Do we have to pay for medical?

Delaine - posted on 07/12/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )




My step son just turned 18 and my husbands child supoort obligation has ended. The child is going to college full time in the Fall which we are not paying for (on scholarships). We have agreed to continue to cover him for medical insurance as in pay his premiums. By doing that are we also obligating ourselves to continue spiltting the bills with his ex wife? She takes us to court over minor things often . So if we have liability we are ready to drop the coverage and let her her add him to her policy.


Mary - posted on 07/13/2011




This is going to sound harsh, so I apologize in advance. Perhaps I am misinterpreting your question, but it sounds to me as if this boy is together enough to have received scholarship money for college, he must be a pretty decent kid. It makes me sad to think that his parent(s) would even consider NOT wanting to provide for his medical care because of continued disagreements between amongst themselves.

Yes, he is 18, so technically, your financial arrangements with his mother are ended. However, since he is a full time student, he is still not in a position to provide things such as medical care for himself (or a myriad of other living expenses that scholarship money does not begin to cover). It makes me so very sad to think that a parent would not support a child in their educational endeavors solely to avoid continued friction/interaction with their ex. I can only imagine how it would make that boy feel towards his father.

Jodi - posted on 07/12/2011




Are these bills you are going to be obligated to split going to be bills for your step son only? And if so, I can't see this as an issue. My step daughter is 19, and we still have her on our health insurance, etc, and although we don't pay child support any more, because she goes to university, we actually help her out directly now by paying some of her costs directly. I just see it as fair, because she isn't fully self-supportive yet, and it shouldn't JUST be her mum's job to support her through university.

I guess you don't HAVE to pay for anything. It really comes down to what level of support you feel is fair at this point, given he is a college student and not self-supporting yet. Whether the obligation is in writing or not, whether a legal agreement or not, what is your true obligation as a parent. IMO, your obligations as a parent do not necessarily end when a child turns 18.

Melissa - posted on 07/16/2011




In my opinion, a parent never stops providing/helping their child. Of course you don't want your child to grow up to be a "dead beat", but age shouldn't play a factor in it. When it comes to health insurance, I would continue keeping your son on the policy, especially since he's eligible for being a student. I look at it as an insurance policy for yourself as well. I'd rather pay the premium and deal with the difficult Ex instead of letting him go thousands of dollars into debt and seeking help from you to pay it off. Accidents happen and people become ill all the time. If the Ex is willing to add him to her policy, then remove him from yours as long as he is covered


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Crystal - posted on 07/20/2011




Personally, I don't think you should get involved at all. Don't mean to be so straight about it, but parental responsibilities don't end at 18 or even 80 sister. Would you expect your husband to stop paying anything towards your children with him when they turn 18? The way you refer to him as "the child" makes me feel you are very cold towards him. I think you should have called him "my husbands son or my step son" all the way through not just in the beginning. The way you called child support an "obligation" and how you say "we agreed to pay..." like your permission was necessary concerning something that has nothing to do with you and is absolutely HIS obligation morally, makes me feel like you think it was something forced upon him too. Your husband may no longer be with the mother, but he is always going to be the dad and where I come from the man's job is to provide for the kids and the mom's job is to raise them properly while dad is at work. Seems like a good kid to me going to school on a full scholarship. Seems like daddo should just be grateful for the fact that his kid is not a loser and pay up so he can eventually support himself. I know it is not easy knowing this child of his came from someone that was in his life before you but that's the fact and you should really consider how the son and his mom must feel as well. To wrap it all up? Not your business, shouldn't even be a question as to whether or not he should pay up and greedy step moms like you give all step mothers a bad name.

Jodi - posted on 07/16/2011




Emma, even in Australia, you can keep you adult children on your Private Health Insurance if they are a full time student. It doesn't actually cost an extra to do so on a family policy here, so I honestly don't have an issue with the fact that our 19 year old is still on ours.

Stifler's - posted on 07/16/2011




Ah this is in the US. That explains it. I live in Australia lol totally different system.

Jenn - posted on 07/16/2011




Emma - he's going to school - shouldn't the parents help their child out while he's making his life better? I know for us, we pay child support to my step-daughter until she's 18, or until she's 21 if she is still attending school full-time, and that means she also stays on our health benefits until then.

[deleted account]

Do you mean his copays/deductibles? What is your relationship with your husband's flesh and blood that this is a question for you?

Constance - posted on 07/15/2011




I added my 19 yr old niece to my policy. As long as she is in school I will continue to take care of those things. If she quits school she will be on her own.

Jenni - posted on 07/15/2011




Yeah, I'd go with speaking to his lawyer or insurance company. It all depends on the CSA laws in your area.
My dad was obligated to pay child support and have us on his medical insurance as long as we were in school full time or until we were 25.

Kristi - posted on 07/15/2011




I think that after he is 18, there is no legal obligation at all for any party to pay the other for a kindness on their part. The benefit to keeping him on your policy, is that he is probably getting a nice discount on the premium by being on a family policy, and you are benefitting likely by having him contribute to your family deductible. Since the ex-wife doesn't benefit at all, I wouldn't ask her to pay. If he's on an individual policy, think about reorganizing to a family policy so you can all benefit from the one deductible rather than many. I would also let the person who is claiming him as a dependent on their taxes be the one to pay for medical. That way the expenses have the opportunity to contribute to your deductions if you do your taxes itemized. Good luck.

[deleted account]

I agree with Mary 100%. Being a parent means going above and beyond, and sometimes stepping up to the plate when the other parent won't. So will continuing to include this young man on yor insurance crush your budget? That's for you & husband to consider. But as a student, his focus should be on education as oppopsed to having to go work and get a job that will maybe offer health benefits. Do the RIGHT the kid's health insurance! I guarantee that *if* the insurance is needed, YOU will be glad to have been able to provide. And big deal the mom won't pay-well that that's a crappy mom, IMO, because she refuses to assist in providing health benefits. Support the boy-it's the right thing to do.

Jane - posted on 07/12/2011




"By doing that are we also obligating ourselves to continue spiltting the bills with his ex wife?"

What bills? The cost of the premiums? So you would have to get her to give you money? Uncovered medical expenses that she has for the child? So you would have to give her money? Liability for what?

If she is willing to add the kid to her insurance, why not let her do that and then give some cash directly to the kid to help with expenses not covered by the scholarships.

Jodi - posted on 07/12/2011




Deanna, he is a college student......the way medical works in the US, your suggestions isn't feasible.

[deleted account]

He is 18. If he wants healthcare then let him pay for it. You are NOT obligated to pay for it or even split the cost with the ex-wife.

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