debate: Should we start labeling all our debates before they start?

Isobel - posted on 03/07/2012 ( 21 moms have responded )

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or should we continue assuming that it is one unless otherwise stated.



discuss ;)

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Mrs. - posted on 03/07/2012

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I very rarely post personal questions on CoM, but when I do, I tend to do it here under the "Not a Debate" heading. I do this because the women here tend to be intelligent, well versed on a variety of subjects, have a wide variety of experiences and, since I've hung out here a bit over the years, know a bit about what my situation is.



I find that sometimes, when something that was meant to be a light topic is brought up and it grows into a heated debate related to the topic...sometimes people can get upset and say that it wasn't meant to be a debate. Well, things tend to take on a life of their own on here and since moms come here to debate...you can't fault them for doing just that regardless of the topic.



So, yeah, I think you should say that it isn't a debate, if it isn't. As well, if my personal question that is not a debate branches out into one...well, I shouldn't have posted it in a debate forum. It wouldn't surprise me, really.

Johnny - posted on 03/07/2012

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Either that or some people need to find another community to post in.



And I say that having no honest clue what thread you are referring to or who told you that.



This is DEBATING Mums. If it's not a debate, it should be very clearly marked as such right from the beginning. If you don't and people debate your topic, changing it later is probably just sour grapes.

Jenni - posted on 03/07/2012

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We're here to debate. "Debating Mums". This really doesn't have to be a big deal. Just be sure to label your posts if you want to have a discussion that doesn't turn into a debate. Otherwise, it's assumed to be fair game.

Krista - posted on 03/07/2012

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I don't think you should have to label your posts. I think if someone asks an opinion I WILL BE OBVIOUS. If someone is asking for advice...IT WILL BE OBVIOUS. We're all intelligent people here.....one should be able to read a thread topic and know what the poster is looking for. This isn't fricken kindergarten where we all need labels.



Actually, no, it's not always obvious. I have seen MANY an innocent question in this group turn into a heated debate, only to have the OP wail, "This wasn't meant as a debate!"



Putting the "Not a debate" disclaimer, so that the intent of the post is clear, is what most people would call "courteous", not "kindergarten".

Johnny - posted on 03/07/2012

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"Oh Laura, get a grip. Someone put you in your place and you didn't like it. Suck it up."



Whoa! Speaking of uncalled for! Put her in her place? Seriously?



You are new here. Many of us have been around for a long time. It used to be acceptable to talk to other members in this way, but that just lead to a community where debates were always personal arguments. Vendettas were carried from thread to thread regardless of the topic. I know I don't really want to go back to that.



You posted about Natural health in a debate community. You never said don't debate. Many people clearly have opinons on this issue and are doing the right thing by debating it here. If you had posted it in the Welcome community or any other board, it should have been treated as a discussion. Here, it's a debate. This is not designed to be a casual chat community. If you are seeknig that, I can refer you to several.



If you can't stand having people post opinions about what you do, then you probably shouldn't post here. If you feel it's bashing you, then you either need to gain perspective, get a thicker skin, or leave.



Pretty much every other poster in this thread has said that you should label your posts if you aren't looking for a debate. So get with the program. If you look right now, there is a thread that specifically says it isn't for debate, and no one is breaching that.



This is not just any community. It is a debating forum.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/07/2012

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*****Locking this thread DOWN! The OP got her answer, when you are starting a thread specifically NOT a debate, label it as such. This thread is turning into another bickering match. Can we please move on ladies?******



~MOD Little Miss~

Mother - posted on 03/07/2012

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Johnny, I wasn't the one that got all pissy about it, so before you go around pointing out you....you...you....have the facts straight.



And, I am not new here. I have been here since 2009. My name has changed and I am not on here everyday but rest assured....I am here.



"So get with the program. If you look right now, there is a thread that specifically says it isn't for debate, and no one is breaching that. "

-- so get with the program?? Well that doesn't sound much different then get a grip....so perhaps you should take your own advice.



ETA:: there are also a number of 'discussions' that AREN'T listed as not a debate and I see lots of members accepting that....

[deleted account]

i personally think that since this IS a debating community we should assume it's a debate unless the OP states otherwise. and people who don't understand what a debate is should not try posting and then get their panties in a wad because everyone else is debating, as is customary in this community.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/07/2012

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Just be warned, if you decide to make a hot button topic "not a debate" it can and will turn into one regardless. If you are asking for advice, or have a silly topic, those are usually safely kept a non debate. But for instance, if you love having guns in your home, and don't want it to be a debate...well it will be. Or what the best way to circumcise is, or the fact that you don't like seeing mothers breastfeed. Be careful what you are chosing to label "not debate" because then that is just stirring the pot so you can stand up and shout at everyone "this wasn't suppose to be a debate"



So, in conclusion, hot topics will and generally are debated regardless of disclaimers. Sorry, but it is true.

Isobel - posted on 03/07/2012

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It's not me that's taking things personal and saying the way things run around here isn't fair.



And my point about having been here a long time was a point about the fact that I have watched a lot of people come here and get really hurt over silly little debates which have been had here a million times.



Being in this group for so long I have learned that EVEN a what's for dinner thread can turn into a debate, crazy but true. IF you don't want it to label it as such, but if it's not labeled, don't cry when it does. (yes I know YOU didn't cry about it turning into a debate but somebody did).



As for light threads, I could post a thread about whether you love Lestat or Edward better and inevitably somebody (probably me) will say Vampires are stupid.



Lighten up folks.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/07/2012

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If it is NOT a debate, it should be labeled as such. Like "NOT A DEBATE: personal question" Otherwise it should be assumed that it is a debate, after all this is a debate forum. Please ladies. Lets quit the bickering.

Mother - posted on 03/07/2012

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Oh Laura, get a grip. Someone put you in your place and you didn't like it. Suck it up. This is a debate forum after all. I have seen a good many discussions in this group. We have ALL participated in one at one time or another. Whether this is a debate group or not if you are accustomed to coming to a certain group you get use to the people in it. It is "ok" to talk to people without arguing.



The thread is question was mine. It was not a debate but I wasn't upset it turned into one. That being said....there really was no debate. No opinion was asked for except....what product do you like best. What is annoying is.....when someone isn't adding anything constructive to the discussion but bashing what someone else likes.



Jeeeeeeeeeeeezus.....this is a community, we should be able to have some decent conversations. I also posted a "what's for dinner thread" is that going to turn into a huge deal?? Sometimes it's nice to add something not so effin serious all the time. I don't think you should have to label your posts. I think if someone asks an opinion I WILL BE OBVIOUS. If someone is asking for advice...IT WILL BE OBVIOUS. We're all intelligent people here.....one should be able to read a thread topic and know what the poster is looking for. This isn't fricken kindergarten where we all need labels.

Krista - posted on 03/07/2012

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Exactly. All threads are, by default, debates. However, we've been known to post non-debate topics, at which point the term "Not a debate!" should really go in the post title, so that people know what the OP is looking for.

Bonnie - posted on 03/07/2012

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People need to realize that this is a debating community, that's why it is titled so. If they don't want to debate then they shouldn't be here. The way I have always seen it (and I have been on COMs for over a year and a half) is that if the person just has a question and they don't consider it a debate than they just say so.



Members who post in this community should not have to state there question is a debate.

[deleted account]

If it's not a debate and is posted in a debating forum... label it either in the title or op.

Johnny - posted on 03/07/2012

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Ah, I see now. It appears to me that most people were engaged in debate in that thread. I know I did. It was not clearly asking for advise or anything. Just a discussion, which here usually turns into a debate, because, and I'm not sure lately that this can be said enough times for some to understand, this is DEBATING Moms.



Now I am happy to just give advice or support if it is requested and the OP states not to debate. That's always been done around here. But unless it is specifically requested or the topic is clearly very personal and sensitive, debating is the default.

Jodi - posted on 03/07/2012

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Ummm...it's a debating forum. If it isn't a debate, it probably shouldn't be here to begin with. BUT, I know I trust you ladies and if I needed to would like to post an honest question here, so if that be the case, ti needs to be CLEARLY marked that it is a question and not a debate.

Johnny - posted on 03/07/2012

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Oh, and you are not "ruining it for EVERYONE". Just for the people who obviously don't belong in a debating community if they are not open to debate. In that case, they are the ones ruining it.

Isobel - posted on 03/07/2012

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it has come to my atttention that I am "ruining it for everyone" by disagreeing on a post. I assumed (as I believe many people did) that it was open for debate since it didn't otherwise state.



anyhoo...after pages and pages of debate, I was informed that I was in the wrong and that the thread was not indeed intended to be a debate in the first place.



Do we need to change the way we start our threads?

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