Divorce is good for the children!!!

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[deleted account]

Divorce is definitely better for the children than living with unhappy parents modeling a dysfunctional relationship. My husband's parents divorced when he was 7 and he is happy it happened. Is it ideal? No. But shit happens and it's better for a child to have two happy parents apart than 2 unhappy parents together.

Julie - posted on 07/05/2011

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divorce is necessary or there would be a lot more murders LOL but like Susanne says you have to be adult about it. dragging the kids into the middle using them as pawns etc is crap. then there will one day be the stepmum stepdad issues well we know how well that goes by the posts on this site. the thing that gets me is why after years and years is it the woman that holds onto the grudges. my own mother is still trying to pick arguments with my dad about their divorce his adultary and the way he was with my brothers and me and he left when i was 8 months old i am now nearly 46 for god sake. let it go ladies. what happened in the past must stay in the past so that we can all move on and start new lives of our own and enjoy those lives and the relationships we build in them. also holding onto grudges affects the rest of the family not just the parents. sorry for venting

Yalana - posted on 07/05/2011

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My mom was divorced before she met my dad, and there were sooooo many times that I wished my parents had divorced. My mom was a jealous, insecure, overbearing person when I was growing up who would ridicule me, the A-B student, and spoil my brother, the ADHD-turned-ADD, bad grade student. I know she had a bad life growing up, but she has yet to recieve any kind of therapy for it (she claims her therapy comes from vitamins and God), and she has only become worse as time has gone on. Unfortunately, she has sucked my dad into her "world" and now he sides with her as if he were afraid to cross her. I divorced my first husband because he is an abusive alcoholic and he attacked my sons one night last summer. That was the final push that made me leave his "cohabitating" idea in my dust. Staying in a marriage that is abusive in any form is worse for the children than ending it and giving the kids a better life. yes, they'll have to adjust, but they will eventually. The trauma of seeing a parent abused or killed by the other parent is far worse than a divorce.

Katherine - posted on 11/12/2010

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I love her 5 points and I especially like this:



I will say, though, that when I've defended divorce in the past--notably in an Op-Ed for the New York Times, the response has been outrage. In America, you are never supposed to treat divorce with anything but appalled lamentations. No type of family is better than an intact nuclear family, ever. That millions of Americans have voted with their feet for other types of families is just a sign of cultural failure, or personal failure (the personal failure of the divorced ones, of course--the married ones have at least kept it together, even if...well, I won't go into the cost of keeping it together. I come to bury divorce, not to praise it. Amen.)

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Tara - posted on 07/05/2011

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I am locking this thread as it is over 6 months old. Please feel free to re-post the article and discuss again.
Tara DM Mod.

Teresa - posted on 07/05/2011

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For my daughter and her kids, yes divorce is better for the kids. It is better they are not exposed to abuse and neglect.

Katherine - posted on 11/14/2010

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@ A N, you should read the article, it is really well put. I don't agree with everything she says, but she has some excellent points and a different view.

A - posted on 11/14/2010

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Didn't read the article, but I can see both sides. I think people need to be more proactive in their counseling before marriage (my husband and I were married in the catholic church and we had to go through many hoops- do a weekend engaged encounter, meet with a priest for consult, and fill out a questionare) and also make more effort to stay together instead of automatically looking at divorce. However, I do think there are situations in which divorce is the best option- especially when there is abuse going on.

My family was very disfunctional. My mother was mentally ill, my dad was an alocoholic, and just a number of other things going on.... I begged my parents to get a divorce when I was in middle school. I wanted my dad to leave my mom (because literally she was insane). THey never did seperate. I think my life may have been better without my mother. She is now dead and all of our lives are much better. I"m glad her hell is over too. Its not like she choose to be that way.

My brother is very messed up from our childhood. If my parents had divorced maybe he wouldn't have turned out to be the train wreck he is, but who can say for sure?

Anyway, as for as my marriage- I would fight very hard before divorcing. Honestly I don't ever see us getting to that point. Our marriage is strong (although we do have our issues like everyone else) and our dedication to make it work is there. And I dont think either of us would let it get to the point where it was negatively effecting our children. There's just too many variables for there to be a right or wrong answer to this debate.

[deleted account]

Yeah I agree that I would do everything in my power to prevent getting dirvorced. I know my parents divorced buggered me up and just now 7 years later can I understand it a bit better.

Desiree - posted on 11/14/2010

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Jennifer that I understand, I suppose that everyone has there lot in life, For me divorce is not an option and I would fight it tooth and nail. I also don't believe it is good for children either. All the lesson that, that article says is good for a child can be taught in other ways, not by watching their parents tear each other apart. I resented my parents for it and only in very recent years do I understand better, but I still resent the games they played and still do and just how much hurt they caused us. Because of their nonsense I am no longer close to either my sister or my brother as they still play us off against each other and have taught them to play the same crappy mind games. We learn from our parents example some of us take the positive and some of us take the negative.

[deleted account]

I was just going to say you can never fortell the future. Whether you are happily married now that doesn't mean you will be in 10 years time.



I am married, have been since June 2008 and I hope we are together forever but things can happen and if either of us were unhappy and it was seriously affecting our children we wouldn't stay together for the sake of the children.



When my parents got divorced they had been married for about 18/19 years. It would have been their 25th wedding anniversary this year.



Basically I don't think people can say they definately won't get divorced.

Desiree - posted on 11/14/2010

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Jennifer yes very much and happy to say very happily thank you 14 years come April 2011. Why?

I believe in marriage I am not a great believer in divorce unless there is a damn good reason. And to each person the good reason is their own.

Desiree - posted on 11/14/2010

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Being a product of divorce and all its ugliness I will never put my kids through the hell I went through as a child. Although there are divorces that end on a friendly bases is ok but in reality they are very few and far between. No the confussion and anger is not worth my children's piece of mind or security.

[deleted account]

Yeah I guess, but it would have been a hell of a lot easier if my dad had just separated from my mam before having the affair!

[deleted account]

I must say my dad is now happily married to the woman he had an affair with and my mam's happily single, and whilst it was a horrible thing to go through I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't =]

Katherine - posted on 11/12/2010

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Ha ha Sharon, caught your eye though huh? That's what caught mine.

Charlie - posted on 11/12/2010

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It was absolutely for the best in my family , a much happier family resulted and much happier parents which meant happier children , Im glad my parents got divorced , honestly they were a strange match to begin with LOL.

Sharon - posted on 11/12/2010

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ok the title is outrageous but it is about the over all health & well being of a person and the family unit and how to protect the kids.

[deleted account]

I'm sure it is...it messed me up...well that's an understatement! My mam and dad's separation was a huge shock, a bombshell. They never argued, my dad had an affair and left to live with her. I suffered with depression as a result from the ages of 13-17 years old. In that time I missed most of one school year, was on and off anti-depressants, tried to commit suicide twice. Basically I guess everyone copes differently, my sister coped much better than me. I honestly think if I had been younger it would have been easier to handle. I'm through all that now and at 20 years old I'm, married have a nearly one year old and I'm happier than ever. But overall I wouldn't say divorce is good for any child - unless there is abuse involved.

Lacye - posted on 11/12/2010

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In my case, it was for the better. I'm not saying it's always better but in some cases it can be. My parents split up when I was really young, I think I was about 2 or 3, and from what my older sisters have told me (my oldest sister is 15 years older and the other sister is 8 years older) it was a very good thing they left each other. They fought all the time, my parents pretty much hated each other by the time I came along, and my dad was starting to drink kinda heavily. Well they split up, my dad married my step mother, who is like the greatest ever, and I ended up with 2 step brothers who may be a pain in the butt but I love them all the same. There are some pros and cons when it comes to whether or not a couple gets a divorce, like any other relationship. It just depends on the situation.

Amanda - posted on 11/12/2010

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If the parents are going to be happier not being together than yes, it may have a long term healthier effect on the children...but personally it is hard on kids. They don't get 2 parents at home, and if they do they aren't 2 bio parents...Idk my parents divorced when I was 17 and my parents were much happier divorced and so my sister and I were too!! I divorced my 2 youngest childrens father but they are both little they don't know anything different. Divorce rate is high enough, I think there needs to be more serious tasks to be completed BEFORE 2 people marry. But I think it's different in every case, but honestly I don't think it's "better"

[deleted account]

I think it depends on the parents whether divorce is a good thing. If they can be adult about it then it can be better for the kids than two rowing parents. But ive seen the bad side too, where one parent messes the kids up because their too busy trying to make the other parent miserable.

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