co-sleeping at 15...

Rosie - posted on 01/27/2011 ( 25 moms have responded )

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so i recently found out a coworker of mine, co-sleeps with her 15 year old daughter. how do you all feel about this? is it perfectly ok, cause she'll leave eventually when she's ready?

i obviously think it's craptastic. she is keeping that girl a baby for sooooo much longer than needed. her daughter has emotional issues now that i feel stem from her lack of parenting. obviously co-sleeping isn't the only thing this woman does that makes her daughter this way, it's just part. but come on??15?

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[deleted account]

My sister is going to shoot me, but here goes.

My sister slept in my parents bedroom until she was about 12. You kind of have to understand her though. She was a very sickly child. My mom had to quit her job to take care of her...she was never at work anyway, because Leigh was always too sick for daycare. Mom was the ONLY person Leigh would allow to hold her, until she was about two. Not even our dad. I suspect that nursing was the only way to calm my sister. See, she had some health issues that caused pain. And mom definitely has a large mansion in Heaven for being so loving and patient while raising my sister those first few years. The crying never stopped. So Leigh was very attached to our mom. She was quiet and insecure, even as she started elementary school. Protective big sis (me) got to know her teachers very well as I often left my class to go check on her. At home we played musical beds. Leigh would sleep by herself on some nights. Some nights she'd crawl into bed with me. Other nights she would make a pallet on our parent's bedroom floor and sleep there. Until she was about 12.

Now at age 23, Leigh is perfectly adjusted and normal. She was Prom Queen her senior year at our high school...so no social damage was done obviously. She graduated high school with honors. She graduated LSU with honors. She's in grad school now to earn a Master in counseling. She's a very smart and likable person...despite the fact that she had a rough start in life. I think she NEEDED that extra bit of security that mom could provide for her because of that rough start. And that extra security in no way inhibited her in her life.

Merry - posted on 01/27/2011

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I have a friends whose family is very close, the 5 kids all share one bed in one room together.

They have a girl, two years younger another girl, two years younger a boy, one year younger a girl, and two years younger a boy.

All the kids sleep on a giant bed that I believe was two queen beds pushed together.

All kids are now almost grown, three in college, all in apartments of their own or dorm rooms, but when they come home they go back into the 'kids bed'

I don't have a problem with this for one reason- all the kids are growing up into normal, socially acceptable adults.

There isn't any evidence of harm from this unusual sleep arrangement.

And it's only unusual in some countries like USA.

Other places in the world see this as normal. And their kids grow up just fine!

Minnie - posted on 01/27/2011

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I think it's perfectly fine. Families sleep together.



In general, I see nothing wrong with mother and daughter sleeping together all throughout childhood. Families sleeping together does not create developmental problems. It's life.

[deleted account]

maybe she has no other choice?? is their another place for the daughter to sleep? does she have the space? I think that before we know all the information, we shouldn't make rash decisions.

Stifler's - posted on 01/27/2011

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Oh dear God. When I was 15 I wouldn't be caught dead sleeping in my parents bed, I was never even home. Sometimes I went in their room in the morning for a cuppa on Sunday morning and we all sat on the end of the bed but sleeping in there every night?

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Becky - posted on 01/27/2011

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It seems odd to me, but I can think of some explanations for it that would make it not seem odd to me.
I am very curious to know if there is a father/husband in this family, because if so, then I would find it completely inappropriate, unless she had some sort of illness where she needed to be monitored 24/7. (and even then, why not her own bed in their room?)

[deleted account]

I think by 15 the child should have been moved to her own bed a long time ago. There are pros and cons to co-sleeping and this seems to be a good example of a con. However, even if dear ole mom is a single parent that can only afford a one bedroom she should be able to put two twin beds in there so they each have their own bed at least. What will happen in 3 yrs when the daughter SHOULD be going to college. I suspect that she will fore go college and just stay home with mom, maybe get a job and continue the harmful behavior if not stopped now. IMHO

Meghan - posted on 01/27/2011

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umm, it seems a little odd to me. Don't most 15 year old girls hate their moms?
I sometimes sleep with my mom. When J is gone we have movie and popcorn nights...like a slumber party. Obviously that is a little different than what you are talking about. 15 is waaay too long to be co-sleeping every nite.

Tara - posted on 01/27/2011

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Not right to me.

I think this goes in the same basket for me as people who breastfeed kids past the age of 5 or so, especially into the tweens...

It's just not right, and not fair to that child's autonomy, I think the mom here is filling a need within herself that has nothing to do with her daughter at all and that's just sad....



edited to add

If this is a case of mom and daughter sharing a bed once in a while together without dad and otherwise daughter is able to live a normal, healthy life with normal healthy friendships, no real attachment issues etc. and mom and daughter are A-okay, that's fine. Not for me though.

I guess I would have to know more to pass judgment

;)

Joanna - posted on 01/27/2011

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If both parties are fine withit, why not? I can see if it's a single mother, however i would hope daddy wasn't inthe bed, or kicked out of it. But my mom and I were close, whenever my dad would go out of town for work, I'd share the bed with her. We just enjoyed each others company.

Shauna - posted on 01/27/2011

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Thats crazy... but what age do you draw the line>? My sister in law still cosleeps with her daughter 8 yrs old. has since birth. I think thats crazy too.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/27/2011

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LOL...yeah that is weird...I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/27/2011

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"I know best, I am the mother" right? LMFAO! I kill me sometimes!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/27/2011

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This is along the same lines as extended breastfeeding until 8. I hae issues with it, and so will the kid when she finally grows up. Not a fan, but it is her house, and her child to fuck up.

Jocelyn - posted on 01/27/2011

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I love cosleeping, but wow, if that was me I would have kicked her ass out of my bed YEARS ago!

Merry - posted on 01/27/2011

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I think there might be underlying emotional issues for either mom or daughter.... But if both are well rounded, capable, socially acceptable, and stable emotionally, and they just prefer to share a bed, then I see nothing wrong with it.
If it's a single mom, with one child I can imagine co sleeping would extend longer then normal because of sheer loneliness. Or maybe the mom works long days, and their only real time together is bed time.
Now if there is a dad involved, then it's definitely wrong.
Dad and daughter shouldn't be sharing a bed that old, and dad shouldn't be kicked out of his bed by any child!

Johnny - posted on 01/27/2011

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I'm a big fan of co-sleeping, but a 15 year old? All the time? Yeah, no. I can see perhaps once in a blue moon after something really bad has happened or she's sick, if that's your bag, but as a regular thing, nope.

I will say though that my childhood best friend's sister co-slept with their mother until she was 17. She couldn't sleep without her, she wouldn't even go to sleep overs or to camp. It was quite strange and concerning. Then she decided to go away to another province for university. We were all sure that wouldn't last a week. Well, she stayed, finished her degree, spent a year studying in Europe, moved to another city across the country and lives there to this day with her husband and kids. By all accounts she's perfectly normal, well-adjusted and has never coming running back home to sleep with Mommy.

I do think it's a bit odd though.

Bonnie - posted on 01/27/2011

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No that does not sound right. Waaaayyyy too old for that! If she is not ready at 15, she will never be ready.

Sharon - posted on 01/27/2011

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Not normal.

So much for a child knowing when they need to leave mommy & daddys' bed eh?

Katherine - posted on 01/27/2011

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That is way odd. And very abnormal. She is way to old to be doing that.

Esther - posted on 01/27/2011

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Yes, that's a little crazy. Unless you're so poor you can only afford one bed, it's definitely high time for her to move out.

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