Do I need to have the "facts of life" chat??

Katie - posted on 05/29/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )




My daughter is 10 since April,she is very mature for her age but is quite a sensitive soul. At school they are starting class lessons soon on body parts,feelings,emotions,hygiene etc so the subject is being touched on. My Mom thinks I should definitely be having the chat with her about the birds and the bees, periods etc, but I'm thinking to hang on a little while longer-see what the outcome is with the school's way of teaching it and then pick up from it. Agree? Disagree? Advice? When did you have the chat with your child,how was it? Is this the right age or wrong age to have the chat? Help! Not really a debate,as such,but just looking for different takes and opinions on it. Thank you.


[deleted account]

Considering that my girls learned about puberty at 7 and sex at 8 (there's STILL a lot of ground we need to cover though).... Yes!

I 'cheated' and used books to help me. We read them together. :)

Oh, and IMO.... it's not the schools job to teach kids about this stuff. I understand WHY they do and I don't have a problem w/ it, but parenting is MY job so I'd like to do it first.

Krista - posted on 05/29/2011




Yep, it's not fun, but it's better to talk to her first and answer her questions. If she learns in class first, she may have questions but be too shy to ask them in front of her peers. 10 is definitely not too early.

You can do it, Katie!!! :)

[deleted account]

Why wouldn't you have the talk with her? There are some wonderful books out there that can help. "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie Harris. It's teaches about both boys and girls. I used it for my son. I made it a special day when he learned about the world and growing up. I took a Saturday and we sat down and had tea and talked. Then we read bits of the book together. We went out 'to lunch' and talked some more.

Even now 4 years later, we still talk about it. I think it's vital to open that door and keep it open. My son even tells me about the girls he likes at school and asks if he should ask them out, etc. It may seem small when hopefull thanks to this open-ness he may come to me when it's time for big decisions like having sex for the first time.

My mom never talked to me about sex, only about menstruation and that was it. I learned from romance novels and Seventeen magazine but i never went to her about it, not even telling her about my rape because I dind't think she wanted to know because we never talked about that stuff.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 05/29/2011




I also think you should be teaching her yourself, My son is 8 and we have yet to talk about the birds and the bees fully, when he asks a question I tell him and we look up things on the net.
But it’s great that she can learn from school, but very important that you make sure she knows from you as well

Lady Heather - posted on 05/30/2011




Yes! Do it now!!!! Kids might have tons of questions to ask and do you think they are seriously going to ask at school? Very important to have these discussions at home.


View replies by

Ashley - posted on 05/30/2011




I think its something you should discuss with her.. Schools don't cover every ground and sometimes its better to be able to talk in private about such things. She might have questions and be too nervous to ask a teacher..

And with how young children are getting sexually active now days. .I definitely think 10 is a good age to talk. It's better to be safe..

Tammy - posted on 05/30/2011




I think you should at least try to expand on some things for her. I was 8 when I got my first period. My mother had told me all about it when I turned 8 so I knew what to expect. Try to keep it age appropriate as much as possible. My boys are 3 and 7 and know bits and pieces. I answer any questions for them that they ask for the age that they are at.

Sal - posted on 05/30/2011




if she is having the classes at school she will probally ask question, answer her questions, and use that as a catalist for the conversation.....with my son it was a gradual process we never sat down and had THE TALK....but i answered the questions when he asked, the first time he asked anything he was watching a tv show with lions mating and asked if thats how i got pregant as well, i picked my chin up off the floor then just answered him , i do think the secret is to actaully answer the question she asks,

Christy - posted on 05/29/2011




I think it's better for your daughter to learn such things from mom first. She will be more comfortable during the class at school if it's not new information to her. With my daughter I talked about it all and then provided books for her to get more information or look through and then be able to ask questions. She seemed okay with that. We did it about the same time period your daughter is at, age 10, before they learned about it in school.

Every year we have "the talk" with our kids of age and add onto what we've talked about the years before. We have found that doing so has helped the kids be more comfortable in discussing the issues.

Jenn - posted on 05/29/2011




Yeah, get on the ball on that one. I got my period at 11 (HATED IT) and was clueless. I thought I only got it once. Boy was I in for a big shock the next month when that bitch came back! >:(

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 05/29/2011




my niece got her period at 8!!! it was a shock to us all

Rosie - posted on 05/29/2011




Well, considering i had my period on my 12th birthday, i'd say i would do it soon. maybe not exactly right now, but i'd say 11 is a great age. although, i dont' really have room to talk, my son turned 11 in february and we havn't done it yet. i'm at a loss of what to say! hopefully you'll get some good advice, lol!

Katie - posted on 05/29/2011




Thanks ladies,yeah I think I have to bite the bullet and do it! I will take a trip to my local library for some books to help me. OOOOOOOHHHHH I'm dreading it,but it has to be done. All part and parcel of parenthood! Thanks for the great advice!

[deleted account]

"Sharon, reruns? I watched that show originally! ;) "

I did too Teresa! But Facts of Life are currently in reruns on TVLand at night. That's why I mentioned it!

@Jen K.- That elementary school did a boys program too, guided by a male principal and a male coach/PE teacher. Not sure what their speech comprised of, but I do know that father's were invited. I know they had snacks too, but obviously not in "tea party" mode.

[deleted account]

@Sharon. I dearly wish they'd do something similar for boys. MInd you, I"m glad they do the tea parties for the girls but I think boys in general get ignored in this and are just expected to know everything. It may seem like common sense but teaching a boy that no means no is just as important as teaching a girl that she has every right to say no, even after she's said yes.

I say this because there are several great programs in our school district that girls can attend (after school) with their mothers to talk about this stuff but the only thing for boys was a father/son night where they played games and poker.

[deleted account]

You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life!

Sorry hon! The Facts of Life was a popular 80's show here in the States with a very catchy theme song! Not sure if you've ever seen reruns!

I know that girls and maturing faster than ever these days. Some (not all) reasons include extra fillers and addatives in the diet. But whatever the reasons are, I know the library will have a lot of resources for you. Also, get in touch with some of the other mothers of girls in your daughter's class. See if any of them are going through the same thing. At one of my old elementary schools where I worked, the 5th grade boys and girls are separated (age 10-11) for the "puberty" talk. The girls have a "Tea Party" and the school nurse comes in to talk about body changes at an appropriate age level. Perhaps you can get together with a few other mothers and hava similar discussion.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms