Do you agree with taking your child home when he misbehaves at the store?

Jenny - posted on 04/12/2012 ( 111 moms have responded )

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I was reading one of the articles on COM about anti-spanking which gave an example of a mother smacking her child on the butt in response to his having a tantrum while waiting in a long line at the check out.



In response someone posted "If I was in that store, I would have given my items to a store worker and told them, "I am sorry, I cannot stay to purchase these at this time, because my child is too tired to wait." Immediate consequence for the child...when you misbehave, we leave! Then I would take my child home and put her down for the nap she probably was missing anyway!"



I don't think that spanking him was effective because that just lead to more tears and tantrums, but at the same time I don't see that taking him home was anymore effective in teaching him to behave better at the mall.



To me that sounds like the child got what he wanted - to get out of the store. That's why he was whinning, because he was bored and tired. Would this not re-inforce to him that if he has a tantrum in a store when he gets bored, he will get to leave?



Do you agree or disagree? And what would you do in that kind of a situation?



What other options do we have in these type of scenarios?

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Mommy - posted on 04/17/2012

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Well the store was pretty empty, and I'm sorry but we are in public. If you don't want to hear screaming kids, don't go outside. I wasn't at a fine dining restaurtant, or in someone's home, I was in a public store. I make sure to be mindful of others in non-child friendly areas, but a kid crying is not the end of the world.

And since I didn't have the luxury to wait in the car, and then go back in, due to time constraints, I did what I had to do and moved on.

I will say, however, that a few days later we went out to eat at Fridays, and the food was very slow to come out. She pitched a fit, so I took her outside to calm down, so as not to disturb the other people eating. I make my decision for how to handle a meltdown based on the situation.

Mrs. - posted on 04/18/2012

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I worked in retail for years and I am fine with anyone who wants to deal with their kids in the store as long as they'd like. I would just tune it out. Of course, I had a toddler little brother when I first started working retail and knew the deal.



Often times kids want to embarrass you, it is their currency. If you are embarrassed when your kids screams in public, they will do it just for that reason. If you show them you could care less if they embarrass themselves in public...they will do it less.



Now, if a toddler is crazy tired/hungry and attention has nothing to do with it...it'll happen too. Personally, I believe that my kid has to learn that sometimes her mother has to get her grocery shopping done and she's gonna have to wait. It is important to learn that sometimes things need to get done regardless of how into them you are.



If someone in the store or another customer has a problem,,,,it really is their problem. Unless my kid is destroying the store's property or another shopper's property, they'll all live. I'm not going to camp in the store, but I'm going to do what I need to do and then leave. It is part of the job to deal with grumpy customers, from babies to grandparents. When you sign up for the job and decide to go to a busy mall, screaming/crying kids are going to be a factor.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2012

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I think I have discovered why grandparents act differently with their grandchildren than they did with their own kids (other than the fact that they can give them back, LOL). I wish my kids were 2 or 3 again, tantrums and all. I think I would do things differently if I had my time over again. Not meaning I REGRET anything, just saying that I think, sometimes, we don't realise how much things change as they get older, and get so much more complicated than a tantrum in the store, and whether we should really give a crap how we deal with it. There are so many other things that will matter so much more.

Jodi - posted on 04/13/2012

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It depends. I have done it once. But it wasn't a matter of the child getting what he wanted. He threw a tantrum because he wanted something in the store. I tried every trick in the book, because I was NOT going to give in. But his tantrums got progressively worse and he started to beat his head on the floor. Hard. So hard he bled. So I picked him up, left my purchases and went home. In that situation, it was the right thing to do. AND he didn't get what he wanted.



So basically, I'd say it depends on why they are throwing the tantrum and it depends on how severe the situation is. Just because a mother leaves the store doesn't mean she is giving in to the child. When dealing with your children, you always need to take the context into consideration. So I see nothing wrong with picking up your child and taking them home if the situation warrants it.

Jenni - posted on 06/09/2012

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Admin Warning

Ladies please stick to the topic at hand and not allow this thread to deteriorate into petty argument not pertaining to the topic.

DM Mod,

Jenni =^;^=

111 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 06/23/2012

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I have had a similar situation the other day, my daughter was chucking the biggest tantrum because it was a toy sale (which I had no idea about until I got to the shop and I couldnt just go home as I use public transport and that would mean I have wasted the $10 getting there and back and on a tight budget thats alot) I simply walked a bit away and waited for her to get up, think i stood there for well over 10 minutes, when I'd had enough I walked towards her and then she realised Id had enough and got up. At one stage she did it again I put down the items (which were basically all for her because she needed items and I got her a colouring in book also) and after I had walked a distance I asked her if she wanted the items and she said yes I told her if she didnt behave we would leave and she wouldnt get them. from then on I had a well behaved daughter. Although the look on the other ladies faces that walked past my daughter was funny they were absolutly shocked (It was in the babies section on the way to the toddlers I could imagine them thinking I hope my child doesnt come out like that)

Kristi - posted on 06/21/2012

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I have to say I was with you A N right up to the point where you said "Sometimes we as parents treat our children worse than anyone else." I might say spouses do that with one another and I have several reasons behind that but they aren't relevant here. I read your example about the nagging, saying no, raising your voice and acting annoyed and that if your husband treated you that way you probably wouldn't stick around. Let's take annoyed off the table because kids get annoyed with us just as much as we get annoyed with them. I'm not nagging, saying no and raising my voice because I'm mistreating them. It seems like I'm nagging because I have to ask a child over and over to put his/her bicycle away or clean his/her room. I'm saying no not to be mean but because they are asking for or are trying things that could be or are dangerous or inappropriate for them and I'm raising my voice sometimes to make sure I'm heard over the hustle and bustle, the tv or because this is the 3rd time I've asked apparently you're not hearing me too well. If I were behaving in this manner as an adult and my husband found it necessary to nag, say no and raise his voice to me, I'd be ashamed of myself for acting like a child.
*There is obviously much more to teaching and disciplining a child than the above, I'm just going by your example.

But as far as treating my child worse than anyone else according to your example I would not do any of the above to a stranger. I would probably not nag a stranger because there wouldn't be enough time and frankly, I don't care if he/she cleans his/her room. But I would absolutely tell them no and I will teach my child that it is ok to say no, too. I would raise my voice to a stranger if necessary, as well, which I will also teach my child is ok to do in certain situations. And I don't know about you but I always pick the wrong lane in the grocery store. I'm behind the lady that has 50 coupons in her hand and knows she has one for that right there but can't find it because maybe it's in her purse, or the one with 2 cartfulls of stuff and wants to price match every item to Walmart, so yup, strangers annoy me, too.

So whipty-do, I treat my kid as well as I treat a stranger. No, I do what needs to be according to the situation. My motive for saying no to my kids is out of concern for their safety and well being. Saying no to a stranger is setting boundries, looking out for our safety and well being and being assertive. Raising my voice to my children is either to be heard over noise or to snap to attention, raising my voice to stranger can be sir, you dropped your wallet or hey get away from my car. Like I said before, annoyance is all inclusive. So you're right, I am guilty of the things you mentioned in your example but never will I be guilty of treating my child worse than anyone else. My needs and wants got bumped the day my pregnancy test came back positive.

IMO, repeatedly treating a child without dignity and respect should be considered child abuse. You are teaching that child that he/she does not matter, he/she is not important enough to be heard or taken seriously, and that it is ok to be disrespectful to others and themselves. You're diminishing his/her self esteem and replacing it with self doubt. Every child has the right to a safe, preferably "and loving," environment. Taking away a child's dignity and self respect creates feelings of sadness, confusion, anger and doubt thus, taking away their sense of security. In any event, I've gone on too long and too far off topic, but I have a thing about children's rights and how they are treated so I get a little ansy sometimes. And wherever I said "you are doing this or that" I was not saying you, A N, are doing any of those things, I meant more like pond scum but I didn't feel like typing that out everytime. ; ) Nothing in here was meant to offend anyone. And again, A N, I loved the rest of your post, it was very well spoken and considerate.

A - posted on 06/20/2012

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I agree and disagree- I think it depends on the situation and the child. In the situation you described I agree with you. But if a child threw a tantrum because he couldn't get a toy, For example, (and not because he just didn't want to be there) it may be a sort of consequence he wouldn't like (he wanted to be at the store, but just wasn't behaving properly) to have to leave. fortunately I have never had any big problems with my children in public. But if I did, going home would be a reward For my oldest most of the time because he is a homebody and prefers to be there.

Just taking your child out of the situation doesn't teach him how he should be behaving. IF the child isn't listening in the store, you may do some "practice drills" at home on how they should act in the store, before you go. They need to show you they can be good at the store. Punishment alone doesn't do much, there needs to be teaching (the true definition of discipline).

But lets look at something else that went wrong here. I think the parent needs to take some responsibility For what happened in the scenario you gave. To me, it seems like the parent KNEW it was nap time and the child was tired, and took him to the store anyway. You can't put your child in a situation like that and then get mad at them- we all get crabby when we are tired- even adults behave badly when tired. I try to take my children out when I know they will be at their best and happy. Yes, I have had to go on occasion when it was inconvenient but iF my son starts whining I tell him "I know you're tired, we'll be home in a minute" and hold him and let him lay his head on me and rest. He's Fine after that. I never go out without a sling- I can still Fit my 3 year old in it iF I need to when he's tired so he doesn't have to walk or stand in the cart (I have the baby too so there's not always room For everyone to sit in the cart).

Sometimes as parents we treat our children worse than we would anyone else. For example, if your spouse came home From working overtime and had a really long, hard day at work, would you tell them "Hey, I need you to go to the store, we're out of bread." ? Probably not. You would probably go yourself, Find a substitute For bread, or maybe ask "would you Feel like going or are you too tired?" at which point they would say they are too tired and you'd work around it. Yet, we often give our children no consideration with what they want. That doesn't mean you give your child everything he/she wants, but when people are tired, hungry, sick, etc- we should give them extra consideration. And, yes, as moms we are often tired too (what about me?) but we are adults- not children. We have a better understanding of delayed gratification and empathizing with others. Young children aren't always CAPABLE of understanding things because they aren't developed mentally enough yet. They will be able to understand things at a certain point, but I think often parents expect too much too soon. Sometimes we as parents abuse our authority. IF my husband treated me the way I treat my children sometimes (constantly nagging, saying no, raising my voice, acting annoyed) I probably wouldn't stay with him long! Sometimes we can Forget our children are actually little people who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. We're all guilty of it at times.

User - posted on 06/19/2012

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i agree with you completely... and in those situations i have been so fed up and tempted to leave the store or give in to the tantrum but havent i take my daughter into the restroom and give her a time out until she settles down it shows that the tantrum wont be put up with and she wont get her way

Ana - posted on 06/17/2012

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Shop, but if you are overwhelmed, then leave and get the kids outta there.....

Misty24_fleshstar - posted on 06/16/2012

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i think every situation is different...i have taken my son out to sit in the jeep when he throws a fit over not getting what he wants(toy or pushing the cart) and when he calms down we go back in... but i usually shop with my other two kids and husband so he just finishes up... but if he wasnt there i would just get it done and talk to him about what he is doing wrong

Tinker1987 - posted on 06/16/2012

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I dont agree with that at all. I do my best to do any major shopping in the morning's before nap time. and always have something to distract him at checkout. he is only 18months and just starting too throw fits,mainly because he wants freedom of running around. but leaving wont teach them anything. it may be embarassing for the mother to stand there while eyes wander her way but its perfectly normal to see kids doing this.

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2012

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I believe that if you set your child up to fail; the child is going to fail. I do not take my kids to clothing stores if i want to shop for myself. This is setting them up to fail. I do believe however that if I am grocery shopping or at a store that directly involves the child; absolutely they should know how to behave while they are in the store.

I give my kids the "speech" before we go anywhere; ok, what happens if you do not use manners and respect? They know what the consequences are before we even go in!

I have left a store shopping for one of their birthday parties. Left the cart, all their birthday supplies and said sorry...you don't know how to act in a store and we won't be shopping for a party today.

Yasmine El - posted on 06/12/2012

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no i don't agree when he misbehaves he should know he did and when we leave the store he is gonna be happy as i think

Jodi - posted on 06/09/2012

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No, I don't see it either. I think you may be reading things into people's words that aren't there, Kristi. They were simply saying it wasn't something they would have done. There is nothing wrong with that.

Kristi - posted on 06/09/2012

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Debate does not equal condescension and rudeness . This particular debate is not about one incident. It is about whether or not taking a child out of the store when he/she is having a tantrum is the right thing to do and what one would/could do instead. If this one woman's parenting and her gummy worms are bothering everybody so much, open up a new debate. When we are out of constructive things to say, it's time to move to a new arena to share our thoughts and advice on a different topic. That being said, I'm off to follow my own advice.

Stifler's - posted on 06/08/2012

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I fail to see how eating gummy worms in front of your kid was discipline or not worth of criticism. But whatever. Children have needs/feelings too, if I feel like donuts I'm an adult so I can decide we get donuts if the kids want something and I say no I understand their frustrations. I don't go get donuts and eat it all in front of them.



p.s this is a debate community. Anything and everything is up for debate. So yes occasionally you will be asked to justify your reasons for saying something.

Kristi - posted on 06/08/2012

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Jodi-The drama was intentional, so at least you picked up on that. You obviously missed all the backdoor jabs suggesting Michelina was just cruel and that she did nothing to prevent or deescalate the tantrum.

Jenni-Why would you make a remark like that? So I didn't jump on the band wagon and insinuate that I was far more superior than another mom and insist that my children have been raised so perfectly that they would never have a tantrum instead I have empathy for her and that's a problem for you?

I've only been on here for about a month, give or take, and I didn't realize yet that doing something a little different or that supporting someone else was reason for endless justification and pot shots. I'm afraid to ask what else do I need to know.

Jodi - posted on 06/07/2012

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Who condemned Michelina as the worst mother in the world? Dramatic much? I am pretty sure that while other mums might disagree with her methods, they weren't condemning her. I can't see anything suggesting that at all.

Kristi - posted on 06/07/2012

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Michelina, have you been back on CoM since you were condemned as worst mother in the world by the parents of the most perfect children in the world? For crying out loud ladies, who wouldn't make sure their child isn't hungry, sick, tired, bored or has rabies before they teach him/her a lesson the "hard way?" Sometimes that's what it takes and not just when they are little and having a tantrum in the store either, at some point most people learn 1 lesson the "hard way." It doesn't mean we failed as parents or that our children are heathens or that we did something wrong if we're older. It's part of the learning process of life. Michelina, you didn't do anything wrong, not that you need me to tell you that, but I've been criticized and judged unfairly before, too, so I just wanted to send a little cyber support your way. Sometimes a little "creative discipline" goes a long ways. ; ) Plus, when she's older, it'll will make for a crazy Do Remember When I was 3? story! Now that I have children and they ask what my sister & I were like when we were growing up, and we're all together with my parents we have a lot of those stories going both ways. We get laughing like nobody's business. Who knows, maybe you do that with your family, too. Either way, I am completely off topic and probably out of bounds so that's it for me in here!

Erin - posted on 06/06/2012

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Interesting. I haven't really noticed my kids tantrumming because they wanted to leave. They usually tantrum because they want a toy or something and don't want to listen. I think either is appropriate but then againif the child actually wants to leave and does the tantrum until he gets to leave I would make him stay and maybe spank if needed. Otherwise I might have to implement rules ahead of time like what consequences of tantruming at the store will cause.

Rachelle - posted on 05/17/2012

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It depends o n the situation. If we were in the lineup I would put him in the car and suffer thru the tantrum but if we were still shopping and he was throwing a tantrum we would definitely leave. This is like giving my son a time out he loves shopping so to leave insults him and he behaves better. I don't necessarily leave I sometimes go outside put him in the car seat and let him calm down then we go back in but if it's a major screaming fit where he is not calming down we go home. I also always have snacks and activities and make sure we go when the kids aren't tired but kids do sometimes have tantrums even if you are the most prepared woman in the world. So sometimes it is appropriate to leave. And it does teach them something because they are usually throwing a tantrum o er something they can't have and the punishment for screaming is you don't get whatever you wanted and we go home. However I don't agree on spanking the child.

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2012

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Get them something to eat and give it to them.
Grab a toy in the store (the phones or something) and let them play with it.
Sing to them while shopping. Like sing about what your buying. Make your shoppin list a song!

Michelina - posted on 05/10/2012

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I was not intending to bash on other parents or parenting skills. I am just standing behind what I did" by posting this I was aware that parents would disagree with my tactics because I knew it was harsh that's why I stated that before I wrote it. My parenting skills work for my kids. Since they were young before they were brought out they are toldwhats going to be done and how they need to actand ehat will be the consequences. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do but I do not regret it, lesson was learned and like I said that was the first and last time anything has ever occured. I don't feel I disrespected my child or was rude. She was told to stop in sign language and English muliple times. She liked to hear herself scream. I gave consequence in the moment and it worked.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/10/2012

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My children are no where near the boss of me, I have yet had to display any form of rudeness or disrespect to my children. My daughter (who is almost 14) has never thrown a tantrum, neither has my son. There are consequences BUT I also do not give in and then turn around and be cruel. They do NOT ask for anything at a store. Granted I do not take my son very often right now (he is only 18months), since when I do go it is at a bad time for him. My daughter has been many o' times. She does not ask because she knows what the answer will be and she knows she will not get anything she wants if she does. Anything else that was in the cart for her, will go right back. What may be in the cart for her, are things already discussed BEFORE we got to the store, btw...



The only time she asks for things is if the trip is for her and her only. This includes when she was little.

Michelina - posted on 05/10/2012

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And Some may argue that it could have been easily distracted from the worms, she had cherios she had a toy, I was currently buying her other things she wanted. My oldest two children no what is appropriate behavior and what is not. Learning the hard way or not.

Michelina - posted on 05/10/2012

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Listen my daughter is 6 years old, she was 3 and a half there. I love my children more than anything in this world I hate to see my kids cry. But I am in charge not them. I know have 4 of the most beautiful polite children in the world. They don't disrespect the don't talk back its not because of fear. I stand by whàt I say because I will refuse to let my children be the boss of me and run my household. If that was going to be the point of starting a family I wouldn't have and would hav just lived with my parents forever. After I ate the gummies, after the crying and everything I gave Jordana a hug and a kiss and explained what Idid and what she did wrong. I don't raise my children from a book or a show I raise them from experience. I knew my daughter wasn't hungry tired o sick she just didn't like no as a responses soo there was no problem that could have been addressed, I offered her a healthier option instead but those gummy worms is what she wanted. .What kid wants to hear no.i would never er endanger my child or hurt my child, I stand by my parentin since than I have never had another incident in a supermarket. I simply do not give in to my child's every single wish because I will not raise a child who thinks they have more control than I do. Some may question what I did or what I d, my kids no what I do for them, they no how much I love them and I will never stop showing them. Lessons need to be learned, and my kids no them.

Katherine - posted on 05/10/2012

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Yes, that's why I take food with me when I go shopping with my kids. I make SURE they aren't tired too.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/10/2012

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I agree Katherine. It isn't something I would or could do. I would feel so bad. Although, I would have never bought the gummies either. I would have figured out why they were upset and fixed the issue right there and then. Perhaps it was just a kid wanting something, which can be easily distracted, or they were hungry, which I would have gotten them something healthy. I wouldn't buy what they wanted, get them all excited and then eat it in front of their face. To each is own there, I guess. It would just melt my heart. :(

Katherine - posted on 05/09/2012

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@ Michelina, how old is your daughter? That WAS kind of mean.......but I guess you got the point across if she never did it again. You must have been really frustrated! I know there are times I just want to slap the shit out of my kids, but I never have. Anyways that's another debate.

Stifler's - posted on 05/09/2012

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My kids never do either except one time when we were leaving a birthday party. I get compliments on how good they are it's nice. They just seem to like being out of the house.

Merry - posted on 05/09/2012

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Eric has never had a really real tantrum in public. Well honestly he rarely ever pitches huge fits. He's a fairly logical and thoughtful child and as long as I explain what's going to happen, what I expect, what he needs to do or not do,he is quite well behaved.
He goes everywhere I go so grocery shopping is definetly included. He's been in the stores since he was a baby and so he's grown into it and he knows how to act there. I do not make him sit in the cart, nor do I make him stay directly beside me. I make him stay safe and courteous but that can be ten feet away from me if I'm in sight. He knows not to go to the next aisle without me and he has never tried to pull stuff off the shelves since he was a baby. I've let him walk the stores since about 10 months so there's been plenty of time to teach him proper manners in stores. He greets other people politely and never touches their stuff or bothers them beyond a hello what's your name :)
We never really buy him stuff in the stores but we do allow him to play with toys at Walmart etc and then return them when we leave. Maybe he's just a compliant child but I feel he's great in public.
My goal is to have a child that knows how to properly behave in public. So that's why I don't just out him in a cart. Now I'm working on Fierna for the same thing and teaching her to follow and not touch product.
I'm sure I'll have to deal with a real full blown tantrum at some point, and I'm not entirely sure how I'll handle it, but I've got some ideas now :)

Merry - posted on 05/09/2012

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I haven't read any responses yet but for the Original question, no I wouldn't pick up and leave. Really ever lol. I don't want to give my child the power to determine when we leave a place. It could be useful if they really liked where we were but if it's random errands then they will just learn they can act up and get to go home!
Soon, I wouldn't spank either, I'm against violent discipline, but I would have addressed it immediately and continued on my way in the store.
And by addressing it I mean getting some eye contact, and giving firm directions including a consequence if needed, following through, and giving clear expectations again.

Honestly, Eric has had some tantrums in public but never anything I couldn't handle calmly wherever I was at the time.

Michelina - posted on 05/08/2012

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Now I ask my child to help me. Like grab 4 red apples 3 green apples to my 4 year old for my six year old never acted up again, but I don't want a stomach ful of gummy worms again. It's educational and it keeps them occupied.

Michelina - posted on 05/08/2012

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Bring something your child can play with.. Not something that can be thrown on the floor. My friends daughter made a scene in the grocery stores he took her kid home. Again not my child not my place. My daughter made a scene because she wanted gummy worms. I don't give my children candy like that. I said no. She threw a fit! My kids are not deaf but know sign language. I taught it for a couple years so I was yelling at m daughter in sign first. Than I started to voice.she was walking. Don't get me wrong I don't abuse my children. If there misbehaving I believe spanking is appropriate. I hit her hand which she was grabbing wit picked her up and put her in the cart now her tantrum kept going. I ignored her. The store coulnt take it. I got so fed up I finally got the worms. When we got home I put her in her chair she was all excited! This was cruel but I ate every single gummy worm in front of her face. I told her to cry and carry on all you want no ones here to see it. She nevr acted up again in a supermarket.

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yeah a tantrum is when they get physical and throw themselves or other objects around. my brother threw himself in the floor plenty of times, and screamed and yelled and pulled all kinds of shit. my mom didn't do anything, and would get mad at me if i tried to stop him. however, my method of picking him up off the floor and telling him to stop by using my mommy voice (cuz i had it when i was little too xD) worked a heck of a lot better than my mom just ignoring it. it was also embarrassing, and if that was to happen nowadays she'd probably have gotten reported for God knows what. which is kind of sad...

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/26/2012

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Ah, I bet he listens well, Rachael... Meh!

**Walks away shaking her head**

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If I am in the store, depending on how bad I need it I will either slap his hand or walk out of the store. If I absolutely have to have whatever I'm buying and it's not an option to go back for it I will just slap his hand and tell him that if he continues he will lose something he wants, like the toy he's currently playing with. If it's not important and I'm not next in line, I'll leave the store, but he doesn't get to go home and play. We go outside, he gets a spanking and has something taken away, like a toy or a trip to the playplace or something. One option I've tried is to just ignore him, he usually gets tired pretty quickly of screaming

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 04/26/2012

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When I'm grocery shopping I either had to drive 20 minutes to a store or walk there so I am not leaving as soon as I get to the check out. Your child just has to learn to wait. My parents never tolerated this either and if your child is tired, he or she will just fall asleep in the car anyway.

Patricia - posted on 04/25/2012

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i have to travel an hour and a half to go shopping so it just not an option for me to just go home

Janice - posted on 04/25/2012

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Stifler's mum -Good to know I'm not the only one with a hubby who whines in the store! Lol

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/25/2012

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Janice---or does it mean the child is being physical - throwing themselves on the floor, pulling on the parent, throwing things?



This is what I classify as a tantrum.

Stifler's - posted on 04/25/2012

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I think of "mum i want this' no "mum i want this i'll be your best friend' no whines some more adn gets a no *proceeds to throw it, scream, run riot and throw themselves on the floor kicking and screaming or start pulling other stuff off shelves*

whining isn't throwing a tantrum that's part of life m husband even whines when we have to be at the shops for more than 2 seconds about how he's bored and there's too many people.

Janice - posted on 04/25/2012

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When I think of tantrum I typically think of kids between 1-3 years. I think children that young are just learning and and some have personalities that may lead to more outbursts.



However, it seems that more and more often we are seeing school aged children throwing fits. That is usually (there are always exceptions) a parenting issue. A 7 year old screaming and whining for a toy is quite annoying. Those kids need to be taken out if possible. But instead parents are usually embarrassed and give in and make it a viscous cycle.



But I wonder - what do you consider a tantrum? Just crying and whining? or does it mean the child is being physical - throwing themselves on the floor, pulling on the parent, throwing things? If your child is whining or crying but isn't very loud -only those close by can hear- is it still a tantrum?

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@ TealRose, it sounds to me like the parents in Portugal probably don't start off giving their kids everything they want when they ask for it so their kids don't have any reason to throw fits. Or maybe they pay attention to their kids' needs and don't go to the store when they might get upset for being there too long. Or MAYBE they don't spend hours at the store picking out stuff and let their kids get upset. These are all scenarios that happen in my wonderful southern US area. Oh, and also happened with my wonderful mother.



As for me, I've tried posting like three times to this thread but haven't been in the proper mood. See, my daughter is only 15mo, and she's not apt to throwing fits often. I think she's thrown like two fits in the last six months because mommy or daddy didn't give her the sharp thing she wanted. But even if she does throw a fit, she is easily distracted and I make a face at her making fun of her and she giggles and moves on. We've never had her upset in the store. She seems to love it when we go out, so even if it's been a long day she likes to chill with me at the store and browse. We hardly ever go to the store if she's grumpy, but even if we do, as soon as she realizes we're going somewhere she seems to get better. But I like to make sure she's had her nap, has eaten, has a clean diaper, and has all her little critter comforts, before we go anywhere. So we haven't yet had this problem, and I don't foresee it in the near future.



But if it WAS to happen, and she was just throwing a fit because she didn't get what she wanted (not because she was tired or hungry and if hungry then shit, we're in the store, get her something to munch on) and we weren't there for something specific then we're heading home and if I have to go back later, she's not coming with me. See, I was a pretty calm child, and I always thought it was weird that other kids were throwing fits. My brother's a different story, but he was parented differently, and he would throw a fit just about every time we were in the store, or at least act out like a crazy person. I would have handled him differently, we would have gone home if he didn't act right and then he wouldn't get to come back with me for a long time, instead of giving him whatever he wanted so he'd chill. Now he's extremely spoiled and he is such a lazy momma's boy, constantly attached to her hip and he's sixteen!! I just don't understand, we are SOOO different and it's just because I was raised by my grandparents who didn't take shit from other people, let alone kids, haha.



I'm a lot firmer with my words anyway. I tell my daughter to hush and there's something in my voice that she listens to, I guess. I have that "mommy voice" as my friends call it. But I've always had that, even in high school. Is why my brother listens to me more than his own mother.

Aleks - posted on 04/24/2012

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@TealRose, are there kids in the supermarket when you go (in Portugal) that is? Or is there more kids in the UK supermarkets?

Stifler's - posted on 04/24/2012

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Exaclty leaving isn't punishing them they're getting waht they want.

Gita - posted on 04/24/2012

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I think what it ultimately boils down to is the parent's comfort level. What mood they are in in any given situation. How tired they are. Etc. Also, how badly you need the stuff you are there for - perhaps it's food for dinner and it wouldn't be practical to leave the store. By leaving the store you might be punishing yourself more than anything really as you will likely have to go back anyway! Unless you are shopping for fun.

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