Daycare raises your child?

Sara - posted on 11/17/2010 ( 40 moms have responded )

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I might regret asking this, but...

If a parent works full-time outside the home, is it fair to say that Daycare or Daycare providers are helping to "raise" your child? If they are with them 10 hours of the day and are teaching them everything from crawling to coloring, to playing nice with little Suzie, are they in a sense helping to raise your child? What do you all think?

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Jessica - posted on 11/18/2010

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I don't think Vicki was judging anyone. She simply stated that there are some parents out there who really *don't* care as much and would rather leave their kids to someone else- and lets face it, its sad but true that there are parents like that out there. She never said it was anyone here...

Esther - posted on 11/17/2010

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It takes a village right? And yes, in my case it takes a daycare too. We took great care in selecting a daycare that was in line with our general parenting philosophies and was high quality and we stay very close to what is going on there. I read every communication, I take the time to speak to his teachers every day, I regularly touch base with the director, I make it a point to know the other kids in his class & their parents, we watch what goes on during the day on the webcam they have, etc. We also work with them closely to make sure there is consistency across the board on certain issues, like table manners for example. Different people bring different things to the table and I actually think it’s a great thing that there are more people involved in raising my son. And as others have pointed out, it’s not just daycare that is helping us raise him. We are also very close with some of our neighbors and their kids are some of Lucas’ best friends. We spend time together and have dinner together multiple times a week, so my friends/neighbors help too. Lucas is an only child and we’re not planning on having more so daycare has been instrumental in helping him develop his social skills. Further, we speak Dutch at home, so he’s learned most of his English at daycare. Giving him a chance to develop friendships with other kids this early in life is also a great thing in my view. That doesn’t mean that I have delegated the responsibility for his upbringing to others though. The responsibility is lies firmly with us. Daycare is just another tool in our arsenal of trying to raise a well-rounded individual. But it’s a tool I feel VERY very good about.

Rosie - posted on 11/17/2010

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i think it's fair to say that they are HELPING raise your child. if they did something to harm your childs psyche i'm sure you'd would be all up in arms blaming them for it. you can't say they don't help raise your child, but blame them for problems in the next breath. can't have it both ways.

Sharon - posted on 11/17/2010

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Look, it takes a village to raise a child right?

Back in the day your neighbor tawanda would smack your kid if he mouthed off to her while she was watching him while you gathered gourds to make baby rattles in exchange for a free rattle later.

Same shit - only you give cash instead of baby rattles.

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Kim - posted on 11/19/2010

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Absolutely and teachers in school are too. We teach them what is right and wrong, potty train them, teach them letters, numbers, colors, manners, how to get along with others etc. Of course we are. And we do get very attached to "our kids" too and miss them when they move on.

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I have my village it just consists of family members rather than daycare providers. It is important that our children have outside influences when they are being raised because it shows them that people are different and all have different things to give them.

Hannah - posted on 11/18/2010

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My mom watches my two kids while I am at work. She has them the majority of the day. So, yes, I do believe that she is helping raise my children. I also believe that it takes a village to raise a child while many others don't.

[deleted account]

absolutely not judging without knowing circumstances. I do know the circumstances and do know that some parents I've worked with have not been the situations you describe above. I'm a mom of twin infants with a husband that works our of town. trust me, I get the every minute in every day counts and the need for alone time is essential. not what I'm talking about. there do exist some parents that would simply prefer to have their child in care rather than spend time with them. it sucks but that is the way it is. by no means am I talking about the situation type things you describe. I don't even have issues if a mom doesn't HAVE to go back to work but chooses to because she wants to work for whatever reasons. if it makes her a healthier person it makes her a healthier parent. I 100% appreciate what you are saying, unfortunately I've seen some really sad stuff out there.

[deleted account]

..and to add, there are many people out there (let's not den it as we all know they exist) that can use from a few parenting courses. some parents are literally waiting to drop their kids at the door before they even open and pick them up at the last minute possible. I've seen moms sitting outside chatting on the phone or just hanging around talking to others. really sad. that is why I say thanks to all those that have written appreciating the caregivers their children have. what kills me is when some parents (many I might add) expect us to do all the toilet training while not bothering to follow up at home. and the list can go on. flipside I've also seen many caregivers that are burnt out and should retire. I agree with everyone that said it is soo important to pick your centre wisely.

[deleted account]

That's the thing, Cassie -- your opinion cannot be disrepectful to anyone. If it is, it shouldn't be! We've yet to come across one mom who will say daycare isn't helping.

Cassie - posted on 11/18/2010

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This is in no disrespect at all towards any of my full time working mommas. You do what you have to do and you love your children very much.

I also believe that daycare helps to raise a child. The parents have the greatest influence and impact on a child's upbringing but daycare does provide substantial assistance in raising a child. It is because of that fact that Corey and I do not want the girls in any form of daycare until they are possibly 3 but most likely 4 (when they will start preschool).

I completely understand not being able to afford to stay home with your children. I can't. I am a working mother as well. Corey and I just made it a priority to make sure that our girls were at home with one of us at all times rather than in the care of others. Because of this, we are on opposite work schedules. While I go to work, Corey is home with the girls. As soon as I get home, he showers and heads to work. When he gets home, it is time for bed. It is a small sacrifice we are making while our girls are so little.

I think though that we are very fortunate that we are able to have this schedule to keep our girls out of daycare. Many people would have to change careers in order to make a schedule like this work which would not be feasible financially or emotionally. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with children in daycare while their mom and dad works; it is just not for our family.

Sal - posted on 11/18/2010

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yes, and i will say at risk of upsetting any mums who use childcare for a full time working week, probaly far more than the mum/dad really appreciate, because if they aren't with the child for those hours, week in and weekout they can't really be the ones to do the repetive tasks that children need to learn (manners, toilet training, washing hands, speech...kids learn all day everyday, not just when mum and dad are home

Ez - posted on 11/17/2010

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Ok I haven't read the other posts, but I will say yes. Anyone who spends a large amount of time with a child is helping to raise and guide them. I don't really understand how that can be disputed. In my case, it is my mother who looks after Milla while I work 2 days a week. While she is in her care, she is definitely having a hand in raising her.

I may come back after reading the other posts lol.

[deleted account]

as a mom and early childhood educator i love the comments here. yes, we do spend tons of time with your kids and yes, at the same time we have to respect parents wishes and ways of doing certain things even if we personally don't agree. nice to see so may parents here feel there children are in good hands and value the care they are given. that said, I also think childcare providers play a large role in the whole village thing, but at he same time the parents are still the ultimate in supporting their children in becoming who they are meant to be.

Johnny - posted on 11/17/2010

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Well, Sharon has pretty much summed up my opinion but much more entertainingly than I could have done so I'll defer to her post.

Stifler's - posted on 11/17/2010

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They are helping but not soley raising the child. The parents still have the days off and nights and dinner time to nurture their babies. The parents are paying dearly for daycare lol

Krista - posted on 11/17/2010

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Yes, they're helping to raise your child. And that's fine, as long as you're on the same team and share the same philosophies. Wanda is a great asset to our family -- she's funny and loving and no-B.S. She teaches the kids crafts and letters and numbers and because she only watches two other children, Sam gets personalized attention and scheduling, instead of being jammed into a one-size-fits-all regimen. I ask her advice all the time with regards to Sam's behaviour and development.

And, she only charges $20 a day.

Can't beat that.

Bonnie - posted on 11/17/2010

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Yes they are helping to raise your child. Children spend a great deal of time at day care so whatever is done at day care is helping to form your child.

Jodi - posted on 11/17/2010

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Yes, they are *helping* to raise your child. But they are not *raising* your child. After all, your child's basic core values come from the home, and it is those values which stay with your child for life. As parents, whether we work or stay at home, we are the ones raising our children, the many others are only *helping* us do that. This is why we choose our daycares and schools carefully, as well as the people we associate with and allow our children, in those very young formative years, to associate with. We want them to be consistent with the values we are trying to teach our children.

Rosie - posted on 11/17/2010

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thank you september!! i tend to think so too, lol!!!

and esther, you have this way with words, lol! very well said. :)

Amanda - posted on 11/17/2010

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Well I have 4 kids of my own, and my 2 oldest were in childcare at a center where I worked while I was pregnant with my 3rd and 4th girls. After I had my youngest I quit there to become a full-time stay at home mom with them. I than went and got registered to do in-home daycare and now have 4 full-time kids! I have taken numerous classes and have realized that yes, a parent who works a 40 hr wrkweek doesn't get to spend much time with their child(ren). They do end up spending a lot of time with the provider. I send home weekly activities to help the parents stay involved and help their child with things were doing here. I always get praised for what a good job I do, and most parents appreciate me as their provider. It has it's pros and cons tho. I mean I hated having someone else spend all day with my 2 oldest when I worked at the daycare, but I had too. I had to bring in the income. So I think that yes parents do lose out on things, but it's always what's best for the child.

Charlene - posted on 11/17/2010

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Of course they are helping to raise children, but like someone else said, parents should always have the final say. Anyone who watches your child, be it a daycare worker, grandparent, aunt etc. is essentially helping to raise your child. It takes a village.....

Jenny - posted on 11/17/2010

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Yes they are. You have to make sure the daycare you choose has the same parenting philosophies as you or you'll be in for major conflict down the road. That is why I choose home daycares over centres with higher kid to caretaker ratios. Kids are raised through all sorts of outside influences.

[deleted account]

Helping to raise? Of course they are. Even once your kids are in school the schools are 'helping' to raise your kids. Everyone you leave your child w/ 'helps' to raise your child... even if it's only for a couple of hours. Which is why it is extremely important to be a vigilant as possible when choosing who to leave your child w/ and when. It's also one of the reasons that I am personally against daycare for infants/toddlers. I am the one that I want to be raising them at that age. A couple of hours off here and there for a bit... fine, but not on a regular basis. It's not a concept I've ever been comfortable w/...

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Yes, they are but what's most important is that when you are with your children that you instill in them the qaulities you would like them to have.

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I say "yes and no." A parent should make all the major and final decisions concerning a child's upbringing. And the parent should find a childcare provider that is willing to conform to the parent's wishes.

I used to watch another child in my home. I had her one to three days a week for 14 hours on the days I had her. Her parents trusted me because we have similar lifestyles and child raising philosophies. But they told me no naps past 3 pm or no chocolate for dessert, then I should conform to that.

Laura - posted on 11/17/2010

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Absolutely that's why it's so important to choose your daycare provider. And that is why I wanted to stay home with my kids. It was hard for some one else to see the first time they rolled over, or their first steps instead of me or daddy.

September - posted on 11/17/2010

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Absolutely! I work full time and our son is at daycare full time as well. Although I was lucky enough to stay at home with our son for the first year of his life so I was able to encourage and witness lots of his "firsts". I'm very thankful for the amazing support we get from our in home daycare provider. She is wonderful with the kids and she respects mine and my husband’s wishes as parents. I also appreciate the fact that our son is in a home that is different from ours (our daycare provider is Muslim) which I think is GREAT exposure to life’s differences! :)

Jenn - posted on 11/17/2010

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Yes, they are helping. Just like anyone else who is a part of their life, like Grandparents, neighbours, friends, etc. Everyone that they come into contact with leaves an impact of some sort and is just one of the many pieces of who they are. Just like adults, every single person you meet or see walking down the street, etc., has an impact on you in some way or another.

Jodi - posted on 11/17/2010

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Of course they are! My mom, my sisters, my in-laws, they all help raise my children (I'm a SAHM so no daycare for us). Even though they may only see my child for a few hours a week, sometimes if that, they're helping to raise my child. It's the way it SHOULD be, be some pretty flat kids who didn't get exposed to other people's ideas, morals, values and ways of doing things!

LaCi - posted on 11/17/2010

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They are absolutely helping to raise the child.

There's also nothing wrong with that.

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