Do you RSVP to children's parties?

Erin - posted on 09/30/2012 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Sorry this is my rant for the day (well week actually) - I had my six year old son's birthday party at a bowling alley today. I invited his whole class - that is another story, at his school you have to or invitations can not be given out during classtime - so there were 20 kids invited, plus a few others that were not in his class that he plays with alot. On the invitations, I put "Please RSVP by Friday, Sept 27" and gave them my name, phone number, and email address.

It is just me and one of my narcotic ways - but I really wanted to have a good idea how many kids to plan for, treat bags to do, and all that. It drives me nuts having no idea what to expect, and I knew that since I invited the whole class there could be 20 kids, or 5. I had 2 parents call me by Friday - 2! And they were the kids that I was friends with their parents and knew pretty much they would be there. I had to plan on 20 kids to make sure I had enough - which was crazy.

I am the type that when my sons get invited, I always RSVP - even if not going. RSVP means to respond - so I think parents should call either way - your child is invited - you need to let the other parent know! If the hosts of the party did not want to know, they would not put their phone number/email address on the invitation, in my opinion.



Am I overreacting to this? Do you RSVP?



**Sorry this is so long but that is my rant and I think my husband was tired of hearing me vent - lol**

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Jackie Del - posted on 10/23/2012

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My son's 6th birthday party is coming up too. I actually sent out the invites 2 weeks ago and asked for the families to RSVP by Oct 29th. I haven't received any confirmations or regrets yet. My son has been asking daily if people are attending his party. All I can say is, "I don't know yet." The party is not until November 3rd but, I'm getting a little worried. No one has called. It seems like people don't even respond at all. I usually respond the day or two after receiving the invite. Should I send out a friendly reminder to the families to RSVP? If yes, when? I, too, had to invite the entire Kinder class for my son's party.



Help. What should I do?

[deleted account]

You know what else gets me? Thank you notes! Does no one send them any more? I always have J write a thank you note in a cute card to send to everyone who gave him a gift. This Autumn, in the less than 3 months since school started, J has gone to 7 birthday parties. We have received exactly ONE Thank You card. ONE!!!!

Do kids just rip open presents with no regard for the time a friend or family member spent shopping for it, the thought they put into finding something the kid would like, the money they spent on something just to make this kid happy? J WILL appreciate the great effort people put forth to give him a gift by taking 5 minutes of his precious time to jot down a "Thanks for the ______" Love J. It is not too much to ask that a child spend a couple of minutes to say "thanks" for a gift someone spent at least an hour or more to purchase.

[deleted account]

How is it that everyone says they RSVP, yet I've gotten exactly 4 RSVP's for my kid's party?!?! I had to call for those!!!



The party is in 3 days, I was supposed to have the final count to the caterer yesterday, and I still haven't ordered the cupcakes or guest gifts because I have no idea how many to order...I think that if you still don't know whether you can make it or not by a week from the party, just politely decline the invitation and skip it--don't leave the hostess hanging until the last possible moment while you wait for something better to come along. That's rude.



I sent out a reminder last night, and still nothing. I'm just not going to order anything for them unless I hear from them, then maybe next year they'll learn to RSVP!!!!!



Thanks, rant over now.

[deleted account]

Yes, I do. Even when my kids are not going to the party.

If there is an RSVP date and contact details on the invitation, it is rude to not to respond to the invitation. After all, that is what RSVP means - "respond sil vou plai" (spell?) It means you must respond regardless of whether you are going or not, the party giver needs to know yes or no. It really isn't that hard to do.

Elfrieda - posted on 10/01/2012

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@Dove

My bro-in-law has similar issues (rheumatoid arthritis, some days are really bad) and he gets a pass to cancel unexpectedly, but I still want to know if he *intends* to come. (not that I can force anybody to follow through, but I don't get upset if he suddenly can't make it, just disappointed because he makes a party fun when he's having a good day) I think in your situation it's reasonable, but it's the flaky people, "Oh, I don't know, I might be grumpy after work or maybe I'll go see a movie instead" that really bug me.

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Tiffany - posted on 03/08/2013

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This is a pet peeve of mine! My daughter's birthday party is tomorrow, not one RSVP! Nothing. It will be her and her 4 male cousins. That is so disappointing to me but I hoping that she will have fun. I guess most people think that if they are not attending then they don't have to RSVP. Sucks, parents go and spend money on parties and none of the friends show up. I am a lil ticked about this, can you tell?

Aleks - posted on 11/06/2012

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OMG I am like this too!!!!



I had an almost exactly the same problem with my son's birthday party a few times.

I have had people say they will come and not show up.

I have had people RSVP but a few days late!

And I have had people who did not RSVP and they just magically appeared.



And NO, just because you have not RSVP'd does not mean, as a rule of thumb, that you will not come.

RSVP means to respond - Yes or No (or even may be with explanation)



It is thoroughly very rude not to respond. And I have made a promise to myself not to prepare for people who have not RSVP'd (next time around). May be that will teach them. I will do my best to accommodate them on the day... but, sometimes they will just have to miss out if there isn't enough to go around for them.



how hard is it to reply to a party invite? How many do you (general you) get if they seem so meaningless to you?

It is polite to respond to an invitation - hasn't anybody's parents teach them this????

Its common courtesy.



ok, end of my rant and vent too :-)



(and thank you Safari for letting me see and write responses to OPs that Explorer isn't letting me- very frustrating)

Karla - posted on 10/22/2012

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Generally I RSVP, but sometimes I forget ... then I feel terrible because I know it's nice for the hostess to know how many to plan for. I don't think you are overreacting, I've had that same rant on occasion.

Sal - posted on 10/22/2012

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I usually RSVP, always if it is a party somewhere like a blowing ally where bookings are important, I usually get responses too, this year for my little one her party was very last minute when other plans flopped and we had some no shows but I only gave a few days notice an if was a tea party in the park so was no big deal either way... The kids just got extra goes of the pass the parcel

Minna - posted on 10/22/2012

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I hate when people don't let you know their intentions. What I think is worse is the other extreme- when people you barely know send a" save the date " almost a year in advance! So basically unless I'm donating a major organ that day, they think I'm trapped into attending their wedding.

Or flip the situation one more time, when a distant cousin sends me a wedding invitation, not an announcement, one week before her New Years eve wedding in Vegas. Sure I'll pack up the toddlers and hit the road right after Christmas. This was not a spur of the moment wedding, I had heard about it for months. Ugh Minna

Qui - posted on 10/21/2012

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Here is my thing, I RSVP if we plan on attending and I expect the same courtesy. If I do not here from you BY the RSVP date, you are not accounted for. I think it especially rude for parents to NOT RSVP and show up anyway, especially when you see I am having it at a place where I am paying per person or need that number accounted for. I try to keep my pants out of a bunch if it were at my house, but even then, I want my numbers so I know how to accommodate.



I have had a parent or two call me a week later and ask me if it was o.k. to still come, and I have unfortunately, had to say no before, because what I had booked, had ALREADY been booked. When I had an event at my house, I obliged for the sake of the kids. Now, if I get a Maybe...which I understand some people have hectic lives...I will go on and account for them, but ask the parents to confirm as soon as possible.

Ana - posted on 10/20/2012

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Yes, I mean people should know who's coming from who they invited, this way they can plan..I was pissed when people showed up to my wedding without RSVP'ng.. who does that..

[deleted account]

Erin I don't think you are over reacting - I'd be furious and ranting too.



How many kids actually turned up?



The only explanation I can think of that so many people didn't RSVP is that they thought that since so many people were invited, it didn't matter whether or not they RSVP'd. Next time, can you invite a smaller, more reliable group of friends, so you can keep track of who is coming. Also you could put on the invitation something to the effect of "Call me by Sept 27th because on that day I have to tell the place bowling place how many kids are coming".

Momma - posted on 10/06/2012

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I always RSVP.



I don't always get answers to the ones I send out, though. Honestly, I always make sure I have enough for all I invited. The left overs - if not edible - get put away for the next years party. If it is edible, our family gets the extra's. I know there are a lot of people that are just not organized and/or thoughtful. So, for me, it is what it is.



~Meme

Becky - posted on 10/03/2012

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Absolutely! It drives me nuts when people don't respond! Especially since I always send my invites on Facebook now, so it's seriously a 2 second click of a button to respond. And some people can't even be bothered to do that! For my son's 3rd birthday last month, I invited I think 17 kids and had treat bags for all of them, and half didn't show up. So my kids ended up with a lot of extra sand buckets! At least they were only 30 cents a piece! But still...

Janice - posted on 10/03/2012

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I almost always RSVP but I often do it late. I am just very forgetful :( I agree that it is rude not to respond. I'm shocked that so few did, usually its just a few forgetful people like myself not the entire invitee list.



Thank you Sharon. I never knew what RSVP stood for.

Lady Heather - posted on 10/02/2012

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This is a giant pet peeve of mine. For my daughter's party I had people say they were going to come and then they didn't. Three kids. It was a small party so I did up really fancy goodie bags with homemade things in there. I put in a lot of effort and could have put in half as much. We also bought twice as much food as we needed. If I don't get a response, I assume they aren't coming and too bad for them if they show up and there's no shit for them. But to say you are coming and then not show up without even an explanation is so rude. I gave home phone, email, text. It wouldn't be hard to send a quick text to say what's up. omg.

Amanda - posted on 10/02/2012

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I always RSVP whether we are attending or not. I do expect people to RSVP to me as well. I need to know numbers. I need to know how many party bags and how much food to prepare.



I have only had one person say they wanted to come but would see how they felt on the day. She had just had a baby the week before and I had already told her to let me know on the day if she was up for it when I gave her the invite. There are certain circumstances where a maybe is acceptable.

Dove - posted on 10/01/2012

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I don't know... not too sure I'd want a grumpy person at MY party... ;) lol

Dove - posted on 10/01/2012

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Elfrieda... those are the kinds of RSVP's that I have to give these days... and the one I gave to the party we went to yesterday. I DO explain the situation when I tell someone that though (only had to do it once so far). I can't rsvp 100% yes in advance because I can't predict how I will be physically on that day. The party we went to yesterday was about a 45-60 minute drive from our house and if I wasn't physically safe to drive or be out and about due to fatigue, pain, etc.... we wouldn't have made it, but there is no way to predict it prior to the day of the party... and sometimes the actual TIME I have to leave for a party.

Erin - posted on 10/01/2012

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oh, Elfieda please don't give me more to go on lol I feel the same way!!! I understand that things come up and yes there are times that I can not make plans right away, but usually there is a specific reason why I am unsure and I tell people that so they dont think I am just brushing them off. My sister used to do that too, even when I would ask her to babysit, she would say that, drives me nuts!

Elfrieda - posted on 10/01/2012

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I always RSVP (sometimes late because I'm forgetful) because I hate that, too. I think people who don't host don't know how annoying it is not to have an idea of who is coming.



What really gets on my nerves (to add to your rant, lol) is the people who say, "I might make it." Seriously?! So, you'll just see how you feel on the day? Or am I so far down on your priority list that you just want to see if you get a better offer? So do you want to have food prepared for you or not? Would you like me to prepare a little doggy bag so you can swing by, pick up the meal, and leave without having to socialize with us?? I don't know if it's facebook putting "Maybe" as an option on their events pages or what, but I've noticed more people doing that. I've started saying, "Well, I'll take that as a no. Too bad, we'll miss you." Also, I think next time we host a party I won't tell the specifics to anybody until they RSVP. I just am not sure how that would work if it's at our house, because you need to say the time so people can check their calendars, and they all know where we live. :(

Dove - posted on 10/01/2012

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With an email address or someone I see in person.... I'd rsvp 100% of the time.



With a phone number.... 100% if the answer is yes... sometimes if the answer is no.

[deleted account]

I always RSVP. The rule of thumb is that if you do not RSVP this means you are not attending. When I throw a party, I prepare for those who have RSVP'ed and maybe 2-3 more. If there is not enough for everyone, I make sure those that RSVP'ed are served and politely inform those who didn't that I was not aware they were coming and may not be prepared for them.



Sometimes, depending on how specific my plans are and how many people haven't RSVP'ed, I will call those I haven't heard from about 3-4 days before the event to ask if they are coming and how many they are bringing.

Tracey - posted on 10/01/2012

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I always RSVP whether attending or not, I assume the party giver needs to know numbers.

Amy - posted on 09/30/2012

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In the past I've only responded if my son is attending, I guess I'll rethink that in the future. I just assume if they don't rsvp than they aren't attending.

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