disrespect to parents, what do you do?

Tara - posted on 06/09/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I had the pleasure to attend a youth court this week, I was there advocating for a friends son to have his probation reduced after doing a year of it and obeying all rules, turning his life around etc. etc. anyhoo, Here I am all freaking day waiting and waiting for his turn before the justice sitting that day.
There are about 10 youths all about 15 or so and all with their mothers, not one of them had a man with them.
Being there waiting I was allowed to hear all these cases, charges laid, pleas entered etc.
There was a case with two 15 yr olds, simple assault, they pushed a man down, punched him and took $20 from him.
So they both plead guilty and were sentenced.
Fine... BUT....
All through the day when we were all waiting, sometimes outside while we waited on the crown attorney for 3 hours, and this one kid who committed the assault, was complaining to his mom the whole time. Whining that he was going to fucking leave, how fucking stupid this was, and how he's innocent, and how she is so fucking stupid for letting them arrest him in the first place... He's yelling at her in the parking lot, she's cowering away from him, he's swearing at her, and raising his arms up while talking to her.
So.... we're called back in and I pass by them and hear him say to her "Just wait till we get home you bitch." So I say "Excuse, I want you to know that I just heard you threaten your mother and I will be letting the court officer know when I see him." And I looked at her and she's glaring at me, she finally speaks up and says "It's none of your fucking business you cunt."
So.... I let the court officer know what I saw take place all day and what I heard him say to her.
What would you have done in this situation.
I wish I had gone to the officer when I first saw him threatening her and yelling at her.
Dipshit did it all on the court property too.

btw,
my friends son was there because he was the lookout dude when another friend broke into three cars while drunk. He received 18 months probation and some community service and has learned his lesson.

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Krista - posted on 06/09/2011

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Yeah, it sounds like a pretty classic DV situation. How many times have cops tried to arrest guys for beating on their wives, and the wives are tearfully defending their husbands and angry at the cops for "butting in"? It's Stockholm Syndrome, basically -- that woman is so mentally twisted around that she doesn't know right from wrong anymore.

I shudder for any girl who makes the mistake of dating this guy.

JuLeah - posted on 06/09/2011

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Domestic violence .... it is the same pattren no matter who the players. This kid will go on to beat gf's and wives if anyone will marry him. Mom was likely in a DV relationship prior. The only cause of DV is DV. This kid saw it and is acting it out.



You might not ever see the impact of your actions, but you sent this mother a very clear message that it is not okay for anyone to speak to her like that.



That message is in her brain now, and it might be the first time she has ever heard such an idea. Who knows what you sat into motion.

Jenny - posted on 06/09/2011

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Good for you, the little asshat needs to learn a severe lesson and it's apparent his parent is not capable of giving it. Standing up to actions like this at a young could help curb severe potential damage to society as he gets older.



That mother needs to removed from her son as she is an enabler who doesn't know what else to do. Parents need to grow a pair!

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Amie - posted on 06/09/2011

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I wouldn't be overly worried about them carrying any kind of weapon when in the court houses. If they're like the ones out here, you go through a search and metal detectors before you're allowed in. They seize anything that's deemed a danger.

You did a great thing Tara. As JuLeah said, you may never see the impact of what you said but that woman does have that in her mind now. We never really know how we're going to affect someone's life. The only really sad thing about it - if he is abusing his mother (which I don't doubt) what you said may have sent him into a rage when they got home. Even with her mouthing off to you - which is really her only way of protecting herself from what she probably sees coming. Hopefully that woman gets the real help she needs to learn how to stand up for herself and that little shit gets his in the near future.

Tara - posted on 06/09/2011

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I DO feel bad for her, even though she had a mouth worthy of a sailor, she still acted afraid of him all day, she still cowered when he screamed at her. And I thought about the fact he might take it out on her, but I couldn't just walk that close to them, hear that and not say a thing. I could have been rude to him and said "Show some respect you little fucktard or I'll have the cops take you away today."
But I didn't I remained calm, for everyone's sake. And I hope she saw that it's not OK.
But yeah, not much is likely to change, he didn't get any time or anything, simple probation. But maybe his probation officer will see the same and recommend intense family counselling or anger management for both of them, or something.

Lacye - posted on 06/09/2011

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Yes you did the right thing but on the other hand if he wasn't put in jail that day, he could have gone home and beat the living shit out of her more because you did say something. That might have been the reason why she said what she did and gave you the dirty look. She shouldn't have taken up for him though. It's obvious he's been doing this to her for a long while. I feel kinda bad for the woman in a way.

Tara - posted on 06/09/2011

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April,
If he had pulled a knife out his pocket and tried to stab me, I would have used my self-defense training with the hopes I could diffuse the situation quickly without hurting him too much. :)
And the rarity of such a thing happening is not going to stop me from standing up for what I believe in, and when it comes to respect especially in a public place, I can only take so much before my mouth starts going.

Becky - posted on 06/09/2011

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Wow, what a little shit! Although it doesn't sound like his mother is any better... wonder where he learned it from??! Anyways, good for you for reporting it!

Ez - posted on 06/09/2011

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I truly can't imagine witnessing a child treat his mother that way. I can't say I would approach them (for the reasons April mentioned), but good for you for stepping up! I would definitely report it to the court officials. What a little prick!!!

April - posted on 06/09/2011

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i am kind of nervous in those kind of situations. i probably would have just went straight to the court officer without mentioning something to the boy and his mother. who knows what kind of crazies those people are? the boy could have done something to you. you have your own children to worry about. what if your comment pissed him off so much that he took a knife out of his pocket and tried to stab you?

Jennie - posted on 06/09/2011

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I think it was nice that you said something to him when you heard him threaten her. Unfortunately, it sounds like the "apple didn't fall far from the tree", in that situation. The mother was as disrespectful as her son, in her response to you. As long as she allows him to treat her that way, as well as the fact that she can speak that way that way to a person she does not know, who was trying to defend her, he will always do it. It was nice of you though :o)

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