Daycare.... or not to daycare....

Theresa - posted on 01/14/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hey there,

I am a young mother of two. I also have a full time job but am currently on maternity leave with my second boy.

My oldest has been attending a daycare center since I went back to work in Feb 2009. It's a brilliant place, and has actually been voted the best Daycare Center in Scotland 2008/09. I never thought anything about it before, because in my mind I was going to work and earning a living to help with the support of my kids. Then when I got pregnant again I had some complications due to stress at work and almost lost my youngest son. I went off sick early but continued to send my oldest to daycare as he loved going there.

I have now had my baby, Sam, and he is almost 4 months old. The time is coming when I need to start organizing things to go back to work. But over the Christmas holiday I had Nathan at home with myself and Sam and he was an angel. I thought it would be really hard being at home alone with both of them, but it was ok. Not plain sailing, but it was manageable. My partner works away too so a lot of the time I am here on my own.

What I want to know your opinion about is whether I should send them both back to daycare and go back to work. The last few days when I have sent Nathan back to Daycare he has looked so unhappy when I have picked him up. And in the morning when I ask him if he wants to go he now says 'No.' When he used to be eager to get ready.

And that means if I don't send them back, I should be a stay at home mum. What do you guys think? Is it better to be home with your kids or to be at work?

9 Comments

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Nellynunes148 - posted on 07/17/2016

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That's a hard question my children have never been in daycare I have always been a stay at home mom, but that works for our family. Every family is different

Laura - posted on 04/21/2015

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That is a hard question, as every mom and child are different. I plan to work part time until my baby is about 3 so I can start homeschooling. I get to be a 50/50 work/SAHM so I am blessed. Some day cares are absolutely amazing and others are not, you have to check them out. Arrived unannounced for a tour of the facility, that doesn't give them a chance to be anything but genuine! References help, too.

As to whether or not I think you should turn one way or another, what does your gut say? I don't always say to follow your heart because it can be deceived but your gut can't! :)

MIKE - posted on 04/08/2015

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yes its fine to send to day care as long as u dont forget ur work is work home is home leave the 2 apart kids are really resillant try make it the older ones idea to go been there

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2010

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Ok. Obviously this is a personal choice. Daycare is good in its own ways. We chose, and I feel VERY strongly about it, for me to stay at home. Right now it's me because it made sense. However, in a few months, we're trading. My fiance will stay home and I will return to work. The plan is that after he's through school I will return to the home. We are planning to join a Mom's Day Out program at a day care, more for the socialization than anything, and I'm currently looking for toddler groups around the area for his socialization and mine (lol), so that is definitely a factor. There are really tough things about being a stay at home mom. There is a huge emotional toll that it takes on you as you begin to feel like you're losing who you are if you don't take care of yourself properly. You have to make the decision as a couple to ensure that your husband respects your decision, and you have to be prepared for the 24 hrs a day workload. But I think it's totally worth all of that, because I get to spend every day making my son happy.

I feel very strongly about having a parent in the home. I think it's very supportive, shows your kids your commitment to them, allows you to make sure your kids are cared for exactly the way you want them to be, and ensures that you are there for them no matter what happens, good or bad. When I was a kid, when I came home with a good grade on a paper or a compliment from a teacher or a prize etc.... I had no one to tell. On the flip side, when I came home upset because some girl made fun of me or pushed me around, I had no one to tell. Then my mom met my step dad, who is a stay at home dad. I felt the difference in myself and my siblings immediately, and this is when I realized how much better we were being cared for.

Don't get me wrong--- I completely respect my mom and every other mom who works; both paths are hard choices to make and have hardships along the way. My personal conviction is that a parent should be home with the children if there is any way possible.

Mel - posted on 01/19/2010

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Day care is good for kids it helps them leanr about interacting with other kids. You have to do wats right for you not whats right for your child. Here in Australia its very expensibve and almost unaffprdable to send 2 children 2 day care even working full time so I hope you dont live over here. Anyway sometimes staying at home and being a mum is very difficult especially after a number of years I knw so many women who cant cope with it so I guess it depends on how you'd cope with it as well

Rosie - posted on 01/15/2010

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it's totally a personal decision. i don't think your son minds being at daycare by the way you made it sound, and he might just need a little time to get back into it. daycare can be a great place for kids to learn social skills, and basic skills as well.
if you're conflicted because you simply want to stay home then i say stay home. or find a compromise-i work part time in the morning and the only thing i miss out on is getting my kids ready for school, which is kindof nice, lol!!

Esther - posted on 01/14/2010

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My son goes to daycare and he loves it and so do I. I think he gets a lot out of it. If I won the lottery and decided to quit my job I might still send him at least a few days a week. Not for me, but for him. He's also an only child so the socialization aspect of it is important to me. My guess is that your son will soon get back into the groove of it and will once again be excited about going. That having been said, I think to daycare or not to daycare, to work or not to work, to whatever-arrangement-you-have or not is an entirely personal decision. Nobody can possibly make it for you. There are pros and cons to any situation. You just have to figure out what is best for you and for your family. If that is staying home with your boys - GO FOR IT! If it is to send them to daycare and go back to work - KUDOS TO YOU!

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I agree with Sarah. It is up to you and it sounds like you found a great daycare. Where I am, you almost have to work just to pay for daycare expenses if you want a good one. It didn't really make sense for half my paycheck to go to daycare when I love being at home so much. But that is me. Are there Mother's Day Out centers where you are? Many SAHMs where I live use them (I can't afford it). Basically you pay to drop your kid off one or two mornings a week so you can run errands and stuff. Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 01/14/2010

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Hi Theresa!

Not sure if the maternity thing works the same way as in England, but if it does, why not take an extra year of maternity leave unpaid?? That way you can see if being a stay at home mum suits you, if you can manage financially etc.

You could maybe just cut down the amount of time your eldest spends in Daycare?

I think daycare is a really good thing for kids. He's probably just not wanting to go because he's got used to staying at home, but he'll get back into the swing of it and enjoy it again!



I actually have the best of both worlds in a way, i stay at home with my youngest in the day (my eldest is at school) and then work in the evenings, it is tiring tho!



Hope some of that helped. Working or staying at home, it's an individual choice, no right or wrong choice in my opinion :)

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