Coming face to face with the bully.......

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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So my dd is 11. Such girl drama! She has been the target of bullies, but she is also right in the social circle where she is friends with everyone. She has super popular friends, but also runs around with with the kids that tend to be shunned by others. She can be fickle, but she is not mean. She also prefers groups to one on one, so she is good at managing several friends at once.......



What happened last night- There was a group at the park, mixed ages and genders, from 5 (who lets a 5 year old go to the park alone??) to 13. They had all been playing hide and seek, when one child, a girl who is 11 also, got caught and refused to be 'it'. From there, it went downhill, and my daughter was the ringleader who told her play right, or play alone. (The other girl has a long history of being a bully) The other kids backed her up, and the one little girl ran off. The other kids continued to play. There had been no physical contact, not even poking or shoving.



Suddenly, the little girl who left, returns with her mother and 3 older sisters. They all start yelling and screaming at the other kids, and the mother has a very foul mouth. The kids disperse from the park, and my daughter comes home with a friend and tells me. Turns out, this woman threatened to "beat your ass, you little fuking cunt!" WTF!! I know what kids are like, so I went and got 'the rest of the story' from the other kids. Every story matched, and I talked to 7 kids who fled the park. I went to the 'lady's' house. She was not home, so I waited, talking to a neighbor who's child was also at the park. Turns out this mother is a bully. She is nasty, hateful, and teaches her daughter sickening ways 'to make friends'. While we were there, her daughter showed up, and said her mother would take everyone but my daughter and another little girl to get ice cream, but they had to agree to be her friend, and not talk to or play with the other two anymore. Sure enough, mom came around the corner and yelled for everyone to come along!! I went and had my chat with her. I will say she was not near as bold confronting an adult as she was a child- and her teenage daughters fled!- I can be foul mouthed myself, so it was not a swee little chat where we hugged.......but no physical altercation took place.





What gets me, though, is that not one single parent had the guts to confront this.....lady! I was treated like a returning war hero as I walked home! This woman has an entire 6 block neighborhood bullied and buffaloed! My child is not the first to be verbally attacked, and not even the dads would stand up to her! What the hell is going on? On the way home all I could think was how sad it is to have these parents sitting home scared, and these are the ones who are supposed to teach thier kids to deal with a bully?!? My thoughts now......forget the schools. Bullying is not a school problem, this thing needs to be addressed as a social issue. We adults need to start taking back our blocks, our neighborhoods, our towns! I told my daughter at the beginning of school this year, that if she stood up for herself and her friends, the others would rally, and the problem would be solved. It has. It's time for the rest of us to rally, too.

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An adult that is threatening to "beat the ass" of a child needs a visit from the police, IMHO. And a personal protection order slapped against her.

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2012

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Rebecca, I couldn't agree more. You deal with child bullies with appropriate actions...but adult bullies need adult consequences IMO. I suppose if this solves it then that's great, but anything further and I take it out of everyone's hands. NOBODY talks to my kid like that. Good for you for sticking up for your child and the rest of the neighborhood!

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Jennifer - posted on 04/18/2012

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Police are bound by laws protecting people, and sometimes the laws protect the wrong people. There is nothing they could do at the point that I became aware of what happened. Why someone who witnessed what happened in the park didn't call, I don't know. I actually had two off-duty cops at my house that night, and they both said the same thing, the woman normally acts sane and pleasent, but they know she is abusive to her daughters and was to her ex-husband. Her ex had a restraining order on her, but she talked the judge into dropping it. The ex's GF has one now. This woman apparently knows the law well (as I do) and although she threatens violence, quite often, has never crossed that line. They have talked to her numerous times. The cops can do nothing unless she is caught in the act. Too bad I don't live in Florida...............



After I left her house, I guess a couple other parents got together and confronted her. My daughter's friend told me that her mom said the 'rules are changing', and they spent the evening outside on their patio for the first time in forever. Two of my special needs students live on that block, and one of their parents came in to see me. It seems crazy lady had gone so far as to comment to his parents that they needed to keep him home, or someone may 'accuse him of doing something'. That probably pissed me off even more than what she said to my daughter! I just can't believe the whole thing was allowed to get this crazy......

Dove - posted on 04/17/2012

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There is no way I would ever confront some 'adult' who verbally assaulted my child. I would, however, most likely call the police on her.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/17/2012

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OMG Jackie.... I couldn't have a SIL like that. I would beat the shit right out of her! Good god, why are some parents so screwed?? Definitely gets my knickers in a bunch!

**Jackie** - posted on 04/17/2012

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Some parents make me sick. I am a firm believer that it all starts at home with the parents. My SIL is very nasty and hateful and I won't go into detail but she could be described as trashy (and that would be an understatement) her son, 6, SPIT on someone in his class and when he got sent home she beat him for making her waste gas to pick him up. On top of that, she sent him to his room for the entire night with no dinner...that was his punishment. When I heard this it made my stomach hurt. I don't blame him, considering my SIL just had to have stitches in her hand because she sliced it while trying to slash her "baby's daddy's" tires, I would assume he has seen her do the same thing.

Jennifer, you did a great job. It is very obvious to me that you are a great mom and your daughter is following you lead and being a genuinely good kid. Bravo!

America3437 - posted on 04/17/2012

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I agree. The lessons should start at home and be reinforced by the school. We start our social developement at home not in school! We enrolled our boys in karate when they were younger because of my son being picked on by one boy. He had picked on my son before but my son wouldn't defend his self because you don't hurt friends! That day this little boy had a tantrum in class and hurt a little girl,whom played daily at our home) and my son defended her and ended up with a big knot on his head and scratches on him so I called the school! I insisted on speaking with the mother since the school couldn't seem to control this child! The school refused to help at all so i called around and ended up getting her contact info. She said her son had an anger problem and do I have any suggestions! So I told her to find a way to control his anger or I would have no problem pressing charges on her 7 yr old. She had exhausted all punishments and asked if I could speak to her son. He told me he was sorry and I reminded him that we don't hit people or we hurt their feelings and my son was really hurt by him. We never had anymore problems out of him and neither did the school!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/17/2012

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My thoughts now......forget the schools. Bullying is not a school problem, this thing needs to be addressed as a social issue. We adults need to start taking back our blocks, our neighborhoods, our towns! I told my daughter at the beginning of school this year, that if she stood up for herself and her friends, the others would rally, and the problem would be solved. It has. It's time for the rest of us to rally, too.



ABSOLUTELY!!! It is not a school problem IMO. I think if parents want bullying to stop, it starts with them. Then from there, they need to support the schools and ensure the schools are actually doing what they advocate. However, bullying starts at home, they learn for their parents (or they have such shitty upbringing that they turn to bullying to make themselves feel better - this happens often too). Therefore, it is a neighbourhood thing and it needs to be corrected within all aspects of our society, not just school.



I would have done and have done, the exact same as you. I too would NOT put up with what occurred. Not all parents/adults are able to be so upfront. It just isn't in everyone's genes. However, it is perfectly wonderful and I applaud you, for standing up and showing this mother, there ARE parents/adults that will approach her and put her in her place.



I can have just as big if not bigger of a mouth than the asshole "down the street" (so to speak). However, only when warranted, such as it was in your case. Our children and all the other children within your radius require a supportive parent. If I ever see a child(ren) being subjected to harsh attitudes, whether it be from other children or adults, be damn sure I will be right there, telling you what the problem is and how it had better be fixed (sometimes I can do it nicely, in the case when it is other children but when it is an adult, ummmm, I am not so pleasant...lol).



Even if you can't get everyone on board, the fact that a few of us are willing to combat the problem, is a great start. As long as these bullying parents know there is at least one out there, they will think twice next time. ;)

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