Coming out

Caroline - posted on 10/28/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

4

0

0

I have known of my son's transvestism since he was at least 13. He is now 23. I let him wear some of my clothes indoors and have even bought him/her some lingerie which he sleeps in. He keeps telling me how grateful he is and has even joined me in make-up sessions. Then he dropped his bombshell - he wants to go out en femme (his term). I am so worried. No one in the family knows anything, nor do our neighbors. He says no one would recognize him, but I am absolutely terrified. Should I just say yes, or should I ask him to get his own place and do what he likes from then on? He's stayed with me as support, and insists he is not gay. I'm afraid to lose him and yet, I suspect he wants to come out and live as a carefree cross-dresser. Any advice from people who've been through this? I know, a 23-year-old is usually living away from his mum and dad, but I was cosy with it....

4 Comments

View replies by

Caroline - posted on 11/12/2013

4

0

0

Thanks, Lacye. I really do appreciate your words of encouragement. It's not easy to feel like you're putting at risk old friendships and close relations, but I see your point. I am slowly veering towards that standpoint. I am thinking of actually going with him shopping and dining, but I'm not sure Davinia, as David prefers to be called, would be game for that yet. I will just hint at it, then see what reaction I get from her. The probability is she would rather go on her own. In all honesty, though, I am still confused.

Lacye - posted on 11/12/2013

889

0

221

Really, it's his decision. If he wants to start going out dressing as a woman, let him go for it! Support him in every way. Who cares what other people think. If they don't like it, they just weren't meant to be a part of your lives.

As for his job, it's illegal for an employer to fire a person simply because of their sexual orientation. That would be a huge lawsuit.

Caroline - posted on 11/11/2013

4

0

0

Dear Tatiana, thank you so much for your comment and voice of concern. I am honestly being calm about it, at last. When I wrote he stayed home to support me, I meant morally after my marriage broke down. He knew I took the separation badly and wanted to be with me. He has a good job (which I feel could be under threat if he eventually comes out) and does not need me, nor me him. I have read a lot about cross-dressing and fully understand there are different categories. It is just that the whole thing has been such a big secret that I am terrified of his decision to start going out in public. I suspect he has been in touch with other cross-dressers in the area. Perhaps I should let go and let HIM decide his/her future?

Tatiana - posted on 11/11/2013

1

0

1

I am somewhat confused; you say he stays at home for support - do you mean he helps support you? Not that it has bearing on your question but it is more a curiosity. As someone who was friends with a cross dresser, did you know the vast majority of male to female cross dressers are actually straight? It is true. I was surprised but I think that is part of what society tells us to think (feminine male equals gay, etc). I know a few very masculine gay men and you would never tell because they don't fit the (often unfair) stereotype.

What is it you are scared of? Are you scared for his sake or for your own? Cross dressers and effeminate men do face quite a nasty bit of business in the world and he will face an increased incidence of potential violence. Make sure he is aware of the dangers in a loving way, by bringing up that you read this somewhere. It seems to me you have been good in letting him be himself around you thus far so really look at what it is you fear and ask yourself; are these reasonable fears? And if so, address them with your boy.

Good luck.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms