Do you believe boys and girls should be treated differently when they get older???

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/13/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Friendly Debate!!



Do you believe boys should be treated different then girls (or when they are older they will be young women and men) when it comes to hanging out with friends/ staying out late/ and dating???

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Kim - posted on 09/17/2010

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I think it should depend on the maturity level of the individual and not based on the sex of the child. However, when my son was 16 and walking home from a friends house alone I really didn't mind. He was almost 6 feet tall, knew how to defend himself, and didn't look like an easy target. My daughter at the same age had the same curfew time - but theres no way I would have allowed her to walk home alone after dark due to her small size - and the truth is that there are a lot of sick idiots out there cruising for young girls walking alone. She thought this was unfair - just didn't get it.....so one night (I hate to admit this but here goes)....I called my daughter at her friends house, because I was going out to the store and just wanted to tell her I would pick her up rather than have her friends Dad drive her home. Well, she had already left.....and it was her friends Dad who answered the phone. I asked him how she was getting home and he said she was walking. She had told him she was allowed to do it....and it wasn't that far so he let her. I knew she had to walk up the hill to get to our place, so I went out in the car and when I saw her walking alone...I drove up very slowly behind her - in a borrowed car she didn't recognize. Then I stopped. I let her walk another 50 feet or so, and did it again. She knew she was being followed. And it scared her. She started running up the hill, and I kept at it. When she finally made it to our driveway I pulled in, stopped just in front of her, and rolled down the window. When she saw it was "only me" the look of relief on her face was clearly visible even in the dark. Then came the look of fear. She knew she had done something she was not allowed to do - and she knew she was grounded for it. We talked about it, and she told me until that night she thought I was being unfair, because her brother was allowed to walk alone in the dark. But the scare I put into her by doing what I did made her realize something else. It could have been anybody in that car, and when she was running up that hill she later told me that the only thing she was thinking was "Now I know why Mom wont let me walk alone in the dark. If I get home safe, I will never do it again".

Danielle - posted on 07/23/2010

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I agree boys can get into trouble just like girls can but I think boys can maybe protect themselves a little better and girls are more of a target for predators than boys. I know I had a lot less freedom growing up than my younger brother got. I still think I'll be fairly strict with my son, regardless.

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Rosie - posted on 07/23/2010

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your parents should talk to my neighbor jodi!! his son had gotten 2 girls pregnant at the same time, and he also had 2 other kids right around the same age. 4 grandkids from the same boy in like 3 years. i'm terrified of having only boys, lol!

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2010

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Only based on personality not gender.

When I was a teen, I remember when my younger brother (15 months younger) was allowed to do certain things and I wasn't. When I asked why, the response was "because you are a girl and he can't get pregnant". That really bothered me, and I do think it has had an emotional effect on me in some ways. Even as the parent of older children now, I think that was incredibly unfair...... like somehow because I was a girl I couldn't be trusted. In fact, as the only girl with 4 younger brothers, this was quite damaging to me, and did have emotional consequences later in life.

Rosie - posted on 07/23/2010

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i don't think they should be treated any differently when it comes to friends or staying out late, but dating.....i may have a bit of an issue with that. i don't have girls so i can't say for sure how i'd act, but i think my instict would be to protect my hypothetical daughter from the evil men of the world. for my boys, i know i would be protective of them as well, but i don't see women as harmful to men, as i see men harmful to women (i have some issues with men -long story). ;)

Morgan - posted on 07/23/2010

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Thats a hard one for me,
I wouldent want to treat my children any diffrently, but as of now I only have 1 DD and I can see being a little more worried about her going out late and to parties, then I would be if she was a boy.
I guess that makes me crazy, But yes I can see myself treating my daughter diffrently then I would my son. I just worry so much about her!

ME - posted on 07/23/2010

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I have one of each...and having been part of a family where the boy was treated very differently from the girls, I hope not to make the same mistake!

Becky - posted on 07/23/2010

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No, I don't think they should be treated differently, but I will be honest, if I have a daughter, it's going to be hard not to treat her differently than her brothers. Not because I have less trust in her, but because I will worry more about her being the target of a rapist or predator. So, I will teach all my children about safety, but I might emphasize it a little more with her. All my kids will have an age-appropriate curfew, not based on gender, but will I more likely call her to check on her first if both she and her brothers are out past curfew? Yeah, I probably will.
My goal though, is to be the kind of parent who is involved enough in my kids' lives and who they trust enough that, aside from the random freaks out there, who I have no control over, I don't have to worry about what any of them are doing when I'm not around.

[deleted account]

It's not whether they're male or female. Each individual deserves to be treated as just that....INDIVIDUAL!

[deleted account]

I'm not worried about my girls being able to protect themselves. At 8.5 they're already stronger than I am... gqtm....

[deleted account]

Nope.

'Moral' issues... hanging out w/ opposite sex, etc... Same across the board regardless of gender.

'Maturity' issues.... staying up late, staying home alone, etc... depends on the kid. Gender still has nothing to do w/ it.

[deleted account]

Absolutley not. Both should be treated 100% equally especially in matters of sex, friends and dating.

Hannah - posted on 07/14/2010

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I do not think it should matter which gender. I do know that my parents were way more tough on me than my brother and I was the oldest. I ended up graduating from high school and college and my brother dropped out of high school. That is a perfect example that it shouldn't matter which gender. You should hold the same standards for each child and ensure that they are succesful no matter what. I now have a boy and a girl and I will hold the same standards for each.

[deleted account]

I would say I should treat them the same way regardless of the sex. It should be based on the level of maturity and responsibility... However, in practice, I am not sure I would be able to follow those guidelines. To be honest, even though both sexes can get in trouble equally, I still have the thought in the back of my mind that girls are the targets of rapes and assaults more often then boys. It's an image that haunts me and to be honest, I am not sure I would be able to be as lenient with girls than boys...

Caitlin - posted on 07/14/2010

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I don't know, i'm still deluding myself that my daughters will not date until they are 30.. If I had a son, I couldn't say the same thing.. I know it's not true, but I kind of think i'd be a bit more liberal with a boy, depending on maturity of course. But on the bright side, if my daughter keeps all her allergies, she may really not date until she's thirty. *evil laugh*

Julie - posted on 07/14/2010

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NO!! Level of individual freedom should be based on the level of responsibility/maturity of the child.

Traditionally, only girls could "get in trouble", i.e. get pregnant. Now, in the days of paternity testing BOTH sexes can "get in trouble".

Thinking back to my high school days and friends, I think the boys were more likely to engage in activity that could kill/seriously hurt them while the girls not so much ... this is in no means applicable to 100% of the kids.

Jessica - posted on 07/14/2010

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Like others have said I don't think gender should matter; rather the maturity level/personality of the kid. Both genders can get trouble; not sure why that would matter. I'd be curious to hear some reasoning behind why they should be treated differently?

Krista - posted on 07/14/2010

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I think it depends on the kid. They will have to earn certain privileges and freedoms by way of proving to me that they are trustworthy. Obviously age will be a factor, but maturity will be the larger factor, IMHO.

[deleted account]

Ive only got boys but i already treat them differently based on their level of responsibility and common sense. My 11 year old i can trust a lot more than my ten year old who will do almost anything his mates tell him is a good idea. I think with girls i would be more lenient because the girls i know my sons ages seem a lot more grown up and responsible than they are.

Amie - posted on 07/14/2010

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I don't think it really depends on the sex of the child in question. Each child is different. So even if it is that the boys seem to have more freedom than their sisters, well it could just be they earned it.

Its how it worked in my parents home. At the time I thought my parents favored my brother. Now that I'm a mom and look at things objectively, if my daughters pull the crap I did, they'll be on lock down as much as I was. (or as much as my parents tried anyway, not retelling that version to any of them. =S)

If our son is more responsible and follows our rules, well then yes he will be allowed privileges over a sister who doesn't. That has nothing to do with him being a boy though. It goes the other way as well, if any of our daughters show they are responsible and follow the rules, well then they'll get privileges their brother doesn't if he doesn't.

I'm not entirely sure where these ideas come from. Well in a way I do, I remember thinking them myself. I was a teenager though. As a parent, I know different and I know the reasons behind it.

Andrea - posted on 07/13/2010

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NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, my parent treated me and my sister different then my brother. My 15 year brother could do more than me when I was 17. I think is just wrong. Boys can get in as much trouble as a girl.

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