Did you always want to be a mom?

Merry - posted on 06/27/2011 ( 56 moms have responded )

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Do you think women make better moms if they have always wanted to be moms?



I see two sides to this:



Women who always wanted to be a mom have the advantage in that they likely spent a lot of time watching their mom, other moms, moms on tv, etc. and were making judgements on the best ways to parent, they likely spent time reading parenting books and pregnancy books. Maybe they babysat and already had lots of experience with babies and kids.



The downside would be they could be over confident, like I don't need your help because I know it all. Not ask doctor's questions thinking they know as much as the doctor, not asking for help when things get hard because they think they should be able to handle it alone. Getting over confident and maybe ending up screwing things up.



Then there's the women who didn't dream of being a mom, they could be better since they don't get that over confident attitude and maybe end up learning even more and better once they are pregnant or a mom. Accepting help and advise and getting a better overall view on parenting.they could be more driven to do it right since they haven't been over exposed to all the downsides to parenting. They wouldn't be burned out from babysitting or caring for other kids etc.



Downside could be they didn't want to get pregnant, might not really enjoy babies or kids, maybe don't enjoy learning stuff or maybe don't find joy in the simple mothering things.



So idk, this is all just speculation, I don't really have much expertise in knowing the answer here. What do you guys think, who has the advantage in mothering? Is there other things that factor into it?

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[deleted account]

I *never* wanted children. I generally don't even like most children. I never babysat in my life. I never even held a baby until my son was born. People were shocked when I told them I was pregnant. I seem to have a knack for kids though. Kids like me. I'm goofy as hell but don't talk down to kids. I expect certain things and generally I get them. My parenting hasn't always been perfect. I know I"ve been too harsh when I didn't need to be and too soft when I should have been firmer but the end result is the fine young man I have now. He's polite, responsible (or at least as much as a 14 year old can be responsible), caring, intelligent and mature for his age.

I don't think that it really makes a difference personally. I think as long as we love our kids and make smart choices, we're all equal.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/27/2011

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Sometimes you can do all the right things and still shit happens. I think Judge Judy said once. You can may a souffle and it can still fall. In other words. Its a crap shoot.

Stifler's - posted on 06/28/2011

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I'm pretty underconfident I've raised one kid to a year old and I have a newborn and still feel like I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Merry - posted on 06/28/2011

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See Dana I'm the opposite, I never really liked kids, but I always wanted to be a mom. When I was little I thought my kids would be different, and honestly I just wanted babies, not kids. I figured by the time my baby became a kid I'd love him/her enough to like him/her. But I never really liked kids. Still don't like other people's kids much :)

[deleted account]

My husband and I were very ambivalent about having children. We ended up waiting too long, maybe. Now I feel I'm too old to have another. (I'm 36. I know I'm not really that old -- but boy do I feel it.)



I agree with Rebecca. I don't think wanting or not wanting kids makes a difference in your parenting skills. My husband is a wonderful father, and I think he was ambivalent about the whole thing until the very moment our son was born. :)



The one thing that make might a difference is expectations. Maybe dreaming of marriage and/or motherhood creates high expectations which can't be fulfilled.

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Emma - posted on 08/10/2011

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Well i never wanted kids i really don't like kids as a rule except my own. Everyone was shocked when we fell pregnant i even got some snide comments from some family and friends about it. Well they had to eat there words as it turns out im actually quite good at being a mom, I think as i never had ridiculous self imposed standard to live up to i found it easier to roll with the punches and not stress myself out with comparing my kids and my parenting skill with others.
I have a half sister who was baby mad who always wanted kids always baby sat ect who turned out to be in my mind a terrible mother who ended up abandoning her 3 young children to run off with another man only to have new children with him and has totally forgotten about her first kids.
So no i dont think there is any way to indicate who would be a good mom or not based on if you have always wanted kids or never planed to.

Tasha - posted on 08/09/2011

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I never wanted to be a wife or mother, i decided when i was 13 i wanted to go to college, have a career, travel etc.. so i didnt think about settling down or having a family. I went to college, traveled, had my career. Then i guy id known for going on 10 yrs was at my cousins b-day party, and we started dating, a year later i was pregnant, now were married and have an awesome 7 1/2 month old boy. I cant imagine my life without either of them, i never knew how much i loved being a wife and mother till i became one, now i wouldnt trade it for anything!

April - posted on 08/09/2011

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I've wanted to be a mom pretty much my whole life, but i knew for certain at the age of 12. I had dreams of what my child would look like and I even named her. My actual child has been even better than my dream. He is a little boy that brings such joy to my life, I couldn't have imagined this kind of joy in a dream! He is a dream boy. I really hope to have a girl too, I'd love one of each! Been trying since May with no luck tho! My son was conceived on the first try, but I guess every pre-conception is different, lol

Whittney - posted on 08/09/2011

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I've always wanted to be a mother!!! It is the greatest job and the greatest gift ever!!!!

Ella - posted on 07/04/2011

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not necessarily no. No one can really prepare for motherhood. Depends on the person. I definately wanted to be a mum and made that choice but also struggled because I didnt understand alot of things and how to interact with my baby, that came a few yrs later when I had my second baby

Kathryn - posted on 07/04/2011

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I always wanted children! My mom was a role model of "whr not to do"! Actually my grandmother was the person who taught me how to be a mom. My mom was narcissistic. My grandmother told me that my children were only "on loan" to me for 18 years and I needed to make the beat of those years! I did not always the best choices, bit I did watt I could for my three children! My mother forced me to give up for adoption a child! To this day, I have lived with being the "bad daughter"! When the same thing happened to my daughter 8 years ago, she kept our beautiful Kaylee. My life has been a strange mix of motherhood, but I would not give up the painful parts for the wonderful children AND grandchildren whom I have been blessed with!!!!

Sal - posted on 07/04/2011

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i had no intrest in being a mum, love it now though, my eldest son was a pill baby and so was my first daughter 11 years later, i have never planned to be a parent and could not be happier

Sal - posted on 07/04/2011

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i had no intrest in being a mum, love it now though, my eldest son was a pill baby and so was my first daughter 11 years later, i have never planned to be a parent and could not be happier

[deleted account]

I babysat and looked after my younger brothers alot, but I vowed not to have kids too young like my parents did when they were in the early twenties. When I got to be 18 I started traveling and became a party girl, even when I got married at 20 my husband and I continued our party life. When I got pregnant at 21 my husband and I were surprised by the news. When the shock wore off I became so happy and glowing, when I gave birth to my first son and held him in my arms I cried with joy, plus my husband was happy to have a son. Since then I have given birth to 2 more boys, and glad to have help from my husband and family. I love my 3 boys so much and even though they are such a handful I love being a mom so much I wouldn't trade that for all the world.

Ez - posted on 06/29/2011

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My greatest ambition was always to be a mum. Like Becky, study and work was just something to fill in the gap. I had a lot of contact with babies and kids and adored spending time with them. I loved kids, and kids loved me.

My passion for pregnancy, birth and mothering probably made me overconfident in the beginning. But I quickly realised that we learn as we go, and there is always something we can improve on. I know I'm a good mum, but I am so not perfect. None of us are. Anyone who thinks they are are further from perfect than the rest of us.

As for those who never wanted children, I think that can definitely go either way. A woman who takes it in her stride and tackles the unexpected challenge that is motherhood with an open heart and willingness to learn is going to be just as good at is as someone who has always dreamed of having babies. Someone who is resentful of their new life, and detached from their role as a mother is not. And that DOES happen. I think it's important for women who genuinely don't want children to have their choice respected. There should not be a stigma attached, but there is. To me, it is far more noble to acknowledge those feelings and not do it, than have children and hate everything about it.

Mandian - posted on 06/29/2011

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I know that I never wanted kids. I got pregnant my first year of college (by a dead beat). Once I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted her. I read about child development and things of that nature, but I didn't get crazy about buying books and things. I was raised in a large family and learned that every pregnancy and child is different. I wanted to do things my own way without a book telling me what to do. She is now turning 3 and is so smart. I know that I have done a great job is raising her. Now that I have my 8 month old son, I am following the same guide line that I did with my daughter. I know things will be different in ways though. I have know mothers that always wanted kids, but ended up raising their kids bad. I think it all depends on how that woman embraces the gift of a child.

Charlie - posted on 06/29/2011

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Ive always loved children which is why I got into teaching early childhood and have always dreamed of having kids .

I think you cant really pin anything on one group or another it really is up to the individual .

We didnt plan any of our kids , they were still a surprise , I always felt very confident going into motherhood and I suppose it can make me stubborn to certain methods ( especially since I was brought up very differently to the way I am raising my kids) but I do listen to our midwife and doctor , I question them and ask their opinion on other options ...luckily my doctor and midwife is like minded , I love learning about child development and psychology and continue to learn as my children age, I suffered PND with my first child and that was a battle ....a hard battle because I had no idea WHY I felt the way I did.

There is so much to factor in why a mother might be disadvantaged , money , lack of spousal and family support, Post natal depression, lack of education really it is endless

Nikki - posted on 06/28/2011

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I never really thought about being a mother. I guess maybe I didn't have much time to think about it. I got pregnant at 17 so I was very young. BUT I knew from the moment the doctor told me that I wanted that baby more than anything else. I was 18 when I had her and I was TERRIFIED. I had babysat a lot but that was nothing compared to actually being a mother. I had no idea what I was doing or if I was even doing it right. I had a lot of help the first few months from family.
At 21 I had my second child and I thought I had it all figured out but when I brought my son home and I now had two children to take care of I felt like a naive mother all over again. And can I just say that boys are so much more hyper than girls. :-)
At 23 I had my last child. This time I knew I was in for the ride of my life. 4 months later I left their father. My kids are 14, 11 and 8 now. It has been a struggle but I wouldn't change a thing. My kids are my life and I think whether I wanted them or not doesn't make me a better or worse mother. I make mistakes. I might yell too much sometimes. I might laugh at their antics too much other times. But I am a good mother and I have great kids.

Momof1 - posted on 06/28/2011

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I always wanted to be a mom, however I never had any mom role models to look up too. In real life or TV life. My goals are to do better for my children then was done for me. I in no way think or believe that I know best or think that I am overconfident. However, I know what is right from wrong and how to make my children's lives better then what mine was. And first thing that went along with that was being married before my son was born. Yes, some women may not agree or think that is necessary, but it was necessary for me. We have now been together for almost 7 years and have a 19 month old. Sure, nothing is guaranteed, but it's a lot better then my mom having 2 kids by my father, then getting married and having 2 more then getting divorced while the whole time he was abusing her. As well as she has made too many mistakes and bad choices to count as well.

I still don't think I know the best way to raise my son. I think some days I don't spend enough time with him teaching him things, but I don't know how to. I try to be as active and have him eat healthy and I do everything I can to make sure he is safe, but as far as learning skills go and knowing what to do with him day in and day out is hard.

Stifler's - posted on 06/28/2011

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I don't think either is better. No one knows how to raise kids, every kid is different.

Jen - posted on 06/28/2011

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As long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. Through years of fertility treatments and ultimately adoption, I wanted to be a mom.
After the first (overwhelmingly sleep deprived) year of my son's life, I realized that what I really wanted all along was to be a dad. ;-)

[deleted account]

I like kids....was a teacher before I was a mom. But I've always been incredibly under-confident in most things, motherhood included. I second guessed every decision during my daughter's first year. I think other people could smell my fear which made me even more under confident. My husband has always been a huge encouragement to me. Somewhere along the way his encouragement finally outweighed my fear. HE has confidence in me. And HE is the only other person that really matters as far as raising our children (though I still ask for and take advice from other mothers I trust and those that love my children). My oldest is only three...but she's happy and healthy and pretty much on track developmentally, as is my youngest.

Jessica - posted on 06/28/2011

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I don't say either way.... but I always knew I wanted this... even when with other things I am unsure..... and even though I wasn't supposed to live long enough.... in fact... I wasn't supposed to live through kindergarten... but my "condition" got better/ went into remission... and I have the greatest gift ever.

Kate CP - posted on 06/28/2011

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"See Dana I'm the opposite, I never really liked kids, but I always wanted to be a mom. When I was little I thought my kids would be different, and honestly I just wanted babies, not kids. I figured by the time my baby became a kid I'd love him/her enough to like him/her. But I never really liked kids. Still don't like other people's kids much :)"

I also ditto this. I really don't like most people's children...but MY kids are awesome. ;)

Kate CP - posted on 06/28/2011

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My mom was a pretty good mom (after she got on her medication for the bipolar disorder) but she was honest and told me that until she found out she was pregnant with ME she had never wanted to be a mother. But, she fell into the role pretty well, I think. I, on the other hand, have ALWAYS wanted children and to be a mom. I just felt this yearning to be a mom since I was young (VERY young...too young to have kids). At one point I actually contemplated having a baby as a teenager. Then I slapped some sense into myself and waited until I was married and older and a little wiser. Am I a good mother? I'd like to think so. I'm not perfect, I know that (I do yell at my daughter sometimes and I lose my patience and the house is never spotless...stuff like that) but I think I'm a good mom. I tell my daughter I love her every day, I give hugs and kisses all the time, I make home cooked meals, I keep the house as clean as I can with two dogs, two kids, and a husband. ;)

Kimberly - posted on 06/28/2011

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i have wanted to start a post like this i am the only mom who has always wanted to be a mom. i have two mom freinds and niether one of them planned it and one regrets it and feels she doesnt hold her kid nearly enough. the other friend. felt that ok i am a mom now cant change it and she wouldnt she loves it now. me i have been around kids my entire life always wanted to be a mom. but i also ask for help in every way i have no problem saying i dont know. and i am able to take advice and leave it lol.

Nikki - posted on 06/28/2011

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I always wanted kids, I basically raised my siblings because my mum was sick a lot, I baby sat and worked in child care for 10 years before I had my own. I had heaps of experience, I made judgements on what I perceived as good and bad parenting.

For me, it has been both and advantage and a disadvantage. I am more prepared in some areas, I know what I want, I know what and why I am looking to achieve things. On the other hand having high expectations can lead to disappointment. Having your own child is very different to to years and years of experience with other peoples children.

[deleted account]

I always wanted to be a mum. If i had known then what i know now i probably would have held off and become a career woman and had kids later in life.
I have 3 kids but i always wanted 4. I can say with 90% certainty that i will not be having more children.

Jodi - posted on 06/27/2011

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Nope, I think that is crap. I never wanted to be a mum either. I didn't have my son until I was 28, and he was a "surprise". I actually had never intended to get pregnant at that point because my marriage was crap. I was amazed at how easily I just took it in my stride. And I believe I am a great mum.

The proof will really be in the pudding won't it?

[deleted account]

There's a difference b/w not wanting to be a mom and not liking kids. I've always loved kids and interacted well with them, but for a lot of years I didn't think I wanted to be a mom.

Jenn - posted on 06/27/2011

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I always wanted to be a Mom - always! I do feel confidant, and don't ask for help, but I also don't feel like that means I screw things up, or that I should be asking more questions, etc. If I truly did not know something, or wanted advice, I'd ask.

Kylie - posted on 06/27/2011

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I wanted lots of babies when i was a little girl, i loved pretending to be a mummy. When i grew up saw a birth video and did babysitting and i decided i would never have kids.
My kids weren't planned but once i had them being a mother felt natural and it was the best thing that could have happened. I love being a mum.

Lacye - posted on 06/27/2011

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I didn't want kids. I had babysat before and I realized that I had absolutely no patience when it came to children. I wanted to grow old and become the crazy old lady down the street with all the cats.

When I found out I was pregnant, I sat on the toilet for an hour crying. I still didn't want children. Abortion was out of the question for me because I have always been totally against it. Adoption was out of the question because I felt that since I was irresponsible with my actions for not using birth control like I should have been doing, I needed to take responsibility for this child. To be honest, it was the best thing I have ever done. I have learned to be more patient with my daughter and I have never loved anybody this much in my life. She is just amazing.

With that said, I don't think it matters if you wanted kids or not that makes you a better mother. What makes you a better mother is when the child is here and you show that you are a good mom. I may not be able to tolerate other people's kids, but I am wonderful with my own.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/27/2011

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I always wanted to be a mum. I wanted 10 kids. lulz. Have smartened up a bit in that regard, but I did have my daughter's name picked out since I was 12. I was lucky enough to marry a Swede who was happy to use the name! My sister is totally the opposite of me. She NEVER wanted kids. She never wanted to be married. She was going to be independent forever. HA. I'd say we are pretty similar mothers. I think I have more of an instinct for it, but she's doing a great job too.

I kind of think this could go either way. If you end up with a kid you didn't want and you are just a crazy selfish set-in-your-ways type person who is never going to change (*cough* BIL's wife *cough*), you will probably not be a great mum. But some women who have always wanted to be mothers have this sort of idea of what it will be like and then it's not like that and they are disappointed and don't become the best mums either. You just never know...Probably most mums are decent enough either way though.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/27/2011

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Some people are just naturally great with kids, I have to work on it everyday, but that is also what being a mother is about. I definately think that people who have wanted kids all their lives can make more natural better parents than someone like me. I wouldn't give my kids up for anything, but if I went back even 6 years ago and someone asked me if I wanted kids, my answer would be "fuck no".....and then I got pregnant. Things change.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/27/2011

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Kids do NOT like me...except my own or family. Kids are NOT drawn to me in anyway. Animals are, not kids.

I never wanted kids. I really don't like other peoples kids. I am still trying to decide if I want my own (jk). But, when I met my husband, I wanted to have a family. People who know me are pretty surprised that I had children. So am I .

Vera - posted on 06/27/2011

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I was never going to have children. Like a lot of you for some reason they were drawn to me no matter where I went, and still to this day they are – I am like a child magnet! Everyone always said I was great with kids, and always asking why I didn't have any - simply put I didn't like kids, and for the most part most kids still annoy me after a period of time (I think I am safe to say that with out everyone out right attacking me.)



To me - It doesn't matter either way. EVERY parent learns as they go, they learn from their parents, friends, family members, mistakes, and experiences how to raise children. Everyone thinks they are ready for a child and what it will bring into their lives but no one is fully ready and we all have had to make adjustments to our lives small or large.

Part of that is that anxious excitement of being a parent and always questioning if you are doing the right thing or not.



Parents make a choice to or not to do the responsible/right things for their family. That by it's self is what makes a parent a "good" parent or not - to me. Sometimes those decisions are very difficult and are not understood by everyone but they are trying to do the right thing for their children. A person doesn’t have to give up their entire lives for their children but they must change their lives to include a family and a family lifestyle.



I also believe some people never should have had children. They only think of.. “me me me me me” they live life that way and neglect their kids. If they didn't want to change their lifestyle to fit a family life then they never should have placed themselves in a position to get pregnant in the first place! (minus rape victims it isn't their fault)



As a P.S... I LOVE being a mom to my daughter! It is the best part of my morning, day, and evening. I wouldn't change a thing about my life as a mom (except maybe a little free time once in a while to go out with the hubby on a date night - we've only had one short evening out in 16 months... but we have to do what we do work and take care of our family!)

Johnny - posted on 06/27/2011

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I'd never really planned out being a mom. It wasn't until I was about 30 that I began to consider it. Growing up, it wasn't on my radar. When I had decided to give it a try, I went to the doctor for a check-up and was told that I was infertile from the endometriosis. I was surprisingly disappointed but not crushed. I just figured I would do all the other things I wanted to do in life, like travelling and advancing my career. 2 months later, I was pregnant. I was very happy about it. I've always been a big believer that happiness and contentment comes from within, and that most of the time, as long as it isn't too negative/horrible/nasty or that one doesn't have something like clinical depression, one can learn find a way to be content in most situations. I knew that I could enjoy motherhood or I could enjoy being a D.I.N.K.

As it turns out, being a mom is definitely my favorite job ever. I wish every day that I could do it full-time. For me, I can not imagine any career being as fulfilling as working to raise my daughter. I hope that I am doing a good job, but like a previous poster said, you never really know until they are grown. I'll just have to do my best and hope for the best.

On the topic of people having children when they definitely did not want them, I think it can go either way. Some people have that baby put in their arms and their entire world changes and they can not imagine anything better. Some people just hate it still. One of my close friends always hated kids, never wanted them, and now has two. Both oops. She hates being a mom and frankly, she's terrible. She'd even tell you that herself. She does anything she can to find other people to look after them, she ignores them as much as possible, she doesn't bother trying her best with them, and they are both fully messed up. It's hard to watch. Sometimes people really need to follow their gut and avoid parenthood.

[deleted account]

What is interesting is that I know several people who are childless by choice, and who are actually quite good around kids! OTHER people's kids!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 06/27/2011

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Nope NEVER wanted to a mom.

But I have been told that I am the best mom in the world by my son (and no he was not sucking up to me..lol) the way he acts towards me IS ALL the conframation I need. But I wondered with me not wanting to be a mom IF I would be a good one, how would I be to my one son at the time

[deleted account]

Nope, the mere thought of being pregnant and having children HORRIFIED me. Funny, I was just chatting about this somewhere else.

Sherri - posted on 06/27/2011

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I wanted to be a mom since as early as I could remember. I babysat as many kids as I possibly could. I have always adored kids.

However, was I over confident most likely. However, I would have died for my babies from the moment they were conceived.

I think anybody can be a great mom what you wanted as a kid has no baring what so ever. Just as you can be a terrible mom whether you wanted a child from childhood or not.

Rosie - posted on 06/27/2011

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no i don't think so, cause i don't think i'm a great mom and that's all i've EVER wanted. i coudlnt' care about college, or jobs or any of that crap, but the one thing i knew was that i wanted to get married and have babies.
my best friend does not want to have kids, she may adopt one day, but i doubt it. she is sooooooo good with my kids. obviously i don't know how she'd make as a mother, but she is fantastic with my boys.
i dont' necessarily think i'm a horrible parent, i just dont' think i will ever be what i thought i could be. i want to be like MY mom, and well, dammit, that just isn't going to happen. the woman has the patience of a saint. me, not so much...

Becky - posted on 06/27/2011

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I have always wanted to be a mom. Getting a career was just something I did to fill the time until I had kids, pretty much! Not that I didn't love my job too. But I love kids - even my job was focussed around kids. I will admit, I was pretty confident before I had kids - maybe a little cocky. Once I had them though, I realized how much I really didn't know! It is totally different raising your own kids to looking after someone else's! So I don't think I've been afraid to ask for help or advice or to learn new things.
I don't really think it makes a difference whether you always wanted kids or thought you didn't want kids, as long as you want them and love them once you have them!

September - posted on 06/27/2011

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I've always wanted to be a Mom and love being a Mom. I never found myself feeling like I knew it all and how could I feel that way having never been a Mom prior to having our son. I did do a lot of reading, talking with family and friends, took a birthing class with my husband and asked my Doctor lots of questions throughout and after my pregnancy. This was to only prepare myself for what was to come but until we had our son we knew very little about parenthood. I babysat a lot growing up but that's got nothing on having your own 24/7. 2.5 years later I still LOVE being a Mom and look forward to having at least one more...hubby wants 2 more...we'll see :)

[deleted account]

I've always wanted to be a mom. Ever since I was 14... it's all I've ever wanted out of life. My best friend didn't have any desire to be a mom til she was almost 30. Neither one of us are 'better' or 'worse' or have an 'advantage' or a 'disadvantage'. We both just love our kids and do our best for them.

[deleted account]

Yes, I did want to be a mother. I had high hopes and expectations for myself. But then after my son was born, I realized almost instantly I was just NOT as maternal as I hoped to be. Lots of factors played into that feeling. I love my career as equally as I love being a mother. Just not maternal as I see other women. I don't think that's a bad thing either. It simply means that my parenting style is different from other moms. Please do not misinterpret my lack of maternal insticnt as not loving my son. FAR from the truth! I simply adore my kiddo and am grateful to be his mother. But I don't go ga-ga other being a mother. On the other hand, my husband is a WAY BETTER father than I am a mother. He was simply meant to be a father!

Amie - posted on 06/27/2011

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I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I also knew I wanted 4 kids. (2 boys and 2 girls preferably but eh, I got 3 girls and 1 boy. LOL)

I am not over confident, well ok after 4 of them I am. There really is little these 4 have not put me through, and continue to put me through. There's little that I worry about. I trust my children and I trust myself. Do I make mistakes? Of course I do! All mothers do. Some we may not even realize we are making until down the road. (whether it's a day or years down the road is dependent on the oopsie)

When I had my 1st, it wasn't so much like that. She was very poorly for her 1st year. I freaked out about a lot. It's different to taking care of other people's kids - to taking care of your own. You are more vested in the well being if the child is yours (or related to you). You also tend to wig out a bit more, especially as a new mother. Something I didn't even realized I was doing, until I had more. With each successive child, I became a little less wound up.

I had been babysitting since I was 11, for other people I started at 12. I was with my mom and grammas in the kitchen, sewing, gardening, etc. because I wanted to be - not because I wanted to be a mom. The thought of being a mother wasn't even there when I was learning new skills. (Just like when my dad taught me "boy" skills, making me a better parent was not a part of that - it was just a skill to learn) The flip side of this is my sister, she eventually wants kids. She, however, is not overly keen on the homemaker lifestyle. She loves kids, she's great with them but I can see her being a working mom to save her sanity. People do what they have to do.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/27/2011

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Yep. That would have been my mom. Resentful and hateful. I think.......just think she might be over it now. I am 46.

Amber - posted on 06/27/2011

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Both :)
When I was little, I wanted to be a mom. In high school, I didn't want kids at all. I wanted to be a carrier woman, period.
Now, I want both and realize that I it doesn't have to be a choice.

I can't see how it would matter either way, unless the mom really didn't want kids and had them any way. Then, she might be resentful or uninterested...but that's a different situation entirely.

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I found myself with friends i grew up with.Many did not want to be mothers.They did not love children.They are now awesome mommies.I myself loved children.I thought of becoming a mother one day.What it would be like.I always dreamed loving it.
For me becoming a mom was a big shock but loving children and working with them.Made it so easy to love and adore my own little one who i had a bond with from the moment i found out she was inside of me.I don't think it matters if you have always wanted or not.You can't tell when looking at my friends and myself who has always dreamed of motherhood and who has not.I never did the whole books, tv etc its just something i felt.I never looked to much into it.It all hit me once i found out and became a mom.I learnt as i went on.I didn't do to bad of a job.As my beauties are they proof in the pudding.
Caring for children before i had my kids was my job.I loved it but its completely different to having your own.

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I always knew I would be a mom my career hopes changed regularly but that was the one thing that didn't. My mom was a nursery nurse so I regularly helped her look after the children in her care and as I got older I babysat my nieces and nephews (overnighters and daytimes) so I was very comfortable with children. I read parenting books when I was pregnant although I knew how I intended to parent - but I have learnt and do listen to others experiences as I know I don't know it all. Even with all my experience when it came to taking this tiny little newborn home from the hospital I was nervous and I asked my midwife, health visitor, doctor and family for advice when I needed it.

Personally I think it is scary no matter who you are and what you wanted before - we are all moms some are better than others but wanting or not wanting kids isn't something that affects that fact the way they parent is.

Mrs. - posted on 06/27/2011

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I'm sort of miffed about the idea of this sliding measurement of who is a "better mom" sometimes on CoM. I don't know if you can measure it really until the kid is fully grown. I'm not even sure it is all that useful of an exercise to speculate.

Your OP,

No, never thought I'd be a mom and no I don't think it ends up affecting your skills as a parent either way.

ME - posted on 06/27/2011

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I never wanted kids either...I was told in 2005 that I would not be able to conceive without expensive fertility treatments, and my husband (who was my fiance at the time) and I were both fine with that. We LOVED to travel, we loved our jobs, we loved our friends, and we had a great life. There didn't seem to be anything missing. I was always kind of a selfish person as well...growing up with 4 bros and sisters may have had something to do with that. I liked *my space* to be a certain way, and I didn't want to change for any reason. Change, in fact, makes me incredibly anxious; I knew this about myself, and I assumed it would make me a bad mom...
When I discovered that I was pregnant in June of 2007, I was shocked and angry (not about the baby, but that the doctor would have said something so obviously false to me). We chose to have the baby, but I was afraid...as it turns out...I'm a MUCH better mom than I am at anything else I've EVER done :) My kids are smart, sweet, loving and healthy...they're both pretty young still...but they're amazing. I don't think that any one type of person makes a good mom or not. I think that if you decide to do your best, and be your best self every day, you will be good at most things you attempt; parenting is no different.

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