(cross post) Pregnant Teens

Kayleigh - posted on 07/25/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )

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What would you do if your 15-17 year old daughter came to you to tell you she is pregnant?

What would you do as a parent to prevent teen pregnancy?

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Amber - posted on 07/25/2011

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Kellie~ You said everything that I would want to say perfectly :)

The only thing that I want to add is that even if I did feel disappointed (I can't say because I've never dealt with it), I really would try to support my child without judgement.

I would expect them to be responsible for their child if they chose to keep it, but I wouldn't expect them to do it all on their own. I would rather give them help to support them so that they could finish their education and make a career for themselves. I wouldn't want to condemn my child or grandchild to poverty because of a single decision that has already been made.

I'm hoping that by talking regularly, providing information on safety, and never allow sex to be a taboo in our lives that this won't be a situation that we have to deal with.

Lady Heather - posted on 07/25/2011

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Totally agree Kellie. Drugs are my worst nightmare. Babies aren't the end of the world.

Kellie - posted on 07/25/2011

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For me, I wouldn't judge her. I'm not perfect and I'm not expecting her to be.

When my friend told me her 17 year old Daughter was pregnant I said, She will be an awesome Mother and she is (she's a better Mother/Parent than my Mother ever was). She is now 20 and her Daughter is almost 2, she is going to Uni and getting herself a Nursing Degree and will further that and get her Midwifery Degree.

Teen Mum doesn't always mean Welfare bludger, or shitty parent. It also isn't the end of the world. Would I feel differently if it was my 15-17 year old telling me she was pregnant? I don't think so, I'm a fairly non judgemental person and I know myself and my views very well.

You can't prevent everything/anything. Our children will make their own decisions, some bad, some good. All I can do is educate her, talk to her and keep the lines of communication open and trust her, trust her to make the right decisions for her.

To be honest, my biggest fear is drugs not teen pregnancy.

Stifler's - posted on 07/25/2011

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Be very disappointed. But they would be taking responsibility, and not living in my house if they chose to keep the baby. You want to act grown up and get pregnant, get your own place.

Sherri - posted on 07/25/2011

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I would be devastated and would try and really persuade them to get an abortion. However, I would love them and support them no matter what.



I have two teenage sons currently and the best prevention that I have found so far besides long in depth talks was I had my children take care of an infant. Feeding, changing, getting up in the middle of the night etc. They positively HATED every minute of it. I also every time we are buying baby stuff for the new baby on the way (as I am currently pregnant with my 4th) I point out how expensive everything is and how they would have to give up all their dreams and free time because they would be going to school and then when they weren't in school they would be working 1 or 2 dead end jobs to just afford to care for their child.

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Merry - posted on 07/27/2011

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I would not 'let' her get an abortion. Obviously I'm not able to stop her for sure but I'd do anything to keep my grand baby safe.
I also wouldn't 'let' her give it up for adoption. If she didn't want to parent then I would encourage her to sign rights over to us.
If she wanted to parent I'd encourage her to NOTmove out. I'd get her in counseling with the father, as well as parenting classes, and breastfeeding classes, and birth classes. I'd want to go with her to drs visits and classes if she is ok with that.
I would have her take a year off from school when the baby is born. Her life now comes second to her baby's life so her education has to go on hold as she will be learning WAY more as a new mom then she ever could learn in school. And I think to be the best mom she shouldn't be trying to split her focus.
I'd try to encourage her and empower her to be the best mom possible and tell her that just because she is young doesn't mean she can't be an awesome mom. She just needs to put her baby first and plan ahead and ask for help when needed.

As for prevention? Idk, my two are so young yet I'm not entirely sure how we will handle it, but so far we have established that open communication is important here and we won't shy away from difficult topics. I think I'll be talking to them in many small steps about bodies sex babies etc so it's not one big talk, instead it's a ongoing talk. Hopefully I can figure out a way to make them comfortable with talking to me about anything. But honestly I'm not sure how I'll do that.....

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I think making sex NOT A TABOO is probably the most important part!! The more "wrong" they think it is, the more anxious they are going to be to try it... Information is key.

EXACTLY!



If my daughter came home pregnant, i would support her no matter what she wanted. I would even raise her child if it came down to it. If she wanted to do it herself, i would encourage her to continue with schooling and stay at home so i could help as much as i could.

Ez - posted on 07/26/2011

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I would support my daughter in any decision she made - yes, including abortion. I would be upset, but not disappointed in her. I would be worried and stressed about how much harder her life would be now. I would make sure she understood (as much as you can) how hard things would be. But I would not cast her out, or berate her for her mistake. If she chose to have the baby, I would help in any way I could.

As for prevention, the only thing that can do that is open communication. About everything. Contraception (obviously), relationships, self-esteem, dreams and plans for the future.

But I agree with the others who said a baby is not the worst thing that can happen to a teenager. Drugs scare me far more.

Tara - posted on 07/26/2011

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I would tell her that she needs to make a choice, I would provide her with all her options, abortion included, (which I don't think any of my girls would go for) and I would support whichever choice they made.
If they chose to keep their baby, I would encourage them to stay at home rather than trying to rent a place on their own and pay bills, and feed and clothe a child etc.
I would rather they stay here, where they can become accustomed to being a parent, where they have examples and help from me. I want them to know they can count on me to be there for them as parents, whether they have their children in their teens or their thirties.
I think forcing her out on her own is only setting her up for more hardships. As well as more difficulty adjusting to being a mother.
I would want to offer my support with breastfeeding and sleeping, I would want to help her learn to read her babies cues, to learn how to wear her in a sling, to help her learn how to make baby food etc.
I wouldn't want her out on her own at 16 with a new baby and no supports when she needs them.
I would be disappointed, but babies are not the worst thing a person can do in their life. And as long as my child continued to better herself, get a good education and worked toward buying her own home, I would be more than willing to have her family live with us.

To prevent.
Sex education starting early enough, teaching my girls and my boys that masturbation is a great alternative to sex.
Telling my girls to get to know their own bodies, and find out what they like before they start having sex with men.
I would also encourage them to remember the days at home with an infant, and have them spend time with a baby for a day or two.
They already know the work it takes, (we have 6 kids) and they look forward to being parents one day, but none have any interest in being a young mom.

Jen - posted on 07/26/2011

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I plan on teaching my children about safe sex and birth control once they start learning about it in school. I will let them know that they can come to us when they think they are about to become sexually active. I know that it's getting harder and harder for teens not to have sex so I plan on keeping my children fully informed on how to be safe. However, I know everyone isn't perfect and one of my kids could end up pregnant or getting someone pregnant. If it happens I would strongly encourage my daughter to put her child up for adoption. Abortion is not an option in our family. If she decided that she wanted to keep the baby, we would let her know up front that we were not going to be the ones to raise her baby. We would help, but she would still be expected to get an education and a career of her choosing. I had my daughter when I was 20 years old and still finished my degree. I'm also about to start taking classes again for my masters degree and we now have 2 children. I'm lucky to have such a supporting husband and in-laws who live less than 5 minutes away. I hope that I would be able to give my daughter the same type of support if she was ever a teenage mother.

Kayleigh - posted on 07/25/2011

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I think making sex NOT A TABOO is probably the most important part!! The more "wrong" they think it is, the more anxious they are going to be to try it... Information is key.



My daughter would be fully welcomed if she came to me with this... I would probably give her crap for following in my mothers foot steps, but hey.. what are you going to do... I would help her in anyway I can, but still make it clear that its her child and in the end she is responsible. But if she had to, she could live with me as long as she needed to. Hell, if she doesn't end up as a teen mom she can still stay as long as she needs to. That's one rule my husband set down... no matter what she (and her family) always have a home with us. His parents never gave him that courtesy.. or even that much love (or any at all from what it seems like) so he wants to make sure she knows shes always loved and welcome.

Stifler's - posted on 07/25/2011

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I would still be supportive and help them out obviously. Just they would be moving out and getting a job , they wouldn't be staying at home doing nothing while I got up to the baby at night and they went out partying every night.

Kellie - posted on 07/25/2011

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*sigh* unfortunately while it's their choice, i don't think they realise the effect on their families....

Yeah, sorry Kayleigh! Hijacking of the thread over!

Lady Heather - posted on 07/25/2011

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That is true. Just takes the alcohol longer to kill you (usually). 65 years for my grandpa. Hopefully my dad has more than 12 years left. :( But enough of that I suppose...

Kellie - posted on 07/25/2011

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I think it's all as bad as each other Heather. It all fucks you up and alters you physically and mentally and kills you in the end.

Oh I will educate her and she will know exactly why she only has one set of grandparents and hope she is smart enough not to be pressured into anything. Although I must say, if her personality at 8 months old is anything to go by I say good luck getting that girl to do anything she doesn't want to do!

Lady Heather - posted on 07/25/2011

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Shit, that blows. My dad's family are all alcoholics - nothing like heroin obviously, but definitely a problem that had been inherited over many generations. I have to say though, my mother was the greatest influence in my life regarding drugs and alcohol and the like, so it's great that your kids have you to help guide them.

Kellie - posted on 07/25/2011

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My fear stems from my life. My Parents were Heroin Addicts (now Deceased, Father dead from an overdose when I was 7, he was 31, Mother dead from AIDS when I was 15, she was 37), My Dad was one of 11 and they're ALL losers, well all bar about 3 and most have used or have some sort of addiction :/

With my family history of addictions i'm a little worried.....

Lady Heather - posted on 07/25/2011

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On the inside I'd be pissed and disappointed and dropping f-bombs all over my brain. Ha. On the outside I'm sure she would know I was disappointed. I mean I'm sure my kid is going to know that's not what I want for her. But I see no point to not support her choice and do my best to continue setting her up for a successful life. If she wanted to abort, I would help with that. If she wants to do adoption, I would help with that. And if she wants to keep it, we as a family would do what it takes to get her through school and on her way to a career so she could be a successful mum. My husband and I have discussed this and are on the same page, thank god. Yeah, I might do some daycare for a bit if I'm still at home, but let me tell you - my expectations would be HIGH. I just wouldn't want an unplanned pregnancy to stop my daughter from reaching her full potential. I think it's possible to help out with the raising of a kid without taking over all the parenting and letting the mum get off easy. Heck, my adult friends have their parents look after their kids full time anyways. But yes - good grades would be expected, plans would be made and there would be a definite time line for launching into the world.

Christina - posted on 07/25/2011

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When my children hit the ages of 14-15yrs old, I plan on sitting them all down individually and telling them my story of being a teenage mom. I am going to reveal everything, the grief, the hardships, the loneliness, everything. I want them to know what I went through so they don't do the same thing I did.
If they came to me pregnant, after I stopped yelling (because I'm sure I'll yell at them for being so damn stupid when I will supply them with birth control and teach them about safe sex, which I am already doing) I will present them their options. Abortion is not a personal option for me, so I would never suggest it for my child. I would give them the pros and cons of adoption and parenting. I would make them check out an adoption agency, and also sit down with another teen mom to talk about teen parenting. When my child makes their decision on whether they will keep the child or place it for adoption, I will support them completely, even if I don't agree with them. I know what it is like to have no support as a teenage mom, and I will never put my children through that.
If my child ever decided to abort, well, I can't say how I would react. I know that I would not go with him/her to end the pregnancy. I would be there for them emotionally afterwards, but I know I couldn't go with my child to have an abortion.
As a mom, I am already teaching my children about safe sex. My 10yr old knows what terrible diseases sex can cause and how most of them can be eliminated by just wearing a condom properly. We will keep condoms available in our home at all time while our children are teenagers because while we don't want our children to be having sex as teenagers, we know we can't prevent it. We want them to be safe.

Rosie - posted on 07/25/2011

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i would let them know i'm disapointed but what is done is done and there is no use in getting pissed over something that can't be changed. i would talk over options, i would offer my support, but make it clear that i would not be a mother to that child. i would help them graduate school and go to work to help support the child.

what would i do to prevent teen pregnancy? i would give talk to them about sex and what it involves emotionally, and physically. i know i sure as hell wasn't expecting the emotional attachment i had to my partner after having sex the first time. explain when i believe people should be having sex, and with whom. tell them if they still decide to have sex the importance of condoms, and birth control. i would completely reiterate the importance of condoms even when on the pill. tell them my past sexual mishaps (i had an STD and at the same time had precancerous cells on my cervix). i myself was never taught the importance of condoms. i figured since i was on the pill all was good.

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Try to remain as calm as possible in her presence, but probably cry my eyes out in private. Let her know that the road ahead of her is not going to be an easy one, but that I am there to help and support her in any way possible (in the way of providing babysitting/housing while she gets her butt a job to raise her kid... as an example). I would also feel like I failed to show her just how difficult life as a single mom truly is when you have no education and no real life work experience.... since they see ME doing it every day... even though I was far from a teen mom.

Talking to my kids about sex. Emphasizing how it is God's plan that they wait for marriage, but that not everyone follows God's plan and that's why we have various forms of birth control. Teaching them to respect themselves and their bodies. Teach them how to say no. Encourage GROUP activities as opposed to one on one time w/ members of the opposite sex. Most of that is just a 'game plan' that isn't fully formulated yet since my girls are only 9.5. The 'preliminaries' have already started though and I'm seeking counsel on how to proceed w/ the rest. Also 'employing' some positive male role models that are showing them how a man is really supposed to treat a woman... and filling the gap on that male relationship that they miss out on most of the year.

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