do women get away with physical and emotional abuse more than men?

Rosie - posted on 01/22/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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i was watching "the steve wilkos show" the other day (yes, i know my taste in tv is reprehensible), and there was a man on there hoping steve could set his girlfriend "straight". she physically and emotionally abused him. he was covered with scratches and bruises, and had video of her calling him all sorts of names. everyone in the audience, and even the host were laughing at him, and it really bothered me. why was it funny that this man was getting the crap beat out of him? why does society as a whole think that it's okay for a woman to do this to a man, but if a man does it they are out for blood?

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Lady Heather - posted on 07/03/2011

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YES. I remember watching Dr. Phil once and he was on some kick about how men are the only ones who can be truly abusive because they are bigger and more powerful. Give me a fucking break. First off, that isn't always true. And second, if you are hitting someone or verbally attacking them or whatever, it's abuse. I don't care who's dishing it out and who's on the receiving end.

Dr. Phil: End the silence on domestic violence. Unless you're a dude. Then you're on your own.

Jennifer - posted on 07/03/2011

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I know a man(my cousin, actually) who is in the military and a black belt. His girlfriend has abused him for years. He puts up with it because he would lose his children if he left. Neither are his biological children, and he is so scared of what she would do to them. I feel so helpless to do anything! She has threatened to give herself bruises and report him. This topic needs more public attention, and no abuse victom should ever be laughed at. My friend takes the abuse to protect his kids, how is that funny???

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Stifler's - posted on 07/03/2011

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Because women are apparently weaker. It's an advantage and a disadvantage that people think this way, we want respect yet use "we are weaker, we can't possibly be accused of abuse" as an excuse to do whatever. There is also a culture of the "controlling Mrs." in Australia where women can control the husband, not let him go out etc. not let him drink with the guys and it's just normal and if the husband won't let the wife go out it's abuse and trust issues and controlling.

Tara - posted on 07/03/2011

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It is an awful double standard.
In Ontario if you call the police about a domestic assault, whether you are male or female, if the police take a statement from you, they press the charges. You are a victim only and have no say in what happens after, you cannot withdraw charges etc.
The system was changed so that women who were being abused would stop withdrawing charges due to threats or coercion from their spouse.
BUT... it also made it easier for men to report abuse, however they failed to implement any real infrastructure for these men.
If a woman calls the police, they will take her to a shelter, there she will receive counselling, housing, training and help so she can begin to live independently, often she can take her children there as well.
Men have no similar support. They have no house to go to in the middle of the night. They have no support agencies fighting for their rights etc.
If they call the police, they will come and remove the abuser, he could get a restraining order etc. but as society has proven with women victims, this doesn't always work this is why they have these shelters.
So really it is a great step for women, but men are literally left out in the cold.
Sad and also too common.

[deleted account]

That's awful, but unfortunately not all that uncommon. I mean, I know if my husband told someone around here that I beat him up, they would laugh. In theory, he's bigger and stronger than I am, thus able to protect himself.



I think what many people don't understand is the way an abuser works. It's very, very rare that abusers only hurt their victims physically. There are so many emotional and psychological elements to abuse. Many people just think of a woman hitting man when they hear that a man is being abused, rather than thinking of all the other things that have put him in that situation-constant belittling, isolation from family and friends, etc. They either don't know those things or they don't think of them in connection with woman on man abuse.



It's an awful double standard, but not a surprising one in a world where often men don't want to date women who have sex on the first date (but in order for her to have sex on the first date, don't they have to as well...), women are traditionally paid less than men (here in the U.S., anyway), and men are discouraged from showing any outward signs of weakness.



Although I wish there was no abuse to report for men, women, or children, I'm glad the reporting stats for men are rising-that means that things are changing, even if it's a slow change.

Michelle - posted on 01/22/2010

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This is definitely a prevalent problem, however, it is moving towards being rectified. In Colorado, where I live, I know that more and more reports of females abusing males are being filed. All of the statistics I've been trying to find are pretty old, but all show a general rise, albeit a slow rise, in the reporting of women abusing men. The experts agree that it is not because women are just starting to abuse men, but rather that men are just starting to report it. It's a horrible thing to do to someone, no matter what gender. I think women do it because they know men aren't (for the most part) going to hit them back.

I'm a criminal justice student, so most of my teachers are cops, and they all agree that they see domestic violence calls where the man is the victim nearly as often as the other way around. Luckily, in Colorado, the state has the right to press charges rather than the victim, so this may be the other cause for the rise in reports.

Charlie - posted on 01/22/2010

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Most definitely , i have a friend whos girlfriend would tear him down , abuse him both verbally and physically in front of people , she was the dominant one , They also happened to be quiet high profile , her a singer and he is a footballer .

One day she was picking on him and started hitting him it got more and more aggressive until he pushed her away , she fell over and hurt herself all in front of people at a BBQ , he never said anything or did anything because he felt emasculated , he was meant to be the man , a big tough footballer .
She being the attention seeker she was went to a magazine NOT the police and sold her story of "abuse " saying he had punched her when 10 witnesses would say otherwise you can imagine how the australian public all went " oh poor girl " .
Not only did she tell lies about the real event , she nearly cost his job and most certainly has given him a terrible name as an abuser , all his friends know the truth , we all witnessed it time and time again , and he being so in love just took it .
I just feel sorry for the next guy she meets and abuses .

There are many reasons why we don't know more about domestic abuse and violence against men. First of all, the incidence of domestic violence reported men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates. In addition, it has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse. The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable that many men will not even attempt to report the situation.
It is a widely held assumption that women are always the victims and men are always the perpetrators. Between 50 and 60% of all domestic abuse and violence is against women. There are many reasons why people assume men are never victims and why women often ignore the possibility. For one thing, domestic abuse and violence has been minimized, justified and ignored for a very long time. Women are now more organized, supportive and outspoken about the epidemic of domestic abuse and violence against women. Very little attention has been paid to the issue of domestic abuse and violence against men - especially because violence against women has been so obvious and was ignored for so long.

Rosie - posted on 01/22/2010

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oh that is so true about the sleeping around thing. women are called sluts and men are giving each other high fives.

i understand having stereotypes about women being the weaker sex, and men should be strong, but to laugh at him was just crazy to me. i myself was abused as a child and it really bothers me when people laugh at it. whether u are a man or woman it still hurts and these people should've known better. maybe it was nervous laughter, which i've been known to do every now and again, but still...

Veronica - posted on 01/22/2010

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I agree with everyone on this one. Women are looked at as the weaker sex - if they are being abused they are frail and cant 'stand up for themselves' - for men we see them as stronger.

Its sad really. Its kind of like the double standard that men can sleep around and they are 'men' - but a woman does it and they are a whore, tramp, slut.



People have their one stereotype about people - and they judge on it - instead of looking at each individual case and deciding on it based on that alone and not as a whole.



The biggest thing is where is the support? These abused people need support - a man just as much as a woman - and it should be given to them - this lady clearly needs to be slapped with abuse, and serve her consequence for it - this man should get help and support for the abuse.

Sara - posted on 01/22/2010

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I think abuse is abuse whether it's from a man or a woman, and yes I think that women get away with it more, probably because as a society men are supposed to be a the strong ones and if they admit their lady can whip there ass, they'll be a laughingstock. Sad really, because I know I have seen physical/emotional abuse of men at the hands of their partner, and there's no excuse for treating someone like that.

Esther - posted on 01/22/2010

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I agree that there is absolutely a double standard and that it isn't funny when a man is being abused either. I suppose it's because it seems less physically threatening when it's coming from a woman and directed at a man than the other way around. But it's wrong no matter how you spin it.

Amie - posted on 01/22/2010

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That double standard is still there and glaringly obvious, especially in cases like this.



Just because he's a "man" he should be able to take care of himself. If it's a woman though everyone feels sorry for her because she's "the weaker sex". Gimme a freaking break! This stuff is just so absolutely ridiculous!



Abuse is abuse! Doesn't matter who is inflicting it, no one should have to put up with it. Male or female!

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