Do you speak up, or hold your tongue?

S - posted on 04/19/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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If something is wrong with someone else's appearance do you speak up or mind yoru own business? I ask because today on campus I noticed that this girl was crossing the street wearing a black tank top. The problem is that the shirt was so thin that you could see right through it and secondly, that she was not wearing a bra. EVERYTHING was on full display.

My first guess is that she didn't realize the shirt was see thru however after asking other friends I'm getting some completely different opinions.

Some say that I should mind my own business and not concern myself with what other people wear or that this girl didn't need my approval concerning her appearance. (this caught me off guard since I didn't want to mention it out of judgement but rather concern that she just didn't know)

I, am of the belief that you help others and let them know if say there's tissue on their shoe, a rip in their clothes, a tag hanging out, etc. Now if this girl purposely dressed that way....welll I don't think it's appropriate but I am not her mom so if she feels the need to expose herself, so be it.

What are your thoughts?

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Mrs. - posted on 04/19/2011

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When I was in my twenties...I would say it to strangers all the time. Felt I was helping them out.

Now, after the baby and all that, unless it is a giant bugger, a huge spinach leaf in the teeth or a fly undone - I don't say anything. I have had my moments of gross mommy day and I sure as hell know when my shit is not on top form. I wouldn't want anyone pointing out I'm not wearing a bra and they can tell. Perhaps, I have no clean bras and am just making a quick run to the store for laundry detergent. Then I just hope to make it there and back without comment.

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[deleted account]

In the case of a see through top - no I would assume it was intentional. But in the case of tissue on the shoe, food on the face, food in the teeth, skirt tucked in knickers I've even told someone her nipple was hanging out (literally hanging out her top) but with clothes it is often intentional and I would only say something if I was certain it was a mistake or I knew the person fairly well.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/20/2011

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I don't think the shirt in this case was meant to be see through, but it was meant to be sexy. There is a difference in my opinion.

[deleted account]

If it was something like...a see through shirt...no i wouldnt say anything because who knows...she may know about it. If her skirt was tucked into her undies or she had snot on her face...then yes i would tell her.

[deleted account]

If it was something like...a see through shirt...no i wouldnt say anything because who knows...she may know about it. If her skirt was tucked into her undies or she had snot on her face...then yes i would tell her.

[deleted account]

If it was something like...a see through shirt...no i wouldnt say anything because who knows...she may know about it. If her skirt was tucked into her undies or she had snot on her face...then yes i would tell her.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/20/2011

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I just cannot help but think that a women in broad day light would intentionally wear a see through shirt. Black is one of those tricky materials. Probably is fine in her mirror at home with faux lighting, but sunlight can do the darnedest things. I personally would risk being yelled at to potentially save this girl from utter humiliation.

Krista - posted on 04/20/2011

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Unfortunately, a lot of people just don't know WHAT to do in these circumstances. If I knew for sure that the woman in question would be nice about it, whether her booby show was intentional or not, then yes, of course I would not hesitate to let her know.

But i'm sure i'm not alone in having offered such help to a stranger, only to be verbally berated and told to fuck off and mind my own business.

So I guess a lot of people are just gun-shy, I guess.

On the internet, it's different. :) Someone can tell me to fuck off (a frequent occurrence, obviously), and I can brush it off a lot more easily.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/20/2011

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I find it interesting that so many women would not help another women out that may not be fully aware that when the sunlight hits a shirt it is see through....but dumbfounded by the fact that we have no problem in here telling each other our spelling and grammar mistakes...hell some of the people said they even WANT them to. Just interesting.

Veronique - posted on 04/20/2011

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I think it really depends on the situation. If for exemple she was your friend then i would say " Hey i don't know if you know but we can see everything " if she said yeah i know then drop the subject because your not her mom. Now if you really don't know her then i wouldn't even mention it. Now if she had a tissu on her shoe, or and untied shoe lace and you didn't know her then i would say " Sorry miss but your shoe lace is untied or excuse you have paper towel bangling off your shoe" i think that would be ok and helpful but to go out of your way and say something that might be what she was going for, i would say NO.

Bonnie - posted on 04/20/2011

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I wouldn't say anything. Not trying to be rude, but if I don't know the girl why should I really care if she knows that I can see through her shirt. Chances are if she doesn't care to wear a bra either she knows or just doesn't care either way.

Tah - posted on 04/20/2011

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if your shirt is on inside out, tag hanging out...etc..sure..but im sure she knew that her shirt was see-through. i have run out without a bra a couple times when running late(trying to get myself and 3 kids together at the same time)..however, when the air hit these nippies i realized my mistake and put the key right back in the door and rectified it. Im pretty sure there are some things people know and do with purpose and intent so i just avert my eyes and i will give a good laugh if its deserving of one..

Elizabeth - posted on 04/20/2011

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this is an interesting debate. I was in a similar situation one time. My husband and I were at a mall cafeteria sitting eating our lunch and I looked over and this woman was wearing a skirt and had her legs crossed but all you could see was underwear..HELLO??it's not breezy up there? When we finished our lunch I went over and whispered in her ear that her undies were showing and she looked shocked and embarassed and I was even more so.

In retrospect..I wish I hadn't said anything.

Danielle - posted on 04/20/2011

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If it's someone I know I have no issue pointing it out but I've only spoke up to a stranger once. We were at the beach and this girl was near us with her friends and my friend pointed out to me that the girl's tampon string was hanging out of her bathing suit. I figured her friends would tell her but they were too busy sitting behind her making fun of her so I walked up gave them a nasty look and pulled her to the side and told her that her string was hanging out. She was so embarressed but thanked me and went to the bathroom. I got nasty looks from her friends for the rest of the day lol.

April - posted on 04/20/2011

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I would only say something if it was a close friend, family etc. I do tell people if its something that i'm sure they aren't aware of like food in their teeth etc but i did have one bad experience in trying to help someone out.



For example, i was on campus and there was a girl infront of me who had a stain on her dress (she must of had her period). I approached her and told her quietly about it and she gave me the "evil" eye and stormed off. Was that rude of me? I was only trying to be nice, seeing as i would want someone to tell me if ever that happened to me.



You never know how people may react even if your only just trying to help. They might appreciate it and they might not.

JuLeah - posted on 04/19/2011

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If it is a friend and I know they would want to know, I tell them. In the situation you discribed, I'd not say a word to her. Her friends will tell her, or it is the look she wants. Some women have the body and courage to pull that look off.

[deleted account]

Honestly? I'm the type that would find a discreet way to let her know that her business was showing. I'd be totally nice about it. Like you said, maybe she just didn't know the shirt was THAT see-through. I know that if it were me, I'd want someone to say something.

I'm the lady behind you in line at the grocery who has to literally FIGHT the urge to tuck your shirt tag in if it's sticking out lol

Sal - posted on 04/19/2011

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both, button undone, zip down, tags out depending if i can do it descreatly, skirt tucked in to undies or loo paper yes no prob (unless they were a stuck up bitch....true story, in the ladies one day, the kids were mucking up, i looked as bad as i felt, this woman was there looking down her nose put on more lippy, popped the designer bag on her sholder then left with her skirt tucked up and everything showing, g-string under stockings, i said excuse me, she just flicked her long perfect hair and stode out.....oh well i tried, i saw her about half an hour later still wandering around the shopping centre like it, smiling becasue everyone was looking at her and she thought it was because she was so hot, she must of been a bitch to many people because no one told her, i said to the lady near me that maybe i should mention it, she just laughed and said " no dear she knows just how great she looks already don't spoil it for her) if it is a good friend i would say about see through ect

Krista - posted on 04/19/2011

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I was eating at a restaurant with my husband once, and every time the young, male server came over he would look at me funny and blush...I couldn't figure out what his problem was! Finally he quietly told me that my bra was showing (in front of my husband...that takes balls, I think!) Well, it wasn't my bra...I was wearing a low cut shirt with a tank top layered under it (it was low cut too and trimmed with lace). I don't think I ever wore that outfit in public again!

I would tell someone about toilet paper or spinach, but I wouldn't comment on their clothes...you just never know what they were going for!

Jenn - posted on 04/19/2011

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It depends. In that situation I likely wouldn't say anything unless I knew the girl. I have found from personal experience that people don't like that though. I would think that if someone is saying or doing something "wrong" you would want to know so that you don't go along your merry way continually sound or looking like a fool. Turns out most people prefer to be a fool and I'm a mean bitch who has no tact.

Mel - posted on 04/19/2011

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I probably wouldnt if it was a stranger but its a hard situation. Id want someoine to tell me close friend or otherwise, even if my clothes didnt match letalone if my top was see thru

[deleted account]

I would have said something quietly to her. Just like ask her if she realized that her top was completely see through. Or something along that line.

Amber - posted on 04/19/2011

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@ Krista~ She might not be able to change, but if it were me I'd be walking with my arms across my chest :) haha

Krista - posted on 04/19/2011

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If it was a close friend, I'd say something.

Otherwise, I'd only tell them about it if it was something obviously unintentional, and something they can fix immediately. So if someone's fly is down, or they have something in their teeth or a big booger hanging from their left nostril, I'll gently let them know. They might be embarrassed, but they can fix the problem, instead of walking around oblivious to it.

The shirt thing? That's a toughie. If you tell her, and it IS inadvertent, can she fix it right away and cover up? Are you prepared to offer her a scarf or a shirt, if it is unintentional and she's mortified? Otherwise, you might be telling someone who is miles from home, and can't do a damn thing about the fact that her tits are showing. Or, you might be telling someone who meant to dress that way, and who won't thank you for your comments.

S - posted on 04/19/2011

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" Perhaps, I have no clean bras and am just making a quick run to the store for laundry detergent. Then I just hope to make it there and back without comment. "

I think we've all been there but if I happen to walk out in a shirt that turns sheer in the sunlight I would be mortified if someone didn't warn me beforehand. Could you imagine walking thru the grocery store like that?

Lacye - posted on 04/19/2011

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If it was a close friend of mine, I would say something. But if it was somebody that I just didn't know and didn't know how they would react to me telling them something that would in the end be embarrassing, I wouldn't say anything.

Amber - posted on 04/19/2011

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She doesn't necessarily know. I have a black t-shirt that is completely solid, but when I walk outside it's sheer. The type of lighting made a huge difference in my case! I'm obviously wearing a bra under it, but I'm very busty and you can see the bra line and part of my chest. Luckily my SO was going out with me and noticed it while I was getting in the car and I could quickly change.



I'm one that speaks up about things, and I always try to do it in a very nice way. I don't chase people down to do so, but if they are right next to me I will.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/19/2011

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She probably hasn't been told that direct sunlight makes it sheer. I don't see the harm in telling her, but I see it being completely humiliating when she DOES find out...LOL...I would not mind being the person to bring it to her attention.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/19/2011

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No I wouldn't say anything to that woman...she owns the shirt, she probably LIKES how it looks LOL.
But if it is a hanger strap, or a tag, skirt tucked into panties etc, I would definitely speak up!

Tara - posted on 04/19/2011

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In that case, no I wouldn't say anything that is something that she likely knows about. She must surely look in a mirror once in awhile whilst wearing that shirt.

But I did see a stranger come out of a washroom at the airport withthe bottom of her dress tucked into the back of her pantyhose, I ran out after her (I was washing my hands) and caught her just before she caught up with her family. lol

She was very happy that I had spoken up.

And toilet paper on my shoe after leaving a public bathroom? You bet I want someone to point that out.

But when it comes to someone's clothing in general, such as a see through shirt, a short skirt of someone's ass crack hanging out of their way too low cut jeans just isn't any of my concern, I just look the other way figuring they are most likely aware of such fashion transgressions and is A-Okay with them.

Amanda - posted on 04/19/2011

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I would have to say something. Like you, I would wonder if she was aware. Of coarse I would be polite about it but I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue :)

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