Did this happen to you?

Sara - posted on 03/28/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I was just reading a post on another forum about a woman who just found out she is pregnant and her boyfriend wants her to get an abortion. He's 31, she's 29. She wants advice and says that they're normally really great together, but man...I don't think I could forgive someone who is supposed to be my friend and supposed to be someone I trust freaking out on me like that. Did this happen to anyone? Did you boyfriend/husband flip out when you found out you were pregnant?

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Mel - posted on 03/29/2011

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no never happened to me I was careful with anyone who I knew didnt want kids and wouldnt hang around. Funny that I see more situation where the guy wants the baby and the girl doesnt and she gets an abortion.

Ez - posted on 03/29/2011

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Yep. Fairly new relationship...
Him: 'Well you can't do this'
Me: 'Well, actually I can.'

I refused to terminate so he bailed. He never denied she is his, just that he didn't want another child (he already had a 2yo from a previous relationship). Honestly, I don't even know if we could have been together after his reaction anyway. Trying to manipulate me into having an abortion is kind of a deal breaker.

Jane - posted on 03/28/2011

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My kids were overly planned so no, I didn't go through that. How sad for those that have...breaks my heart and pisses me off at the same time.

April - posted on 03/28/2011

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My husband (then boyfriend) flipped out when i pregnant with our first. We were young (19), enough said but he had to grow up and be a man, i was having her!

During my second pregnancy (about a year later), he was mad. He was rude to me. He told me to get an abortion. I refused. He was horrible and when i think about it now, i get teary eyed because it was the most horrible experience of my life. I hated him for those 9 months. It wasn't until after i gave birth did he finally stop being an ass. I really gave it to him then, i screamed at him, i was so angry. He cried.

Now everything is better. He loves our children and he is a great dad. BUT I vowed NEVER to have anymore children with him because he didn't deserve it. He doesn't agree with me but eff that LOL i'm not going through his bullshit again.

Stifler's - posted on 03/28/2011

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No. We were having unprotected sex, we knew it was going to happen. If he'd flipped out and said he didn't want a kid I would have punched him in the face and kept swinging.

Caitlin - posted on 03/28/2011

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When I got pregnant the first time, my (now) husband and I were engaged, and we had both talked about kids. We knew we both wanted kids, but considering he is 13 years older than me, I figured it would be sooner rather than later. Well, it happened sooner than I had thought, and when I found out I was pregnant, I was really worried what he would have said. I don't like the idea of having an abortion, I don't think I could let that happen, and was worried that he might think it was too soon. When I told him, he seemed very indifferent about the matter which pissed me off royally. I couldn't decide what I really wanted or needed to do, but decided in the end that I really wanted the baby, and when I told him that, he was so excited and happy. Apparently he didn't want his reaction to influence me one way or the other if I wasn't ready for it, and since it was my body it was my decision.

So now we have 2, soon to be 3 kids (and the last..) and I'm quite pleased. All in all, they were closer together than I had thought they'd be, and a bit sooner than I thought they'd be, but we've got a great little family going, and I wouldn't change it for the world..

Krista - posted on 03/28/2011

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We'd been planning and trying for a child, but my husband was still a little shocked when I got pregnant -- he didn't quite believe it was real. So I took another test the next day. He believed me then, but it still didn't fully sink in for him until he saw the ultrasound.

He was definitely happy about it, but there was a definite sense of disbelief there for awhile. :)

[deleted account]

I agree Brandi, go with your own heart, nobody elses.
Your mom was a very strong lady and she gained a true gift for following her heart.:-)

Brandi - posted on 03/28/2011

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Unfortunately, this is the case of my mom and my biological father.

My mom was 17 when she found out she was pregnant. She told my father, who was also 17 at the time. He wasn't ready to be a "father". He wanted her to have an abortion. My mom didn't want to. SO, a few weeks later she breaks up with him and claims to have had a miscarriage (which she really didn't). She started talking to a guy that had liked her for a very long time, she told him she was pregnant and the situation. He told her that was fine, they would get married and tell everyone that I was his. He signed my birth certificate and my last name is his last name.

My biological father had suspicions and asked my mom if I was his... her reply was, "No. I told you I had a miscarriage." My biological father still had his doubts and had a son whom he named Brandon... my name is Brandi. I met Brandon when I was like 4. I would like to find him, but I have tried and can't.

Anyway, I found all of this out when I was about 10 years old. Complicated story for a child. But, I wouldn't be here today if my mom had went with what my biological father wanted her to do... so that is my advice. Go with your heart, not someone else's.

[deleted account]

I found out when i was 19, my boyfriend 24.It was not planned.
We were in shock and not overly happy.
It took time to sink in.We never for one second thought about destroying the life we created.
Dispite her not being planned, she was very much wanted.She was born 6years ago and our lives changed forever, we rejoiced with happiness that day i can tell you.Many tears of happiness were shed also.:-)
We since had another child together and were going on 10 years together.We have started to plan our big day.Very happy lady i am.

Joanna - posted on 03/28/2011

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My husband (then boyfriend) wanted me to have an abortion. We'd only been together a little over a year when I got pregnant while on the pill. We hadn't talked kids. Well I got pregnant and he said he didn't want kids. Luckily my mom talked me out if the abortion (actually just the sound of her crying over the phone did). And he stepped up and eventually got excited. And turned out to be a great dad... He even fought really hard to get ne to have another.

Rosie - posted on 03/28/2011

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well, my ex and i got pregnant the first time we had sex about a week and a half into our "relationship." he freaked a little, but didn't mention abortion. at 9 weeks i miscarried, and had to have a d&c. he was in the room with me holding my hand and everything when the procedure was done. i could tell he was relieved, but he didn't say he was.
before i had my period, i got pregnant again. he did mention abortion this time. i told him no fucking way. after that i think he was waiting for me to miscarry again, AND he was already seeing his ex girlfriend behind my back. so at 10-11 weeks when i hadn't lost the baby yet he decided he was gonna leave.

Lady Heather - posted on 03/28/2011

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Mine flipped out with happiness. We were trying though so it would have been a little odd for him to be upset about it. That did happen to my sister though, with an ex-boyfriend when she was 21. He said he wouldn't stick around if there was a baby and she didn't feel she could do it alone so she did have an abortion. I think maybe it was meant to be though because today she's married to a good guy with a happy little boy and none of that would have happened if she'd had the first baby. Still not an excuse for the guy to be a total dick about it, but at least there's a happy ending.

Jenn - posted on 03/28/2011

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My sister's husband told her to get an abortion with their third child when he found out that the baby had downs syndrome (this was before they found out that he also had anencephaly and wouldn't make it), or else he would leave her. When I heard that I was LIVID! How DARE he put my sister in that position. I fucking HATE him and we do NOT speak to each other unless we have to like at Christmas time, but it's minimal conversation.

Bonnie - posted on 03/28/2011

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I feel pregnant unexpectedly with our first. We were in a serious relationship together (we planned on getting engaged within a few months, which we did), but since it wasn't planned, we were not ready for it. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time), kept telling me it is going to be okay and we will work it out no matter what. Then I had other family members telling I should have an abortion.

Minnie - posted on 03/28/2011

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My husband was soooo supportive when I got pregnant back in October. We knew we couldn't really afford another child, at least right now, and our lives are pretty busy- we were going to wait a few years and think about it. But NFP is not 100% effective, lol.



He took it in stride and was helpful and happy- even though I knew he didn't (and still doesn't) want another child. He said it was his baby and he would love it and was happy because of that.



And when I miscarried in January he held me while I cried and didn't express any satisfaction or relief that I was no longer going to have a baby- he was saddened because there would be no child. He still does not want another, but he just was so supportive about it.

Katherine - posted on 03/28/2011

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Oh yeah, not very supportive AT ALL. His response? :How did this happen?" Umm do you really want me to go there?

Nikki - posted on 03/28/2011

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I couldn't be with someone like that, I would leave and keep the baby. I could never choose a man over my baby.

My hubby (then boyfriend) at 8 weeks into our relationship handled the fact that I was pregnant the first time really well. I actually think I freaked more than him, I had every intention of keeping the baby but I wasn't really sure by that stage that I wanted to be with this man forever.

We ended up loosing the baby but it was reassuring to know he would have stuck by me if that's what I wanted.

Louise - posted on 03/28/2011

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My husband was none to pleased when I fell pregnant unexpectedly 7 years ago he was down right horrid to me as if it was all my fault. I had a really tough time and it nearly tore us apart as I would not of had an abortion. As it happend I miscarried at 8 weeks and I cried for months without his support. It was then that I decided I really did want another baby and I told him we had another baby or we go our seperate ways. I gave him three months to think about it and in the end he agreed and we now have a daughter who is the apple of her daddies eye.

Jodi - posted on 03/28/2011

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Yes, my ex did flip out. Our marriage was actually already on the rocks when I found out I was pregnant with my son. We had been discussing a separation. Then I told him I was pregnant. He was SO convinced I was having an affair (should I have to say here that I wasn't? He just didn't trust me when I travelled for my job because his cousing put it in his head that I was probably sleeping around?). Anyway, to make a long story short, it took me days to tell him, and when I did, he was angry, told me "well, it's not fucking MINE" and stormed out. I didn't see him until the next day. It was incredibly hurtful and upsetting.

After that, our marriage struggled along. Abortion was never discussed. I guess we hoped that MAYBE our marriage could be salvaged. Byt the time our son was 2 it was all over. In hindsight the writing was on the wall.

Not a nice feeling when your partner flips out.

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