Crying it Out

Sarah - posted on 05/04/2011 ( 84 moms have responded )

1,499

10

41

I'm sure the CIO method has been debated to death, but I had to share this.

Yesterday was my son's 18 month checkup with a new doctor. The doctor asked how well my son is sleeping at night & I told her that he sleeps pretty well, but getting him to bed is a nightmare.

This was her response: "You need to just let him cry. Put him in his bed, walk out, and don't go back in until the next morning. He may get to the point where he's coughing and puking, but he'll be fine. Research shows that children who are left to CIO become more independent & have less anxiety."

I just nodded in agreement, but I was thinking to myself that there's no way in hell I'm going to leave my child to cry all alone all night long.

I know I've made some very bad/inconsistent decisions in regards to his bedtime routine. I do feel like I've screwed things up by not being consistent with him. But, something about the CIO method just doesn't seem right to me....especially the way my doctor suggested doing it! Maybe the CIO method works great for some kids, but it just doesn't seem right for my son.

Your thoughts on CIO?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

That isn't CIO. That is neglect and I'd seriously consider changing doctors if mine ever said that crap to me. :(

Ez - posted on 05/05/2011

6,569

25

237

And this is precisely why doctors should stick to medical advice. Ugh! Leaving a baby to scream for hours is going to decrease their anxiety? Gimme a break.

I don't like CIO. I have never done it, and I now have a 2yo who happily goes to sleep in her bed each night. Learning to go to sleep alone is a developmental milestone. It happens at different times for different kids, and I can not for the life of me understand pushing a child to do something they are not ready for. In our case, my daughter transitioned to putting herself to sleep at 10 months. One night she resisted the normal cuddles on the lounge, so I put her in her cot and she was out. When she moved to a big bed this past Christmas, she reverted back to needing me with her to fall asleep. So for a couple of months I sat or lay with her. Sometimes this took 5 mins, sometimes 25mins. But it was really not a big deal. Like Jennifer, I just assumed occasional bedtime battles were normal for toddlers and rode it out.

In saying that, I acknowledge the varying definitions of CIO. A bit of whining is one thing. Leaving a child to scream hysterically to the point of throwing up is neglectful and just cruel.

America3437 - posted on 05/04/2011

1,052

12

87

CIO...why would you ever put your child in a dark room with the door shut and let them cry to the point of making themselves sick? Spanking is frowned upon but this seems to be ok, i don't get it!

Kellie - posted on 06/08/2011

1,994

8

175

I think CIO is cruel and unecessary. IMO all it does is create a distressed baby who then takes LONGER to get to sleep. can someone please explain to me how cuddling and loving your baby at bedtime is wrong? they are BABIES for fucks sake! they NEED you, they NEED cuddles and they NEED reasurence that your there and there for them. IMO what your doctor asked you to do was child abuse. Plain and simple.

[deleted account]

I need to add something.... about a month ago my son threw a screaming fit (NOT at night) so bad that it made him choke and puke. It did make him stop crying, but freaked him out so bad that EVERY time he starts crying now he thinks he's going to puke. He's 3 and I can 'reason' w/ him and explain that it's not going to happen, but he's still scared. Intentionally 'doing that' to an infant/toddler is disgusting and abusive. :(

84 Comments

View replies by

Kellie - posted on 06/08/2011

1,994

8

175

:D Erin! some things just totally drive me crazy! This is one of them, probably in my top 5 of WTF is wrong with that!!! (cuddling your baby at bedtime that is, not CIO, IMO CIO is just mean).

Becky - posted on 06/08/2011

2,892

44

93

Haven't read the other replies...

CIO is not for me. I just can't do it. But I'm not necessarily opposed to it for other people and I don't think people who do it are horrible or unloving parents. However, I think that the advice your doctor gave you is, quite frankly, crap! Letting your child cry until they make themselves sick is, IMO, neglectful and dangerous. What if your child were to make themselves sick and choke? You think they've finally fallen asleep, but... I think full-out CIO is poor parenting, plain and simple. Sorry if that offends people. Now, controlled crying methods, like Ferber's method, those I see differently. You are still responding to your child, still offering them comfort and making sure they are okay. You are not simply abandoning your parental duties until the next morning.

Kristy - posted on 06/08/2011

1

17

0

My son is almost 2 1/2 and I kind of agree with the CIO and then again not. It has to be to an extent in my opinion. I try to teach my son that crying is not going to get him what he wants. So if I put him in bed and he cries for a little I give it a few mins. If he crys longer than 15-20 mins then I got and check on him. I would never let my son get the point of puking etc..but a little crying doesn't hurt.

Alexis - posted on 05/09/2011

632

21

21

WOW! I have used the CIO method as in let him cry for a short amount of time then go back in put him back in bed, calm him down and walk out. I never left him to cry all night and to let them cry to the point of puking! Then they are just sleeping out of pure exhaustion not because your being firm about it being bedtime. If I feel that my son has crossed the line from being upset about bedtime to needing to be calmed down I will go in and calm him down and let him know it its ok but that its bedtime.

Merry - posted on 05/09/2011

9,274

169

263

I think we all have our moments, and topics that bring out our evil side :-)

Mel - posted on 05/09/2011

5,539

58

228

hehe yeah I get like that. I should be banned from facebook or coms when Im like that =)

Merry - posted on 05/09/2011

9,274

169

263

Thanks Mel! Yeah right now I'm liable to bite people's heads off but I blame the overdue pregnancy hormones for that :))

Mel - posted on 05/09/2011

5,539

58

228

oh thats good hes supportive! Im like you sometimes but if anyone gets me in a bad mood then watch out I say whatever I think generally. I havent got my hubby to defend me or my decisions so I need to do it myself. My family, his family, friends, even people he doesnt know, he doesnt like conflict so people tend to walk all over me because they know he doesnt care. But yes different styles I dont believe in full on CIO but I do believe in teaching them to fall asleep by themselves when possible:) Good luck with the new bubs

Merry - posted on 05/09/2011

9,274

169

263

Yeah it's nice cuz my hubby is really in your face about it if his family mentions it. He's not afraid to argue them anytime so honestly they don't bug me anymore. Though I do get the feeling none of them really agree with it. I couldn't care less. Same with CIO I guess, they all think I'm just too spoiling of Eric, bfing and not making him fall asleep on his own. Different styles I guess, but I'm thankful matt stands up for us! I'm too much a wuss to confront anyone :)

Mel - posted on 05/09/2011

5,539

58

228

so true. My daughter is only 9 months and Im so sick of people being surprised Im still feeding and asking when Im going to wean, saying she's probably self weaning and that I should just give her a bf in the morning etc etc etc I hate it. Glad you guys are still going and not receiving as much judgement as me

Merry - posted on 05/09/2011

9,274

169

263

Mel, it's not always fun to be bf still, but I have to say all in all it's so worth it. I'm sure the taste changed for me as well, but like I said earlier I think he primarily is bfing for comfort rather then food or drink. So my theory is the kiddie who weans with the taste change probably was bfing for food, whereas the ones who continue on to tandem feed likely are in it for the snuggles! Idk, it's just not something he is ready to stop yet and I'm not able to refuse such a innocent and natural request :) but the belly does make it interesting, and the nipples hurt! But motherhood is all about doing for your kids even when you don't like it right! And in the end, it still makes me feel so wonderful when he breastfeeds, it's our reconnection time and I do treasure it.

Sylvie - posted on 05/09/2011

33

5

1

I never let either of my kids CIO. My first child, he was just a good sleeper right from day one. I had to wake him to feed as he was born early, but after a few weeks I didn't wake him and he slept 5-6hour, and by 3 months he slept 12-13hrs stretches. My second is total opposit to my son. She's 2 1/2yrs and still not sleeping through the night. She'll start her night in her bed, with me sitting next to her, but ends up with us by midnight. I actually love waking up with her next to us to see that beautiful smile. What a perfect way to start the day. I just night weaned her though, as she wanted to nurse 2-3x at night, only took 2 nights of cuddles and she doesn't ask to nurse at night anymore.

So my point is, not 2 children are the same, even siblings. I've done the same routine for both kids, and they are 2 different sleepers. They all have different needs and I see a child that wakes up crying has needs to be met. They're only a baby/child once and all comes in stages and won't last. Have any of you ever see a a 10yr old needing mom or dad to sleep???
The western world just don't get it when it comes to the need of their child. CIO is not the answer as it doesn't meet the need of a child. All they want is to be close to their parents and be loved unconditionally. CIO far from human nature.

Mel - posted on 05/09/2011

5,539

58

228

wow, must be hard breast feeding while that far pregnant! Go on you. Most of my friends babies stopped feeding while they were pregnant with their second due to the change of taste in the milk

[deleted account]

Laura - thats so sweet i admire any mum who can breast feed. marshie likes his snuggles but we weren't great breastfeeding friends

Merry - posted on 05/09/2011

9,274

169

263

It's a sweet time for sure, but right now I'm wishing Eric would be ok with just snuggling before bed some nights! I'm 8 days overdue with our baby girl and it's quite painful to bf him! Lol. But I just can't refuse his sweet requests" and I do think it will get better when I'm not preggo anymore! Erics the opposite, he bf almost only for comfort, not for food. Well, he doesn't have much choice since it's just small amounts of colostrum anyways, but he never slowed down! I think tis his way of reconnecting with me as he is so busy and active all day.

Mel - posted on 05/09/2011

5,539

58

228

I enjoyed it, I think she kind of weaned herself off that, due to me having to go away and use bottle once a day for 2 months, Now I think she just uses breast feeding as food not to fall asleep. I probably woudlnt mind either way, but i do go away in November again so thats why I think its better this way :) make it easier for her to adjust agian if Im still feeding her

Merry - posted on 05/09/2011

9,274

169

263

I suppose it's nice for you he doesn't bf to sleep, makes it easier I'm sure. I sure don't love it every night. But I feel it's his right so I continue. And I do enjoy it most nights :)

[deleted account]

Ashley - my son has been a non cry-er since birth we had some issues once he hit 12 months and sleeping in a cot but he gets that bed time is bed time and now hes in his big boy bed i let him play for 15 minutes before putting him back into bed no tears hes so good. a few tears never hurt a baby but you can't spoil them

Merry - posted on 05/09/2011

9,274

169

263

Mel I agree that sometimes it's inevitable that they cry, sometimes Eric would get really mad at bed time and try to get down off my lap and play, if It was important he go to sleep I would have to just hold him while he cried until he gave up. Bt then I'd always bf him and snuggle him off to sleep. S I guess I feel like if the child has to be crying before bedtime they should be held while they fight it and then comforted when they accept the sleepiness. I think this happened most with Eric when he learned to walk.....

[deleted account]

Loureen, i so get that comment about tribes.I have never gotten so many comments about how content my daughters are.Were as babys and how there so gentle and content still.I feel they were like that because i met there needs.I comforted them how the wanted and i never let them cry.I still feel bad as i had my first at 19 i didn't listen to my heart.I only tried the cio method for a few days and i beat myself up for just that.I was made to feel its not right for a baby to be soothed to sleep.I am glad i eventually did what i felt was right for her first off &then me.



Listen to your baby&meeting there needs does not make a spoilt child.Just to clear that up.My daughters are proof of that.

Charlie - posted on 05/08/2011

11,203

111

409

It's hard when they get worked up and it can be frustrating for parents too , Harry gets like that when he is over tired .

Mel - posted on 05/08/2011

5,539

58

228

speaking on CIO, my daughter (9 months) was due for a sleep yesterday when we went out to my mums for mothers day she had been awake 3 hours so we kept her awake in the car only just on the way up (hour long trip), even got flashed by a damn speed camera trying to get there quick so she could sleep in the cot without having a 2 minute sleep and getting grumpy. She refused to go tosleep when we got there. Just screamed, I fed her still screamed we tried the cot, holding her and the pram, she was just working herself up (new environment probably) I then gave her some more solid food thought then she might sleep nope tried the pram and holding her again then eventually had to leave her scream her nut off in the cot it took about 20 minutes for her to fall asleep. SHe had panadol in her system and hubby and my mother wnated me to give her more after 2 hours but I felt it wasnt safe so I didnt, anyway she ended up being awake about 6 hours. I guess what im saying is sometimes there no choice but to let your baby cry, cause nothing else works :)

Charlie - posted on 05/08/2011

11,203

111

409

" Most cultures wouldn't dream of making their young ones cry at bed time "

Funnily enough when a group of African mothers were shown a video of a mother doing CIO on her child they became very confused and upset .

You see if you ignore a childs cries in their tribe they assume you are not the mother , In these tribes they NEVER let their children cry and guess what ? their children rarely cry at all because they are so secure .

[deleted account]

oh i let my son cry but not all night by himself...we go in intervals you know let him cry for 2 minutes go in then 4 6 8 10 x2 then we go back to 2 minutes...the longest ive gone is 8 minutes and by the end of the week he was fully settling himself to sleep and ive had no trouble transitioning him to a bed either. but if at any stage should he get hysterical i immediately walk in no matter how long its been.

[deleted account]

There a doctor and there not emotionally attached to your child the way you are.Its easy for doctors, family and books to tell you certain things.Put when your there by yourself at night, listen to your whole world screaming for mommy,i say feck all those books , doctors and family members lol.

My whole body is telling me to go right back in and pick up my baby.Soothe her and have her off to sleep within mins.Compared to hours if left to cry it out..yes hours, i tried to do the "right" thing by having her sleep on her own.It was not for her&me.



I wish i had never tried it, not even controlled crying.I think a baby is they way the are for a reason.If the need us to soothe them so be it.The grow up and they grow out of it.My daughter is living proof of that.



Once asleep,then i put her back.My first needed my comfort to sleep.I did just what she needed, shes six years old now and perfectly fine.



My second slept since birth.Even at the hospital, i had to call the nurse to see what was wrong, as i was not used to a baby sleeping like this lol.

She would even go all night without waking for a fed..one word..blessed lol.

Merry - posted on 05/08/2011

9,274

169

263

If it feels wrong, then for your family it is wrong! Trust your mothering instincts :)

Sarah - posted on 05/07/2011

1,499

10

41

Thanks for all the help ladies! :) I dismissed my doctor's advice the second it came out of her mouth haha. I could NEVER leave my son to scream/hyperventilate/puke/choke all night long just because I want him to learn how to "self soothe." Like others have said, I feel like that is neglect.

My husband & I tried the controlled CIO method the past few nights...letting him cry for about 3-5 minutes & then going in to reassure him. And so far it's not going well. Bless his heart...he just screams and practically hyperventilates and we were only able to let it go on for about 10 minutes. Something about the CIO method just doesn't seem right for my family. I understand that it works great for some...but not all. My husband & I are working together to figure out a good routine for our son. He's in a toddler bed, which we think he's way too young for, so we are talking about going back with the crib for awhile to see what happens.

Merry - posted on 05/07/2011

9,274

169

263

Shastin, you don't have to use CIO to get your kid to sleep.
CIO is never necessary, every child will learn to fall asleep on their own at some age. It might not be a convenient age for some, but there is no way that crying is a necessary step to kids falling asleep.
Most cultures wouldn't dream of making their young ones cry at bed time, it's just a given that babies and toddlers and kids need mom close by and that they sleep best with her there.
CIO is never necessary.

Merry - posted on 05/07/2011

9,274

169

263

I personally wouldn't use CIO in any shape or form.
I didint even let my son whine in the night without going to hum until he was about 1 1/2 years old.
I feel like I created a baby, and he has needs, emotional, physical, mental, etc and it's my job as his mother to meet his needs.
Now some say it's just a want, or a habit, but I feel like humans are social creatures who require physical touch and comfort from others. So imo a baby or toddler can't simply want comfort, they need it. Day and night.
Yes I get enough sleep, I go to bed when he does, and if he sleeps 10-12 hours and I'm awake breastfeeding hum back to sleep even 2 hours total all night I'm still getting more then enough sleep! As he is getting older he needs me less and less each night. Now it's once a night and some nights it's not at all! And now I noticed he will dream and call out, and those times I don't go in by him because he is still asleep, just being noisy, but he has bad dreams and cries sometimes and I go in to comfort him.
I just feel like if I were to force him into self soothing before he is old enough to do it without stress, then I'm being selfish. That's my opinion for my family, but I do feel like every baby would benefit from having their mom comfort them every time they need it. I try not to judge because it's not my place, but it hurts me to think about any baby having to learn to self sooth before they are old enough to do it without stress.

Kimberly - posted on 05/07/2011

376

10

16

i have started using it but i have never had him cry all night, andits been two minutes at a time then i go in and comfert him and put him back down the first time i used this method a half hour and he put himself to sleep. and oh wow has he been happier going to bed and waking up, and is now sleeping threw the night

Shastin - posted on 05/06/2011

63

20

11

If you really want your child to start sleeping on their own then you need to help them do that. It won't be fun because they know what they can get away with. It is usually a week of hell but after that many peaceful years of sleep *smile*. I put them to bed and let them cry for 5 minutes and check on them without saying a word (and usually lay them back down because they are standing up) then leave right away. Then I make it 10 minutes and go back in without saying a word, then 15 minutes, etc. The child eventually learns that they aren't going to get their way and that's the whole point. If they puke in that 5, 10, 15 minutes etc then I'd pick them up and hold them by their bed/crib until they calm down and put them back in but without saying a word every 5, 10, 15 minutes etc. Eventually they will realize they have to sleep when you put them in their crib and learn that they won't get their way. Trust me it will work after a week of consistency.

Tinker1987 - posted on 05/06/2011

1,144

5

10

i would like to know what parents do when there doing the CIO,do you just shut your monitor off and go to bed.so you wont be disturbed,because in my opinion if im going to be up all night hearing my baby cry i might as well be soothing him and not just hearing it on the baby monitor.either way your up in the night.

Constance - posted on 05/06/2011

2,651

24

146

I have never been able to let my kids cry. I don't think comforting them by holding and cuddling is spoiling. All of my kids know I will always be there when they need me. But I would never allow any child to just scream until they vomit that borders on abuse.
Veronica I do completely agree having a scheduale is very nessary. I don't see anything wrong with letting a child that is fussing not crying settle them selfs down. I wanted too make sure that I didn't offend you by my statement.

Veronica - posted on 05/06/2011

1,539

61

94

I wanted to add that security is a huge thing that babies/children need to feel safe. Letting them cry out on end all night long - is where problems can come in with insecurities - and most babies by what... six plus months old are more aware of whats going on, and develop the seperation anxiety - so a parent must do what they can to assure them, and leaving them to scream all night isnt the answer. I think as a parent there are sacrifices - you want to have kids - there are things you have to do as a parent that we dont want to do and the biggest one is losing sleep - selfishness has to disappear when you have kids -- if you have to go without sleep all night because your child cant sleep, they are hungry all night long, or sick - then you go without sleep - its called parenting - one day they will be gone and you will get all the sleep you want; and you will probably wish you could go back in time and be graced with the presence of your baby crying for you again - so value your time now, and dont worry about the sleep - sneak in cat naps when you can, if you have to - have your spouse/friend or family member watch the kids so you can catch a z if you have to --- take a deep breath - its frustrating at times, but it wont be forever.
Take care

Veronica - posted on 05/06/2011

1,539

61

94

I dont know - everyone has their own methods with bedtime. CIO - if that is what its called, is something ive done with all my kids. Id feed, bath, feed/rock my babies and then lay them down after they fell asleep. I would just stick with that routine (with bath time every other night - just diaper/clothes changing on the nights without a bath). Feed, bath/change, feed, rock and laid them immediatly down. Sometimes they would wake up and cry - then i would try the boob again or pacifier, rock for a while, or sway with them in my arms, and then put them back down again. They just get used to the routine. Now with my older kids - and as they got older, the routine is still the same (except the breastfeeding ;) lol) They have a bath or get in their jammies, and i put them all directly to bed - cover them up, hugs and kisses, and its lights out. I dont allow any ifs, ands or buts either. I simply state that its bedtime now. (just like supper or bath or clean up - its '___'time - and they know what is expected. Supper time, you eat, if you dont eat at supper TIME, and supper time is over, then you dont eat. I mainly do that because two of my kids will try to play around rather than sit down and eat their food - which leads to wasted food, and then them whining to me an hour or so later that they are hungry -- but this is besides the topic... I would simply establish a simple routine that works. My one and two year old still get rocked and cuddled too - but i put a time limit on it too - if they aren't asleep within so much time - then i will lay them directly down. When my two year old fusses that i am laying him down - cause he wants to cuddle more - I simply state - cuddle time is over, now you need to go to sleep - and this actually works - he seems to understand.
But this is what works best for me - the routines are good for kids, they need structure - so find what works for you, and be consistent with it.
Good luck - You will develop what works best for you and your child :)

Jay - posted on 05/06/2011

19

0

37

I would be the same, If my son was getting sick I would be holding and comforting him, never leaving him on his own till morning, that has to be damaging ... :O

Bonnie - posted on 05/06/2011

4,813

22

262

"I agree bonnie. hell would freeze over before i let my baby vomit himself to sleep. thats also dangerous,babies can choke on vomit."

And to let them lay in it all night too.

[deleted account]

We go to doctors for medical advice, not parenting advice.



I have tremendous respect for doctors -- my life having been saved by a brilliant one and countless others have helped me a great deal -- but a paediatrician isn't necessarily trained in child development. And American peds tend to receive very little lactation education on top of that.



CIO is a cultural thing -- I have only heard of it in the West. In other cultures -- Japan, for instance (which is just as technologically and medically advanced as the West) -- it's unheard of. They tend to co-sleep with their children until what we would consider a late age.



Of course nobody has done any cross-cultural research, studying whether Japanese children are less independent than American children. It would be very difficult (impossible?) to do, since our very definition of independence is cultural.



I don't see American children as being great shakes compared to Asian or South American children.

Kimberly - posted on 05/05/2011

376

10

16

i just attempted my cio method two nights ago and the last two nights he has put himself to bed and for naps but what i did to make me feel better and him two mintes of crying and picking him up till he is completly calmed down and put him back down for two minutes and repeat. a half hour he put himself down to sleep with out choking or puking. I WOULD NEVER let them scream all night with out reasuring them there ok

Tinker1987 - posted on 05/05/2011

1,144

5

10

I agree bonnie. hell would freeze over before i let my baby vomit himself to sleep. thats also dangerous,babies can choke on vomit.

Bonnie - posted on 05/05/2011

4,813

22

262

Thinking about this again, I am still finding it difficult to believe that a doctor would even suggest do it this way. That is torture.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

270

5

54

Well, a nightly routine would help SOME. With my oldest daughter after singing to her when she was younger I would tuck her in, put a stuffed animal on one side and then the other, kiss her, tell her, "Good night, I love you, I'll see you in the morning." I realized she knew this the day I was dozing off in the livingroom and she brought over one blanket and covered me, then another (keep in mind these were her blankets so on the smaller side back then lol) to cover me and brought over a stuffed animal and put it on one side, and then another and put it on the other side lol. Just had to share that because I couldn't help but laugh.

I used CIO with both of my children. The oldest is now 5 and she goes to sleep usually without protest, and even when she does protest I just tell her it's bed time and to go to sleep, and the usual kiss goodnight, love u, see u in the morning. She goes to sleep without crying and has been doing so since she was....about 3. Keep in mind I did the CIO later, when she was already 2. When they are older they do cry longer and they do fight it harder. She never did throw up because of it, though. And after she stopped crying for a while I would check on her to see if she was okay and if she was sleeping. As for my other child, she will be 20 months on the 18th. I am a single parent and at the moment she sleeps in a toddler bed in my room because before she goes into the same area as my older daughter to sleep I want her to know that she has to stay in her bed, even when she doesn't want to sleep, like I trained my older daughter to. So when I did CIO with her I did close the door. I actually closed the bedroom door when I let the older one CIO, too, to make her crying more softer because with the first one especially it's hard to hear them cry. It was hard to hear the younger one cry in the beginning, although I knew what the outcome would be so it was less difficult to bear than the first. I started when she was really young, still in her playpen. After I transitioned her to a toddler bed I especially had to close the door because it made the room dark so she wouldn't get up and play or try to come out of the room. She is to the point where she will do one of two things when I put her down for bed OR a nap; if she's ready for a nap she will start trying to sleep when I lay her down and I walk out and close the door or she'll cry a little while (less than five minutes usually), then give up and go to sleep. If it's bedtime it's the same. Most of the time she won't cry and even if she does it doesn't even last but a few minutes anymore. What's more, even if she crawls onto my bed before I get to the door and close it, when I come back into my room she's asleep on her own bed. She knows that's where she's supposed to sleep, it's just getting her to stay in it at night in a room that's not as dark without having to constantly chase after her and put her back in it that I haven't figured out yet lol as the room that my older daughter sleeps in is light enough to play in. Not everyone will choose to do it, but I stand by CIO, although if your child threw up, I can't say I would let my child lay in vomit! Did I mention that I had a baby monitor next to my older daughters bed and next to the baby's bed when doing this? Although I had to turn the baby monitor lower so that it was less loud, but loud enough to still hear.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/05/2011

21,273

9

3058

Opinions are like assholes Jane, everyone has one. The beauty of it, is that you are the parent and can do things any way you want. I am sure that your mother was told she was doing things wrong by plenty of people when she was raising you, but she I am sure chose to do it how she wanted.

Jenni - posted on 05/05/2011

5,928

34

393

I think I'm done with the idea of manipulating my kids for the most part. Most of the perceivably 'annoying' habits babies, toddlers, kids have are more to do with developmental stages and eventually work themselves out on their own. ...Just to be replaced with a new one ;)



I just let my kids do their thing. My son still gets out of bed 5-10 times after initially putting him to sleep. (He's almost 3 yo). I just walk him straight back to his room, tuck him in, say goodnight and repeat a few more times. No biggie.



His sister on the other hand is a year older and although she had her tough moments at sleep. At 4 yo she goes to bed no problem and stays in bed.



My almost 12 month old has always been an amazing sleeper. Although I did co sleep for the first 3 months while gently introducing her to the crib. Even she would have a month here or there of night waking 5 times a night. Or gave me a hard time going to bed. I just rolled with the punches. Took one for the team. ;) She got over it.



I guess I just don't understand the need to 'force' babies, toddlers to do things they aren't developmentally ready for. Or emotionally ready for. I guess I understand the need to make things easier on the parent, especially one that doesn't believe in co-sleeping and has only had 3 hours of sleep out of 72 hours. I do emphasize with that. :(

Jay - posted on 05/05/2011

19

0

37

I can't let my son cry, he still sleeps in bed with us as he is only 2.5months but I wont be trying the CIO method with him.
I just wouldn't be able to leave him crying! :(
I usually hold him until he falls asleep when he is cranky and then I lay him down, He does put himself to sleep sometimes if he is laying in his pram, so I know he can do it, I have left him awake in his pram for a nap and he has whinned for a few mins then fell asleep, but if he cries I pick him up.,...
My mother has told me Im doing it wrong and I will have problems.... But I guess I'll have to wait and see.. :D xx

Stifler's - posted on 05/05/2011

15,141

154

604

I think the bit about being less clingy is bullshit. My son goes to sleep on his own, always has after a few days of letting him whinge and going back to pat him etc. (NOT letting him scream until he fell asleep or vomited) yet still follows me around and wants to be up on my hip all day to see what I'm doing. I can understand where you are coming from. My son by 3 or 4 months, would be stimulated by us walking around patting him or singing. He'd look at us and be like "AHH-HAAA HAAA" and be wide awake and it'd take hours. So we started noticing the sleep signals, wrapping him up or giving him his dummy and putting him down and more often than not he wouldn't even cry, we'd just say SLEEP TIME NOW SHHH and walk out and we'd come back in in a minute if he cried and pat him and then again in 2 then 3 and he'd be fast asleep. Now at 15 months he just knows it's bed time and we put him in his bed and tell him we love him and he goes to sleep.

Casey - posted on 05/05/2011

633

37

104

I think the cry it out method is fabulous providing it is done correctly and the way your doctor has described it is not the right way to do it and I think if you do it the wrong way then you can cause more damage then good so my suggestion is if anyone is going to try the cry it out method research it thoroughly first and don't just take other peoples advice on the subject cause no child regardless of age should be just put into it's bed and left to cry until they are choking or puking thats not how the cio method actually works.

Mel - posted on 05/04/2011

5,539

58

228

my thoughts, you knw your baby. You know at what point your baby is just whinging and is tired and needs to go to sleep and what point your baby needs attention. I was loked down upon by child health and friends because I spoiled my baby. They said I picked her up from her cot when she was not crying just whinging. I then tried full on CIO and itwas horrible I ws in tears and I had to go and wake her even after she fell asleep because her breathing was still like she was still cring even though she'd finally fallen asleep. I made my onw judgements and I restared trying to let her self soothe at around 5 months old and shes fine. I did what I was told I always put her down on the basinnette or cot as a newborn to put herself back to sleep where possible f course, but at about 4-6 months she learnt to go to sleep no crying, and it sure wasnt thorugh CIO it was through just me making my onw judgements calls, and she pretty much learned it by herself. In your situation Sarah I think 18 month olds need to go to sleep by themselves, and personally I half agree with your doctor. My first daughter went through stages of throwing up etc to go to sleep. My MIL kept me out of the room she got me to stay strong , but this was when she was older, so she did know better. We went through more stages when our 2 yr old woudlnt sleep because of the newborn baby. We tried staying on the floor with her but she'd wake when we got up (floor boards) letting her stay up longer (bad move) reading her more books, pretty much everything until we listened to people who said to us your doing the wrong thing bed time is bedtime you are encouraging her bad behaviour,So yes at 18 months close the door tell them its bedtime and dont go back in, as hard as it sounds

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms