That is absolutely ridiculous! The only time I ever saw a boy at a sleepover would be if the host girl had an older or younger brother. And yes, if we were all outside or something, it wouldn't be unusual for the boys we knew to drop by. But as soon as it was time to go inside, the boys were told to go home, and that was that.

Any parent who lets a bunch of horny adolescents sleep in the same room with minimal supervision is a naive idiot who's completely forgotten what it's like to be that age.

Amie - posted on 05/17/2010

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LOL! That seems to be happening a lot now a days. However a lot of parents give way too much leeway.

I know it's bound to come up, I don't actually have a problem with it (in my own home and a select few others). I know though that those children would be separated when it came to sleeping and we would be right there along side them. Girls in one area with me, boys in another with my husband. That they are also watched during the time they're together.

I think it's great if you can trust your children but parents need to remember they are teenagers (or on the brink of it in some cases) and they still need you there to watch them.

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Esther - posted on 05/18/2010

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I don't think I would allow it either. I remember going to a co-ed sleepover party when I was probably 13-14 or so. And I remember at least one couple going all the way. At the time it didn't seem like a big deal to me really, nor to my parents I guess. I personally was the type of kid who could be trusted, but I don't think most kids that age can. I really stood out among my peers for being very unimpressionable. I never smoked, never drank, never smoked pot (or ate anything marihuana laced) (remember, I'm Dutch), never really dated (until my now husband) etc. I don't think I knew a single other kid who could say the same thing though. I was quite popular but just not very easily influenced and all of those things seemed stupid to me. But my friends, who did do all of those things, weren't bad kids either. They were all good kids, from good homes with good parents. But they were also teenagers. I just don't think you should give teenagers too much of an opportunity to get in trouble like that.

Dana - posted on 05/18/2010

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No way would I allow it. Every parent would say they're supervising, like the parents that Iris called but, the fact is No parent would be able to keep an eye on these kids the whole time and you can guarantee that no child is that good, for that long.

Jodi - posted on 05/18/2010

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Iris, when I was reading your post, I was imagining a parent checking in on kids in separate rooms/tents regularly all night. But I am assuming the parents got some sleep.....I just remember what I was like as a kid, and if I had a sleepover, most the time we only PRETENDED to be asleep when my parents went to be. But they were same sex sleepovers - the worst we got up to was raiding the pantry.



No same sex sleepovers in my house because I honestly can't be bothered staying up all night to make sure it is legit, and it is NOT necessarily MY children I don't trust :)

Iris - posted on 05/18/2010

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This has actually been on my mind lately because my daughter (10 y/o) went to a sleepover few weeks back which I thought was a "girls only" sleepover. I found out after she came home that there had been boys sleeping over too. I got pretty mad and called the mother of the girl who had that sleepover and told her I would have appreciated if she'd told me this missing piece of info when I called her to confirm. She just giggled and said I didn't have to worry they slept in separate tents and she and her husband supervised. I told her still, I'd like to get a heads up in the future. She got a little put off by that but really, I feel that at this age this should be something that you make sure other parents are ok with.

After talking to her I asked my daughter a bit more and found out that the parents "supervised" by staying in the house watching tv until they went to bed, they didn't go out there ONCE to check on the kids. All the supervision that went on was when some of the kids went in the house to get some snack, basically the kitchen was supervised not the kids. Needless to say, my daughter won't be going over there for any more sleepovers and I know what to ask in the future..

Shelley - posted on 05/18/2010

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i think its wrong
i loved having sleep overs with my girlfriends because it was just girls we'd curl our hair paint our toe nails read magazines watch cick flicks and solve the problems of a teenage girls world. We are now 25 Married have kids and still have a night out once a month and a shopping weekend once a year.
So no way would my daughters be having a a sleepover with boys.

Sarah - posted on 05/18/2010

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I remember having a sleepover with boys and girls when we were about 10, then we organised another one when we were closer to 11 but the parents stepped in and said the boys had to leave at about 9-10pm (can't remember was a LONG time ago now! lol)

The sleepover we did have was a pretty innocent affair! We watched some scary movies and stuff. I think we did "kissing on lips for 10 seconds" but it was literally putting our lips together for 10 seconds! No tongues! lol

Not sure how i would feel if it was my daughters, things seem different these days, kids losing their virginity REALLY young and stuff. We were all really innocent at 10/11, whereas these days, they don't seem so innocent! Depends on how well i knew the kids that would be there, what the parents were like etc etc. :)

Jodi - posted on 05/17/2010

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Nope. Not in my house. I have a 12 year old, and he's not interested in girls yet anyway (not in that way), but I'd still think it wasn't appropriate.

Rosie - posted on 05/17/2010

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i wouldn't let my kids go to a sleepover like that, but i might have one at my house. if i wasn't there to see what my boys were doing, and not knowing how the other parents were handling things would drive me crazy. if it were at my house i would have much less of a problem.

[deleted account]

If I dropped my 13 year old daughter off at a sleepover and boys were present, I'd be back to pick her up at 9, IF I decided to let her stay. It's inappropriate. Plus kids that age are hormonal and don't fully know how to handle themselves yet.

However, when I was a junior and senior in high school we had after prom sleepovers. We'd get to whoever's house around 1 or 2 am, the mom would have breakfast ready for us, then we'd crash with the girls in one room and the boys in another. Nothing ever happened among my group of friends. My parents were comfortable with the other parents and kids in this situation. But my mom's stipulation for allowing me to do this was that I had to be at Sunday School on time the next morning...lol.

Lindsay - posted on 05/17/2010

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Wow. Those parents are either totally naive or just don't care. But I also wonder about the parents that let their kids go to these co-ed sleepovers. I know that this is something that I'm going to have to deal with as my kids get older since I have a girl and a boy only 18 months apart. They will be either side by side in the grades or there will be a grade between them (depending on if Coop attends Kindergarten for 1 or 2 years). One thing I do know is that when they have friends over, they can play together all they want but when nighttime hits, boys will be in there own space and girls as well. And I highly doubt it will be on the "honor system".

Joanna - posted on 05/17/2010

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I was allowed to have co-ed sleepovers... when I moved out of my parents house at the age of 19!!!

C. - posted on 05/17/2010

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To me, that's just teen-pregnancy waiting to happen. That's so irresponsible that it's literally making my stomach turn. Do I believe it, unfortunately. Is it right? Heck no! These kids need GUIDANCE, not another FRIEND! UGH!!!!! This just makes me so sick!!!! People shouldn't have kids if they aren't going to RAISE them!!! And if it was an accidental pregnancy, there's a such thing as adoption, so that's no excuse!

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