Do as I say......

Jennifer - posted on 02/28/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

714

1

28

So, I have teens, and my house is full of hard headed, obnoxious people, as apparently my genetics are pretty potent.......I often get the phrase, "But you did/do it!!" thrown at me. Brings up two questions-



1- Are you honest with your kids about your past?



2-what do you/will you say when this phrase is thrown at you?



My daughter is the worst. She said it to me a few nights ago about cussing. I told her that at 17 I was working two jobs, and had a B average in school. I bought and paid for my own car, clothes, and any other personal needs, including my pets, which I took sole responsibility for. (we were arguing over her cleaning the cat box) I then told her if she choose to follow my example, then she should, but choosing one thing I do and using that against me was out of the question. As anyone with teens can imagine, I did not 'win', but it was a score.........



I've used other tactics in the past, depending on the subject and child at hand. What do ya'll do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amanda - posted on 02/29/2012

2,559

3

366

I also have teens in the house who like to try to throw things I do at me. I always respond with, I also keep you healthy and feed, I pay a mortgage, own a car, and work my butt off daily. So when they live on their own they can do what they want also, but until then they will listen and obey my rules for them.

Becky - posted on 02/29/2012

232

23

9

My older daughter is 10. I don't lie to her, but that doesn't mean I tell her everything. I won't lie to her about my past if and when she asks me about it. She's already proven that she can handle knowing hard truths. Her father has done much worse than I ever did and she already knows about 1/2 his story. Because of his actions she had to learn at an early age what drug dependency can do to a person and a family. I started telling her the truth about her dad years ago when he went back to prison again.



If she ever tries to use this line to justify anything really bad . . . I'll simply point out how it all affected her father & look where he's at today. He's been the prefect example of what not to do.



For minor infractions, it'll be a different argument. We talk about things that are age appropriate a lot. Like when she was 6 and telling me she had a boyfriend. I told her the examples she see's with my boyfriend & I or on TV is not acceptable for 6 year olds. We talked about how behaviors are different for younger kids verses teenagers and adults. We have talked about how what I may do is ok because I am an adult, but because she still has a lot of growing to do, it wouldn't be ok for her. She seems to be very open to this rational. I pray it keeps working though her teenage years too! It'll save me tons of headaches!

10 Comments

View replies by

Janice - posted on 02/29/2012

1,890

18

63

I dread my children becoming teenagers. My husband and I started dating at 15 and we were terrible - sex, drugs, and rock & roll all the way. I really think we might just have to lie ;)

Seriously, its pure, dumb luck that we got through our teenage years with our lives and relationship intact.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 02/29/2012

3,377

8

66

I would never lie to my children but I don't divulge either. There are just some things that my teen does not need to know at her age or even ever. If she asks though, I would be straight up, no lies, just maybe not the "entire" story, to me that is not lying, it is withholding information for her own damn good and mine. ;) I would always fit it to her level of understanding, just as I would with anything else I am teaching or explaining to her. I will do the same for my son when he is older. Right now I could tell him everything though, simply because he has no idea of what I am talking about. LOL



My daughter does not swear ever, around me - I am not going to say she doesn't out of sight, I have no idea of that - and she has never slipped even a little. I do swear and quite a bit too. ;)



She is dead against drugs, sex (boys in general) and drinking. Although, she is only 13.5, that may change. I hope not too much though, I know they need to experiment with some things (drugs NO) in order to get their feet firmly planted.



She never ever would smart talk me but she knows where I draw the line and what will happen if she does.



The phrase "but you did or you do it", has happened a couple times. I let her know that I understand I have faults and she does not need to acquire them too. I also let her know that I am boss, she is not. Therefore, if I pay the bills and do not require someone to "watch out" for me, then I know enough for what I am doing, she does not. That is usually the end of it. We will see how it goes in another 4 years! LOL



I was a terrible teen (but it was SO MUCH FUN! - SHHH I didn't say that!). So far, so good, my daughter is NOTHING like I was... phew



ETA: I like the "do as I say NOT what I do", unfortunately that does not always work. ;) Role models, you know, blah blah blah... LOL

Mother - posted on 02/29/2012

1,627

79

30

Ohhhhh....aren't teenagers fun?? Well, I am so blessed. My daughter is a good kid. That being said she has called me on my BS. And ya can't even get mad at them when they do. My daughter and I have an honest and open relationship. If she asks a question....I tell her the truth. Nothing is ever gained by lying.



She is DEAD set against sex, drugs and alcohol. She is VERY outspoken about it too. She point blank asked me if I did drugs....I told her yes, I experimented but it never stuck. She looked right at me and said OMG Mom...I'm so disappointed in you!!! LOL I felt like I was the kid and she was the adult. Granted.....she is only 13. I had sex when I was 18 but had been in a relationship for a year and it lasted 4 more years after that. She over looked that. I'm not a drinker, at all. Gimme a kettle tho and I can boil up a tea quicker then you can bat an eyelash.



All this may change when she gets older....I hope not. BUT realistically, kids experiment. they just seem so young now ....kids just got suspended from school for dealing PCP @ 14 y/o!!! How scary is that??



I swear but nothing too horrible. I did have some guy almost T bone us because he went thru a red light. I called him everything but a white man....my daughter just looked at me and said...MOM!!!! THAT was disgustingly dirty. *sheepish grin*



She is my conscience!!

Krista - posted on 02/29/2012

12,562

16

847

I don't have teenagers yet, but I think I'll address it by talking about how those things that I did were either earned privileges, which he can earn when he is mature enough, or they were major mistakes that I made, and I am trying to keep him from making those same mistakes.



But I'm going to try to stay pretty close-lipped about my wild youth, as long as I can persuade my mom to not spill the beans!!!

[deleted account]

Honest. I didn't really DO much though, but that's also the thing... I didn't do much and was totally unprepared for life. My kids have chores, etc...where I literally did nothing... ever. Didn't have sex until 23, but did marry the first guy to ever actually LIKE me.... and look how great THAT turned out.... Yeah, that'll be a kind of tricky one to cover since I don't want to slam their father....

Lady Heather - posted on 02/28/2012

2,448

17

91

I am going to be honest. My husband and I were similar. We dabbled in some underage drinking and the odd bit of pot. But we were also hardworking straight a students with a high level of personal responsibility. I'd be thrilled if my kids were like me. Maybe my honesty will persuade them that getting really wasted kind of sucks in the end and they can avoid some hangovers? That would be cool.

Minnie - posted on 02/28/2012

7,076

9

788

We are/will be perfectly honest with our children. If something like that is thrown at us I have to be realistic. And I hope that I can -teach- my children from my past mistakes. Of course they're going to make their own mistakes, and likely many of the same I made despite us trying to teach them. So goes humanity.



On the subject of cussing, my husband and I have talked about it and we're realistic enough to accept the fact that if we cuss, we can't fuss about our children cussing. We shouldn't be surprised or reprimand them.

Ashley - posted on 02/28/2012

956

23

136

lucky for me my girls are only 4 and 2 so I still have a long way to go but I can tell you I am not looking forward to those battles .. not that I did much wrong or even their father... but both my Husband and I dont like to back down when a agurment breaks between us I can just imagine what the girls will be like

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms