Definition of success for your kids

Lady Heather - posted on 07/13/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

2,448

17

91

I had a really interesting talk with one of my aunts the other day. Situation is her daughter is 18 and getting ready to embark on the rest of her life. She was very ill with mono this year so she's finishing up her high school courses in the fall to ensure she has high enough grades to get into the university of her dreams. Meanwhile, she has this awesome boyfriend who she has been with for six months. He shows no signs of going anywhere soon. I got to meet the guy and wowsers - those don't come along everyday in 18 year old form.

Anyways, my aunt is all worried because she thinks that the relationship will hold my cousin back from doing the things she wants to do. She is worried she will choose a university closer to home or not go to grad school or not have a career. I kind of had to laugh because I was at school in Toronto and came back to go to school in Vancouver because of my boyfriend-now-husband. I opted out of grad school because I knew I wanted a family sooner than that would allow. I decided not to pursue a career at this time because I'd rather stay at home with the kids. And she was asking my advice! hehe.

I just asked her if she thought I was unsuccessful and unhappy. She said no, of course not. You guys have a great family and a really good life. So I says, yup - and I did literally all the things you worry about.

Would you all be upset if your kid didn't do what you hoped they would do? Would you be sad if your daughters chose to "just" have a family instead of a career or changed their mind that way? It's funny because I can see it from the perspective of the parent - who wouldn't love to have the brilliant kid who grows up and cures cancer or something? But at the same time, from the perspective of the kid I've discovered that priorities and dreams can change and somehow rearranging my life because of the love I have for another person doesn't seem as wacky as it did when I was 18.

12 Comments

View replies by

Alison - posted on 07/13/2011

279

20

32

I am raising my children to have starting a family as a priority when they're adults, but education is also very important to me and I expect them to go to some sort of college. Success for me would be that they become well-adjusted, faithful, strong, happy, caring, intelligent adults, but I will love them regardless. Life always has a way of throwing curve balls. Your comment Heather that your teachers would be disappointed--some of mine probably would be too. I had 13 AP credits coming out of high school and I remember a school counselor being excited because I scored high on a mechanical portion of a standardized test and she was hoping I'd succeed in a man's field. :O) I majored in English and now I'm a stay-at-home mom.

Lady Heather - posted on 07/13/2011

2,448

17

91

I guess there are a lot of expectations in my family that women will go on and do big things because we have a tendency to be pretty clever academically. I bet there are some teachers of mine who would be disappointed to discover I'm "just staying home". And then my mum was the one in her generation who quit university to get married and it sure turned to shit for her. But she also got me out of it so it wasn't all bad. :P And she did go back to school and now has a PhD so...meh.

I just know if you'd asked me in high school I would have said that no stupid boy was going to stop me from being whatever I wanted to be. Turns out I really had no clue what I actually wanted to be and it was a "stupid boy" that gave me what I never knew was my ideal life. Weird how things turn out.

Charlie - posted on 07/13/2011

11,203

111

409

Only if the path he was steering her into was detrimental , if it was something they were both excited about doing together than I would be happy for them .



Failure can be just as important as success , it can drive us to work better, think better , be better ...it can help us exceed beyond our previous expectations given we have the right support and mindset.

Merry - posted on 07/13/2011

9,274

169

263

I had a backup plan as a teen to go to college for a teaching degree but my first hope was always that the right guy would show up. He did! My dad wanted me to go to college still but I didn't want to, and couldn't afford it.
I have exactly what I always wanted.

Merry - posted on 07/13/2011

9,274

169

263

Honestly I'd prefer my daughters marry and have kids and stay home. If they want to be single career women I'd be supportive but honestly I'd prefer they marry and have kids....

[deleted account]

I'd probably worry about it and try and talk to her about it but i know that with how my daughter is already there won't be a damn thing i can do to change her mind. I wouldn't be upset because it's her life and she gets to chose and make mistakes all on her own. Of course I would offer all the advice i have and if things fall apart i'd be there to support her. Life is all about learning and she will always have time to go to school or college or Uni it's not an age restricted thing she could end up doing it later in life but ultimatley it's her life her choice even if i dont agree.

Lady Heather - posted on 07/13/2011

2,448

17

91

Do you all worry about a guy steering your daughter off a certain life's path though? I guess that's more what I meant. Like would you be upset if your daughter chose not to pursue something because it didn't work for her relationship (even at a young age)?

Charlie - posted on 07/13/2011

11,203

111

409

To be happy , healthy and to experience life of course !

Who am I to say what it is to make my kids happy when they are older ..one of them may want to get his masters and study science , great ...The other may want to travel the world , meet new people and just work to fund his travels ...also great .

Im not one of those people who see having a uni degree under their belt as success or making a lot of money as success unless that is the initial hope and dream of the individual , to me all that matters is being yourself , being happy and being healthy.

[deleted account]

As long as my kids are happy in life then to me thats enough. I would like for them to push themselves somewhat and try as hard as possible at whatever it is they chose in life.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms