Discipline of babies.

Happy - posted on 03/30/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I have read several posts lately on other forums concerning parents disciplining their 9, 10, 11 month old babies! And there are people telling them how to do it! Not distraction or removal from something dangerous, but time out, taking a toy away and even, UGH!, spanking! REALLY! Am I the only one that is thinking WTH is going through these people's heads! They are just babies!
My daughter (#3) is 9 months old and I wanted to throw up when I read how one mother was exasperated that her 9 month old didn't reaspond to. "No!" and a hand or leg smack anymore. ANYMORE!?!? How long have you been beating on this kid!!

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Charlie - posted on 03/30/2011

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To be honest reading posts of people smacking babies makes me feel physically ill but I try to put aside my initial feelings to see where they are coming from .

To me it shows signs of frustration ( from the parent ) , confusion , high expectations and just simply not knowing any other way , it's the parents who still deem it ok after getting the tools that make me really angry TBH.

Emily - posted on 03/30/2011

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I haven't read the other thread - avoiding it like the plague. But I do have an idea of where the idea of spanking their kids (of any age) comes from. Not the bible - no. But from a corruption of what it says. "Spare the rod, spoil the child." They think they are doing the right thing... the "Godly" thing. But they have it all wrong. Babies know NOTHING of right or wrong. You have to teach them. No punishment will ever teach a baby anything other than "you can't trust mommy to take care of you always." It's not much different when they get older. About the only thing I can see making me spank my boys would be if they were defiantly running into the street in front of traffic or something. It just doesn't mean anything. It's true that if you spare the rod you spoil the child, but it's referring to discipline... correcting behavior. "Do this, not that." "If you don't pick up your toys, they are going to get broken." (Toy gets broken; you don't get angry; you explain why it happened so they can learn from it. If it's too valuable for that, maybe you need to take it away.) The "rod" that the bible refers to is a shepherd's rod. The shepherd guides the sheep where he wants them to go with the rod. He NEVER whacks the sheep if they are going the wrong way! He gently blocks their path, and guides them the correct way. It's that simple. ::off soapbox::

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i dont stay clear of those posts. i go in, tell em why they are wrong post some links THEN leave..i really could care less what the haters think of it...maybe someone will read it and it change their mind.

Mel - posted on 03/30/2011

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I agree its horrible. I couldnt imagine smacking/disciplining/taking anything away from my daughter anytime soon and she is 8 months old. I dont know what went through my mind with my first because I was doing all the wrong things back when she was this age, I dont even remember why I would even think that was acceptable or that a 9-12 month old would understand. Why isnt there someone who can get through to these people. Your baby is just that a baby they dont understand the concept of doing something wrong at that age, kind of like a 1, 2 or 3 yr old may misbehave or throw tantrums but this is all developmental and completely normal so why smack them for it. Why not teach. I hope I never see those posts on the other groups. argh

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Jessica - posted on 03/31/2011

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I also tend to avoid those kinds of threads, they really make me upset. I hate thinking that babies are being punished just because their parents are dickwads. I understand it might be helpful to try and give them some information and tools because they really might not know better, and sometimes I do that... but that's one issue that gets me so upset that I just stay away for the most part.

Stifler's - posted on 03/30/2011

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Oh the "my 8 month old is abusive" posts. Yes. Hilarious. I'm sure they know exactly what they're doing and that it hurts you. I put my 14 month old in timeout for 1 minute when he climbs on my dishwasher door. He's not stupid, he knows not to do it again after time out is over. Smacking won't do anything for little kids, they just cry and do it again. I've seen people do it, their kid just continues to do it again and again.

Nikki - posted on 03/30/2011

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I must say, good on you Mel. I am happy despite our differences that you have had this revelation. I hope you have found constructive ways to discipline which have made yours and your girls lives better.

As for the OP, disgusting, I stay very clear, I don't ever believe in punishment for young children.

Noreen - posted on 03/30/2011

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I am with you!!! I don't get it at all either!! My daughter is just now turning 18mo and has recently started to be "naughty". All I have to do is just look at her a certain way and say "Abagail Rebekah" a certain way and she responds VERY well. Granted, she is my 3rd too and ALL kids are very different. But my older 2 are 6.5 and 5. I don't remember much of them getting in trouble at that young of age. I do remember being frustrated with my oldest when he was only 20mo old for being "naughty" all day and I ended up putting him in time out for 1.5min for the first time ever. My 5yr old, I would just have to look at him and say "Noah Riley" and he'd shiver. LMBO!!

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My second would pinch and wig the living hell out of my hair.

Well anyone who would hold her.She thought she was playing.

She was 5mths old, it went on until 9-10 mths old.Even though at times i would feel mad, it hurt like hell and she at times got handfulls of my hair.She was a small child/baby.

I said no in a stern voice, while using facial expression to teach her and i put her down.

She each time could tell before doing it what would happen, so eventully she did stop :-)

I could never shout at her or hit her.

I would rather be black& blue.Not to mention bald before i would even think about being aggressive towards her in anyway.I love her far to much to treat her like that, imho.

Jenni - posted on 03/30/2011

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Yeah I just read the thread. Good answer Carolyn.
I think in this particular case it's more of an issue of cluelessness... not stupidity. With the latter there is little to no hope.

Carolyn - posted on 03/30/2011

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most stupid people dont ask for advice or help on whether or not they are doing the right thing and ask for alernatives.

Carolyn - posted on 03/30/2011

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Laverne, in the thread i beleive you are referring to , the majority of moms are advocating for relocation and distraction as an alternative to times outs etc. to help the OP.

I agree that the ones who yell the word no, and then smack/pat what ever word they want to use make me give my head a shake.

for me, I guess your OP in this topic makes it sound like noone is offering the proper way to teach ( as opposed to dicspline if that is how you perfer to see it) through redirection and distractions. which isnt the case as the first few posters, myself included, immediately brought up relocation and distraction.

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I positively disciplined my daughter since she got mobile. Babies understand a great deal more than you would like to believe. I remember being under a year old and i could understand English before i could talk, gabby was doing sign language at 9 months and we could communicate very well.
I would never punish her as a form of discipline.No child at any age should EVER be hit. Its even illegal in America for a parent to spank under 2 years in certian states from what i read.

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2011

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I agree Krista, Mel has come a long way and I think she would be good at giving advice on the subject.

Krista - posted on 03/30/2011

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Mel, I think you might be in a good position to actually try to reach women like that, where you used to smack and now are using more constructive methods of discipline.

Yeah, I've never understood spanking babies. They're too little to understand cause and effect. All they know is that Mommy is hurting them. It's just so self-defeating and pointless.

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2011

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I have read those posts too and like Jodi I avoid them like the plague. They piss me off, they infuriate me and I would say something MEAN and cyber yell.

They have no concept at all of why you are spanking them or taking away their toys, it is ludicrous.

Jenni - posted on 03/30/2011

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I was once involved in a thread where they OP was complaining about other parents getting their children under control and how hard is it really to discipline.



She said even her 5 month old understands "no" because she puts her hand over his mouth every time he screams in public and says: "no!" I said: "Really? Sometimes I wonder if my 2 and 3 year old fully comprehend the word! Maybe I'll take your advice..... Now where did I put that duct tape?"



Really it is ridiculous.... I'd think in most cases they're new moms who really have no clue. (Don't crucify me, I don't think all new moms are clueless) I think a lot of moms start off with the fear that if they don't nip undesirable behaviours in the bud their child with be on a straight path to prison. Or their fear is how other people will view their parenting when their child is exhibiting typical developmental behaviours.



IMO distraction and prevention are the only tried and true measures of discipline for a baby 18 months-2 years and under.

Elfrieda - posted on 03/30/2011

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Yes, Lisa's right. Let's not use the word "discipline" to mean "punishment". Of course we want to discipline our kids, it means to teach them.



Also, I think you might have been asking when people think is a good age to start with the hand smacking. If not, disregard my answer.



I started using a hand smack once my son was about 14 months old, when I knew FOR SURE that he understood what I meant when I said, "No." and he touched something anyway. And of course, I had a toy in my other hand so that he could go play with that instead of the forbidden thing.



I trained him earlier not to touch the fireplace, though. I think he was 9 months, right when he started crawling. Right after I put the wood in and started the fire, when it was uncomfortably warm but not dangerous, I took him near it, sat down with him, and when he went to touch it, I said, "Hot!". He touched it, looked surprised and trembly-lipped, and I told him again, "That's hot. Don't touch it." So he touched it again, and I said, "Hot!" again. We still keep a guard around the hottest part, just in case, but he's 15 months old and tells everybody, "Hot!" whenever he sees a fire. It's cute. :)



Oh, and my husband and I wear glasses, so we put those off-limits immediately. Hand smacks for very specific things are different than smacking a baby for every little thing. How can they possibly do everything "right"? They're babies! Even though I feel that way, I did do little hand taps for glasses-grabbing, even at 3 months. He didn't know it was me, he just thought that it was uncomfortable to touch glasses.



So there you go. That's what I was thinking.

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2011

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Totally pointless. A child of that age will not understand time out, or removal of *privileges*. It is totally ridiculous. Those little babies are just doing what comes naturally - exploring the world they have suddenly just gained access to because of theire new found mobility.



To be honest, I usually avoid those posts.....for that exact reason.

Minnie - posted on 03/30/2011

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Ah- you mean punitive discipline. Because distraction and redirection are discipline, but gentle, positive discipline :).

We don't employ punitive discipline at any age.

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