Do you sugar coat your childrens questions?

S. - posted on 08/20/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I had left my children with my mum and sister whilst I went for a smear test at the doctors. my 13 year old asked my sister what a smear was and my sister told her, my mother was mortified she said she had told her it was a "ladies thing" and she will know when she got older. This I might add was exactly how I got brought up. Anyway my sister apologised to which I said "that's fine, if she's asking you tell her the truth"
I think if there old enough to ask,there old enough for the truth, yes granted I have dumbed things down for age appropriate reasons in the past but they still get the truth. really I am not one for saying mummy eats a seed and a baby grows (what I was led to believe as a kid lol) plus iv always said if you can't come to me you go to your aunts now my daughter knows her aunt will be honest!

Anyway I wondered are you a truth all the way or story teller?

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Momma (MeMe) - posted on 08/21/2012

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I agree, Stacey. I think showing them is just as important, if not more, as talking with them and being open. Of course, the opportunities are less frequent but to use them as much as possible, is a great way to help them feel secure.



I have another quick story, that actually, just occurred about 3 months ago.



My husband and I are currently 13 weeks, pregnant. Before I go into my little story, please understand we are VERY excited, now, to have this baby. We could not be happier. ;)



Anyhow, back up 3 months ago and my husband and I were not looking to have another baby, yet. We currently have a 22 month old boy and my (almost) 14 year old girl. We were settled for another couple years. However, I did not have many options for birth control, being that I am over 35 and a smoker. So, my husband and I had been using condoms (only) and low and behold, it broke. So, us panicking, I ran out within 12 hours and got Plan B (morning after pill). We both laid a sigh of relief and continued on.



Well, 5 weeks went by and no period. So, I bought a pregnancy test and it was positive! How? How could this happen - I asked myself. Shit!! Two kids under age of three, how, how will we do this, we are too old!! LOL I had just went back to work and am very involved in keeping my career moving. Anyhow, we figured it all out and became excited within three days of finding out. No, it didn't take long to get over the shock! Now, I am over joyed and cannot wait!! It will be great for our son and us, for that matter. ;)



So, I used all of that as a learning event for my daughter. I told her the entire story, I did not sugar coat it for her. I explained that condoms do NOT always work (she did know this already but it was a reminder) because this one time, it did not work for us and that even though Plan B is 95% effective, if used within the first 24hours, you just may be in that 5%, like us. I did get the "Oh man, I wish I didn't know how babies were made!" I asked why? The response was.... "Well, I now know you and Dennis, were doing it and well....that is just gross, Mom!". LOL Even so, I know she walked away with a great understanding of what can go wrong or at least, not the way YOU planned. ;)



I hope she thinks about these things, when she does become sexually active (gawd, please let that be in 20 years!).

S. - posted on 08/22/2012

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MeMe I think that, your baby is deffinatly meant to be hear, what a story :) l have a friend who's morning after pill failed too her daughter 11 now.
You reminded me of something that happened when I was growing up, my mother is a big drinker and can be an aggressive one at that, I heard a lot I should't have. Anyway my parents had had sex the condom broke. I was ten and amongest other things I learnt through the Walls about condoms, how there not 100%, abortions, that I was having a brother or sister. I was told to my face my mother had a miscarriage some months later but of i was told I was "to young to understand" which I knew a lot for my age and understood everything because I was never told the truth things was always "ladies things" or I would be "to young to understand" I could never tell them what i'v heard or have anything explained to me properly, the Internet wasn't around. I was left guessing most my life. however gross parent talks are, I so wished my mum was more like you! Also my middle sister came home pregnant at 15 so that says it all for my mothers methods.

O and my middle daughter was 2and 10 months when I had her baby sister, I'm 32 and although they add 10 years on me i'v managed, some days only just lol but I get by and if I can do it anyone can ;) good luck.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/20/2012

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For my three year old I probably wouldn't go into too much detail because well, there isn't much point. But a 13 year old? Ummm, hello! That's useful info at the age. I'd also throw in the reminder that they get to join the club if they start having sex. lulz. Even with my little one though I would tell her what it is and not brush it off as a "ladies thing". She's too smart for that. So I tell the truth but I give a less detailed account first and then if she has more questions I answer them. Usually the simpler stuff satisfies her for now. Sometimes though...she's kind of obsessed with muscles and skeletons right now and she started asking who put her muscles in her body and man, where do you begin? I was so tempted to just say god. And I am a non-believer. Ha.

Dove - posted on 08/20/2012

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Truth teller. I will leave out unnecessary and potentially harmful details and tell the truth in an age appropriate manner and only offer as much information as is specifically asked for.... but I'm not one for making stuff up.

The only real exception to that is if I've already sat there and told my youngest the truth multiple times and he's still arguing that his 'version' is the truth.... in which case I admit defeat just to get him to stop. lol There really is no arguing with that boy once he's got an idea in his head of how things have to be.

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it depends what he is asking about. my son is 2 and so when he asks where babies r from i' not going to explain sex to him, but in general i try and answer his questions honestly and age appropriately. if it is something that he is too young to understand i'll try and give him at least part of an explanation that he will understand

S. - posted on 08/21/2012

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@MeMe what a good idea! I have mine done once a year because of bad cells and I never once thought to bring her with me and the benefits it will bring. I remember the unknown can be so daunting when growing up. Thank you for that bit of advice :)

Momma (MeMe) - posted on 08/21/2012

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I tell the truth. I do keep it age appropriate but by the time they are preteens, I believe in complete honesty and not mellowing it for them. Especially when it comes to their bodies (or mine). I believe it is very important that they know they can ask questions and get a real and truthful answer. I grew up not being able to ask anything. My mother never talked to me about anything of substance, especially not about a female body.



I am very open with my daughter and it has really paid off. She asks me a lot of things. She got an A in her health class and the comment was "Courtnie, knows a lot about the human body". That made me feel really good. It means my daughter is not in the dark and does not feel uncomfortable about her body and is understanding of what she will need to do to keep it healthy. She will be 14 in 2 months. I will be taking her with me in the next year or two, when I have a pap smear. She will be able to see that I am confident in "our" lady doctor and that it does not hurt nor are you made to feel uncomfortable, while there. It will show her how important it really is, to do this, to ensure you're healthy as a woman. Of course, she will not have to watch the procedure "from that end", she will sit in the chair beside where I lay.

Corinne - posted on 08/21/2012

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I give age appropriate truth, I don't see the point in sugar coating it. My children are 4&6 yrs old, they know the correct names for their genitals, they know that their bodies will change and look like Mummy and Daddy's one day, they both know about periods and the basics of how a baby is made.
I remember finding out at school that my genitals were not called a flower as my parents had told me, they were in 'fact' called a fanny malloy. I went home in a rage and sobbed and screamed at my Mum for not telling me the truth, I was 6yrs old. She then told me the truth and I didn't believe her, why would my 'flower' really be made up of several different parts with outlandish names like labia, vulva, vagina etc? She had to show me the encyclopedia just to get me to believe her! I never spoke to my parents about things like that again, I went to the library and found a book and facts instead.

Chelsey - posted on 08/20/2012

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I believe in age appropriate answers. 13 is definitely old enough to know. My daughters were 4 and 3 when my son was born and they wanted to know how he was going to get out of my belly so I told them the truth. I figure if they are old enough to ask the question they are old enough to have an answer. I have started to talk to my 5 year old about periods because she was asking what the tampons were for in the bathroom.

I come from a family that didn't talk about anything. My mom pulled up a page on our computers encyclopedia to tell me about menstrual cycles and told me if I had any questions to come ask her later...that was it. Hell the only sex talk I got was when I was 17 and it was "have you had sex yet? You know its messy right?" When I had kids I vowed that our household would be more open about everything than the one I grew up in.

Sal - posted on 08/20/2012

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I up for the true story as much info as I need to tell to answer the question they asked .... I would of probably not told her the gory details either she was only the grandmother I would say it was a test to check her cervical health and assure her it is a routine test all women have nothing to worry about and if she wanted to know the specifics tell her to ask her mum

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