Daughter is learning bad habits from daycare girl...HELP please?!?!

Amanda - posted on 12/15/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Okay so this really isn't a debate...but I need a few ideas on how to handle my 4 yr old daughter. I do inhome daycare and I have a family that I've been watching for over a year, and they have 2 children ages 5 and 1. Their kids are very well behaved, and are actually becoming part of our family! The problem I'm having is that my daughter who is 4 and the daycare girl is 5, and they go to the same preschool but are in seperate classes. Which I was a little dissapointed about at first, but now I'm sure glad! My daughter has always been super sweet, really polite, and listened to all directions the first time given, and didn't talk back to me or anyone for that matter. But since schools started I've been having a horrible time controlling these 2 girls! My daycare girl has gotten completley rude, to everyone and anyone. Manipulative with my fiance and I and her parents as well. She bosses around my 2 younger daughters and her little brother. She is rude to my daughter and calls her mean names. My daughter is now picking up on these habits, and is starting to be rude towards her sisters, and talking back to my fiance and I. My aunt is her teacher at school and she's noticed a significant change in her and says that she's so bossy that most of the other little girls don't want to play with her anymore. The 2 of them here afterschool are NONSTOP fighting, being rude to eachother, slapping eachother, not sharing. The list goes on and on!!! I've tried seperating them, and have tried talking to my daughter in her room alone, and telling her that she needs to be nice to her little sisters and should respect my fiance and I as well as other adults. I told her her friends at school will not want to play with her if she keeps being mean and bossy. She agrees and than 2 seconds later she's right back at it. I've tried a sticker chart to encourage good positive behavior but no luck!!!!! Any tips or advice would be super helpful!!!!

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Tara - posted on 12/16/2010

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Try humour..
Have the two offenders sit down with you, then tell them you don't like the way they are speaking and acting and you want it to change. Then ask them how life would be if everyone talked that way... then show them. Say "as an example girls, if I want you to come inside and eat lunch do I say ... {in a rude or whiny voice} "come in and eat your lunch NOW you bum heads.." or do I say "Come and get some lunch girlies." then give them another example, and another until you are all laughing about how ridiculous it sounds when people talk like that all the time.
Then show them how you want them to talk to one another and others as well.
You can talk about how people's feelings can be hurt just by the tone in your voice (again show them by using a nasty voice and then a nice voice) keep doing this every day that you have them there. When you catch them talking nicely, tell them how wonderful it makes everyone feel, when you hear them being mean, rude etc. give them a chance to turn it around before you dole out and punishment or discipline, for instance.. you hear one of them call another a nasty name.. you call out from wherever you are "I hear someone being mean/rude/etc. can I hear you say something nice instead?" If you catch them being physical with each other, you can separate them until they are ready to say one nice thing to each other, or do one nice thing for each other.
This is a phase, this is the beginning of school, things will be different from here on out. But... you can model better behaviour, you can use humour to diffuse a situation, and you can teach them to be kinder... it takes time and perseverance but with the right method you can make some changes in how they act and talk.
I agree with the planned ignoring, if it is something you can ignore and no one is going to get hurt, physically or otherwise.
Good Luck.

Louise - posted on 12/16/2010

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I would try the ignore tactics. When she is rude to you ask her to leave the room and to come back when she can be nice. She will soon get fed up with having to leave the room all of the time. Reward positive behaviour with hugs and verbal praise and just blank her when she is rude. A child hates to be ignored so this tactic is quite powerful.

Katherine - posted on 12/15/2010

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I hate to tell you this....but it's the age. It's like *poof* instant personality change @ 5. Ooh I just read slapping. Sorry was skimming. Sounds like time out is in order for both of them. I can't belive the sticker chart didn't work :/
Are you reacting? When they act that way don't say a word just physically separate them. Put one on one chair and the other on another. 4 min for the 4yo and 5 for the 5yo. Ignore the bad behavior praise the good :)

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